411’s SUPER TNA Impact Report 10.15.09

Hey yo. Welcome to a very special 3-hour Impact, one with a stacked card and a main event that I’m really looking forward to. We open with the Main Event Mafia already in the ring. Angle says tonight is a special night because tonight he faces AJ Styles one on one. He’s not here to talk about that though, he’s here to talk about the one-year anniversary of the formation of the MEM. He wants to make sure that his warriors are ready. I guess he does that by giving them all the night of? He says Kevin Nash is Legends champ because he IS a legend, not like Eric Young or Hernandez. He calls Bobby Lashley one of the most dominant MMA fighters in the world, and tells Joe to prove that he is the most dominant wrestler in TNA. He points out that Steiner and Booker have more singles and tag world titles than any other 2 people combined, and all he wants them to do is what they do best: win. He will hold up his end of the bargain by beating Matt Morgan and earning a title shot. That cues up AJ Styles’ theme music as the faces come out on to the ramp. Brother Ray has the mic first and wants to know if everyone is as sick and tired as he is of hearing Angle’s mouth, then hands off to AJ.

AJ wants to know if Kurt said this was a make or break PPV for the Mafia. I think he did say that AJ. Styles says it’s actually a BREAK PPV for the Mafia. Morgan says he isn’t waiting and he and Lashley lead the charge to the ring. We got us a donnybrook! Security is out to break it up but Lashley and Joe won’t stay separated! Commercial!

The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky/Lacey Von Erich/Madison Rayne) vs. ODB, Amazing Kong and Tara

Oh Good Lord…it’s BACK!

I love you cameraman. I think Velvet Sky might have been a little…out of alignment on her tights tonight. Wait, what’s this I hear? It would appear to be…yes indeed. Ladies and Gentlemen! At this time, I am contractually obliged to remind you that Kong kills bitches dead. Oh yeah, and ODB and Tara. Meh.

Kong starts off by taking out Tara and ODB, then bailing. The Beautiful People take advantage and Sky hits a basement dropkick on ODB while Kong whips Tara to the railing. ODB is now leaving as Sky and Rayne hit a double Russian leg sweep on ODB. Boot to the head by Rayne, she tries another kick but ODB catches it and hits a clothesline. Good grief, Lacey is one tall drink of water. Tara and Sky tag in Tara is a House! En! Fuego~! Suplex to Sky and a kip up, she goes to the top but ODB tags her on the way up and takes Sky up for a TKO. Tara takes excpetion to this and pushes Sky of ODB’s shoulders. SUPERKICK by Tara to ODB! Cover by Sky! 1…2…3!

Winners: DAT AZZ CUBED via pinfall (Sky on ODB, Tara’s superkick)
Rating: *½ Well, it did what it needed to do, built both matches for the PPV without burying anyone. It was just too short to be a match worth watching.

Pope is with Lauren, and quickly pimps Stacker Energy 6-Hour Power before asking why anyone would question his abilities. Tonight Daniels willbe a pothole on Pope’s road to glory (Halleluyer, he says). He asks if Lauren’s hands are clean and then puts one on his chest to feel the energy in him. Dude, that would have worked better if you put your hand on HER chest, but we’ll let it slide. Abyss might get pissed. He gets in another quick pimp for 6-Hour Energy before we go to commercial.

We’re back and Lauren is with Lashley and wants to know how he remains so cool. “Because I am cool”. Ugh. He knows what he has to do at Bound for GORE! GORE! GORE!y, because Rhino just took him out of his boots before saying he won’t make it to BFG. Thank you Rhino, I couldn’t handle him giving me a whole promo.

X-Division Title Match: The Amazing Red © vs. Suicide

Wow, Amazing Red doesn’t get the jobber intro this week. Winning that belt moved him up in the world! Wait, why the hell is Don West out with Amazing Red?

Both men miss some standing flips to start, they both go for a dropkick and miss. Front facelock by Suicide now, he whips Red in and misses a charge. Hip toss, arm drag and drop kick by Red but Suicide counters a head scissors and hits the cutter into the turnbuckle for 2. Suicide hangs Red over the top but Red avoids the follow-up and hits a twisting press to the outside! Don West is doing a Spirit Squad impression (he’s cheerleading, not sucking). Red is on the top…Suicide catches him! He tries something from a fireman’s carry but Red escapes and hits a spin kick for the 2 count. Red whips Suicide in, a monkey flip is blocked and Suicide hits a Finlay Roll! Slingshot legdrop! 1…2…no. Suicide again goes to the apron, now to the top rope…the Pope is out! He shoves Suicide off the top causing the DQ and then lays a beating on the masked man of mystery. He sets for the DDE but Red intercepts and takes out Pope with a dropkick! Don West celebrates with Red in the ring as we go to break.

Winner: No Contest
Rating: *3/4 Slightly longer and better than the previous match, but again it existed solely to build the PPV and as a result we got a short match that led to a non-finish. I have a feeling we’ll get a lot of these tonight, when really they should have been spread out over two weeks.

JB is with Amazing Red and Don West. West gushes all over Red and apparently is now Red’s official promoter. I guess they thought Red needed a mouthpiece. They could not have found a better role for West, he took to it like a duck to water. He announces the Ultimate X match as now being for the X-Division title, and says that Red is in it. Interesting…

Eric Young is coming out solo, apparently to do commentary.

Gauntlet Match: Hernandez vs. The British Invasion

Tex Mex T-Rex now has pyro. Nice. He stops by the announce table and threatens Eric Young before hitting the ring. Looks like Doug Williams will be first to get killed, meaning I get no Chaos Theory. Boo-urns. Williams tries a sunset flip right away but Hernandez blocks and hits the Cracker Jack. Back body drop by Hernandez but he walks into a Williams boot. European uppercut from the middle rope by williams gets 2. A series of Europeans now by Williams, he tries a suplex but it is blocked. He then silides out the back of Hernandez’ suplex and gets CREAMED by a shoulder tackle. 1…2…3.

Magnus makes his way down the ramp and Williams takes advantage of the turned back to nail Hernandez in the head. Boots by Magnus and a big Yakuza kick gets 2. This guy has improved a ton since his debut. He ducks under a clothesline and hits a back suplex for 2. Hernandez reverses a whip and hits a charging avalanche, goes to the apron and hits a MASSIVE slingshot shoulder block on a charging Magnus! A series of clotheslines by Hernandez leads to the Border Toss. 1…2…3.

Big Rob is hiding behind the corner post, then levels Hernandez with a clothesline. He gets a kneelift then takes him down with a Vader-style body attack. Dude looks bigger than Batista did when he debuted. Mounted punches in the corner by Big Rob, but Hernandez steps forward into a sitout powerbomb!!! 1…2…3!

Eric Young charges the ring with a kendo stick, takes down the big Mexican, and the beating is on. Springboard European uppercut Hart Attack by Williams and Magnus leaves Hernandez lying as we go to break.

Winner: Hernandez via 3 pinfalls (shoulder block to Williams, Border Toss to Magnus, sitout powerbomb to Rob)
Rating: ** We’re getting there. A clean finish this time with some post-match shenanigans. Hernandez looked like a beast but the Invasion did look pretty poor going in to Full Metal Mayhem. Again, it did what it needed to do.

Tenay is doing a 4-way interview with the 4 “team captains” for the Full Metal Mayhem match. When did tag teams get captains? Ray says they have one thing on their minds: to recapture the 2 sets of titles they’ve been screwed out of. Roode says it might be to their advantage to work with Team 3D, but it’s every team for themselves. Booker T says Tenay should have gone to him first. Magnus interrupts him and says his weave must be cutting off circulation to his brain, but Tenay cuts them all off to tell them there’s a brawl backstage, so of course they all run to join in. We go to commercial watching them beat each other even more senseless.

Lauren is with AJ Styles. She asks him about Kurt Angle’s challenge tonight, and thinks he should have waited until after BFG. Styles says Angle wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he won’t back down from a challenge. Styles says Sting is The Icon, and Angle is the best in the business, so what does that leave for him? If he’s the champion, he has to know who the best is.

Daniels vs. The Pope D’Angelo Dinero

They lock up and Pope takes control with a kneelift. He hits a charging knee in the corner and a pair of chops, but Daniels avoids a charge and hits a pair of arm drags and a dropkick. Dinero goes to the corner and gets a cheap poke in the eye on Daniels. Snap mare by by the Pope and an elbow drop gets 2. Taz says that Pope reminds him of the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Riiiiiight. He chokes Daniels a couple of times before applying a modified camel clutch. Daniels escapes and hits a neckbreaker. Polish Hammer by Daniels! A leg lariat by Daniels, then he puts Pope on the top rope…palm strike! Here comes the Iconoclasm…Pope blocks it! He comes off the top RIGHT INTO A URANAGE! He goes for the BME but Pope grabs his leg and hits an STO for 2. Daniels goes out the back of a back suplex and gets an STO of his own for 2. Uppercut by Pope, Daniels tries a sunset flip but Pope blocks and gets a jackknife! 1…2…no! Daniels is out, up and into the Angel’s Wings! Connects! 1…2…3!

Winner: Daniels via pinfall (Angel’s Wings)
Rating: **½ Good stuff, but Pope’s offence felt off tonight. Not bad off, just not great off. If that makes any sense. Again we saw build to the PPV, but this match at least felt like a match.

Suicide is out! He stalks Dinero…then levels Daniels! KUDOME VALENTINE! Wait now…yes, he removes the mask and it’s Homicide! Security chases him off as we go to break.

Mick Foley is out with a bucket of popcorn and a mask on his head. There’s a recliner in the ring (not a Steiner Recliner). Foley makes reference to his masked past and how the Mankind masks got mass marketed so for the price of a few bucks, anyone could be Mick Foley. Including Chris Parks. Foley’s mask is a brown paper drawn copy of Abyss’s mask. Foley takes a seat and shows some clips of Abyss’s career, pointing out how they are all copies of things Foley has done. Abyss comes out and goes straight for Foley, hitting him with the barbed wire bat. Foley tells Abyss to look at the screen and we see the back of Lauren crying while Stevie talks about how he promised he wouldn’t be so nice the next time. Of course if that were really Lauren, we would have seen her face. It’s clearly Daffney. Foley urges Abyss to go save her and sits in the ring eating popcorn and hugging the bat as Abyss tears off with murderous intentions.

Homicide is in the back bragging about taking Suicide’s costume, but now he knows who Suicide is and it will be their little secret. Good, I’m glad they addressed that little plot hole. Security shows up to take him out of the building as he’s supposed to be suspended for attacking Willie Urbina last week.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Alissa Flash vs. Ayako Hamada

Poor Hamada can’t even get down the ramp before Flash Pearl Harbors her. Can I say that about a Japanese person? Monkey flip by Flash on the ramp, followed by a pair of shots to send Hamada rolling down the ramp. Flash finds herself a table and tries to whip Hamada into it, Hamada blocks and hits a crescent kick. Forerams by Hamada, she goes to the apron but Flash yanks her down. Here it comes…CURB STOMP on the outside! 1…2…no! Forearms by Flash, Hamada fights back with some of her own but Flash scoops her up for a slam. Hamada slips out and pushes Flash off the side of the ramp, only about a 2-foot drop but made far worse by the senton into a standing Flash for 2! Hamada tries to take Flash to the table but Flash blocks it, so Hamada hits a HUGE head kick instead. She sets Flash on the table and goes up for the moonsault but Flash is up! She gains control and tries a suplex off the apron through the table, Hamada blocks and hits a DDT on the apron!!! She goes up top again…PERFECT moonsault through the table! 1…2…3!

Winner: Hamada via pinfall (Moonsault through a table)
Rating: **¼

JB is with Angle and wants to know if tonight’s match has shaken his focus for BFG. Angle says it hasn’t, and goes on to say that Angle is going to teach AJ a lesson.

Stretcher Match: Rhino vs. Bobby Lashley

Wow, we have an hour and a half left, are we getting an hour of AJ and Angle? Lashley is out with his ribs taped. He looks pissed, possibly because Rhino ate all the cheeseburgers.

Rhino attacks Lashley as he tries to get in the ring, then rolls him an and lays the boots to him. Rhino drops a knee to the taped ribs a couple of times but charges into an elbow. Big clothesline by Lashley, then he throws Rhino outside, He whips Rhino into the railing before taking his head to it. He has Rhino on the stretcher and pulls him partway out of the Impact Zone, but he’s favouring the ribs. Rhino comes to his senses and attacks, but misses a Gore and runs into a wall. Lashley lays in a series of rights and again lays him on the stretcher. He gets him all the way to the exit this time before Rhino rolls off and jams the stretcher into Lashley’s ribs. Rhino stalks Lashley but charges right into a boot and gets full nelson slammed into a railing! Lashley has him back on the stretcher, rolls him into the ambulance and that’s all folks!

Winner: Bobby Lashley via beatdown
Rating: *¼ Not really much of anything here. Good to see consistent selling from Lashley though.

Abyss hears a scream and goes chasing off after it. I smell a chairshot. Commercial.

As we come back from break Lashley is going to see the trainer, but is ambushed by Joe with a chairshot to the ribs and the Kokina Klutch! Man they have built this match well, and it has been done in a short time.

Abyss finds “Lauren”, but of course it’s Daffney. Stevie and Foley beat him down with Barbie as Foley tells him not to be fooled by cheap imitations. Daffney dances around and laughs in the background. Hey umm Daffney? He just called you cheap.

Non-Title Match: AJ Styles © vs. Kurt Angle

If this goes an hour it is match of the year. Wait, it’s a 20 minute time limit? What the…

OK, here we go. They lock up and we get a clean break in the corner. Angle goes behind AJ, who pulls a standing switch. Angle gets one of his own and takes AJ down, so AJ rolls to the ropes. AJ tries a takedown but Angle stuffs it and gets a headlock takedown. AJ pushes him off the headlock and hits the STELLAR dropkick. Angle goes to the floor to recover. Back to the action and Angle gets the boot to the gut followed by some Europeans, but drops his head and gets booted. Knee drop by AJ gets a quick 2 count. Angle goes to the floor again. Back in and they lock up in the kunckle lock, controlled by Angle. AJ starts to gain control but Angle gets a boot to the gut and tries to throw AJ to the floor. AJ hangs on and springboards over the ropes and connects with a HUGE clothesline. AGAIN Angle goes to the floor, Styles goes for the aerial attack but catches himself on the apron as Angle moves. He tries to springboard in again but Angle clips the leg and AJ flops over the rope then falls to the floor. Angle knocks him off the apron as he tries to come back in, then HITS A SOMERSAULT SENTON to the outside!!! Angle rolls AJ back inside and gets a 2 count. Backbreaker by Angle gets 2. He locks in a rear chinlock with the knee posted to the back of AJ. AJ fights out of the hold but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Suplex by Angle gets 2. Angle now locks in a bear hug from behind as we hit the halfway mark. AJ backs Angle to the corner to break the hold then connects with a solid right. Whip by AJ is reversed but Angle charges into a boot. Another whip is reversed and Angle ctaches AJ, locks him in and hits the overhead belly to belly. Body scissors applied now by Angle. AJ has his arm inside the scissors so Angle switches it up to a chinlock. AJ manages to break the hold and connects with an elbow, AJ goes to the ropes but runs right into a rear choke. AJ turns into it and connects with a back suplex. Clotheslines by AJ, and the springboard flying forearm gets 2! Hily crap he got some height on that. Styles Clash is blocked and Angle catapults AJ into the ring post then hits a release German for 2. Angle Slam is countered, PELE! 1…2…2.8697! AJ goes up top but Angle is up and runs up to meet him…T-BONE SUPLEX FROM THE TOP! 1…2…2.8496! Angle tries the Angle Slam again, countered into an arm drag! ROARING LARIAT! By AJ! 1…2…no! 3 minutes left. AJ again goes for the Styles Clash, Angle backdrops him but AJ hangs on for a sunset flip! Angle rolls through…Ankle lock! AJ counters to a small package! 1…2…no! GERMAN! He holds on and Angle hits another! And a third! 1…2…no! Down come the straps and AJ rolls through again! STYLES CLASH!!! 1…2…2.9633! I make that 20 minutes. AJ is pissed, he goes up top now but jumps right into a big boot! ANGLE SLAM! 1…2…2.9633!!! Now Angle is frustrated, here comes the moonsault…misses! What a shock. AJ goes for the springboard 450…connects!!!! 1….2…2.9889!!! YeS Orlando, this is awesome. AJ perches Angle on the top and tries a superplex, Angle fights it off but AJ crotches him and takes him up for the Tombstone! Angle kicks out of it and now he’s in position for a Tombstone! AJ counters again! Angle picks the ankle and rolls through to the ankle lock! He drags AJ to the middle of the ring and grapevines the leg! Oh fuck no the bell rings, TELL ME this isn’t another Hebner special. OK, JB announces it as a time limit draw. Over 20 minutes though.

Winner: DRAW (Time limit)
Rating: **** Tough match to rate. Normally you wouldn’t expect these two to stall for a 20-minute match, but stall they did early on. However the last 15 minutes were awesome enough to help you forget that. AJ’s ribs also miraculously healed themselves halfway through the match. That alone hurt the rating here. I really hope they give these two an iron man match at some point.

Sting makes his way to the ring as we go to break, and AJ shrugs off his help.

We’re back and with half an hour plus to kill. We get a video preview for Lashley-Joe. Looks like most of this is previews from here on in. They do one for Monster’s Ball and Angle-Morgan, after which JB asks Angle if AJ would have tapped out had they had more time. Angle says that everyone knows he would have won, and he proved to everyone tonight that he is the better man. He’s confident because he just beat the champion, and Morgan is next. We go to a video preview for Styles-Sting. After that preview we get JB and AJ in the back. AJ says he didn’t lose and he didn’t win, but he’s going to learn from the match.