411’s TNA Impact Report 02.19.09

After the wild finish to last week’s Impact and a highlight package of the entire Angle/Sting saga from last Thursday’s show, we open the show in Jeff Jarrett’s office and Jim Cornette is freaking out about the empty arena match and the possible legal ramifications. Mick Foley’s sitting on a couch and talks about the halftime of the Super Bowl match against the Rock, which prompts Cornette to tell him to shut up. Jarrett says that there isn’t much of a choice because if you let Sting and Angle beat the hell out of each other, that will solve all of their problems. Cornette sends JB out of the office and they continue to talk as we hit the opening package.

We are LIVE-ish from the Impact Zone in Orlando and Mike Tenay wonders aloud if this is the last time we’ll see the Main Event Mafia at full strength. He and Don West break down the show, saying it could be the most unique episode of TNA Impact in the history of the company. Tenay says he’s never been involved in anything like this in his broadcast career and before he can finish that statement, here comes Kurt Angle in full wrestling gear with a microphone in hand! He tells Jim Cornette to step aside and let Jeff Jarrett finally make a correct decision with this match. He says that everyone is likely going to get what they want with the demise of the Main Event Mafia and he brings up that he is a bit of a prophet, saying that the only way the Mafia was going to go down was from within. He says that Sting has been putting himself in front of the family and that it’s going to be him or Angle tonight. He reiterates his request for himself and Sting to be in an empty arena to fight it out and says that an offer like this doesn’t come around very often, and that Jarrett had better take advantage of it.

We head to the back and Lauren is with the Motor City Machine Guns and she says that this week it’s the Guns against Lethal Consequences in a no-holds-barred streetfight. Sabin says that the Frontline locker room is starting to make him sick because they always put others before themselves, but HERE COMES LETHAL CONSEQUENCES!! They attack Sabin and Shelley in the back and all four men end the segment brawling, with Shelley taking over on Creed and ramming him into a ladder as we fade to the commercial break.

Random Commercial Observation #1: Goldberg might be a bit of a douche, but I’m all about Bullrun. I really enjoyed that show the first time around and I’m going to enjoy it again this time. Part of it is the cars and part of it is watching people losing their minds and arguing for my entertainment. Yeah, I’m self-centered, what about it?

We come back to see all four men still brawling into the Impact Zone and the bell rings to get the match underway!!

Match One: No Holds Barred Streetfight
Lethal Consequences vs. Motor City Machine Guns

Shelleey and Sabin take over on Creed and hit their stereo kicks to the body with Creed caught against the railing as Lethal comes over and catches Sabin, throwing him into the ring for some jabs. Shelley takes a shortcut and eyepokes Lethal before the Guns double-team with a flying forearm shot from Shelley off of Sabin’s kneeling back. Shelley holds a chair in front of Lethal’s face and Sabin hits a SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK into the chair!! 1….2…Lethal kicks out!! Sabin tries a suicide dive to the outside on Creed, but Creed gets a chair up!! Sabin goes headfirst into the chair!! Creed and Lethal double-team Shelley in the ring with Creed hitting a springboard bulldog into a steel chair for a two-count! Creed with a HUGE flip over the top rope onto Sabin on the floor and in the ring, Lethal heads up to the top. Shelley rolls out of the way and grabs Lethal, ramming him into a chair stuck into the corner for a two-count. Shelley pushes Lethal to the floor and tries a slingshot croosbody, but Lethal gets a chair up to block it. Creed tries a legdrop off of the top rope onto Sabin in the middle of the ring, but Sabin rolls out of the way. Sabin sets up a chair and drops Creed’s face onto it before bouncing off the ropes and kicking the chair into Creed’s face. Lethal has a ladder set up between the railing and the apron on the outside and whips Shelley into it chest-first. Sabin sets up for the Cradle Shock in the ring, but Lethal breaks it up and hits a LETHAL COMBINATION ONTO A CHAIR!! 1….2…..SHELLEY BREAKS IT UP!! Lethal kicks Shelley in the gut and whips him in, but as Lethal tries a handspring elbow, Sabin hits him in the back with a chair for a two-count. Sabin kicks Creed in the face and holds him as Shelley picks up the X-Division belt. Shelley tries the beltshot, but Creed ducks and Shelley hits Sabin!! Lethal and Creed try a double-team, but Shelley holds onto the ropes and back-bodydrops Lethal over the top rope onto the ladder!!! Sabin hits Creed with the title belt!! Shelley has the cover and he has the 1-2-3!!!

Winners: Motor City Machine Guns (pinfall, Sabin beltshot on Creed) ***1/4

(What a way to open the show!! These guys have a great chemistry between them and this was a great blend of high-flying spots and the usual garbage wrestling you see in a No Holds Barred match. While I am still very critical of the lack of selling in 99.8% of the X-Division’s matches, this was still an entertaining and fast-paced bout and much better than the start of last week’s show. )

JB is in the back with the Three Musketeers (Foley, Cornette and Jarrett) and Cornette says a decision has been made by Jeff Jarrett and he doesn’t agree with it. He says that the Impact Zone will indeed be emptied except for the camera crew, Don West and Mike Tenay. Sting and Angle will be given the ring and will be allowed to settle their differences once and for all. Jarrett says that it’s going to be very exciting.

After the break, we’re in the Main Event Mafia locker room and Steiner, Nash and Booker are trying to talk Angle out of it. Angle says that this is the way it has to be and that he can’t try talking to Sting. He says that Sting has been disrespecting all of them and Booker asks who’s opinion that is. He says that Booker has been fine with Sting all these years and Angle says that it should be a handicap match between Booker and his buddy Sting against Angle. Nash takes control of the situation and sends Booker out to the hallway along with JB. JB asks Booker if this is the end of the Mafia and says that Angle basically called him out. Booker tells him to back up off of him and as he does, IT’S AJ STYLES!! He slams Booker headfirst into the wall a few times before saying he’ll end Booker’s legendary status at Destination X. Styles hits him in the head with the TNA Legends Championship belt and says that he’s going to end things once and for all.

Beer Money Inc. make their way to the ring with Jacqueline and Tenay tells us that they have a very special challenge to make and that they’ve asked for this time specifically. Robert Roode says that the activities in the Impact Zone have been somewhat exciting so far, but Beer Money Inc. have found them extremely boring. He says that they’re the TNA World Tag Team Champions and they are the best and that just like the slumping economy, they’ve knocked down every tag team that’s been in the ring with them. He says that since they’re fighting champions, they’ve come up with a special idea that will raise the stakes in TNA even higher. Roode calls it the “Off the Wagon” challenge and hands off to Storm. Storm gets the mic and says that they’ll put their titles on the line against anyone at anytime and if the other team wins, they get the belts. If they lose, they have to leave TNA forever and they can’t do anything in the company ever again. Storm even challenges Mike Tenay and Don West, saying that he’s pretty sure that West could use some Twinkie money. He says the challenge is for real and it starts tonight, so sorry about your damn luck!!

We head into the back with Roxxi, Taylor Wilde and the “Governor” and Roxxi says that if there was a Knockout Tag division, they would be the tag champions for sure before making a crass remark about James Storm and his “riding abilities”. The “Governor” cuts them off and says that this is a family show and that she wouldn’t let her children watch this. Lauren asks why she’s still carrying on with the act, and “Governor Palin” says that she’s going to keep it going for as long as she can because it’s so much fun screwing with The Beautiful People. Apparently it’s Wilde and Angelina Love one-on-one tonight. Wilde asks if TBP can’t take a simple joke because they’ve made the Knockouts miserable, as well as everyone backstage for the entire time they’ve been in TNA. Wilde says that if falling in horseshit isn’t enough to give them a reality check, she’s going to kick their asses and give it to them. She says that since Spike TV rules say that Cute Kip can’t touch them, it’s going to be three-on-two and they’re going to come out on top.

We’re back and it’s time for another therapy session between Dr. Stevie and Abyss. Abyss talks about last week and how good it felt for him to hold the beer bottle in his hand as he imagined the sharp edges of it digging into someone’s skin. He says he doesn’t know what it is about pain, but whether it’s his or someone else’s, it brings him pleasure that can’t be matched. Stevie says that their time is up and that he’ll see him again at the same time next week, with Abyss saying that he’s looking forward to it.

Match Two:
Brutus Magnus, Sheik Abdul Bashir and Matt Morgan vs. Shane Sewell and LAX

The heels bail out as LAX makes their way to the ring, but that doesn’t last for long as Bashir attacks Homicidie early on. Homicide turns it arounda nd drops Bashir with a big back-bodydrop before Bashir tags in Magnus. Drop toehold on Magnus by Homicide and he tags in Shane Sewell, who eats a forearm shot and gets whipped into the ropes. Sewell hits a kick into Magnus’ face and bounces off the ropes, but comes off right into a Carbon Footprint from Matt Morgan. Tag to Bashir and he works over Sewell before tagging in Morgan. Morgan and Magnus double-team on Sewell before Morgan hits a HUGE sidewalk slam that gets a two-count. Knees to the gut from Morgan now and he tags Bashir back in to pick up the scraps. Spinning neckbreaker from Bashir gets two and he just mounts Sewell and hammers away with punches before throwing Sewell out to the floor. Magnus and Morgan run interference as Bashir works over Sewell and tries to get a steel chair out from under the ring. Referee Earl Hebner gets Sewell out of the line of fire and the action ends up back in the ring with Bashir accidentally hitting Brutus Magnus on a double-team move, allowing Sewell to make the HOT TAG TO HERNANDEZ!! Slingshot shoulderblock on Bashir!! Clotheslines for all three heels and a huge backbreaker on Magnus!! Suicide dive by Homicide on Morgan on the floor!! Sit-out powerbomb by Hernandez on Bashir that only gets two as Magnus breaks up the count!! Sewell sends Magnus over the top rope to the floor and Hernandez hits the Border Toss on Bashir!! He tags in Sewell and Sewell hits a HUGE elbowdrop off the top rope for the cover and the three-count!! After the match, Sewell kisses the Puerto Rican flag in tribute to his roots wrestling in the island promotions way back when.

Winners: Shane Sewell and LAX (pinfall, Sewell top rope elbowdrop on Bashir) **

(This one wasn’t bad and had some good moments, but it just felt like it was thrown together at the last minute and crammed into the show. Hopefully this is finally the end of the Sewell/Bashir stuff as both guys need to move on. I don’t understand why they would have their new talent in Magnus come out on the losing side of a match less than a month after his debut, but I guess that’s why I’m not booking TNA. Granted, he didn’t take the pinfall, but he still lost, which isn’t doing him any favors as he tries to get himself over with his new gimmick.)

It’s time for Hardcore History 101 and Mick Foley comes back to his time spent in a refrigerator cardboard box and he brings up the feud he had with Sting that started with him coming out of the refrigerator box and attacking him. He talks about how it was a picture-perfect second-rope elbow that he hit on Sting on the floor and says that it was one of the best moments of his career.

Random Impact Observation #1: What a waste of time these segments are so far. Time that could go to something else ends up in this self-serving nonsense.

Jim Cornette comes out and says that a team that hasn’t teamed together in quite some time have decided to join forces to accept Beer Money’s Off the Wagon challenge. Cornette says that everyone watching will find out who it is when Beer Money finds out later tonight. From there, we head into the locker room area and Lauren has Scott Steiner with her. She asks him about if he’s been able to talk Kurt Angle down in their closed-door meeting and he says that he wouldn’t want to talk Angle down and that he wouldn’t let anyone talk him down if he was pissed off. He says that the Frontline may think that they’re getting an advantage tonight, but whatever doesn’t kill the Mafia will only make it stronger. He asks Lauren if she wants to get naked and work out with him before he starts doing some presses on a weight bench. She asks him about Samoa Joe’s threats and Steiner says that the only way he’d be afraid of Samoa Joe is if he was smothered in Twinkies or dressed as a hamburger. We see an arm come into the shot and it pushes the bar down across Steiner’s chest. It’s Samoa Joe!! He says he’s here and he could crush Steiner’s sternum right now if he wanted to. He says that he’d love to tell him that it won’t hurt, but he knows that it will. He tells him to think long and hard about what’s going to happen at Destination X and promises that the nation of violence is coming because Joe is going to kill him!!

Lauren is in the back and she’s with Sojournor Bolt. Lauren asks how her win is sitting with the Kongtourage and Bolt says that she earned her shot at the Knockouts Title and she plans on taking it. She says that just because they’re tight, she’s not going to back down. Raisha Saeed interrupts her and says that she was told to keep this within the Kongtourage. Bolt says she understood it, she just chose not to listen because only her momma tells her what to do. Saeed says that there’s going to be big problems because of this.

Match Three:
Angelina Love w/Velvet Sky and Cute Kip vs. Taylor Wilde w/Roxxi and “Governor Palin”

Love attacks Wilde from behind before the bell but Wilde manages to turn it around with some mounted punches and a forearm shot. Flying armdrag by Wilde followed by a flying headscissors and a dropkick gets a two-count. Stiff forearm from Wilde and she whips Love in but gets reversed and Cute Kip trips Wilde up from the outside. Referee Rudy Charles throws Cute Kip out of the Impact Zone and he goes nuts!! Wilde leans out and drags Love up to the apron by the hair, but Love hits a forearm to the face and clotheslines Wilde across the top rope for a two-count. Mounted punches from Love and she’s just measuring them as Wilde tries to cover up. Love with an Irish whip into the corner followed by a big clothesline that gets another close two-count. Wilde fires back with a shot to the gut, but Love whips her into the ropes and kicks her in the stomach, following it with a big kneelift and a jumping kick to the face that only manages to get two. Love covers again and again, but she can still only get a two-count. She argues with the refereee and pulls Wilde up for a big titty slap before Wilde fires off one of her own. Wilde off the ropes with a clothesline and a dropkick, following that up with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!! She goes for the pin, but Velvet Sky gets up on the apron to distract the referee. Love is inside the ring and hits her finish, covering for a pin, but the referee is still outside messing around with Sky. Love into the ropes but she gets tripped up by “Governor Palin” and as she argues with the referee, Wilde sneaks in behind and gets a roll-up for the three-count!!

Winner: Taylor Wilde (pinfall, roll-up) *1/2

(Eh. This could have easily gone to something else as this was a pretty pointless match. I get that they still have some unfinished business, but unless you’re going to blow it off as a tag match to finish the feud, why bother with having singles matches that just waste time. I’m not impressed and they really need to find Daffney a new gimmick soon because she’s already gone about six months past the shelf life on the “Governor” nonsense.)

JB is in the rafters with Sting and he asks about Sting’s feelings on the match and the fact that it’s going to be a fight in an empty arena. Sting says that at this point, whatever Kurt Angle wants, he’s going to get. He says that he went into Against All Odds to win and that Kurt should have known that he’d want to win just as badly. He tells Kurt that he’s jealous about what Sting has and he talks about the title being tarnished again unless one of a select few manage to win it. He asks Angle to make a promise that the cameras stay on even if the arena is empty because Sting is at his best when it’s showtime.

TNA Rough Cuts is back and it’s talking about Ultimate X again with Chris Sabin talking about how the X-Division guys are favored because they have the lighter weight and the stamina to get across the ropes without any problems. Brother Devon talks about the hungry, young talent of the X-Division and that that is the match where they can make their impact and get themselves known. Sabin says that it’s helped the X-Division because it’s shown that TNA has the best wrestlers, while others add that it’s raised the bar for the entire company.

Match Four: TNA World Tag Team Championships (Off The Wagon Challenge)
Team Canada (Eric Young and Petey Williams) vs. Beer Money Inc w/Jacqueline (c)

Storm and Williams start out the match as Don West says that with all four men in there, it’s like a history lesson in TNA. Storm and Williams do some stuff off the ropes and Williams turns it on with a jawbreaker into a spinning heel kick. Storm takes over with some knees to the gut and an inverted atomic drop, but Williams comes around with a low dropkick that lets him tag in Young. Rolling hamstring pull from Team Canada and they take out Roode with stereo punches, a la the Rock n’ Roll Express. They follow that up with stereo right hands on Storm and Roode, dropping both men. Storm goes to the eyes on Young and tags in Roode, but Young hits a drop toehold and blocks a right hand before hitting one of his own. Young with the ten-count of punches in the corner and he whips Roode across the ring. Roode reverses, but Young goes over the top to the apron and catches Storm with a big right hand. Jacqueline grabs onto Young’s ankle and Williams runs her off, but Storm hits a cheap shot in the confusion and throws Young back into the ring as we hit a commercial.

Back from the break, Roode and Jackie are choking Young across the second rope before Storm covers for a pair of close two-counts. Young hits a right hand and a back elbow on Roode, back-bodydropping Storm onto the apron, but Storm hits a kick to the back of the head that gets two. Tag to Roode and they hit a double-suplex on Young. BEER!!! MONEY!!!!! Roode shows off in front of Williams and lays a stomp in on Young, but Young fires back with right hands to the gut. Irish whip off the ropes, Roode misses a clothesline and Young hits a kick to the face in what looked like a botch. Shoulderblock from Young on Storm and he crawls over for the tag, but Roode pulls Williams off the apron to prevent it. Storm catches Young with a running forearm to the head and moves him over to the corner to let Jackie choke again. Tag to Roode and he lays a blatant choke on Young before tagging Storm right back in. Storm with some bootscrapes to the face and he chokes Young across the second rope, raking and yanking at his face. Kick to the gut from Storm and he picks Young up for an Eye of the Storm, but Young reverses it and hits a kick to the back of the head. Storm gets the tag to Roode, Young kicks Roode away and it’s a HOT TAG TO PETEY!! Over-the-top-rope jawbreaker on Roode!! Williams sends Storm into Roode’s gut in the corner! Bulldog by Petey drops Roode on top of Storm!! Spinning headscissors takes Roode down and he’s looking for the Destroyer. Roode blocks it and tries for the Payoff, but Young catches him and saves him, spinning Williams into a tornado DDT on Roode. Williams over the top into a hurrancanrana on Storm as Young hits a top-rope legdrop on Roode. Williams with the pin….1….2..Roode just BARELY kicks out. Williams and Young try for a double-superplex on Storm, but Roode catches them. TOWER OF DOOM!! Roode charges Young against the ropes, but Young sends him over the top with a back bodydrop. Roode and Young fight to the outside as Jackie tries for a big splash off the ropes, but Williams moves out of the way. Williams sets up for the Canadian Destroyer on Jackie, but Storm CLOCKS him with the Last Call!! Roode with the cover and there’s the 1-2-3!! Williams is gone from TNA forever!! The Impact Zone crowd roars for Petey after the match chanting “Petey” as he breaks down and begins crying in the ring. Eric Young hugs him as the shot closes with Williams in tears.

Winners: Beer Money Inc. (pinfall, Storm superkick on Williams) ***3/4

(Great match and great pacing, which just continues Beer Money’s roll. That was a great match from four of TNA’s originals and was a fun way to send Petey off to the indies or whatever he chooses to do. The crowd was super into it and when Young hit the top-rope legdrop you could feel that the fans thought it was over. Great job from all four of them and if this is what the Off The Wagon challenge is going to bring every week, this could be one hell of a ride.)

Lauren is in the back with Team 3-D and Rhino and she asks them about the fight between Sting and Angle. Rhino says that he might not agree with the platform that Sting and Angle stand on as the Main Event Mafia since they see things through tainted eyes. He says that wrestlers go out to the ring and wrestle and that when they go out to the ring there are referees, agents, police officers and etc. to make sure that no one is seriously hurt. He brings up the injuries that people can receive and that they’re tough, but that no one is going to stop the mayhem tonight and that someone could end up maimed or killed. He says that everyone has their issues with Angle and Sting, but he hopes and prays that they both survive. Brother Ray asks Rhino why he cares about Kurt Angle and Sting when they don’t care about anyone but themselves. He says he hopes that Sting and Angle cripple and maim each other and that they break each other’s bones and smash each other’s faces. He says that hopefully when they come back to the Impact Zone next week, they’ll both be gone because they’re both poison for the company. He tells Rhino he has a stack of singles and that they should all go to the strip club. Devon says that he’s got a white chick that’s a little big-boned, but Rhino should like her. Rhino makes sure she’s not too big-boned and they head out. We come back to the Impact Zone and see the crowd filing out because the Empty Arena Showdown is NEXT!!

We see the crowd and employees filing out of the building and come back to a completely empty arena with the wrestlers heading out of the Impact Zone. The fans are outside the arena and they’ll be watching on special monitors. Lauren is outside in the crowd and they’re all going nuts, cheering and screaming as she talks about the feud between Angle and Sting. We get a video package detailing the rise of the Main Event Mafia and their recent success as well as their recent turmoil. JB is on the other side of the Impact Zone in front of the crowd, saying that the crowd is electric. He gets some predictions from the people and everyone seems to be firmly behind Sting. He throws it back into the arena as Mike Tenay says that what’s going to happen next is unprecedented and unpredictable. He and Don West say that it’s going to be a fight and a war and nothing like anyone has ever seen before. We even get the entrances for both men, which doesn’t make a ton of sense to me, but I suppose. The fight is on!!

Match Five: Empty Arena Showdown
Kurt Angle vs. Sting

Sting gets into the ring and eyeballs Angle as Steiner, Nash and Booker look on on a monitor. Sting and Angle just start laying into each other with right hands, and Sting comes out on top, clotheslining Angle over the top to the floor. Sting screams that he’s going to kill Angle and follows him out to the floor, throwing him into the chairs at ringside before throwing him headfirst into a wall. Angle fires back with right hands of his own, calling Sting a “son of a bitch” before telling him to get up as they fight into the bleachers. Sting hits a counterpunch and a big right hand that staggers Angle. Right hand from Sting and Angle fires off a kick to the gut and he rams Sting’s chest into a steel railing. Angle with an Irish whip, but Sting reverses and sends Angle head-first into the wall again!! Sting chokeslams Angle’s back against the wall, but Angle goes to the eyes to break it up. Angle takes Sting back up into the bleachers, pulling him all the way up to the top before scoring with some right hands. Sting fires one back and THROWS ANGLE OFF THE BLEACHERS TO THE FLOOR!! That looked like at least an eight to ten foot fall. Sting charges Angle on the floor, but Angle picks up a trash can and hits Sting with it. Big forearm shots from Angle on the back of Sting as he screams that he hates Sting. Sting with a hip toss over the barricade and they’re back at the ringside area with Sting sending Angle into the barricade. Angle with a LOW BLOW!! Right to the little Stingers!! Angle says he’s going to end Sting’s career and calls him a stupid son of a bitch before picking up a steel chair to hit him. Sting blocks it and hits a chairshot to Angle’s back, prompting Angle to beg off and try to stop the beating. Sting says he’s going to take Angle’s head off and he’s going to love it as Angle begs for forgiveness and says he’s sorry. He says he has kids as Sting tells him to stand up and take it like a man. Kevin Nash shows up and Angle’s tone changes, begging for Sting to hit him and calling him a bitch. Sting winds up to hit him and Nash yells at the both of them, telling them to make it right. MAKE MOMMY AND DADDY STOP FIGHTING GODDAMMIT!! Sting says he’s man enough to shake his hand and reminds Angle that he said that as long as the belt stayed with the MEM that it would be fine after Against All Odds. Angle shakes Sting’s hand but SPITS IN HIS FACE!! THE FIGHT IS BACK ON!! Sting and Angle brawl as the MEM tries to pull them apart and we head to a commercial!!

Winner: None (No Contest) **

(Yeah, it was intense, but I can’t go much higher than two stars because it was little more than kicking and punching for nearly ten minutes. I get that it was a blood feud and they hate each other, but it didn’t settle anything so it ended up being kind of pointless, especially with all of the build they gave it in the two hours leading up to it. Meh.)

Apparently Sting and Angle were separated during the break and we’re going to hear from both men. Lauren is with Sting and he rips the microphone out of her hand, saying that he’s never been disrespected like this in his career ever. He says he’s all in and that he’ll take on Angle anywhere at anytime. He says that he hates Angle and screams into the camera before storming off. JB is with Kurt Angle and Angle says he wants Jarrett right now and that he wants Sting’s title and he wants his life. He tells Nash that Sting isn’t one of them and Nash says that Angle’s the one responsible for all of this crap. Angle says he wants Sting at Destination X and is screaming into the camera “Make it happen, make it happen!!” as we fade out from Orlando!!