411’s TNA Impact Report 03.15.10

• We start off as we always do. A video recapping last week’s events. In retrospect, that first five minutes deal was a total dud.

•We see a hummer arriving in the Impact Zone, Out comes Hulk Hogan, Abyss, Jeff Hardy (with stupid facepaint) and Rob Van Dam. Taz wants to know why Abyss is driving.

• AJ Styles and Ric Flair are out to cut a promo. Taz discusses Styles’ title match with Abyss. AJ Styles gets in the ring and calls Abyss stupid and scary looking. He berates him for believing in Hulk Hogan’s Hall of Fame ring and says he has no chance at Destination X. Styles discusses his history with Abyss and says the result has always been the same. Styles up and Abyss down. Styles doesn’t know where Abyss gets his inspiration from. He doesn’t believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny or Magic Rings. He does believe in him being the best wrestler in the world. He says he is a Gift from God and Abyss will find out first hand in the future.

Styles hands the rock off to Ric Flair who says he wishes he could be as calm as AJ. Flair takes his jacket off and discusses the match he had last week. Fans chant something so Flair punches himself in the head where Hogan gashed him last week. Flair says Abyss is a dead man, something about Hulk Hogan and Jeff Hardy shouldn’t have been there last week. Flair is a bloody mess as he speaks. He says AJ is the champ and he is the boss. He runs down Hardy some more so it’s only logical that Hardy is out.

He isn’t alone though. He brings the worst theme song in professional wrestling history with him. Tenay says Hardy’s fanbase is the most rabid one in pro wrestling. Hardy has a mic and says HARDAY. Styles gets mad at Hardy for coming into his house. Styles says Hardy has done nothing and Naitch tells Hardy to look Styles in the eye. Styles calls Hardy a nobody again. Styles says since Hardy wants the spotlight, they should fight tonight. Fans chant Hardy and Hardy points at them, getting Styles and Flair angry. Hardy finally decides to speak and says his match with Styles will be a breeze. Ric Flair says Hardy must be high as a kite to come down here. Hardy then says he’s flying high with his creatures of the night. He gives off some sort of odd scream and leaves.

• Mick Foley and Eric Bischoff are talking backstage about Jarrett’s match (which was reffed by Foley) last week. Bischoff says he wants to talk about right now. He wants to seize the moment. Bischoff says he wants to clean Mick up with a shave. He wants to shave the head and the beard and it happens tonight in the ring.

• Graphic for the Hardy-Styles bout. Taz and Tenay also inform us of a Sting-Hogan confrontation.

•We get footage from earlier today. The Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart attack Jesse Neal backstage. Jerry Sags powerbombs Neal into a table.

After the footage, we see the three attackers inside the ring. Knobs says the plan was for a six man tag but it looks like a handicap match. Brother Ray and Brother Devon make their entrance after. Taz says Ray and Devon aren’t sweating the handicap match. Ray gets on the mic and says they have a partner. It’s Brother Runt. The artists formerly known as the Dudleys run into the ring making the Nasties and Hart run to the outside.

Match One
Team 3D and Brother Runt v. The Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart

Sags and Devon start us off. Sags attacks with a knee. Several punches follow that. Sags whips Devon but Devon avoids a fist and lands a shoulderblock. Devon wrenches the arm and tags in Brother Runt who comes in with a sledgehammer. Sags gets Runt to the mat. He whips him into the corner but Runt avoids an assault. Runt talks trash to Hart but Sags attacks from behind. Sags puts Runts face into Knobs’ armpit. Body slam from Sags to Runt. Knobs gets tagged in. He kicks Runt. Knobs slams Runt’s face against a turnbuckle. He then shoves Runt’s face into Sags’ boot. Knobs tags in Jimmy Hart who comes in with a ton of boots to Runt’s back. The Mouth of the South takes off his belt but misses a strike. Runt tags in Brother Ray. Sags saves Hart but Ray takes him out. Ray sends Knobs and Sags into the corner and charges into them. He throws Sags to the outside allowing Runt to attack from the top rope. Ray eliminates Knobs with a ton of punches. Team 3D set up for the 3D but that gets stopped by Sags. Hart distracts the ref which allows Knobs to nail Ray with a helmet. Hart pins Brother Ray for the win.

WINNERS: The Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart
You know the match isn’t good when Jerry Sags is the only decent individual (wrestling wise) in it.

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• Brian Knobs and Jerry Sags attack the three members of Team 3D. Sags and Hart bring a table into the ring. Jesse Neal runs down for the save with taped ribs. He beats up the three members of the Nasties. 3D is then delivered to Jerry Sags.

• Christy Hemme is with Angelina Love in the back. Love is angry that she and Tara lost last week. She issues an open challenge to any of the Beautiful People. She then calls the three members of the Beautiful People copies of her. She says she’s going to cleanse TNA, one beautiful person at a time.

• Jeremy Borash is in the back with Scott Half and Sean Waltman. Pac says they’ve been kicked out of better places than TNA. Hall says him and Pac are going to get it done at Destination X. Hall says next Monday, Hall and Pac will be the newest big money players for TNA.

Big Sexy and Eric Young come out. Nash says if Hall can last 5 minutes in the ring later tonight with him, he’ll win 25,000 dollars.

• Mr. Anderson and Desmond Wolfe are out for the next match. We get a reminded of the events that transpired last week between Mr. Anderson, Kurt Angle and the US Army. Kurt Angle and D’Angelo Dinero are their opponents.

Match Two
Kurt Angle and D’Angelo Dinero v. Ken Anderson and Desmond Wolfe

Kurt Angle and Desmond Wolfe choose to start the match off. They lock up. Angle gets a wrist lock but Wolfe reverses. Snapmare takedown by Angle. Wolfe wrenches the arm but Angle reverses the hold. Wolfe extends his hand towards Anderson but Anderson denies the tag. Wolfe turns the momentum around but Angle takes him down with a hip toss. Angle wrenches the arm but Wolfe reverses. Angle gets to the ropes but Anderson nails him with a clothesline. Wolfe smashes Angle’s head into the turnbuckle. Anderson comes in on a tag and kicks Angle. He continues the assault until he decides to choke Angle against the ropes. Anderson sends Angle into the corner and tags in Wolfe who chops Angle in the neck. Chinlock applied by Desmond Wolfe. Angle punches his way out of it. He delivers more punches and sends Wolfe in the corner. He charges him but Wolfe puts up a boot. Belly to belly suplex from Angle to Wolfe. Angle tags in Dinero. Clothesline by the Pope. He follows that with some back elbows. He whips Wolfe into the ropes and takes him down with a back body drop. He lifts Wolfe and delivers multiple elbows. Anderson comes in but Dinero takes care of him. Wolfe tries to take advantage but Pope takes him down with an STO. Angle Slam from Angle to Anderson. He tries to give one to Wolfe but Wolfe floats over with a hammerlock DDT. Wolfe tries a Figure Four but Pope rolls him up for the win.

WINNERS: Kurt Angle and D’Angelo Dinero
Good match that was too short to get rated higher than two Hogan Heads.

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• Wolfe attacks Pope from behind. He then sends Pope’s injured ankle into the mat. He throws Pope out of the ring in anger. Wolfe follows Dinero on the ramp and delivers an uppercut. Inside the ring, Angle charges towards Anderson, Anderson catches him with the Mic Check. Anderson goes into the corner and takes the Warrior Medal again. He stabs Angle in the head with the medal. Anderson’s mic falls from the sky and Anderson says the beatdown was just a small example of what was going to happen at Destination X this Sunday. He says his last name twice and then beats Angle’s face with the microphone.

• Hulk Hogan, Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy are in Hulk’s office. Hogan tells Hardy to take care of Styles and says RVD knows what to do. He says Abyss is the enforcer of the Hardy-Styles matchup. Eric Bischoff walks in and Hogan says he has a couple of surprises in store. Bischoff says he loves surprises but thinks he should be in on it. Hogan apologizes for not informing Easy E. Hulk says it was an audible since Bischoff is always busy. Bischoff apologizes for bringing it up and talks about his deal with Foley tonight. Hogan says they’re cool and a team.

• Angelina Love’s special challenge match is up next. The Beautiful People are out with their new Knockout Tag Titles. Velvet Sky says for one night only, Daffney is a member of the Beautiful People.

Match Three
Angelina Love v. Daffney

Daffney attacks Angelina Love from behind. On the mat, Daffney pulls Love’s face back. She clubs her in the back and then goes back to pulling Love’s head. She delivers another shot from behind until the ref gets her off. Daffney goes out of the ring and has a toolbox. She plays with several tools until settling on a hammer. She tries to hit Love but the ref takes away the hammer. Love takes Daffney down and mounts her. She attacks with several punches. The Beautiful People pull her off causing the DQ.

WINNER: Angelina Love
Another match that had potential but was too short. At least this length is understandable since it was purely used to further the two storylines and hype the PPV

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• Daffney rams Angelina Love’s body into the entrance ramp. Velvet Sky tells Daffney to get the Ugly Stick and the Beautiful People take Love inside the ring. Tara runs in from the crowd and attacks Velvet Sky. She takes out Rayne and Von Erich. Tara and Daffney share a staredown after.

• Graphic for Hardy-Styles with Abyss included as the enforcer.

• THE HULKSTER greets us back from commercial. Hulk points at a “VINCE WHO?” sign, which would have effect but I think every guy with a sign is a plant. I mean where else would we find a Jesse Neal sign? Hogan eventually decides to talk and says gametime is over. Hogan says what went down last week was a train wreck. He discusses him being in a pool of blood last week and feeling like he got ran over a truck all week. However, the worst thing to happen last week was Abyss crying “WHY STING WHY?” Hulk says he wants to know why Sting did it and calls the Stinger out.

The spotlight and camera search for Sting and eventually find him in the rafters. Sting walks around and Tenay speculates he’s making his way into the Impact Zone. We get a camera showing us Sting walking down the steps into the Impact Zone. Fans chant Hogan while we wait. Sting eventually finds his way into the crowd but RVD attacks him from behind. RVD attacks Sting with a bunch of punches. He misses a legdrop but lands a dropkick on Sting. The Stinger tries to escape but RVD catches him and sends him into the steel pole. RVD continues his beatdown on RVD but pauses in the middle for a ROB VAN DAM pose. RVD kicks Sting again and decides to repeat the action of sending Sting’s face into a steel pole. RVD tosses a baseball bat to Hogan and sends Sting inside. Hogan looks like he’s going to attack Sting but Eric Bischoff yells stop. He says this isn’t the right thing to do. Bischoff says Hogan is a leader, not a wrestler. He has to leave that part of his life behind. Bischoff says it’s out of control. Hulk didn’t come to wrestle, but to lead. Bischoff reminds Hulk of his promise to Brooke Hogan (giving the cameraman an excuse to show her) and asks Hulk to “be done with it.” Bischoff leaves down the ramp and Taz makes sense of what happened right now. Tenay says Bischoff shouldn’t have called out Hulk in such a public forum.

• We see Jarrett walking backstage. Hernandez comes in and says he’ll help Double J tonight. Eric Bischoff overhears them and says Jarrett’s days of making matches are over. Eric Bischoff punishes Hernandez by booking a match for Hernandez against Beer Money. Jarrett tells Bischoff to not take his anger out on Hernandez so Bischoff makes Jarrett the Special Guest Ref for the match against Beer Money. Bischoff says if Jarrett messes up, he’s done with TNA.

• Split-screen of Hall and Nash walking for the Five Minute Challenge.

• Kevin Nash makes his entrance for the five minute, 25,000 dollar challenge. Scott Hall is already in the ring.

Match Four
Kevin Nash v. Scott Hall
Five Minute Challenge

Hall throws a toothpick in Nash’s direction. He retreats into the corner but Nash nails him with a knee. Big Sexy punches Hall twice and sends him into the ropes. Nash punches Hall in the back. He repeats the maneuver. Nash tries to go back but Hall punches Nash in the face. Hall wrenches the arm and shoves his shoulder into it. Hall wrenches the arm again but Nash powers Hall to the mat. Nash sets Hall up in the corner for multiple knees. Big Sexy then delivers a ton of elbows to Hall’s face. Taz says VINTAGE KEVIN NASH. Syxx Pac comes out of nowhere and attacks Big Sexy’s leg. Pac shows us he has handcuffs and they cuff Nash to the ropes. THE BAND attack Nash for a while. Eric Young makes a run in and lands punches on both members until the numbers game takes over. Hall lands a punch and Pac takes Young to the mat with a facebuster. Hall’s music plays and the ref gives him the money so I’m guessing Hall wins. It would have been nice to have a clock in the bottom.

WINNER: Scott Hall…?
I’m not sure whether or not to count this as a match but it wasn’t good. It wasn’t anything all-time bad but it wasn’t something I’d watch if I had the choice.

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• Jeremy Borash is in the back with the newly-heel’d Beer Money Inc. They say Hogan and Bischoff have shoved Beer Money to the side. Roode asks if that’s any way to treat the best tag team today. Storm says Bischoff gave them an opportunity. That was against the founder of TNA. Tonight Bischoff gave them another opportunity and it’s against Hernandez. Storm says nice guys finish last and they’re tired of being nice guys.

Jeff Jarrett is out to ref the next match. James Storm and Robert Roode join him in the ring shortly after. Hernandez (who has wacky music) makes his entrance after.

Match Five
Hernandez v. Beer Money Inc.
Special Guest Ref: Jeff Jarrett

Storm and Roode attack Hernandez before he can even get in the ring. Storm tears Hernandez’s shirt and slaps him in the face. Roode kicks Hernandez as Jarrett tries to get Roode on the apron. Storm attacks Roode but Matt Morgan’s appearance on the ramp stops him. Morgan goes to the broadcast area so Storm and Roode continue their assault. Roode covers Hernandez and gets a two count.

James Storm chokes Hernandez on the mat. Jarrett takes him off but Roode chokes Hernandez after. Storm and Roode beat down Hernandez against the bottom rope. Robert Roode holds Hernandez down allows Storm to punch him. Storm and Roode take turns punching Hernandez in the face. Roode and Storm take time off to talk trash but continue with a kick to Hernandez’s head. Hernandez mounts some offense with a clothesline to both members. Super Mex lifts Roode but Roode punches him in the face. Roode bounces off the ropes but Hernandez takes him down with a shoulderblock. Stinger Splash to Storm in the corner. He misses and attack on Roode in the corner so Roode climbs the turnbuckle. Hernandez catches Roode on the crossbody attempt. Storm stops Hernandez and Beer Money try a double team suplex. Hernandez reverses and takes them down with a suplex. Hernandez tries a Border Toss but James Storm is there with a Superkick. DWI from Beer Money to Hernandez is followed up by a pin by Robert Roode. Jarrett reluctantly makes the three count.

WINNERS: Beer Money Inc
Another not-so-good match. I don’t think anyone expected much from handicap match anyways.

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• Jarrett reluctantly raises the hands of Beer Money after the match. Storm and Roode continue their assault on Hernandez. Jarrett tries to talk them out of it but Storm tosses him to the mat. Jeff Jarrett untucks his shirt and punches James Storm. He attacks Robert Roode. He headbutts the two heels against each other and Super Mex comes flying in with a springboard clothesline.

• Bischoff walks in the back with some hair clippers.

• We return from commercial to see Eric Bischoff in the center of the ring with a barber chair. He says he will take care of Jeff Jarrett next week. Bischoff says it’s time to clean up the look of the company. He says he’s tried to make something out of Mick Foley and it’s impossible. He has decided to take matters into his own hand and calls Foley out for the shave.

Foley walks down the ramp as Tenay and Taz discuss Foley’s attempts to obey Eric Bischoff. Foley sits in the chair and Bischoff starts the process. Mick Foley stops him and shows us he has Mr. Socko on his hand. He applies the mandible claw to Eric Bischoff and Bischoff is knocked out on the chair. Foley picks up the clippers and shaves Eric Bischoff. Bischoff eventually wakes up and Foley taunts him with a mirror. Bischoff shouts some junk at Foley who walks away, admiring himself in the mirror.

• Recap of the events that just transpired.

• Christy Hemme is in the back with the Prince of Punk, Shannon Moore. He says the X Division will be spotlighted more than ever at Destination X. He says he follows the book of something and tells Christy Hemme to Google it. He says he’ll be the next TNA X Division Champion and welcomes Doug Williams to Glam Rock.

• The Ultimate X is set up in the ring. The Motor City Machine Guns are in the ring. Sabin says Sunday will be a night to remember. We learn the winners of the Ultimate X match between the Guns and Generation Me will become number one contenders to the tag straps. Sabin says the rise of the Guns will start with Generation Me. Sabin says they aren’t on his level and haven’t done anything to deserve this match. He asks who have they beaten which probably isn’t smart since I believe Generation Me have a win over the Guns.

Jeremy and Max Buck are out now. Max Buck brings up their win over the Guns. Shelley says he remembers that but it was luck. He says Generation Me is good, but not great. The Guns, on the other hand, are great. They are the X Box to Generation Me’s Atari’s. He then says they spent a night with Max and Jeremy’s girlfriends and the two teams brawl. Brian Kendrick runs down and attacks Generation Me. Amazing Red is out now and he nails a shoulderblock on Kendrick. Red gets some offense but Daniels comes in and takes out Amazing Red. Apparently there’s a ladder match to determine the number one contender and Daniels, Red and Kendrick are all in. Kazarian is in with a ladder now, he throws it at Daniels and beats him down with punches. The Guns remove Kazarian but the Bucks takes out the Guns. Max and Jeremy climb Ultimate X and throw themselves onto the Guns. Inside the ring, Kazarian tosses Daniels to the outside, Red takes out Kendrick and Generation Me set up the ladder. Amazing Red climbs it and launches himself at the heels. We get a replay of the nice looking spot. The faces celebrate on the ladder and that ends a great promo that sold Sunday’s PPV perfectly.

• Jeremy Borash is in the back with Abyss. He says X marks the spot when he finally gets his hand on AJ Styles. Abyss discusses Styles and Flair’s attempt to take the ring away from Abyss. Abyss is ecstatic because someone is finally jealous of him. Abyss says they can’t have it and it’s his time. It’s his turn to take and he’s going to take AJ’s title belt. Abyss hopes Flair gets involved tonight because he’s going to show him what it’s like to go face to face with the monster of the ring. Abyss asks WATCHA GONNA DO when the Monster Abyss runs wild (and crazy) on them.

• We see Jeff Hardy prepping backstage for the match. Taz and Tenay keep on calling this a big time dream match but I’m pretty sure the two have locked up in TNA before. Hardy is just a lot more established now.

• Abyss is out first for the main event. I still don’t really like the American Made music but there’s nothing anyone can do. Oh well. AJ Styles makes his entrance after. Still rocking the robe. Unlike Abyss’ music, that has started to kind of catch on with me. Taz asks why AJ Styles would make a match with Jeff Hardy when he has a main event title defense against Abyss on Sunday. Jeff Hardy is out after Styles to complete the main event participants. We get a commercial break before the match. Kind of bad timing but that’s to be expected of TNA.

Match Six
Jeff Hardy v. AJ Styles
Special Enforcer: Abyss

The bell rings and Styles gets on offense early with punches. In the corner, Styles chops Hardy in the chest. Styles whips Jeff into the corner and runs into two Jeff Hardy boots. Clothesline from Hardy to Styles. Body slam. Hardy climbs the ropes and comes down with a successful legdrop. He covers and gets a two count.

Chinlock applied by Jeff Hardy. Styles gets to his feet and takes Hardy into the corner causing the rope break. Styles kicks Hardy in the midsection. He follows that up with punches and more chops. Hardy reverses momentum and throws some chops of his own. Hardy tries to send Styles into the corner but Styles reverses. Hardy goes up top but Styles sends him to the outside. Flair tries to get involved but Abyss stares him down. AJ Styles teases a dive but he stops. Hardy drags himself into the ring and Styles meets him with a kick. Elbow to the back by Styles. Hardy gets to his feet and lands some punches. Dropkick by Styles to Hardy. Styles covers but only lands a two count.

Styles lifts the right leg of Jeff Hardy and kicks the base. He puts Hardy’s foot on the rope and comes down on it. He tries it again but Hardy kicks him to the outside. Styles uses the ropes for a jawbreaker. He gets back inside and applies a chinlock to Jeff Hardy. Hardy gets to his feet and elbows Styles. Styles stuns him with an elbow and tries to whip him. Variation of a neckbreaker by Hardy. Hardy ducks a Styles boot and connects with two forearms. He attacks with a front suplex that drops Styles to the mat. Dropkick in the corner into Styles’ chest. Hardy covers and gets a two.

Both men up. Hardy turns around a Styles whip but Styles attacks with an elbow. Chop by Styles is followed up with a punch. Brainbuster from Styles to Hardy. He covers and gets a two count. Styles lifts Hardy and takes him into the corner. Hardy gets out of the grasp and lands a Whisper in the Wind. Two count. Jeff Hardy signals for the Twist of Fate. Styles squirms out and lands the Pele kick. Styles lets Hardy get to his feet and charges him. Styles gets put on the apron by Hardy but he comes with a springboard clothesline. Both Hardy and the ref are knocked down. Styles rolls to the outside and grabs a chair. Abyss stops him. AJ goes for a springboard 450 but misses. Twist of Fate by Hardy. Hardy climbs the ropes and comes down with the Swanton for the win.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy
Easily the best match of the night but that isn’t saying much. It was a solid match that didn’t give away too much in case these two guys feuded in the future.

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• Flair attacks Hardy and Abyss after with a steel chair. Abyss falls on the ramp so Flair gives chase and attacks with the chair. Abyss hulks up as Flair strikes more with the chair. Abyss punches the chair and gives Flair the finger point of doom. He chokeslams Naitch into the ramp, breaking it in the process. Abyss looks at his ring and points at AJ Styles, who looks scared to end the program.

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Quick Results

» The Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart def. Team 3D and Brother Runt [Pinfall, Hart pinned Brother Ray]
» Kurt Angle and D’Angelo Dinero def. Ken Anderson and Desmond Wolfe [Pinfall, Dinero pinned Wolfe]
» Angelina Love def. Daffney [DQ, Beautiful People interference]
» Scott Hall won Kevin Nash’s Five Minute Challenge [Time limit]
» Beer Money Inc def. Hernandez [Pinfall, Roode pinned Hernandez]
» Jeff Hardy def. AJ Styles [Pinfall, Swanton Bomb]