411’s TNA Impact Report 06.04.09

TNA Impact is taped before a live studio audience.

Lauren is in the back with Shane Douglas. He promises to make his mark on TNA.

Kiyoshi & Abdul Bashir vs. Christopher Daniels & Suicide

Bashir and Daniels start it off, with the Iranian being hit with some jabs and a leg lariat for a two count. A gutwrench suplex is next for the Fallen Angel, and then Suicide tags in for a guillotine legdrop. Kiyoshi manages to cut off the faces’ momentum with a kick to the head from the apron, which the Sheik follows up with a lariat. Generic double teaming in the corner sets up a tag between the foreigners, and Kiyoshi takes his opponent down with a faceplant. Bashir is back in quickly, and he lands a scoop slam for his team’s first nearfall. Kiyoshi comes back in to the ring, but Suicide catches him with a capture suplex and tags in Daniels. Chris runs wild on the heels and takes the former Akira Raijin down with a spinning heel kick and an STO. Bashir makes the save, but the bad guys screw up an avalanche spot, allowing Daniels to hit a bulldog/clothesline combo. Suicide reenters the ring and gets a Finlay Roll to set up a Daniels quebrada, but that only gets two thanks to a Bashir save. Suicide takes the Sheik out of the equation with a tope. Bashir feigns having injured his ankle as a result of the dive, which allows the Motor City Machine Guns, Jay Lethal, and Consequences Creed to run in and drag Suicide to the back. With Slick Johnson still distracted and the X Division Champ nowhere to be seen, Shane Douglas sneaks in to the ring and hits Daniels with a chain. That gives Kiyoshi the pin.

Winners: Kiyoshi & Abdul Bashir

Shane Douglas cuts a promo in the ring. He says that he’s a huge TNA fan but that he felt disrespected when the company gave Christopher Daniels a second chance instead of him. The Franchise blames that on politics, claiming that somebody in the company’s management doesn’t like him. He demands the second chance that he never got and claims that he’ll keep beating up the Fallen Angel until he gets it.

Mick Foley is with Jeremy Borash. JB explains that Foley is lobbying to change the “TNA rulebook” so that his championship will only have to be defended once a year as opposed to once a month. The Micker tries to compare it the Superbowl or the World Series, which each only happen once a year. Kip James, not doing his Cute Kip gimmick anymore, interrupts. He says that he needs to work to support his kids and asks Foley for a job. The Hardcore Legend says that he’ll see what he can do.

Kevin Nash walks in at this point, claiming that Foley has to be high for making his match against Samoa Joe tonight a cage match. Big Daddy Cool refuses to participate, and he won’t “do it for the ratings” as Foley suggests. Ultimately, Nash is convinced to do the match for four times his normal payoff. Foley concludes the segment by saying that, when he said things were tight financially earlier in the segment, he meant that they were tight for Kip.

Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Chris Sabin, and Alex Shelley are with Lauren. Sabin and Creed will be facing Beer Money tonight, and Sabin explains that they might not like each other but that they will set aside their differences for the evening, just like they will set them aside when they go after Suicide at Slammiversary. Consequences says more of the same and claims that, though Beer Money can wrestle, tonight he and Sabin will be flying.

Consequences Creed w/ Jay Lethal & Chris Sabin w/ Alex Shelley vs. Beer Money (James Storm & Bobby Roode)

Sabin and Roode kick it off. There’s an armbar by the Canuk to start, but Sabin flips out of it and runs the ropes, only to eat a shoulderblock. Hiptossery from Roode is next, and Storm gets a blind tag to set up the Beer Money double suplex. Creed tags in as well, and Storm gives him a facebuster/uranage combination for two. The men exchange punches, and Storm looks to get the better of things . . . but Sabin yanks the Cowboy down by his hair from the apron. The Michigander legally comes in quickly thereafter but does nothing aside from some token chokin’ before tagging right back out. Somersault clothesline by creed gets one. The heels try a bit of double teaming, landing moves on Storm in the corner before trying stereo slingshot maneuvers. They collide in midair, though, allowing Beer to tag out to Money. Roode backdrops some bitches and hits a spinebuster on Creed for a nearfall. Storm dispatches Sabin to the outside while their partners run in to each other in between the ropes. The referee gets distracted by an unidentified person, and the British Invasion strolls down to ringside. Team 3D cuts them off, and, back in the ring, Sabin accidentally hits Creed with a Yakuza kick. That leads to Beer Money’s DWI for the three count.

Winners:: James Storm & Bobby Roode

Lauren is walking with the Beautiful People before our next break.

When we come back from the commercial, the three Beautiful People are triple-teaming Tara backstage. However, Velvet Sky accidentally gets hair spray in Madison’s eyes, and Tara takes out the lower tier of the stable before threatening Angelina Love. The champ runs off before anything can come of it, though.

Mike Tenay and Don West run down the rest of the card for the evening (Daffney vs. Wilde, MEM Interview, Joe vs. Nash) before plugging some live events and the pay per view.

Lauren is interviewing Daffney. She asks if Daffney couldn’t have just talked over whatever problems she had with Taylor. Daffney responds by saying that no, she couldn’t because she’s crazy . . . and crazy people don’t have control over what they do. She knows that she has to hurt Taylor tonight because “they” are telling her to.

We cut to Mike Tenay doing a pre-taped, sit-down interview with the Main Event Mafia. He asks them about the “hit list” that Samoa Joe has established. Nash claims that he’ll walk out of the match with Joe tonight, and he’s going to get paid doing it. Booker T’s comment is that, if the Mafia gets hit, they’re going to hit back. Steiner can’t believe that a “fat son of a bitch” is calling them all out, while Kurt Angle claims that the Samoan will be hurt. Sting intervenes, though, and says that nobody will be hurting Joe. Instead, they’ll be doing things his way . . .

We get a video recap of Daffney going insane and Abyss turning on Doctor Stevie.

Daffney vs. Taylor Wilde

Wilde starts off by cheap shotting Daffney, kicking her legs out from under her while she’s on the apron. That sets up the former WCW Cruiserweight Champion being whipped in to the ring steps, and Taylor gets two back on the inside. Before we can get much further, Raven and Stevie come through the entrance tube, allowing Daffney to take control. She hits a big kick in the corner but misses a second rope elbowdrop, allowing Wilde to land her missile dropkick. A rolling cradle gets two for Taylor, and she follows it up with a bodyslam. The Canadian tries to ascend the ropes again, but Richards distracts her and allows Daffney to pull her opponent off of the ropes. Up next, Daffney hits the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for the win. The heels continue the violence after the bell, but Lauren runs out to stop them.

Winner: Daffney

Raven gets the mic once Lauren gets Taylor out of the ring, and he says that his reunion with Richards has been every wrestling fan’s wet dream for the last ten years. He and Stevie are going after Abyss because he refused to follow doctors orders.

A recap of the Eric Young/Jeff Jarrett storyline is shown, with footage going all the way back to the weekly pay per view days and all of EY’s intervening comedy gimmicks.

Jarrett is in the ring now, and he calls out Eric Young. Double J says that he gave Young the opportunity that he wanted last week and that he is a great wrestler . . . but Jeff won the match. Jarrett attempts to give his good friend a fatherly lecture, eventually saying that the two men can chalk up Young’s attack on him last week to inexperience or they can take it as far as Young wants to go. EY responds by talking about Jarrett being a father figure for him the past, because his own father moved away to Cuba when he was a young child. Eric says that Jarrett has it all and that he’s been living the American dream . . . but his own childhood wasn’t that different than Jarrett’s. JJ’s wrestling promoter father was also an absentee dad, leading the younger Jarrett to swear he would never become like his old man. Young claims that Jeff IS just like his father, though, booking TNA around himself and forcing his three children to take a backseat to his career. That’s enough for Jarrett, as he slaps Young. This leads to a pull-apart brawl, which features Jarrett punching Earl Hebner square in the face.

Backstage, Mick Foley is still with Borash, and they were watching the Jarrett/Young brawl. Foley claims that, because Jarrett is crazy and manhandling officials, he needs security. As if on cue, the former MEM bodyguards walk in to the room.

A recap of Jesse Neal’s time in the military and his professional wrestling training is shown. He gets an interview with Lauren as well, and Neal claims that wrestling training with Rhino was far more difficult than boot camp. Tonight, he’ll the spirit of his best friend with him in the ring when he takes on Matt Morgan.

Matt Morgan vs. Jesse Neal

Neal’s parents are shown in the crowd as he grabs a headlock and kicks Morgan in the midsection. A quick rollup from the rookie follows, but Morgan reverses headlock number two in to a back suplex. The former Tough Enough cast member follows it up with some back elbows in the corner and an avalanche. Neal walks himself right in to a sidewalk slam, and that sets up a huge snake eyes in the corner. The Blueprint gets big air with a standing dropkick and goes for the cover, though he pulls Neal up at two. A Morgan argument with the referee allows Neal to hit some right hands, but Morgan comes back immediately with the Carbon Footprint to end the match.

Winner: Matt Morgan

Cody Deaner is at his camp in Bucksnort, Tennessee with ODB, who is ready to train him to be a professional wrestler. Deaner bench presses paint cans, squats beer kegs, and punches a bag, all while wearing Zubaz and a fanny pack.

Mick Foley hits the hexagon alongside his new security detail. The Micker books Samoa Joe versus both Scott Steiner and Booker T for next week as well as a King of the Mountain qualifying match between Sting and Kurt Angle. Foley is still angry with Jeff Jarrett, both because he’s snapped and because Jarrett’s actions have resulted in Earl Henber potentially never being able to referee again. The TNA majority shareholder claims that next week there will be a “hardcore” reaction to Double J’s sucker punch of the official.

Jeremy Borash is now with Sting. The Stinger tries to talk about his coming bout with Angle, but Matt Morgan cuts him off and campaigns to become the newest member of the Main Event Mafia. Mr. Borden says that joining the Mafia is all about respect and that the Blueprint will not be a part of the group until he finds his respect. Morgan, however, believes that he won’t make it in to the faction until he’s a former champion.

When we come back from the break, Mike Tenay informs us that the Steiner vs. Joe and Joe vs. Booker matches next week have been made in to first blood matches. Steiner is interviewed and says that he’s not going to bleed because he’s not going to stand there like a punching bag. Sharmell walks in to the room, complaining that Jenna has been hogging her mirror.

Samoa Joe vs. Kevin Nash in a Lethal Lockdown/King of the Mountain Qualifying Match

Joe misses his entrance the first time around because he is backstage talking to a “mystery advisor.” When he does get to the ring, he immediately grabs a kendo stick, and Nash has one of his own. The two men duel, with the Samoan largely getting the upper hand until Nash backs him in to the corner for some kneelifts and a stick-assisted chokehold. The former Diesel hits his trademark elbows in the corner but misses the last in the series, allowing Joe to land some punches as we go to a commercial break. When the show returns to the air, Joe is still jabbing, though Nash quickly turns the tables with a low blow. He then grabs ahold of a garbage can lid and puts it to use on the former ROH Champion. That gets him a trio of two counts, but Joe fires back with a lid-shot of his own and follows it up by going to the eyes. Nash nails him with the lid again, and now the seven footer brings the kendo stick back in to play. He misses with a big shot, and Joe answers with a flying kick/senton/kneedrop sequence en route to slapping on a chinlock. Joe eventually releases the hold and snags a hockey stick, which he breaks over Nash’s back for the three count.

Winner: Samoa Joe

Joe grabs the mic and says “Nash is done” to close the show.