411’s Tough Enough Report 6.21.01

Well it looks like you all get me twice a week now. Let’s hope this show is worth the effort.

We have an opening. WWF guys (and Chyna) introduce the show.

Montage of the 3 minute audition tapes are shown… oh boy. Just think, there might have been some worse than these. Some chick with booblies the size of a child wants to Stupify us…I suggest you run.

Now we go to the live auditions at WWF New York. 230 people have been chosen and show up at 6:00 a.m.?… that would have eliminated me right away. We chat with some of the people in line. Jamie “The Wrestling Pastor” gives Tennesseans a bad name. They brought their own gimmicks too… great. Well it’s nice to see some of these guys actually have been in a gym.

We run through the judges, which includes instructors Tazz, Al Snow, and Jackie. Some MTV geeks are there because it’s their network I guess. Kevin Dunn and John “Big” Gaburick from the WWF round out the panel. Al tells us he’s looking for charisma (insert Al Snow joke here) and physique. Now… send in the clowns!

Jackie asks someone to drop his pants. Tazz punks on some girl named Nidia, then Jackie tears into her. This Greg character has the “look”… I say he’s in.

We start our tests with the “rope test”, which involves touching the bottom rope and shuffling across the ring. Some of these people make me look like Atlas. This one guy falls down in the middle of the ring. Tazz immediately asks what makes him think he can hang in the WWF… he did NOT just say he the endurance… yeah he did. Tazz rags on him a bit for being out of shape.

Now we go to “Overweight Uncoordinated People Jumping Rope”. Let’s see how many fall on their ass… did that chick just lose her hair?

We have the interview portion of the show. This one guy named Josh flips into the ring… show off. Tazz punks him out and he thinks it’s cool.

Commercials… Has anyone actually seen The Animal?

We have more auditions when we come back. This Victoria chick talks about cutting other chicks with bottle caps in water polo… Al seems impressed. Later we have William who wants to be a role model. His father died and his brother is involved in gang activity. He kind of looks like Elix Skipper in a way.

Now have “Overweight Uncoordinated People Jumping Over A Heavy Bag”. One guy’s pants fall off.

Next we have more interviews starting with this guy Jason who is put together. Tazz asks him about his girlfriend and if she’s ok with him being gone. Jason says “yes she is” because it’s his dream. Now we go to Shadrick who’s apparently looking to hook up… which cracks up Tazz. A very nervous girl named Kristy follows. She has trouble reading her lines she wrote on her arm. She rhymes some in her promo… cleaver. More dorks on parade follow including: a dude rolling his stomach (ugh… ok) and two chicks who grab a hold of each other either looking to take each other down or lez out.

Al talks some more about charisma. This guys Maven winks at Jackie and gets harrassed about it. Some chick from Australia came 22hrs… damn. WOO HOO! Next we have the boobs! Bobby Jo wants to pose for Playboy… one thing at a time dear.

More Commercials

More contestants come and go. We meet Darryl, who’s 6’7”, and Tom who’s already decided he’s a heel. Al talks about the ability to jump into a character.

… And speaking of characters we have Kenneth “The Evil Custodian”. Who cuts a promo about how he disinfects toilets and get unappreciated. Was his hero T.L. Hopper? Tazz cracks up again. More people come through… ahhhhhhrrrg… “MARIA” STILL WANTS TO STUPIFY US! RUN! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!

Some guy comes in as the illegitimate son of Vince McMahon. This guys nuts and is built like a whooping crane.

Tazz talks and makes fun of some guy in the ring howling. Tazz then begins getting pissed because people are bitching about waiting for their time. He storms into the waiting room and tells them if they don’t like it… get out!

More Commercials

Now we have… more contestants. Some guy from Harvard who’s trained with Kowalski, shows up. More dorks on parade and we’re finally done.

Now we go to “The List”. People are lined up outside to see if they made the cut to 25. Some people laugh, others cry.

Gaburick talks to the 25. He tells them they’ll get full physicals and then interviews. He also tells them to be themselves.

We talk to the contestants. They tell us a little about themselves. Josh talks about masturbating 4 times a day… ouch! The chafing must be hell.

The Judges narrow down the contestants to the final 13. And they’ll be named right after…

More Commercials

We talk to some of the contestants as they go to WWF New York for the final call. Stephanie McMahon comes out to announce the finalists. Does she ever wear a bra? Anyway… and the winners are: “Master” Josh, Jason, Victoria, Maven, Taylor, Chris, Shadrick, Bobby “BoObY” Jo, another Chris, Paulina (who’s 6’3” and looking for you too Widro), Nidia, Darryl, and Tom.

We see some of the rejected ones leave. Stephanie congratulates the finalists and takes a picture.

Now we go to the house in Stamford. 12 people are there. Tom had second thoughts and dropped out, so Greg takes his place. We go inside the house and the crew settles in. Now the REAL fun begins!

Not a bad first show. I felt like I just recapped a 8-man Lucha Libre match. Time to get some rest.

… and we’re out!