411’s WWE Experience Report 09.25.05

WWE Experience Report
September 25, 2005 A.D.
Live (?) from: Times Square, New York, NY
Host: Todd Grisham

On tap for ‘The Experience’:

– Video encapsulation of RAW
– Dirty pool on SmackDown!
– Stone Cold!!

Todd names Oklahoma City, OK “the most exciting city on earth” and Wichita Falls, TX “the third most exciting city” ….. ….. for one respective night only, in conjunction with their hosting of ‘Unforgiven’ and RAW this past week! Apparently the above makes a lot of sense to Todd, since he led the show with it; what makes sense to me, however, is his unusually staid attire for the morning, a conservative plain white dress shirt (albeit with slightly rolled-up sleeves), and deep brown slacks.

Feature #1: Highlight from RAW: Singles Contest: Trish Stratus w/ Ashley Massaro vs. Torrie Wilson w/ Candice Michelle & Victoria

JIP …. Trish dumps Torrie to the outside, gives chase, and Wilson because caught betwixt Stratus and Massaro; Trish engages, whilst Massaro takes out the oncoming Michelle & Victoria with a double clothesline! Trish rolls Wilson back into the ring and rocks her with a couple right hands to the SE corner; a pair of boots later and Trish licks her hand before back-hand chopping Torrie; IW to the SW corner, and Stratus calls for the ten punch, although Victoria knocks her off the turnbuckle! Rollup by Torrie! 1 …….. 2 ………. 2.44! Torrie argues that the had actually held Trish down at the count of three ….. Trish rolls Torrie up! 1 …….. 2 ………….. 3!!

Afterwards, Candice racks Ashley’s neck across her shoulders, shortly before Wilson sends her down for the X-Factor! Victoria peaks Trish’s widow, meanwhile, and the heels roll out dominant.

Todd “hankers” that the dispute between these five females is not over. He also reiterates Vince McMahon’s statement from RAW that the General Manager lacks the authority to strip Championship Titles ….. then how exactly did Kurt Angle strip John Cena of the U.S. Title last summer?

Feature #2: Highlight from RAW: A Championship in limbo

Bischoff tries to hand the belt to King Kurt, but Vince struts on out, and declares Cena the rightful Champion. He then tells Bischoff to quit complaining and shut up — to the degree that he’ll have to face Cena himself! Oh yeah, because that’ll learn him.

Up Next: Mr. Kennedy finds a legitimate opponent

Commercials:

-Upcoming RAW schedule; feel the action & intensity: Waco, TX; El Paso, TX; Odessa, TX; Abilene, TX; Dallas, TX. An experience like no other.
-Trash Talk is “at an all-time high” on the Ultimate Fighter!!
-Oh that dastardly Matt Hughes.
-A young female realises she’d much rather be a trucker, then continue to engage in her current waste of time, i.e. pursuing a Master’s degree.
-Glass what?

JBL made a homecoming to Texas this past Friday on SmackDown!, taking the opportunity to criticise numerous individuals, including one Rey Mysterio, Jr., whom he suspects wears a mask in order to evade INS. However, it wasn’t Mr. Layfield taking on Mysterio on this week’s episode of SD!, oh no, it was one ………

Mr. Kennedy!

Feature #3: Highlight from SmackDown!: Singles Contest: “Mr.” Ken Kennedy vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

This match is joined in progress, although we do get the spot of a microphone dropping from the rafter and Kennedy announcing himself to the adulative crowd.

JIP …… Rey comes up fighting, maneuvering past Kennedy to the apron, where he connects with the Springboard Buttdrop!! 1 ………2 ………………… 2.91!! Mysterio responds by going for a flying DDT …… Kennedy plants him! 1 ……….2 …………….. Rey gets his foot on the rope! Kennedy charges Rey, dives head first down to the middle rope, 6 1 …. No, Kennedy vacates the predicament, so Rey simply goes up top ….. wait, what’s this? JBL’s out here on a stallion waving his hat??

Kennedy utilizes the distraction to climb alongside Mysterio atop the NE turnbuckle, and he’s got him set up! SUPER SAMOAN ROLL@!#!! 1 …………..2 ………………. 3!!

Up Next: Deadman in Waiting

Commercials:

-John Cena’s debut CD is still available; I don’t know why for whatever reason you’ve waiting so long in purchasing the disc, but go out and buy it today!
–Doom 3 ……
-Me and my buddy are so rolling up to the movie theatre with a couple controllers and doing it up Co-op style

Feature #4: The SmackDown LowDown!

Sylvain Grenier is disappointed in Stacy & Christy’s fashion sense; Bob Holly takes up for the disparaged (and possibly besmirched) ladies, and challenges Grenier! —- Simon Dean takes on newcomer Bobby Lashley, who debuts in classic style defeating the fitness guru —- Booker defeats Captain Charisma via the heel antics of his wife, and he may even turn evil himself! —-

Todd admits some degree of validity resides in Sharmell’s argument that he is deserving of Title Gold, although he reminds us that Benoit’s current adversary is still rearin’ to go ….

Feature #5: Highlight from SmackDown!: Singles Contest for the Heavyweight Championship of the United States: Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit (c)

Shown in its entirety …. Referee Jimmy Corderis presiding, he shows the Title Belt to all parties considered, and the Red Raiders in attendance engage in a robust chant of “YOU TAPPED OUT.” Jordan stalls to begin, but catches a hard right from Benoit at about 21 seconds, and ties Benoit up in the ropes around 32 secs. Jordan is quite pleased with himself for the progress he has made … and Benoit jumps him from behind!! CROSS-FACE@!! Will …. he ………. YESS!#!!! Jordan taps out at about 48.2 seconds, although the official WWE time clock runs till about 49.8. I’m guessing all these 1.5 – 2.0 second discrepancies we’ve been experiencing in this series is due to the time elapsed between Jordan actually striking the canvas with his palm, and the tolling of the ring bell.

Todd now has some coffee to sip on, though he appears none the more chipper (after all, his primary occupation in life is hosting this television show … let that sink in for a few minutes), before giving way to yet more highlighted action from SD! …..

Feature #6: Highlight from SmackDown!: Surprise Dates from Tartarus

Randy strides out to the ring, strikes a pose, and grabs the mic from Big Papi Bob. Randy now asks him to open up the casket, and it appears to be the UT body double mannequin from last week. Orton continues now, lecturing on wrestling theory; what is it that separates the real main event players from the pretending riff-raff? It’s mind games and Randy Orton proved last week that he is a prime practitioner of them.

But wait …… the camera shifts over to the casket ….. and an eye winks at young Randy behind his back!! The crowd awaken to the identity of the entity in the casket, yet the Orton clan simply tries to quite the crowd down …… Randy walks over …… GOOZLE!! Get out of here, son! Taker SLINGS Randy into the casket!!

Randy extricates himself just in time, as he and Bob simply want to prevent themselves from suffering any further embarrassment!

Up Next: That’s Cool

Commercials:

-Upcoming SmackDown! schedule; feel the action & intensity: Laredo, TX; Austin, TX; Houston, TX. An experience like no other.
-I just saw this flash up on the screen: vonage.com/freeoffer
-I don’t know what it is, but if it’s free, isn’t it my duty to offer it to you, my faithful readers?
-Piercing analysis: would any 20-something cohort of Jessica Alba’s really be capable of finding over $10 million worth of sunken treasure?

WWE Rewind: New Tag Champions! By Golly!

Feature #7: Highlight from RAW: Singles Contest for the Heavyweight Championship of the Intercontinents: Carlito “Caribbean Cool” vs. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair

JIP ……. Flair’s eye is looking quite ragged, though it doesn’t seem to slow him up as he GOES TO THE TOP ROPE …… and Flair hits a flying clothesline!! WHATT??? Chop block! Carlito’s in trouble, his left knee nearly crumpled beneath his own weight ….ohh, Carlito drops the ropes to send Flair to the floor, where he beats on the older man for a couple minutes ……. Back inside now …… Flair punts Carlito below the belt!! FIGURE-FOUR .. whoooo! … LEGLOCK !! Will Carli …. YESS!@!! Cool taps!

Backstage Carlito confronts Ric with a bunch of gibberish, the only discernable phrase being “that’s not cool,” and the two throw down! They exchange hard rights for a good while until …. THE MASTERPIECE runs in! Masters owns Flair for a solid couple minutes, and man, Flair is OUT.

Up Next: Eddie’s under the weather

Commercials:

-Oh man, Triple H is coming back to RAW in just 8 days!!
-*MARKS OUT*
–Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks is rated M for mature. That’ll show them kiddies.
-bodog.net, where poker is always free.
-“bodog.net” ? … a poker site?? Who’s registering these domain names, I swear.

Todd comes back, seated before a nice scantly-leaved bush surrounded by a bunch of mulch, and comments that he’s not sure about this whole “Eddie / Dave friends thing.” I don’t know what you’re talking about, Grisham.

Feature #8: Highlight from SmackDown!: MAIN EVENT Tag Team Contest: Heavyweight Champion of the World Dave Batista & #1 Contender to the Heavyweight Championship of the World Eddie Guerrero vs. M.N.M. (Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro) w/ Melina Perez

JIP …. M.N.M. circles around Dave, and Nitro, the newly-tagged legal man, comes in from the corner to kick Batista right in his jaw. Tag to Mercury, as Eddie claps his approval, and Mercury lands a neckbreaker, followed up by a high knee drop ……. 1 …….2 …… 2.23! Mercury connects with a second neckbreaker, and a tag back in to Nitro ….

Double Team Suplex! Nitro hooks a leg ………1 ……..2 ………… 2.34! Nitro pounds on the back of Dave’s left knee in the SW corner, before continuing to engage the larger man with a series of punches and stomps …. Dave ROCKETS out of the corner to tackle Nitro!! Tag to Mercury, while Dave is bereft of any partner to bring into the fray …… Dave picks Mercury up, and rams him into the NW corner .. Nitro runs in and he receives the same treatment! Batista now clotheslines BOTH men, first together, then separately ……. Dave picks Mercury up, drops him upon spying Nitro’s running approach …….. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSSTA@!! to Nitro! DEMON SPAWN BOMB OF HORRIFIC GLOOM to Mercury!%#!! ……

BLIND TAG by Eddie Guerrero!!@!! FROG SPLASH!#!*!! 1 ……….. 2 …………….. 3!!

Dave acts a bit perturbed at Eddie having “stolen” his victory, but isn’t it a team effort? What, is Dave not a team player? And isn’t he supposed to be Mr. Gregarious, Affable Dave anyways?

Up Next: Eight men getting’ it on

Commercials:

-Oh geez, I just re-read that and it’s disturbing.
-The most grueling team challenge on ‘Ultimate Fighter 2!’
-Umm …. it appears they’re tying stuff around the guys’ feet.
-TNA Impact! commercial … ……. and it actually features voice-over this time! Score!

Whoaa …. the camera is lain on the sidewalk, as Todd crouches down, catching him at a 40 degree angle! Super Sweet!@!!

Feature #9: Stone Cold / Bern

Stone Cold Steve Austin was a recent guest on the Bernie Mac Show, instructing Bernie’s nephew “Jordan” how to wrestle. Austin is wearing some Under Armour and places Jordan in a choke hold, and then talks about drinking beer. Looks like a good episode.

Todd informs us how great ‘Unforgiven’ was. I’m sure it was. However, we got a conflation of events from ‘UF,’ this past Monday on RAW, in the form of an Eight-Man Tag Team Match!

Feature #10: Highlight from RAW: MAIN EVENT Eight Man Tag Team Contest: Matt Hardy, ‘The Heart Break Kid’ Shawn Michaels, Big Show, and WWE Champion John Cena vs. Edge, ‘The Masterpiece’ Chris Masters, Gene Snitksy, and Kurt Angle

JIP …… Masters works over Michaels’ left ankle, before moving on to the knee and stomping it a bit. Tag to Angle, now, who tears at Shawn’s face before sinking his claws down Michaels a bit, into a rear chinlock, … Michaels punches out! Shawn attempting to .. BACKDROP suplex by Michaels! Angle is out! Shawn is out! 1 … 2…. 3 ……… 4 ……… both men stir …..5 . ……..6 …… Michaels is up! He refuses the tag, instead going toe to toe with Angle, each man throwing right hands … ANGLE SLAM!! Kurt . ANKLE LOCK!! Michaels kicks out, and now he wants the tag to Cena …… but Edge SPEARS him before Shawn can get there! ENZIGUIRI to Edge from Michaels! Both men are now out on the canvas, as referee Mike Chioda counts another double KO …. And Big Show is climbing on up the apron to the tag rope ….. and Michaels reaches him! Big right hand from Show to Edge, same to Masters and Snitsky; Show has Edge up in the SW corner ….. overhand chop! IW to Angle into Edge …. Running HO TRAIN attack to Snitsky and Masters who were tied up in the opposite corner …. CHOKESLA ……. No! Snitsky punts Show downstairs! SPEAR by Edge to Show ….. 1 …………2 ……………… 2.76!!! Now, ALL four guys pound on Show in an attempt to finally put him down, though he simply SHOVES them all aside. Running buddies Matt Hardy & John Cena now run in to assist Show in his handicapped endeavour, with Hardy even beseeching Show to toss him to the outside, right on top of both Snitsky and Masters!

Wait! Edge has his briefcase …. WHIFF! Protoplex by Cena! Edge is temporarily blinded .. fistdrop! …. CHOKESLAM by Show! Show pins Edge, as does Cena …. and Hardy ……. as well as Michaels! 1 ………2 ………………. 3!!!

Todd puts over the return to USA on October 3, while completely ignoring the episode of RAW set to air this Monday Night. He then points to a poster of Triple H emblazoned upon what appears to be some sort of periodical dispenser, which to me appears wholly dichotomous. He then tears up for reasons unbeknownst to me, but for whatever reason why …….. he is OUT!