411’s WWE Raw Report 05.19.2008

411’s Raw Report 05.19.2008

Featuring Rodney the Piper and the apparent firing of William Regal

Hi there folks. This, believe it or not, will be the first WWE show I’ve seen since the last time I reviewed Raw on April 28th. Never, ever, underestimate the power of irritating your fanbase. After the ‘fade to black’ ending of Raw (and the standard of that show in general) I really felt inclined to step away for a few weeks and hope that Raw re-charged its batteries while I was re-charging mine. I remember a comment on the April 28th Raw saying “you’ll be back next week and you know it” or words to that effect. Wrong! When WCW used to screw me, and everyone else, over back in the day I’d make a point of avoiding the show for a while afterwards. But then I’ve always felt that I need breaks from wrestling from time to time to keep me interested. I had a big one in 2002 before ROH pulled me back in. Nowadays it seems the breaks come with greater frequency but as the guy said “you’ll be back” and I know it.

We’re in Kansas City. Hosts are JR & the King. JR plugs tonight’s line up including the Jericho-Batista match up.

JEFF HARDY v UMAGA

These two have a history. Mainly involving the IC title although Hardy beat Umaga just one week ago on Raw. For those interested I’m rooting for Umaga here. He opens up on Jeff early with strikes but Jeff comes back with a low dropkick for 1. Odd how he slapped his hands about 3 seconds before hitting the move. He runs into a Samoan Drop (he IS Samoan, everything is ok). Nerve hold. Umaga ties Jeff in the tree of woe for his running headbutt. He misses off the ropes allowing Hardy to recover. Umaga avoids the Twist of Fate and sidesteps the Whisper in the Wind, which he got into really quickly. ASSALANCHE is avoided. Jeff fires up with punches and gets his corner dropkick. Umaga catches Jeff but gets mule kicked out of the ring and Jeff follows with a slingshot plancha. Jeff starts dodging stuff but RAIL RUNS INTO THE WIND UP URINAGE ON THE FLOOR! YUS! The ref counts both guys out though and we’re over.

Winner: double count out. **1/2. Well that was a lot of fun with a crazy spot to finish. I love it when Umaga just grabs these lighter guys and throws them around like garbage.

BACKSTAGE Chris Jericho & Dave Batista have a chat. Dave says he’d better not get in his way because he has issues with Shawn Michaels. He says Jericho got beaten up last night and is in no fit state to compete. Jericho retorts by saying he’d rather take out his frustrations on Dave.

SHILL – Rambo on DVD and Blu Ray. The movie sponsored the PPV last night. Lawler shills WWE.com, which has coverage of Judgment Day from last night.

PROMO TIME – King William the Regal. He shills the One Night Stand PPV in 2 weeks consisting entirely of hardcore matches. He books Hardy v Umaga in a falls count anywhere match for that show. He introduces JBL & Randy Orton. He books them against HHH & John Cena in a tag match tonight. If they win they get to pick their matches for One Night Stand. But if Cena & HHH’s win they face each other in a match of Regal’s choosing. Out comes MR KENNEDY to interject. Regal reminds him that interupting him has severe consequences. Kennedy has a question; he wants a match against Regal tonight. Regal says Kennedy isn’t his equal. He’s a commoner. The next person to interupt Regal will get fired on the spot. Cue VINCE MCMAHON. Kennedy points out Regal now has to fire Mr McMahon. Vince tells him to shut up. Vince says they’ve received a lot of viewer complaints and how that’s effecting the lack of money. His money. Vince has the highest rated show on cable but the ratings drop when Regal is on the air. Vince thinks the audience wants Regal gone but Regal wants Kennedy gone. So tonight they’re wrestling each other and the loser is GONE. As in FIIIIIIRED.

CLIPS – Beth’s superb double backbreaker on Melina & Mickie at the PPV. Melina Perez comes out here to join the commentary. She make a point of doing her splits on the desk.

BETH PHOENIX v MARIA KANELLIS

Melina calls Beth crazy for holding up an invisible title on the way out here. Maria tries for an early waistlock but Beth overpowers. Press drop from Beth. She had a big old handful of Maria there. Melina is quasi-babyface on commentary here. Beth meanwhile keeps staring at her between hurting Maria. This gives Maria an opening and she hits a bulldog for 2. Cheeky rollup gets 2. Beth takes back over and hits a wheelbarrow bomb landing Maria on her face and holds on lifting her up into a submission. Wheelbarrow hold, I guess you’d call that.

Winner: Beth Phoenix via submission. Pretty much a squash.

POST MATCH Melina blindsides Beth to a HUGE pop before Beth slams her on the ramp. “Let them fight” chants Kansas. Melina stays down holding her lower back while Beth smiles as she walks off.

CLIPS – Jimmy Kimmel. Roddy Piper was on the show. Santino Marella showed up to wreck it. Roddy shouts “Betty Ford” and asks him if he has a designated driver. Santino bitchslaps Jimmy’s brother so Piper gives him one back and Santino gets a cake in the face for his troubles.

BACKSTAGE Mickie chats to Katie Lea who believes she’ll be women’s champion soon and she’ll be classier. Katie accuses her of sleeping her way to the top. Katie suggests she’d better get in line because there are a lot of prettier girls ahead of her.

ELSEWHERE Shawn Michaels goes to see William Regal. He wishes Regal luck in his match tonight. Regal reminds him that HBK has a match at One Night Stand and makes it a stretcher match against either Jericho or Batista depending on who wins…NEXT!

CLIPS – GI Film Festival. A festival for films celebrating the military. WWE got an award for supporting the troops. It was the Corporate Patriot Award and Ric Flair went to accept it on behalf of the WWE.

CHRIS JERICHO v DAVE BATISTA

Winner gets Shawn Michaels at One Night Stand in a stretcher match. JR suggests that Jericho is at a disadvantage because he wrestled last night and Dave didn’t. Jericho starts aggressively with striking and the crowd is supportive of his efforts. Dave swats him aside with his powerful upper body. Dave takes over with striking and sticks his boot in Jericho’s neck. Jericho ‘blows out his knee’. Dave doesn’t believe it at all but Jericho bails to really sell it. We go to an ad break without finding out if Jericho is faking or not. But you’ll notice the crowd is jeering. They don’t believe Jericho is hurt at all. We return with Dave working him over in the corner. Jericho is still hobbling on that bad wheel. Dave continues to not buy the injury. Jericho catches Dave charging and he falls outside and now he’s got an injured knee. And Jericho looks confused. Haha, brilliant. Lawler points out that Dave’s was more realistic so Jericho goes after the knee. He takes it apart, clips it and hooks a leglock. Lawler points out how Jericho’s own knee has shown miraculous improvement. Jericho is being ruthless with that leg aiming kicking at the hamstring and knee area. Jericho charges but Dave kicks him right in the jaw. He drops afterwards though because his bad leg couldn’t support the weight. Jericho goes back to the knee but gets caught in a spinebuster. Dave wants his powerbomb but Jericho pounds the knee and hooks a half crab on the bad leg. He’s sat right down on it but he’s not cranking the injured body part and not applying much pressure. The result is a somewhat apathetic crowd. Dave gets the ropes and then the crowd pop because the hold is over and the match continues. Jericho clips the knee again but the Lionsault misses. Dave wants the powerbomb again but Jericho grabs the ropes to block and kicks the knee through the ropes. Jericho up top but Dave sees him coming and meets him with a clothesline. They didn’t quite get the timing right on that. Crowd is way behind Y2J here chanting his name. Dave charges but misses and runs into the post. Jericho wants the Codebreaker but Dave catches him and boosts him into the powerbomb. Dave gets the pin.

Winner: Dave Batista via pinfall. **3/4. They were aiming for epic but thanks to Dave’s timing issues and Jericho’s looseness it didn’t quite get there. Still a good little matchup for free TV though.

POST MATCH out comes Shawn Michaels. Dave looks suitably angry.

BACKSTAGE William Regal wants a word with Vince McMahon. Vince points out Regal can beat Kennedy. TED DIBIASE interupts. Vince kicks Regal out of his own office to have a private conversation with Ted about money.

PIPER’S PIT

“Roddy Piper” is actually Santino Marella doing a pretty accurate impression complete with a pillow up his shirt to simulate Piper’s gut. He’s got the mannerisms down. “Look at me, I’m Rodney the Piper. I defeated a fat transvestite at Wrestlemania 3”. Hahaha. We get the Jimmy Kimmel clip again. I missed Marella’s Mr T shirt the first time around. Marella makes fun of Kimmel for humping Ben Affleck and invites out his guest…cousin Sal (Jimmy Kimmel’s cousin Sal to be precise). Santino asks him what he liked about Rodney the Piper calling Roddy a failure and a cross-dresser. Sal points out Marella never backs up what he says. “You said you’d beat up Steve Austin”. “It was a draw”. Sal says Maria told him Santino was “hung like a 4th grader”. “DAMN” – Ron Simmons. “4th graders nowadays are maturing very quickly” – Santino. He wants an apology or he’ll throw a cake at Cousin Sal’s face. This brings out RODDY PIPER! He sneaks in on the blindside and admires Santino’s attire while Sal shoves the cake in Santino’s face. Santino makes a point of touching up Lilian Garcia as he falls out of the ring. He demands a match with Cousin Sal. “You are so big trouble”. Roddy accepts on his behalf.

Loser is fired – MR KENNEDY v WILLIAM REGAL

Kennedy gets the mic to say there’ll be no more crumpets, no more fish and chips and no more pompous windbag after he beats Regal in this next contest…KENNEDY! Regal gets the upper hand from the lock up but Kennedy comes back making it a slugfest. Kennedy gets a backdrop for 2. Regal bails and sweeps Kennedy’s legs on the apron. Back inside Regal throws knees to slow Kennedy down. Regal gets a suplex for 2 before grounding Kennedy with an armlock/chinlock combo. Regal nonchelantly knees Kennedy in the head a few more times. We get another energetic brawl. Kennedy misses with one kick but uses the momentum to carry through into a Hurricane Kick of sorts. Regal has the mic though. He reminds us he’s still GM so he’s making this match no DQ. He gets brass knuckles from ringside. Kennedy kicks him in the balls though and hits the MIC CHECK for the pin.

Winner: Mr Kennedy via pinfall. *1/2. Some of the brawling was energetic but I’ll reserve judgement on the angle for when it starts to make sense.

BACKSTAGE William Regal knocks on Vince McMahon’s door. But its opened by Teddy Long.

ELSEWHERE Todd Grisham has H’s for an interview. He asks who has the advantage in tonight’s tag. H’s says he’s not friends with Cena but the heels don’t like each other either but Orton & JBL both lost last night so H’s & Cena are the favourites. He says there’s one constant around here; himself being the best.

RANDY ORTON/JBL v TRIPLE H/JOHN CENA

What the fuck music is Orton coming out to? Its like someone said “can his music be more bland and generic”? Now that’s the music of someone who’s not important in the slightest! He seems like half the man without that old music. Cena-Orton to start. Cena hits a bulldog and quickly tags H’s in. High knee for Randy and Cena low bridges him out of the ring. That leads us to our final ad break. We return with JBL getting a near fall on H’s. Orton in but he misses a dropkick. Cena gets a tag and hits flying shoulderblocks. Protobomb. JBL can’t see him. Five Knuckle Shuffle. JBL takes offence and strolls in to punch him in the back of the head. Cena avoids the RKO but JBL comes in and kicks him in the face. Orton pins…for 2. Heels did a decent job of baiting H’s into the ring to position the ref. H’s wants more crowd support on a double down. Cena makes the superman tag and H’s meets JBL. H’s hits a flying clothesline. That’s new. Facebuster and a neckbreaker gets 2. H’s sees the Clothesline from Heck coming and counters into a spinebuster. STFU! Orton knocks H’s down with the round the backbreaker and PUNTS Cena in the head. JBL pints him and that’s your match.

Winners: Orton & JBL via pinfall. **. All a bit rushed but quite energetic for main event guys. The matches at One Night Stand are; H’s v Orton for the title & Cena v JBL. The heels get to pick the stipulations.

POST MATCH RKO. JBL tells Cena they have a First Blood match. Orton gets the mic and tells H’s he’s having a Last Man Standing match.

That’s your show. Interesting to note Regal was not fired on air. There’s something screwy going on there. Hopefully next week’s show will clear it up.