411’s WWE RAW Report 4.13.20

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Hello and welcome to the new normal! Y’all wanted two hour RAWs! Well ya got em! Complete with an hour of filler and replays! Let’s get to it!

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Recap of Drew beating Brock at WrestleMehnia.

Drew is here, live, and King is ringside for some commentary with Phillips and Saxton.

Drew calls the camera man into the ring. He talks to us directly, to say thank you for allowing him into the living room. For he and all the others, this is truly an honor. He also wants to thank all those who have supported him since he’s won. The internet can be pretty negative sometimes, but since he’s won the title, it’s been so positive. Drew tells everyone that if they deserve a shot at the title, they get it. He can’t articulate how much this means to him, but —

Andrade is here to not waste any time. He and hot ass Zelina come out to talk to Drew, telling him to stop now and be introduced to the real champion of RAW.

Drew: “And the crowd goes wild.”

Zelina says Drew cut himself a nice little Braveheart promo, and mocks his accent. She wants to congratulate Drew in person. Who else can say they had two mania moments in the same night. But while he was having those two moments, Andrade suffered an injury that robbed him of his. Coming off of the biggest night of Drew’s career, it’d be a same if someone were to injure Drew and take his title away.

Drew knows what she’s doing. He remembers the last time Drew and Andrade fought; he went in NXT Champ, and at the end, Drew’s bicep was torn and Andrade left champion. Apparently, Andrade doesn’t do much talking so listen – if he wants the match, Champion v Champion, he’s got it. Tonight.

Andrade tells his amigo, Drew, he took his title last time, and took him out. Tonight, no more Senor Nice Guy.

Backstage, Asuka is shouting and squatting.

Match 1: MITB Qualifying Match
Ruby Riott vs Asuka
Asuka does the monologue about not tipping from Reservoir Dogs then starts with the action, hitting a shoulder tackle that is no sold. Ruby hits the ropes, and they meet in the middle of the ring in a stalemate. Asuka shoves, and Ruby fires back with some rights. Rope work, Ruby ducks a right, hits a tackle, and covers for 1…NO! Ruby shoves Asuka’s head, asking for the “real” Asuka. Asuka pulls the left arm, hard, again, then stomps the shoulder. Asuka works the arm behind her. Asuka backs Ruby into the corner then runs into an elbow. Ruby shoots her legs up, Asuka catches her, sends her flying, then kicks the gut. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Asuka sends Ruby into the corner shoulder first. Boot to the neck from Asuka. Asuka grabs Ruby off the apron. Ruby with a right hand, but asuka hip attacks and sends Ruby to the outside. Asuka runs off the apron with a sliding knee to the face! Asuka sends Ruby into the barricade, but Ruby reverses and sends ASuka over the barricade, only for her to high kick Ruby in the face. Asuka stands atop the barricade to scream and dance.

We are back, and Asuka misses a hip attack, allowing Ruby to hit a kick to the face, then a kick to the ropes, bouncing Asuka off the apron to the mat outside. Ruby grabs her, sends her back in the ring, follows, and covers for 1..2…NO!!! Whip to Asuka into the corner. Forearm from Ruby. Ruby whips, Asuka hops up and bounces off, then hits an elbow, sending Ruby down to the mat. Right hands to Ruby. Kick is caught, and Ruby hits one of her own, getting Asuka to her knees. Ruby with a weird bulldog type rollup for a pin. 1..2..NO!!! Asuka with a surprise arm bar! Ruby turns this into a pin for 1..2.NO!!! Ruby works the arm, goes for a Riott Kick, but Asuka grabs the foot and gets an Ankle Lock in! Ruby stands, Asuka pulls her into a graps. GERMAN!!! Shining Wizard! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Asuka is backed up into the corner. Ruby sends her into the corner again, hits a knee to the face. Running kick to the face of Asuka. Another kick. Snapmare. Clothesline to the back of the neck! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! ASUKA WITH THE ASUKA LOCK! But Ruby turns it into a pin! 1..2…NO!!! Asuka rushes to Ruby and locks up from behind. Elbow from Riott. Flatliner from Ruby. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!!

Ruby with a submission of her own, working the arms behind Asuka, and driving a boot to the face. Asuka turns it into a pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Reverse to a pin for 1..2..NO!!! ASUKA LOCK!! RUBY TAPS!

Winner: Asuka
Solid match with a pretty great story being told throughout it all. As with most RAW matches, the second half far prevailed the first half.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***1/2
Total Rating: ***1/4

Asuka cuts a promo. It’s Ezekiel 25:17 but in Japanese.

MVP is backstage with an exclusive VIP Lounge. He informs us that next week, there will be three qualifying match for the MITB match, and informs us of the 365 rules. The first of those three matches, for the first time ever, will be Randy Orton v Murphy. But the graphic says Rey v Murphy. Weird. Next is Aleister Black vs Austin Theory, and for the first time ever, Apollo Crews vs MVP.

Match 2: Aleister Black vs Oney Lorcan
Lockup to start, with Black trying to work the arm. Loney works a side headlock and Aleister reverses with a front-face lock. Loney escapes and side headlock applied. Black rolls him down into a pin and Loney escapes. They tangle up on th ropes and break the hold. Side headlock from Oney. Black escapes. Surprise rollup for 1..NO! Arm drag from Black. Another arm drag from Black. Loney lifts Black and stands him on the apron then hits an uppercut. Black in, ducks a right, hits a springboard moonsault. Snapmare. Pin for 1..NO!!! Kick to the face, and Oney is sent to the outside.

We are back and Oney hits a back elbow then a cover for 1…NO! Lockup from behind. Black holds the roeps, Loney looks to work the head, but Black locks the leg, Full Nelson from Oney! Black turns inot the hold, so Oney drops his ass and locks in. single-leg Boston Crab. Black escapes and kicks the face in a few times, then crawls away. Back elbow from Black. He takes down Oney with a knee bar, but Oney is by the ropes. He breaks the hold. Kick from Black. Another kick. Left hand, misses and Black gets an arm bar. HARD CHOP to Black! Black with. Kick as a response. Elbows to Oney. Leg sweep. He hits the ropes. Knee to the face. Black is up. He favors the back, hits the ropes, goes for a springboard moonsault, Oney ducks, Clothesline to Black! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Lockup from behind with a half-nelson, but Black rolls up into a pin. 1..2..NO!!!! Oney with a chop. Another. Oney screams for Black to stand. Kick to the face, and Oney is lifted with the boot. Black with Black Mass. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Oney screams for Black to stand. Kick to the face, and Oney is lifted with the boot. Black with Black Mass. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Aleister Black
This match should have happened last week, and Apollo should have never sniffed Black’s Boots.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ****
Total Rating: ***1/2

Becky is here, and brings up Mania, where she knew she only had a short time to beat Shayna, and beat her, she did. She wants to clear up some confusion; she told Shayna that this would be a test of heart vs skill. This was a battle of the mind, though. A lot has been said about her arrogance, or maybe she let her think that. Maybe this title has gotten to her head, or maybe she used it to get to Shayna, because the quicker you destroy everyone on your road to Mania, the sillier Becky became. Why? Because the only person that can get close enough to the Queen to destroy her is the Joker, who she sees as posing no threat. Someone who was born to bully will never beat someone who was born to survive everything. She is here to challenge whoever wants it the most, to the one person who takes the briefcase to face The Man, the champ, waiting for her. She promises: whoever wins and thinks they can beat her, she will shock the world one more time.

Nice retcon, Becky.

Charley gets cut off by Zelina who corrects her pronounciation for Andrade, then wonders where her questions come from. She says that Andrade has had a dominant title run.

Match 2: MITB Qualifying Match
Shayna Baszler vs Sarah Logan
Lockup to start, and Shayna gets a head scissors. Logan escapes, shoves, and this pisses Shayna off. She mounts and punches the head and the mid-section, driving the fists into her hard. The ref holds her back, and checks on logan.

Shayna stomps the arm of Logan, and she begins to cry as the ref calls for the match.

Winner: Sarah Logan
I don’t want to see my wrestlers cry…
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

At Mania, Seth lost to Kevin Owens. Once again his career has been crucified. Seth says this exactly while staring off into space, or at a nude. Hard to tell.

We get some clarification on the previous match, as it appears that Shayna won due to Logan being unable to continue to compete.

Match 3 Akira Tozawa vs Austin Theory
We start with Akira getting the upperhand with a kick to the gut then the back of the head. Snapmare from Austin. Stomp to Akira. Stomps in the corner. Ref stops him, so Austin mounts with right hands. Chinlock from behind. Stomp from Austin. He lifts Akira in the corner and hits a hard chop. Whip to the corner and Akira hits it back first. Austin covers for 1..2..NO!!! Akira goes for a kick, but Theory drops his kick and hits a standin moonsault. He works the arm of Akira, pulling back on the chin. Theory stomps Akira, Akira chops from below. Again. Right hand from Theory drops Akira with a right hand. Suplex from Theory. Cover for 1…2..NO! Another chinlock from Theory. Backbreaker from Theory. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Another resthold. Theory heads to the outside. Akira flies off the apron into Theory.

Theory drops Akira with The ATL. Pins for 1…2….3!!!

Winner: Austin Theory
Theory proves that restholds and stomps are the key to WWE success.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: ½*

After the match, Andrade and Angel Garza come out, and they fuck Akira up, while Theory calls him a “Cruiserweight” as if that is an insult. Cuz it is.

Charley is backstage to interview Rey. What would it mean to win MITB? Rey says 2010 stands out. He won his second world championship, and two months later, Kane took that title with the help of his MITB contract. NO one knows better than he does how important that briefcase is. He must first defeat Murphy. He doesn’t want it as badly as Rey. Next week, he’ll put it on the line and for the first time, he will be Mr. Money in the Bank. This year, he’ll be the won cashing the contract.

Backstage, Seth is still staring off into space. He then turns to us and wants us to know that he is still here for us. Our Messiah has truly risen.

There is a sole photographer that just happens to be there…with a camera…so that Garza can give her a rose from his mouth. Corona be damned.

Match 4: Angel Garza vs Tehuti Miles
Garza kicks Miles out of the air with a dropkick that looked pretty cool. Whip and a kick to the chest. Angel removes his pants. He tosses them into Miles then gives a little shout out to the chicks via camera. He works the side of Miles, and loks up the arms behind him.

Garza kicks miles in the corner, who is hanging in a Tree of Woe. Wing Clipper and a cover for 1….2…3!!!

Winner: Angel Garza
cool…
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Out come Theory and Andrade to jump Miles. Garza praises being a Latino as the white Theory helps him to lift Miles up on the conrer. Hammerlock DDT to Miles.

Backstage, Kairi and Asuka are singing along to entrance music. Asuka says Ruby was not ready for Asuka. Kairi laughs at the very American word “confidence.”

Backstage, Drew is big chillin. Charley asks if he has some comments. Drew points out his scar and what Andrade did that night. Lost his title and six months, derailed all his momentum. Andrade was this close to taking everything away. Just like usual, he worked his arse off and became champ. He didn’t forgive or forget. He’s made some promises; He promises he will hurt Andrade. He will Claymore Andrade.

Match 5: Kairi Sane vs Nia Jax
Nia starts by lifting Kairi in the air and shoving her. Kairi with a go behind. Nia no-sells. She sends her into th corner. Nia misses a splash. Kairi kicks Nia away, gets to the top rope, but Nia stops her. Kairi with some kicks and she hops over Nia. Nia misses a clothesline. Kick from Sane. Another kick does nothing. Nia sends Sane to the outside. Asuka yells at a tv backstage. Sane gets body slammed by Nia. Nia slps her around to assure you know she’s a heel. Nia with a clothesline. Nia sends Sane across the ring by her head twice.

Press by Nia into a Samoan Drop, which is called The Annihilator now? Pin for 1..2…3!

Winner: Nia Jax
-yawn-
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

The Queen is here. She wants to cover history; namely her winning the rumble. She then says that now she stands here the two-time NXT Women’s Champion. She beat the next big thing, making her The Queen, The Biggest Thing. She wants to remind us that Vince knew last year she was the biggest thing. She was chosen to save the main event. There are levels to this. There will always be someone better, faster, stronger. She will remind NXT of humility. Next in line? Io.

Ugh, the voice of Lana emanates from my tv.

Lashley comes out with Lana.He’s facing No Way Jose.

Match 6: Bobby Lashley vs No Way Jose
Lashley with a lockup from behind .Jose misses a right and eats some elbows. Hard clothesline to Jose. He gets sent into the corner. Right hands to Jose.
Lashley leaves the ring to tell Lana to PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP. He hits a belly to belly after a right hand from Jose. Lashley waits. Wants a spear. Lana distract.

Jose rolls him up for 1..2..no!!! Spinebuster and a spear for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Bobby Lashley
Cute spear
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Backstage, Seth tells all the non-beleivers. Tonight, he stomps out all doubt. We have left him no alternative.

The Viking Raiders will be here next.

Match 7: The Viking Raiders vs Ricochet and Cedric Alexander
Y’all will have to forgive me for missing a bulk of the beginning of the match. I come back to Cedric hitting a DDT off the ropes onto Ivar. He gets a cover for 2, but it’s a no go. Front faced headlock from Cedric followed by some right hands. Ricochet in, gets blocked, tag from Erik, right hand from Alexander. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Riccohet launches off the top rope, but gets caught and tossed over the top rope to the outside!!! Suicide dive from Ivar!!

Back from a break, and Erik has Cedric in the ring, hurting. Erik sends Cedric into the corner, tags in Ivar, and holds his knee up for Ivar to send Cedric into it. Ivar grabs Cedric with a snapmare, drops a fist to the forehead, covers for 1..2…N!O!! Tag to erik who comes in just to tag Ivar back in. Drops a knee, tag to Erik, Erik sends Cedric into a bodyslam, then Erik hits a body slam onto Cedric. Cover for 1..2.NO!!Tag to Ivar who forerams the small of the back. Cedric floats over, rolls up for 1..NO!, cartwheels, dropkick to the face. Cedric on the apron. He flies through. Flatliner! Tag to Ricochet, tag to Erik. Ricochet with springboard crossbody. Kick to Ivar. He rolls up Erik, and hits an enziguri! Riccohet with a 619 to the back of Ivar. Top rope and a diving clothesline to Erik. Standing shooting star press and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Ricochet tags in Cedric. They wait for Erik. Cedric springboards, mises a kick, Erik sends Ricochet oer his back and hits a hard knee to the face. Tag to Ivar. He runs in, sits on the chest of edric. Cartwheel and a clothesline to Ricochet. Sidewalk slam to Ricochet. Ivar hits the ropes. Crossbody to Cedric. Tag to Erik. Splash to Cedric in the corner and we get a double knee from Erik. He THEN sends Ivar into the corner, smashing Cedric! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Tag to Ivar. Both men in. They lift Cedric. Cedric kicks Erik away, right hand to Ivar, springboard, but Erik there to catch him. Springboard from Ivar into a clothesline for 1..2..NO!!! Ricochet flies in to stop the pin. Erik knees him in the back of the neck, then Ivar spin kicks him out of the ring.

Tag to Erik. The Viking Experience and a pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: The Viking Raiders
Well good for them…
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

The Street Profits are backstage and say they didn’t come alone. Here comes the newest RAW debut. The EST of WWE, Bianca Belair. Charley congratulates her and welcomes her officially, but she has a question for the champs; The Viking Raiders say they want a shot at the titles, what say them? Dawkins says they respect ALL Vikings. They had excellent hygiene. The More You Know.

Bianca ain’t havin it. UH UH, just tell her when was the last time they beat The Vikin Raiders. ZERO! They may be cosplaying, but if they wanna keep the titles, stop with the games, and get *clap* that *clap* smoke!

Zelina gets in the face of Drew to talk some shit. Drew tells Andrade he belongs to Drew now.

Match 8: Drew McIntyre vs Andrade
HUGE chop from Andrade, but he ain’t shit, so it don’t phase Drew. He gets one of his own, and beats down Andrade in the corner. Andrade tries to use the ropes, but Drew chops the shit out of him again. Drew there to beat Andrade down a few times in the corner. Drew with a huge kick to the midsection as Andrade tries to float over. Drew drops him onto the barricade on the outside. Drew with a chop to Andrade. Drew rolls into the ring and rolls right back out. He posts Andrade then hits a chop. Drew turns to Angel and Theory to yell at them then turns and Andrade pulls his arm into the post twice. Andrade stomps the arm the nrolls into the ring and right back out. Andrade with a chop. Andrade takes Drew to the steps and slams his hand into them. Chop and a right hand to the face. Chop and a knee. He drops the arm on the shoulder of Andrade. He rolls in, grabs the right arm, and Drew tries to pull away from it. Andrade is sent into the roeps, but Andrade holds on and lands on the apron. He ducks a hold and tries for an arm bar across the ropes! Andrade works the arm. Drew with a clothesline! Drew whips, back elbo to Andrade. Missed clothesline, but Drew doesn’t miss a big boot! Drew to the top rope. He flies with a single-rm axe handle. Drew is back up.He turns to Andrade. Blow to the back. Back elbow from Andrade. He hits a few right hands then distracts the refs so that Theory can pull the leg. Andrade runs and Drew sends him over the top rope onto Garza and Theory. Drew heads outside and asks who grabbed his foot. He cohps Theory for the cheating. He sends Andrade in. Vega on the apron to distract. Andrade crotches him. Andrade grabs the head, looking for the Future Shock DDT off the corner.

Drew lands on his feet, chops the shit out of Andrade, and hits an elbow in the corner. ALABAMA SLAM to Andrade! CLAYMORE to Andrade! Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Drew McIntyre
That was fun and sexy.
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ****
Total Rating: ***1/2

Seth Rollins music hits. Angel clips the leg. Out comes Seth to kick Drew in the face.

Seth Rollins hits a stomp to Drew McIntyre. He goes to stare at the title. Another stomp to Drew.

End Show