411’s WWE Raw Report 7.14.08

The World is watching.

We open with a video package featuring last week’s main event that saw Batista win a fatal four way to become number one contender, as well as the aftermath of Kane freaking out and attacking Cole and Lawler.

Shane and Stephanie McMahon says if things don’t change, action will be taken. They’ll be watching.

Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho are tearing into each other at ringside! They brawl and Shaw gets the advantage until Lance Cade helps Jericho out. Referees separate them!

Raw starts now.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. They talk about what just happened and Kane is here! He stares down Cole and Lawler and then scares away Lillian Garcia and the timekeeper. Kane stares at Cole and screams “I’m sorry!” Kane is carrying some sort of small sack. He leaves.

In the back, Shawn Michaels is battering Lance Cade. Jericho tries to put the boots in, but security and officials are all over them!

Mickie James vs. Katie Lea Burchill

Lock up, into a full nelson by Katie but Mickie counters into a roll up for 2. She gets 2 more off of a jack-knife. Forearms by James, then Lea runs into an elbow but counters the Mickiecanrana with a boot. Katie gets a 2 count following some hair pulling and now applies a chinlock but has to break because she is using the hair. Mickie comes back with forearms but gets hip-tossed for 2. More hair-pulling by Katie, and she locks in another rough chinlock. Mickie counters out but Burchill comes back with knees and drives Mickie into the corner, sets her up top and kicks her. James boots her away, comes off the top and lands on her feet and now she hits that Mickiecanrana. Up top, AIR MICKIE! That gets the 3!

Winner: Mickie James

Katie gets in her face and Paul Burchill grabs Mickie from behind, allowing Katie to slap her repeatedly. Kofi Kingston makes the save and runs the Burchills off. Kofi wants to put the title on the line right now! Burchill accepts as we go to break.

Intercontinental Championship: Kofi Kingston vs. Paul Burchill

Kofi hits a back elbow and that corner leap into mounted punches, then blocks a suplex into an inside cradle for 2. Kofi works the arm now then gets 2 off of a hip toss. He goes back to the arm and grounds Burchill but as you’d expect, no submission. Burchil grounds Kofi using the hair but runs into a dropkick for 2. Keylock applied now by Kingston. Burchill fights back and counters a potential head scissors takedown attempt into a big kick to the gut. Knee drop now by Burchill gets 2. Burchill applies a bear hug but Kofi fights out with elbows only to take a freefall drop. Back splash by Burchill gets another near fall for the challenger. Stomps by Burchill now, then he hits a back suplex sending Kofi inside out. Kofi fights back again but gets driven into the corner, but Burchill runs into a boot. Rights now by Kofi and a clothesline. Chops and a dropkick by Kofi, and now a Russian leg sweep. BO BO LEG DROP (Thunderclap)! Mickie James yanks Katie Lea off the apron! TROUBLE IN PARADISE! It’s over!

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Santino Marella informs Matt Striker he made an open challenge tonight and he’ll make everyone forget what Ray Maestro did to him last week. Someone will be death meat tonight. Kane is here with his bag and wants to know where Punk is. “Did you try the Pepsi machine?” Santino is gold.

Kane tells CM Punk that he knows he is dead. Punk asks who “he” is, but Kane says they’ve been tag partners but he wants Punk in the ring tonight. Punk wants to prove the naysayers wrong, so he agrees. Punk asks what’s with the bag, and Kane laughs manically.

T-Grish is with John Cena. Cena says he can’t be upbeat any more because of JBL’s challenge for a NYC Parking Lot Brawl. Cena says it’s not a match, it’s a war. They will find out if bone can break on concrete and if careers will be cut short. Cena says he does not like JBL and JBL doesn’t like him and they go back to Mania 21, and one more time, they will go at it at The Bash. It makes him sick that JBL considers himself a great American and he will break bones and smash his skull through window after window. He will take pleasure in seeing real fear in JBL’s eyes. Cena’s battle hungry, and he’s an angry son of a bitch. Hell will come to earth at the Bash and he will not stop until you remember the name John Cena. He accepts. He has a challenge of his own. Cryme Tyme are here. They hate JBL as much as Cena does. Cena tells JBL to find two partners and meet them in the ring for a six-man tag match. If you want some… come get some.

Santino Marella vs. Beth Phoenix

Interesting. Lock up, and a break. Lock up again and a break. Santino shows off his muscles, and Beth outdoes him. Double leg by Beth and he strokes her. She fires off with rights but he grabs a side headlock, countered into an atomic drop. Scoop slam by Beth now for 2. He blocks an Irish whip because he has “the power of the man!” but he misses a charge and she rolls him up for 3!

Winner: Beth Phoenix

Kelly Kelly is stretching in the back. I could watch that for the rest of the night, really. After a break, she comes to the ring for her match but here come Simply Priceless, Rhodes and DiBiase. Ted says they don’t care that she has a match scheduled, so she can leave. And she does. Boo! Rhodes says they’re not bad people and they’re not their fathers. When you’re this talented, you don’t pay dues. Ted says they’re in their early 20s, and you can’t put a price on that. They are the future…

Jim Duggan is here. He has know them since they were kids. He teamed with Dust and competed against Ted DiBiase. They’re old school. He agrees that they’re talented, but as people, they got a lot of growing up to do. Rhodes says he makes some valid points. But when he thinks about “grow up” he thinks of a 50 year old man coming out in gym shorts trying to relive his glory days that weren’t that glorious to begin with. Ted brings up something Steve Austin once said; if you don’t have what it takes to be a champion, you shouldn’t be in WWE. He ask Duggan if he thinks he has what it takes. He calls him pathetic and says he needs to grow up. They leave and Duggan is a sad panda. JBL is on the tron, and he wants them to be his partners. They agree.

CM Punk vs. Kane

Kick to the thigh by Punk, they circle, Punk misses a kick, Kane backs him into a corner but he comes back with kicks to the legs, now the head. He baseballs slides through but gets caught and Kane pummels him. Kick to the back of the head now. Measured right by Kane in the corner, but he soon gets telegraphed and a leg lariat sends him to the floor! Kane contemplates grabbing a chair, but doesn’t/ Punk slides out to the floor and gets drilled with an uppercut. Back in and kicks by Kane, followed by the corner clothesline and a cover for 2. Scoop slam now by Kane and a low dropkick gets 2 more. Punk comes back but runs into a big boot. Kane continues to drill him and now applies a chinlock. Punk works his way to his feet and elvbows and knees his way out of it and crucifixes into a sunset flip attempt, but Kane has him by the throat. Punk breaks the grip and hits a roundhouse, more kicks, and an enzuigiri. Running knee to the jaw! And again. Kane shoves him off the bulldog attempt but then eats a back elbow. Dropkick to the knee by Punk, and a kick to the back of the head gets 1. Punk up top… CROSSBODY gets 2! GTS try but Kane elbows out… GOOZLE… Kick by Punk! Kane sends him to the apron, he tries to springboard but Kane hits an uppercut. On the floor now and Punk sends Kane into the ringpost. Punk dives off the apron and hits a bulldog. Punk crawls in at 9, Kane is out and Punk wins!

Winner: CM Punk via countout

Kane throws chairs in the ring. He takes Punk down and fires off with right after right after right hand. Kane puts the chair around Punk’s neck and heads to the top rope… Batista is here! Kane comes down and takes a SPEAR! CHAIR SHOT TO KANE! That sends him out to the floor. Batista picks Punk up. Punk offers his hand and Batista talks trash. No shake. Batista pats Punk so Punk shoves Batista. Mistake! SPINEBUSTER! Batista leaves.

We get clips of the limousine destruction from last week.

Chris Jericho w/ Lance Cade vs. Paul London

Cole points out the London/Michaels connection. Jericho simply pummels London into the corner and drills him with a head butt and a boot. Vicious Jericho! Jericho tosses him to the floor and follows. He rips the padding off the guardrail (except a fan stops him) and drills Paul into it. Back in, Jericho uses the ropes to choke London out. Jericho gets distracted and runs into a spinning heel kick and a boot, but avoids a springboard dive. Vicious clothesline to the back of the head floors London. Double underhook backbreaker now by Y2J. LIONTAMER~! It’s over.

Winner: Chris Jericho

Jericho wants London to use this loss to change the path of his career. He can follows Jericho’s road of integrity, or Michaels’ path of deceit. He could achieve greatness, or go on Shawn’s path that leads to disgrace and pain. Shawn Michaels is out now. Cade is armed with a chair. HBK says everyone knows they won’t change each others mind. Shawn says Jericho doesn’t know the meaning of truth, but there is one thing they agree on. At The Bash, the worst is yet to come.

Jamie Noble tries to convince Layla they could be Raw’s power couple. She doesn’t date short men. He’s above average size in many areas. He will probe it. The next guy that walks through here gets an ass kicking. Snitsky tells him to shut his mouth. Layla says now is his chance. Noble talks trash and we’re getting a match. Apparently, Snits just bought himself a one-way ticket on the Pain Train to Noblesville!

Jamie Noble w/ Layla vs. Snitsky

Kicks to the knee by Noble, gets shoved down, comes back, gets booted. There’s no ref by the way. Noble gets a boot up and goes to the second rope, and jumps into a big boot. Pumphandle slam! He’s done.

We get the Shane/Steph video from earlier tonight.

The Bash:
World Title – CM Punk vs. Batista
WWE Title – Edge vs. Triple H
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho
NYC Parking Lot Brawl – John Cena vs. JBL

JBL and Simply Priceless vs. John Cena and Cryme Tyme

The faces hit the ring and the heels bail. Cena wants to start. Cody starts with him. Kick t the gut by Cena followed by a right that rocks Cody. An d one more. Fisherman suplex by Cena now. Cena keeps staring down JBL. Shad in, wrenches the arm, but gets caught with a forearm. Rhodes hits the ropes but gets clotheslined. Rhodes slips out of a press slam attempt and DiBiase is in now and fires off with rights, only to take a shoulder tackle. Double underhook suplex by Shad gets a 2 count. Scoop and a slam and here comes JTG with the assisted splash for 2. Knee to the gut by Ted now and in comes Cody with a big dropkick. Kick to the gut now by Rhodes, followed up with DANCING JABS~! JTG comes back with rights of his own and hits a neckbreaker variant for 2, DiBiase breaks the cover. JTG hits the ropes and JBL nails him from behind allowing Rhodes to put the boots in. JBL in now and batters JTG in the corner. Simpl Priceless get in a double team behind the referee’s back. JBL stomps on some fingers and tags in DiBiase who puts a boot in the gut of JTG. JTG comes back with rights and lefts but Ted dropkicks the leg out from under him. DiBiase drops an elbow on the knee and Rhodes is in now. He backs JTG up in the corner and hits a right, runs into a boot but blocks it and kicks JTG in the knee. Ted in now and drops an elbow as Rhodes has JTG grapevined. DiBiase wrenches on the knee now, but JTG gets the ropes as we go to break. We’re back as Cody gets a tag and dropkicks JTG low to regain an advantage. Knee drop by Cody now, followed up by a punt to the ribs. JBL in and boots JTG in the corner and the referee has to pull him away.Cena is fired up. Short-arm clothesline by JBL beheads JTG. Elbow drops now by Layfield, one after another. Rhodes in and heads up top and hits a fist drop into the ribs. Cody torques the leg of JTG but gets kicked off. Cody drives him into the corner though, only to get shoved off of a bulldog try. Cody knocks Cena off the apron to avoid a hot tag and DiBiase is in now and drills JTG for 2. Measured rights now by Ted, but JTG comes back, they slug it out, Ted gets the better of it and in comes Cody now. He continues the beatdown and fires off with forearms. Codt springs up top and misses a moonsault, allowing the hot tag to Cena! Clothesline for Rhodes, Protoplex and the Five Knuckle Shuffle for DiBiase! FU to Ted! THROWBACK TO CODY! Leg drop from the top on Cody! STFU! CJBL breaks it up, and gets DQ’ed?

Winners: Cena and Cryme Tyme via DQ

Bullshit ending.

I realize I had JTG and Shad mixed up for a portion of that match, apologies for that.

Cena chases JBL all the way to the back and to the parking lot. Cena can’t find JBL out there. Cena ponders going back inside, stops, and gets nailed from behind by JBL! JBL sits him up against a car and runs and gets in another. He drives the car into the side of the one where Cena was sitting!