411’s WWE Smackdown Report 06.18.10

Hi, hello and welcome to 411’s WWE Smackdown Report! I’m Steve Cook, and this week the Fatal 4-Way World Title Match participants are in tag team action, as Rey Mysterio & Big Show take on CM Punk & World Champion Jack Swagger. We’ve also been promised the spectacle of Drew McIntyre taking on Smackdown General Manager Theodore Long, or else Long will be fired. We’ve got a PPV on Sunday, so one assumes they’ll spend a lot of time selling that.

411’s old buddy Manu attended this show and told me there wasn’t much to get excited about. He reported there wasn’t much of a turnout either, and the picture he took seems to jibe with that story. He’s also told me that he wants to do strange things with various hosts of G4 shows, so I’m not sure what to make of his assessments sometimes.

Turn that frown upside down! It’s time for some Smackdown!

LET IT ROLL! Smackdown is at North Carolina State University, the long-time home of Jimmy Valvano! Todd Grisham & Matt Striker are your hosts.

Opening Promo!

CM Punk enters the arena. This Sunday at Fatal 4-Way, he will win his 4th World Championship. Nobody has ever done that while being Straight Edge. He wishes the Undertaker would be there to see it. A lot of them flunked out of high school, and it’s been a long time since their last history class, and since then a lot of brain cells have been killed with drugs and beer. He’s the only man in history to make Undertaker tap out. If it wasn’t for the vegetative state, he’d make him tap out again at Fatal 4-Way. He wants to talk about the Undertaker’s vegetative state…he’s not responsible for it. He still finds it hilarious and is glad that he is in a vegetative state. He wishes he could have done it. So when the perpetrator comes to light, he will be the first man to stand in line and shake their hand. This universe has been so much better without the Undertaker.

The lights go out…and it’s Undertaker? A tall man in a hat and a trench coat…we can’t see his face from this camera angle. Punk turns him around, and it’s Luke Gallows! No wonder Gallows didn’t accompany him to ringside. Punk puts on the hat and mocks Taker’s pose. He’s about to stomp on the hat, but through hellfire and brimstone it’s Kane! Kane makes his way down to the ring, but is attacked by Jack Swagger from behind! The Hooded Stranger joins Swagger, Punk & Gallows in attacking Kane, they roll him in the ring and while Kane’s game, the numbers are too much for him. Gallows splashes Kane…Swagger with a Vader Bomb! Another! Make it three! Here come Rey Mysterio & Big Show, and the World Champion & the Straight Edge Society head for higher ground!

But wait a minute…Rey 619s Kane! Big Show chokeslams him! That’s obviously a receipt for last week. Big Show tells Kane that he had nothing to do with what happened to the Undertaker. Nothing is going to stop him from being the next World heavyweight champion. WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW!

We get a flashback all the way back to September 25, 2009, when Vince McMahon presented Drew McIntyre as a future World Champion.

Match 1: Tag Team Competition
MVP & Christian vs. The Gate Crashers (Curt Hawkins & Vance Archer)

Striker explains that the Crashers have received a contract extension, their second contract if you will. Christian & Hawkins start the match. Hawkins starts talking trash and Christian just slaps him and wrings his arm some. Tag to MVP, who knees Hawkins in the gut, slams him down and drops a knee for one. Hawkins sends MVP into the corner and does some more trash talking…MVP fires away on him and Archer, face buster to Hawkins and a yakuza kick to Archer, knocking him off the apron. MVP vaults a charging Hawkins over the top rope, where he lands next to the fallen Archer. Stereo Planchas from MVP & Christian! The tide turns when the referee is escorting Christian over to his corner, as Archer rams MVP’s head into the apron and sends him shoulder-first into the steps! Commercial!

We’re back, and Hawkins has MVP in a modified cobra clutch…MVP fights out, arm dragging Archer over, but Hawkins elbow blocks him down for two. Into the corner, tag to Archer, drop toe hold and a boot to the side of MVP’s head. He clubbers down on MVP, and then CHOKES HIM ON THE RING ROPES.

What?

Single-arm DDT by Archer gets two. He knees MVP’s arm, but misses a leg drop! Archer knocks Christian off the apron. MVP fights back briefly, but Hawkins tags in and goes back to that modified cobra clutch, putting most of the pressure on MVP’s left arm. MVP jaw breaks Hawkins to break the hold, and makes the tag to Christian! Punches to Hawkins, off the ropes, duck down, dropkick by Christian! Hawkins tries a slam, Christian slips out and reverse DDTs him. He knocks Archer off the apron, sends Hawkins into the turnbuckle, up top, cross body gets 2 before Archer breaks it up, and now MVP’s in there and it’s a hootenanny up in here. MVP sends Archer out, Hawkins sends him shoulder-first into the ring post. Christian tries for the Killswitch, but Archer breaks it up and hits the reverse DDT! Hawkins with the elbow drop! That’s a three count!

Winners: The Gate Crashers (5:02 **)
They didn’t get a lot of time to work with here, but they did the best they could with what they had. Solid effort from all four men and the Gate Crashers look like a tag team to be reckoned with in WWE.

Hawkins rolls MVP back into the ring, MVP punches away, but Archer boots the injured shoulder, then they hit the reverse DDT/top-rope elbow drop combo on MVP.

Backstage, Team Laycool discuss the makeover thing they were talking about last week while Kaval follows them, holding their Women’s title belts over his shoulders. You know they’re gonna rib him about that in the NXT Rookie locker room/janitor closet. Rosa Mendes walks up to them and Kaval just walks off to the side. Heh. She wants to join their group…LayCoolRosa! The girls aren’t down. The Joker called and he wants his makeup back! Real Talk! The last time she won a match was on Superstars. Not. Rosa needs to re-evaluate her career and her outfit. She needs super duper training…Rosa walks off in tears while Kaval reappears in the shot so Michelle can turn his frown upside down. Did I mention that Michelle & Layla are looking good tonight?

Our next Drew McIntyre flashback is Drew having Theodore Long overturn Drew’s first loss on March 5, 2010.

Backstage, Vickie Guerrero looks unimpressed while Chavo Guerrero talks about how great it is to have Los Guerreros back together. There’s nothing they can’t do, but Vickie is distracted by Dolph Ziggler in daisy dukes and a work belt. A little something for the lady viewers, I suppose. Vickie tells Chavo to get ready for his match, which is now next. She has Dolph hang up a picture so she can check him out. Dolph is not an expert of putting up pictures. Chris Masters walks in and walks out. He doesn’t want to interrupt.

Drew Flashback #3 is from May 7, 2010, when Theodore Long stripped Drew of the title, and then fired him.

Match 2: Singles Action
JTG vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo applies his wrist tape as he heads to the ring, since he wasn’t ready for this match. His boots aren’t even completely laced, but he uses a distraction to pound JTG down to the mat. JTG with punches, he slams Chavo down and does a seated blockbuster. He runs into a Chavo dropkick that may or may not have hit him. Darn camera angles. Stomps by Chavo, and CHOKING ON THE RING ROPES.

What?

European uppercut by Chavo, then a modified chicken wing. JTG fights out, but Chavo knees him and slams him, flipping senton hits JTG’s knees. JTG with another blockbuster, a clothesline and a dropkick…JTG hits the Mugshot for two. Chavo punches away, he misses in the corner and JTG hits the Shoutout for the three count!

Winner: JTG (2:36 *½)
Move along folks, nothing to see here. I’m not really sold on JTG yet, as his offense isn’t much to write about and we don’t get to see him on defense much because his matches don’t last very long. Maybe these two could do something on Superstars, but this was just there.

JTG dances with kids in the ring. The kids don’t quite know what to make of this.

Josh Mathews is backstage with Kofi Kingston, who says that he can be sure that this Sunday’s match with Drew McIntyre will be a fight. He’s got a lot of fight left in him, so his problem isn’t with that. He’s got a problem with Teddy Long being put in a match with Drew. Teddy’s not a trained fighter, so nothing good can come of this. What will be good is when he walks out of Fatal 4-Way still the Intercontinental Champion.

Match 3: If Theodore Long does not compete, he will be fired
Drew McIntyre vs. Theodore Long

Long hesitates to come out, so Drew takes the mike and reminds him of the stipulation. Teddy’s rocking a suit as usual, which is interesting ring attire. Drew doesn’t care if he’s out there in a suit, he’s still going to tear him apart. But, before he does, to ensure there’s no shenanigans from Kofi Kingston or Matt Hardy, he has enlisted his own private security force. Some large men make their way to the ring. Drew tells Charles Robinson to make sure there’s no foreign objects on Teddy. Drew tells Teddy to hit him. His livelihood and manhood are on the line. He knows there’s a lot of his family members watching, and a lot of them are unemployed. This industry is all he knows, without it he is nothing. The only way he might get out of this is doing exactly what Drew tells him. He wants Teddy to get down on his knees. Teddy does so, to the disapproval of the crowd. He hasn’t won just yet…he wants him to say that Drew McIntyre is the chosen one. Teddy tells Drew that he is the chosen one. Drew tells Teddy to get back on his knees. Drew drops to one knee and tells him to lay down on his back in the middle of the ring. If he won’t do it for himself, do it for his lovely wife. Teddy crawls to the middle of the ring and lies down. Drew says that he is pathetic. Ring the bell! Drew places a foot on Teddy’s chest and the referee counts to three.

“Winner”: Drew McIntyre (:08, no rating)

Drew places a hand on Teddy’s shoulder as he walks off. Teddy starts to cry. Lots of that going on this week. Drew tries to set him up for the double-arm DDT, but here comes Kofi Kingston! Drew lets Teddy go so he can beat Kofi up while the security force holds him back. Boot to the head! Here comes Matt Hardy out of the crowd! He attacks Drew and the security force holds him so Drew can hit him a few times too. Headbutts! He boots Matt down, rolls him into the ring and double-arm DDTs him. Security throws Kofi into the ring so he can receive the same treatment.

Well, if Drew can’t get over as a heel after beating up two of Smackdown’s more popular baby faces and embarrassing the poor old General Manager, I don’t know what it’s going to take.

Match 4: Non-Title Match
Co-Women’s Champion Layla (w/Co-Women’s Champion Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly (w/Tiffany)

Tieup, Layla with a headlock, forearm, shoulder block by Layla, a nifty little rollup by Layla gets one. Wrist lock by Layla, Kelly flips out of it, Lou Thesz press, she kicks Layla out of the ring. Kelly gets her neck snapped off the ropes, a kick by Layla gets two. Headscissors by Layla, Kelly rolls out, she blocks a kick and clotheslines Layla twice. Into the corner, handspring elbow misses, Kelly boots Layla, but she gets distracted by Michelle while on the middle rope and Layla boots her down. Tiffany blindsides Michelle for no real reason at all, and she gets booted down by Layla! Kelly blocks the Lay-Out and hits the K-2 for the three count!

Winner: Kelly Kelly (2:18, *½)
This wasn’t bad…but it wasn’t long enough to go anywhere worthwhile.

By the way, Kelly Kelly & Tiffany are looking good tonight!

Josh Mathews is backstage with our World Champion, Jack Swagger! Jack tells Josh that the situation reminds him of the time when he was 4 years old and about to enter in his first state track & field championship. His daddy told him that these kids may be twice his age, but that’s no excuse. Nobody remembers second place! He told him to make sure that everybody knows who he is. He went on to win 4 gold medals that day. He’s always been a winner…it’s just what he does. This Sunday is Father’s Day, so Jack will dedicate his victory at Fatal 4-Way to his daddy. The other names in the match will be forgotten, but you’ll never forget the 2-time All American American Jack Swagger.

I wonder if CM Punk would dedicate his victory to his alcoholic father, or if Rey Mysterio would dedicate his victory to Rey Mysterio Sr., or if Big Show would dedicate his victory to Andre the Giant.

EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero is out to introduce a man with such Adonis-like looks (Adrian? I don‘t see it.), soft silky hair and abs-EXCUSE ME! All of you need to pay respect to the most amazing man to ever walk this planet, Dolph Ziggler. Grisham claims that Vickie’s voice is more annoying than a vuvuzuela horn. Well duh, everything is more annoying than the lovely vuvuzuela. I just wish they’d quit interrupting the South African vuvuzuela concerts with those darn soccer matches. Anywho…

Match 5: Singles Contest
Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. Chris Masters

Pyro for Masters for the first time in ages! It’s the Masterlock vs. the sleeper hold in what was an interesting contest on Superstars awhile back. Dolph runs right into a shoulder block, but drops Masters neck first on the top rope. Nice kick by Dolph, he pounds Chris down and hits the arm-bar with a neck crank added for good measure. Masters snap mares Ziggler out of it. Ziggler misses a dropkick and Masters catapults him into the top turnbuckle! Inverted atomic drop and three clotheslines by Masters! He motions for the Masterlock, Ziggler slips out, but gets hit with a sidewalk slam for a two count. Scoop by Masters…Ziggler slips out of a running power slam and puts the sleeper hold on Masters! After some fighting, Masters powers out and goes for the Masterlock! Ziggler gets to the ropes just in time. He kicks Chris’s knee and hits the Zig-Zag for the 1-2-3!

Winner: Dolph Ziggler (3:00, **)
Man, there must have been a curfew on this arena because they sure seem in a hurry to get out of it. In what’s been a trend tonight, decent action for the time allotted.

Big hug from Vickie for the Ziggster.

We get clips of the NXT 7 on Raw and some Fatal 4-Way hype.

Match 6: Tag Team Main Event
Rey Mysterio & Big Show vs. CM Punk & World Champion Jack Swagger (w/Serena & Luke Gallows)

Swagger & Mysterio start us off here. Swagger powers Rey into the corner, misses a punch but Rey doesn’t miss a kick to Jack’s knee. It doesn’t feel too good. Tieup, Jack powers Rey into the corner and tage Punk in. Punk shoulder blocks Rey in the corner, snap mares him and drops an elbow for a one count. Whip off the ropes, Rey ducks under. Kick, snap mare by Rey, leg drop gets a 1 count. Kick to Punk’s shoulder. Rey kicks him again in the corner, throws a punch, Punk kicks him, goes for a sunset flip but Rey rolls through, Punk blocks the kick, Rey goes for the mask! Gallows takes his head off with a clothesline on the outside as we go to commercial!

Punk MAKES REY HUMBLE with the Camel Clutch as we return and WWE thanks the North Carolina Film Office. Have we figured out what that’s about yet? Now Punk grabs Rey’s mask and tries to take it off, but Rey fights back with punches, Punk whips him into the corner. Rey cheap shots Swagger in the throat and runs towards his corner, but Punk power slams him down! He drags Rey back into the corner and tags in Jack. Swagger stomps Rey in the gut several times, throws him into the corner, and then beals him out in impressive fashion. VADER BOMB gets two. Swagger with a top wristlock on Mysterio…Rey fights out, Jack whips him off the ropes, but Rey counters with a modified X-Factor! Tag to the Big Show! Clotheslines for Swagger, Flying Apple in the corner and a big shoulder block sends Swagger down. AHHHHHHHHHHH! Punk gets booted out of the ring, Show goozles Swagger, Choke…but no slam, as Swagger reverses with a DDT! Nice! Both men slow to get to their feet, Rey tags in, he goes up top…a splash misses! Swagger dead-lifts Rey for the Doctor Bomb, but he takes too much time and Rey counters it into a reverse Killswitch type move. It gets the three count!

Winners: Rey Mysterio & Big Show (5:47, **¼)
I said last week that Rey wins way too often to be seen as an underdog. I stand by that statement, and the statement that Swagger needs to get a win one of these days. Will it be at Fatal 4-Way? One can hope.

Through hellfire & brimstone, it’s Kane! Gallows gets smacked down. Swagger eats a choke slam. Big Show gets knocked off the apron. Punk comes off the top rope right into a choke slam. Rey gets a Tombstone! Kane says that one of them is already in hell and doesn’t even know it. This Sunday will be a fatal night for the guilty party. LIGHT THE RING POSTS! There’s an open casket on the ramp…Kane does the Undertaker pose towards it as the stage emits fire balls and we fade to black. So long and good night, folks!