411’s WWE Smackdown Report 07.31.03

WWE Smackdown for July 31, 2003. Taped from Colorado Springs, Colorado
Report by Brad Jennette, EXCLUSIVELY for www.411wrestling.com

The video rolls, the pyro hits and we are TAPED FROM COLORADO SPRINGS … it’s WWE Smackdown for July 31, 2003

Your NEW WWE champion Kurt Angle comes out to open the show to a nice pop. He gets on the mic and talks about how he won the title just 4 months after having a broken freakin neck! Brock comes out and demands a rematch (couldn’t Show do the same? I mean he wasn’t even pinned) which Angle eventually accepts. Vince then comes out and says Brock will not get a rematch because he hasn’t earned it. Vince tries to stir the pot between Angle and Brock by telling them they can’t trust each other. Vince says Brock can earn his rematch by teaming with Angle and winning a tag team match against two mystery opponents.
Rey Mysterio vs Shelton Benjamin
As long as these guys can stretch this fued out for a couple of months like they did with Angle/Benoit vs Edge/Rey, I’m all for it. This was an action packed little 4 minute match that had plenty of back and forth action. Shelton B is probably in my top 5 as far as favorite workers on Smackdown. Rey hit the 619 and attempted the Drop The Dime but Shelton caught it. Rey then countered it to a reverse rollup and got the pin.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
Torrie shows up at a hotel room door…and Noble answers in his cowboy hat and underwear! Noble shows her his collection of dildos and various other international objects but it causes Torrie to be sick and she runs for the bathroom.

Rhyno cuts a promo about how Benoit needs a warmup match before he will be ready to face the Rhyno.

Chris Benoit vs Doink the Clown
Apparently Doink The Clown is Nick Dinsmore, who is a very good techincal wrestler from OVW (he was also one of the conquistadors a couple of shows back). This was a total squash with Benoit just destroying the poor clown with chops and lariats. Benoit finishes with the headbutt and crossface in less then 2 minutes.
Winner: Chris Benoit
Cut to Rhyno again, he says he isn’t going to wrestle tonight and walks out of the arena.
Back at the hotel, Noble is trying to seal the deal with Torrie when Nidia shows up. Her and Noble end up going at it while Torrie watches.

Backstage, Angle and Brock meet up and talk about the usual.

United States Championship Match: Eddie Guerrero vs Tajiri
Eddie came out in his lowrider but there was no bounce! Eddie opened the truck to check on it but got green misted to the face by Tajiri! Eddie tries to get out of the match because of blindness but the referee isn’t buying it. This was easily the match of the night. Eddie did some more of his world famous Guererro 2003 cheating. This time it was Tajiri who accidentally sprayed the referee with the green mist. Eddie then smacked Tajiri in the head with the US title and went outside the ring and got a water bottle. Eddie then splashed the referee’s eyes to clear the mist and got the pin. A highly original finish.
Winner and STILL US Champion: Eddie Guererro.
They show the entire Zach Gowen story from last week’s Confidential. He is a fighter.

Of course that leads to….

Shannon Moore vs Zach Gowen
I’m really want to try and dig Gowen, but the shock appeal of a one legged wrestler is already gone for me. This was about as good of a match as you are going to get out of little Zach. Shannon was able to win after some well timed distractions by Matt Hardy. Matt did draw some massive heel heat for beating the poor kid down post match. Hey, at least Shannon broke his losing streak.
Winner: Shannon Moore

John Cena vs Orlando Jordan
Cena gets on the mic prematch and cuts a rap about how Taker and Orlando Jordan might actually be gay together. Hell, if I was married to Sara Undertaker, I might be driven to the other side myself. This was pretty much a Cena squash match. He worked over Jordan’s ribs with some stiff kicks and ended it with the shitty FU death valley driver.
Winner: John Cena

Back at the hotel, Nidia and Noble come out of the shower wrapped only in towels. They try and talk Torrie into a mйnage-a-trois when Billy Gunn shows up. Torrie looks a little plastered and she and Billy stick around.

Backstage, Brock storms into Vince’s office and demands to have that match Vince agreed to at a date TBA NEXT WEEK. Vince accepts!

Back at the hotel, *CUE PORN MUSIC* BOW CHIKA BOW WOW. Its a massive orgy! All four people end up in the bed and we actually have a funny payoff for once. Consider my foot in my mouth.

Sable comes out and puts herself over. She shows the clip of A-Train helping her defeat Stephanie at the PPV and then introduces A-Train and Big Show as the mystery opponents for Brock and Angle.

Brock Lesnar & Kurt Angle vs Big Show & A-Train
This main event was not too interesting really. Angle played Ricky Morton for a while and eventually made the hot tag to Brock who destroyed A-Train with belly to belly suplexes. Show saved Train from getting an F5 but Show ended up eating one of his own. Angle tagged Brock on his back and made the cover after the F5! HA!
Winners: Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle
Apparently, Brock didn’t appreciate Angle stealing his victory (although his team DID win) so he gives Kurt an F5. Vince comes out to end the show and announces that next week’s main event will be Brock Lesnar vs Vince McMahon in a STEEEEEEL cage. Oh, Kurt Angle is also the special referee.