411’s WWE Smackdown Report 08.27.10

Hello all and welcome to the WWE Smackdown Report. Last week, Alberto Del Rio debuted in grand fashion defeating Rey Mysterio cleanly via submission with a cross armbreaker. He seems to have won over the hearts of a large portion of the IWC, including my own. Let’s see if that love continues into this week’s show. Additionally, tonight is the long awaited return of The Undertaker to Smackdown. What will he have in store for Kane after being put into a vegetative state and embarrassed at Summerslam? Find out here…

Smackdown opens with the usual video and pyro, always a sure way to get someone excited for some wrestling. Tonight we are not exactly live from Fresno, California. How many shows in a row is that from California now?

Later tonight, Rey Mysterio vs. Kane in a No Disqualification match and Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Championship. Also, The Undertaker returns.

Match One: No Disqualification- Rey Mysterio (20-8) vs. Kane (12-7-2)

Mysterio comes out, selling the effects of last week’s match against Del Rio. Mysterio comes out slugging away but Kane puts a stop to it with an uppercut. Strong Irish whip sends Mysterio to the outside, landing on his arm. Outside, Kane stomps on the injured arm and drops Mysterio across the barricade. Kane sends Mysterio into the ring and grabs a kendo stick. Before he can re-enter the ring, Mysterio kicks away at his legs. Mysterio picks up the kendo stick and whacks Kane a few times before running into a big boot to the face. Cover gets two. In the corner, Kane pounds away and stomps on the back of Mysterio’s head. Strong Irish whip sends Mysterio crashing into the opposite corner. Cover gets two. Facelock applied by Kane but Mysterio quickly escapes and jumps onto the apron. He goes to springboard off but Kane catches him with a big boot sending him to the outside. Kane stalks Mysterio outside but gets drop toe held onto the steel ring steps. Mysterio climbs onto the announce table and hits a seated senton as we go to commercial.

Back from break, Kane catches Mysterio with an uppercut as he flies off the top rope. Cover gets two. Kane pounds away and sinks in a chinlock. Mysterio kicks his way out. Mysterio goes off the ropes but Kane hits a sidewalk slam for two. Kane leaves the ring to grab a steel chair. Kane is about to hit Mysterio with the chair in the corner but Mysterio is able to get both boots up and knock him back. Kane charges slowly and gets another round of double boots. Mysterio hits a springboard seated senton and a rana off the ropes puts Kane in the 619 position. Mysterio is about to connect with it but Kane recovers and grabs him around the throat. Kane goes for the chokeslam but Mysterio blocks it with an attempted rana. Kane blocks that and gets him into powerbomb position. Mysterio punches his head and Kane throws him off. Mysterio quickly comes back by taking out the knee from behind. Mysterio grabs the chair and goes after the knee then a big shot to the back puts Kane into the 619 position again. West Coast Pop is stopped as Kane catches Mysterio with a chokeslam onto the steel chair for the win.

Winner: Kane in 9:00

Rating: **3/4 (Very fun match for the short while that it lasted. This is one of those matches that is really hurt by the commercial break as the pace was fairly quick throughout. Can you believe that Mysterio has lost two weeks in a row now? Cleanly.)

Post-match, Mysterio is selling the arm injury with a trainer when all of a sudden, “Good evening ladies and gentlemans.” I still think he sounds like Santino Marella when he says that. His name is Alberto Del Rio, but you already knew that. Mysterio, are you okay amigito? Mysterio looks like a dying dog. Someone needs to put him down. And of course, that someone is Del Rio as he rams him arm-first into the barricade and applies the cross armbreaker. That grin on Del Rio’s face is priceless and he is getting some major heat from the crowd. Del Rio starts to leave but comes back, wraps the chair around Mysterio’s arm and rams it into the ring post. There is a new Rey on Smackdown. That means king for you non bi-lingual’s out there.

Match Two: CM Punk (8-13) vs. JTG (7-6)

Oh Serena, we hardly knew you. Match starts out with JTG going for a quick roll up that gets one. Snapmare by JTG gets one. Punk puts an end to the tomfoolery with a back kick then some jabs and kicks in the corner. Irish whip sends JTG to the opposite corner where JTG is caught with a clothesline then a snapmare. Punk stretches the shoulder and rains down with elbows to the chest. Punk with some knee strikes and clubs to the back. I should point out that Punk has some new ink across his chest, very reminiscent of Vampiro. JTG tries to come back but Punk continues with the knees. Irish whip to the corner then a knee lift by Punk. Bulldog out of the corner and an SES arm raise pose. Punk with the G2S but he doesn’t go for the cover. He slaps on an Anaconda Vice and JTG taps soon thereafter.

Winner: CM Punk in 2:00

Rating: ½* ( Simple but effective. Punk needed that win considering how badly the SES have looked lately. And, welcome back Anaconda Vice!)

Post-match, Punk makes the SES get on their knees in the middle of the ring. That is how you operate when you’re a member of the SES. That is how the message of purity is spread to this rotten world. Punk leads by example and tonight, the example is set. Luke, follow that and leave Big Show unconscious in a pool of his own drool. Put the stamp of the SES on his face. This is the last time Punk will repeat this: Be better or be gone (Oh well, that explains Serena).

In the back, Rosa Mendes is showing Teddy Long how well she can jerk it. And by that I mean how well she can use a device known as the Shake Weight. Come on now, this is PG. Long bids her good day and sits down to read the latest issue of WWE Magazine. That is until Hornswoggle sneaks up in his plant suit. Long wonders who else Hornswoggle has been spying on, so naturally, they play charades. Long guesses Lay-Cool correctly. There is no English to Leprechaun dictionary so Hornswoggle has to draw his thoughts. Unfortunately, his drawings are nonsense as well. According to Long, there is a way he and Hornswoggle can work together. I guess this means many more cutesy backstage segments in the future.

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker discuss the Six Pack challenge at Night of Champions and advertise The Undertaker’s return for later tonight.

Last Friday, Dolph Ziggler retained his Intercontinental Championship by getting himself disqualified. This week, if he gets disqualified he loses the belt when he faces off against Kofi Kingston next.

This week, Dashing Cody Rhodes takes us one step closer to dashing by teaching us to shave not only our faces, but our legs as well. Yes Cody, accentuate those chicken legs of yours. Apparently, this makes you more sexually attractive to the opposite sex. That definitely wasn’t as subtle as the Shake Weight.

Match Three: Intercontinental Championship- Dolph Ziggler© (13-13-1) vs. Kofi Kingston (11-7)

And the award for the laziest attempt at a storyline goes to…It’s easy to see that all of this summer’s creative juices have gone to the Nexus while lowly feuds like this one are subject to very little imagination. According to Striker, Kingston has been sleeping with a “leather chin strap apparatus” following last week’s attack. Kingston takes Ziggler to the corner and fires away with kicks. Ziggler rolls out of the ring but Kingston quickly follows with a clothesline. After ramming his head into the barricade, Kingston throws Ziggler back into the ring. Kingston rolls Ziggler up for one then hits a clothesline that gets two. Kingston goes after Ziggler on the ropes with an uppercut then Irish whips him. Ziggler avoids Trouble in Paradise by holding onto the ropes. Ziggler hits a back elbow but Kingston comes back with an SOS out of nowhere. Cover gets two as we go to commercial.

Back from break, Kingston misses a high leg drop off the top rope. Striker renames Ziggler and Vickie Ziggles N’ Jiggles as Vickie jiggles when she claps. Ziggler and Kingston trade blows with Kingston eventually getting the better of it, slugging away in the corner. That is until he runs into a Ziggler boot that gets two. A Ziggler high elbow drop to the back of the head gets two. Ziggler elbows the back of Kingston’s head then sinks in a chinlock. Kingston elbows his way out then they repeat the Trouble in Paradise spot from earlier only this time Ziggler fires back with a boot instead of a back elbow. And again, Kingston hits the SOS getting a very close three count as Ziggler reaches for the ropes just in time. Kingston can’t believe it. Kingston covers again for two. Ziggler ends up in the corner and Kingston misses a charge, colliding with the ring post. Ziggler covers and gets two. Ziggler with a Mr. Perfect neck snap gets two. Neckbreaker by Ziggler gets two. Ziggler slows it down a bit with a shoulder stretch but Kingston fights out. Ziggler locks in a sleeper but Kingston is able to break it up in the ropes. Vickie almost gets Ziggler disqualified by slapping Kingston across the face behind the ref’s back. Ziggler knee lifts Kingston and gets two. Ziggler clubs Kingston’s back and connects with a high elbow that gets two. Ziggler forces another chinlock. Kingston fights out and comes back with slaps to the chest before Ziggler grabs both of his legs and catapults him onto the middle rope. Kingston lands safely and hits a big punch off the middle that gets two. Ziggler with a knee and an Irish whip into the corner. Ziggler charges and Kingston connects with a pendulum kick. Kingston goes to the top and connects with a crossbody that gets two. Kingston goes for a third SOS but is countered as Ziggler hits with a fireman’s carry takeover that gets two. Kingston blocks the Zig Zag and connects with a dropkick that sends Ziggler to the outside Kingston hits a crossbody off the apron onto Ziggler. Outside, both men go down with a double clothesline as the ref makes the count. Both make it to the apron at nine but Vickie holds Ziggler back as Kingston enters for the Countout win.

Winner: Kingston in 14:00, Dolph Ziggler retains the Intercontinental Championship

Rating: ***1/4 (Without question, the best match in the series. Unfortunately, it had a lame finish. With the countout finish, the feud continues, I suppose.)

Post-match, Kingston chases Ziggler up through the crowd.

Later tonight, The Undertaker returns.

Grisham and Striker send it to a video package detailing Kane’s fantastic promo last week.

Match Four: Jack Swagger Sr. Invitational- Jack Swagger (6-14-1) vs. MVP (7-7)

First wrestler to get five takedowns wins. If Swagger wins, he gets to host the VIP Lounge. If MVP wins, Swagger pays for his summer block party. Swagger is wearing wrestling headgear ala head-shaven Kurt Angle. Swagger taunts and MVP responds with a slap to the face. They lockup and Swagger gets a quick takedown. MVP grabs the leg but Swagger reverses with another takedown, 2-0 Swagger. Swagger with a waistlock and MVP counters with a standing switch. Swagger reverses and gets another takedown, 3-0 Swagger. Swagger with a facelock then a gator roll. MVP gets up and slaps Swagger leading to a disqualification.

Winner: Jack Swagger in 2:00

Rating: N/A (Whatever, this is a black hole of feuds for both men. The more important question is whether I should count this as a Win for Swagger?)

Post-match, Swagger attacks MVP from behind on the outside and locks in an anklelock.

In the back, Lay-Cool chat with Kaval about being flawless. They go on to make fun of Melina. They have a surprise for her on the 900th edition of Raw.

We go to a video package of the WWE’s trip of China.

Last week, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre attacked Christian and Matt Hardy. Grisham and Striker discuss it before sending it to Tony Chimel…

Who then sends it to Ricardo Rodriguez, Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer. Del Rio comes out in yet another vintage car, a Jaguar.

Match Five: Alberto Del Rio (1-0) vs. Carlos Sanchez (Alex Kozlov) (0-0)

Lockup to start ends with Del Rio slugging away in the corner. Hard clothesline then a beautiful belly-to-back suplex by Del Rio. Del Rio sinks in a chinlock. Sanchez fights out but Del Rio stops it with a club to the back. Del Rio charges to the corner but Sanchez moves out of the way. Sanchez with a mini comeback of strikes but Del Rio picks him up and places him on the top rope. After a wink, he knocks him out of the ring. Back in, Del Rio slaps on the cross armbreaker for the win.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio in 3:00

Rating: * (Good squash that showcased a couple more moves in Del Rio’s arsenal. He can hit a mean belly-to-back suplex.)

In the back, Big Show makes his way to the ring with Kelly Kelly by his side.

Match Six: Big Show (12-4-1) vs. Luke Gallows (8-8)

Big Show clubs away then sends Gallows to the corner for a big chop. Another chop in the next corner followed by a boot to the gut. In the third corner, Big Show delivers another chop, this time, to the back. Gallows is then tossed halfway across the ring and onto the outside. Big Show follows and hits another chop with Gallows spread across the announce table. Meanwhile, Kelly Kelly attacks Serena with a Thesz Press on the outside. Big Show tries to attack from the apron but Gallows fires back with elbows. Big Show is still able to push him away and enter the ring. Back in, Gallows attacks but is quickly stopped by another chop. Show with a Knockout Punch ends it.

Winner: Big Show in 2:00

Rating: ½* ( Not a good sign for the SES.)

Up next, The Undertaker returns to Smackdown.

To counter Kane’s eerie red lighting, Taker has eerie purple lighting throughout his promo. Taker may look dead, but he is not dead yet. He is still very much the Deadman though ( fascinating logic). This is still his yard. Taker will never pardon the guilty. This brings him to his brother, Kane. He is guilty of a treacherous betrayal, one that he will pay for. Kane has a diseased soul that has turned into a web of lies. Lies that he thinks can fulfill Taker’s spot. The biggest lie of all is that he thinks he can carry the World Heavyweight Championship…

Which brings out Kane wearing said championship. The only one spinning a web of lies is Taker. Kane can hear the weakness in his voice. Taker is no longer the phenom. Kane will have no problem crushing him and dropping him on his head. The reality is that Kane is bigger and stronger. Kane is the dominate brother and has nothing left to prove. Taker thinks there is a reason why Kane always walked in his shadow. What did Kane call himself last week? Taker has a hard time remembering, but he believes it was the devil’s favorite demon. Kane, have you forgotten? Taker built the house the devil lives in, brick by fiery brick. The devil even answers to Taker with “Sir”. Kane is not worthy of carrying the championship. Most importantly, he is not worthy of being Taker’s brother. Remember, Taker taught Kane everything Kane knows about evil, but he didn’t teach him everything Taker knows. Taker will be waiting and when the fight starts, it’s going to end the same way it always does. Kane begs to differ. Kane knows that this time it ends just like it did at SummerSlam, with Taker sprawled helpless at Kane’s feet. Kane vows on the grave of their mother that Taker will never rest in peace.