411’s WWE Smackdown Report 7.03.09

Welcome to 411’s Weekly Smackdown! Report. I am JP Truss your play-by-play man for Smackdown! I’d like to apologize on behalf of myself for the lateness of the report. Some wires got crossed and I was too tired last night to double check to make sure this thing uploaded. Will it be worth the wait? Let’s find out. J.R. and Todd Grisham are at ringside.

Still your World Heavyweight Champion!

Justin Roberts announces CM Punk, who enters to an anti-Punk reception. JR and Grisham speculate that it’s due to the controversy from the Great American Bash and I would be tempted to agree.

Punk gets on the microphone and says he’s sick and tired of everyone talking about the Bash and saying he struck an official to retain the Championship. So, Punk has decided to go step-by-step to prove us all wrong. First he shows footage to disprove that Jeff Hardy had won the match and was ‘robbed’. The footage he shows is of Jeff Hardy hitting the Swanton Bomb on Punk and the referee counting the three, however Punk’s foot was underneath the bottom rope. Punk points out that after referee admitted his mistake after seeing the same footage and restarted the match; which is how you’re supposed to do it if you’re following the rules. Punk then moves onto the next piece of footage that shows Hardy escaping the G2S with an elbow strike, which may have inadvertently hit his eye. Punk kicks without looking and hits the referee, who immediately disqualifies him. At least, that’s what the footage shows.

Punk then points out the same that his eye is damaged and he accidently hit the referee. Punk then says he is a man of honor and a proud competitor. He’s never taken the easy way out inside or outside of the ring. Punk says that Jeff Hardy has every reason to be upset but that doesn’t excuse his attack on CM Punk after the end of the match. Punk says that Jeff doesn’t have any idea who Punk is as a person. Punk points out that Hardy has demanded a rematch and he has no problem giving him one, but he wanted something from Jeff first: an apology. Now.

Enter Theodore R. Long: still employed. Long decides to granted Hardy’s request to face Punk for another World Heavyweight Championship match at Night of Champions. “That’s super.” Says Punk, but he still wants his apology from Hardy and asks Long to get Hardy down here. However, Long isn’t going to do that. Instead he books for later tonight Edge and Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk and Jeff Hardy.

This brings out Hardy to his usual insane pop and even more insane face paint. Hardy tells Punk that he’s tired of his excuses. Hardy calls Punk a liar and says he can see right through him. Punk tells Hardy that unless he’s going to apologize that he doesn’t care what he has to say. Jeff then apologizes – for kicking his ass at Night of Champions. A quick shoving match is broken up by Long and then Punk decides to call for a truce. He tells Hardy that they need to put aside their differences in order to take on the Unified Tag Team Champions tonight and tells Hardy to ‘just say no’ to attacking him. Nicely done.

Ricky Ortiz v. Finlay

I don’t mind Finlay on Smackdown, but can we change it to the old ‘Tough Irish Bastard’ theme? You know, the pre-Hornswaggle theme that…ah never mind. They probably deleted it by now.

Ortiz tries to give Finlay a pep talk, which doesn’t work out very well for him. Finlay starts it off with a clothesline to Ortiz that sends him to the outside. Ortiz, however, sweeps out Finlay’s legs on the apron. Finlay lands on the outside and Ortiz attacks with a power slam on the outside. Ortiz sends Finlay back to the inside of the ring and hits a back suplex and going for a pin, getting a two count.

Ortiz nails a running knee drop to Finlay that seems to stun him as well. Finlay heads to the corner and tries to charge Finlay but gets sidestep and rams into the ring post. Finlay goes for a roll-up and gets a two count. Finlay nails Ortiz with a clothesline and follows up with Rolling Hills! Seated Senton by Finlay! Finlay goes for the pin but only gets a near fall. Finlay goes for the Celtic Cross but his lower back is still weakened. Ortiz slips out and goes on the attack, trying for a Gut wrench but Finlay blocks it! Celtic Cross ends it!

Winner: Finlay (Pinfall via Celtic Cross) * Not bad for the time it was given but too short to really mean anything.

We cut to Dolph Ziggler and Maria. Apparently, they’ve gone out and Maria wants to do it again which Dolph sort of kind of wants to do as well. Interesting segment if only because Ziggler may be the only man I know uninterested with a relationship with Maria. But it plays up his egoist gimmick well.

Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth

Grisham asks JR ‘What’s up?’ as Truth enters. JR’s answer? “Well I got a new contract, so my wages are up.” God bless you sir.

We start it off with a Ziggler cheap shot. Ziggler tries to attack Truth in the corner but Truth avoids and answers back with a spinning calf kick. Truth follows up with a big hip toss and goes for a pin, getting a quick count. Ziggler goes into the corner and cowers, forcing the referee to back Truth up which is exactly what Ziggler wanted and attacks with a flying forearm and rear high angle slam.

Ziggler tries a chin lock but is soon forced to break it in order to keep Truth grounded. Four consecutive elbow drops lead to a pin attempt and another two count. Ziggler goes for a full nelson hold but Truth breaks out of it with a hip toss. Truth goes on the attack with a back elbow and a clothesline. Truth whips Ziggler to the ropes and catches him with a power slam. It’s good for another two count. Truth tags Ziggler with a Bicycle Kick that spins Ziggler to the ropes. Truth tries to pull Ziggler up but Ziggler slings Truth head first off the top rope. Ziggler hits a leaping Russian Leg Sweep and gets the three.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler (Pinfall via Leaping Russian Leg Sweep) *1/2. Same case as before but with different competitors. Add the fact that Creative can’t seem to make its mind up on R-Truth and you have a lame duck match that neither helped nor hurt either man for the long run.

Word Up

We return to Smackdown with JTG and Shad and Eve who gives us this week’s “Word”: Wangsta. (Noun) 1) a person who acts and looks like a gangster or thug, but has never done anything gangster or thug-like besides acting or looking like one.

I think we all know where this is heading, but let’s keep up the charade for a little while longer.

Or not. Cryme Tyme and Eve go on a ‘Street Safari’ and use diamond-encrusted binoculars to stare at Layla, poke fun at Jimmy Wang Yang, and eventually find Jesse. After Jesse talks, I think, Cryme Tyme leaves demanding that he doesn’t not follow them. Not bad, but then again not very entertaining either.

Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

This could either be very good or a nightmare. Please be good. It is good to see Kane back though.

Mysterio goes after Kane with swift kicks to the legs and lower body of Kane but Kane quickly answers back with a hard clothesline. Kane goes on the attack with boots to the back of the head, pulling up Mysterio and punishing him in the corner with stiff rights. Kane pulls Mysterio out hits a short-arm clothesline before going for a pin, getting a quick count. Kane goes for a rear head lock but Mysterio kicks his way out of it. Mysterio tries to catch a break in the corner but Kane is back on him with a hard boot. Kane whips Mysterio to the corner and charges, catching him in an attempted leapfrog but Mysterio fights out of it. Mysterio hits Kane with a low dropkick that sets him up on the middle rope and goes for 619 but Kane is up and catches him for a Chokeslam, but Mysterio fights out of it! Kane grabs Mysterio and hammers him again until the referee forces him to step back. Commercial break!

We return as Kane attempts a pin but gets a near fall. Kane whips Mysterio hard to the corner which sends him crashing to the outside. Kane, in full control now, goes to the outside and rams Mysterio back first into the ring post. Kane slides back in as the referee begins the count. Mysterio is slow to move but gets back into the ring before the ten count. Kane goes back on the attack, grounding Mysterio with a scoop slam. Kane takes his time and sends Mysterio to the far corner but Mysterio stuns him by getting both boots up. Mysterio tries to charge but Kane stops him with a back elbow.

Kane pulls up Mysterio and hits a back suplex, going for another pin and getting another near fall. Kane pulls up Mysterio and hits a back breaker, holding him across his knee. Kane demands Mysterio give up and Mysterio answers back with knees to the temple. Mysterio rolls to the corner and hits Kane with a drop toe hold into the top turnbuckle! Mysterio goes to the apron and hits a springboard seated senton! Mysterio charges and hits Kane with a spinning reverse DDT! Low dropkick! Mysterio goes for the pin but Kane kicks out at two.

Mysterio heads to the top rope and flies right into an uppercut from Kane! Kane signals for the Chokeslam but Mysterio avoids it. Mysterio hits Kane with an enzuguri! A low dropkick sets Kane on the middle rope! 619! 619 by Mysterio! Mysterio goes for the springboard senton but Kane catches him and throws him overhead. Mysterio lands on his feet and runs into a Chokeslam! Kane gets the pin and the victory!

Winner: Kane (Pinfall via Chokeslam) **3/4 perfectly serviceable match that gave Kane a proper return to the mid-card.

After the match Kane seems ready to leave but instead pulls up Mysterio, taunting him until The Great Khali appears! And he has a steel chair! Kane drops Mysterio and leaves through the crowd to avoid Khali.

We cut to backstage where Josh Matthews is standing by with Chris Jericho. Jericho says it brings a smile to his face to see Mysterio get beat down and next week he’s invoking his rematch clause for the Intercontinental Championship. But, says Edge who’s been standing on the other side, that’s not what tonight is about. Tonight is about proving they are the dominant forces in the WWE. Edge says that Jeff Hardy and CM Punk are not even on the same page, so this should be easy. Jericho says that they are the best in the world at what they do and he thinks that Punk is as much of a liar as everyone else. They will defeat Jeff Hardy and CM Punk and they will prove they are the dominant force in the company. Not to sound too old school, but this team reeks of awesomeness.

The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme

Wise move to have the Dynasty’s theme remixed from the Hart Foundation. In other news, can people who can’t dance stop trying to dance to Cryme Tyme’s music?

We start off with Tyson Kidd and JTG. Kidd tries to get an advantage with a rear waist lock but JTG fights out of it and catches Tyson with a drop toe hold and front headlock. Tyson gets to his feet and forces JTG into the corner to break the hold. Tyson goes for an Irish Whip but JTG reverses him into the far corner. JTG charges and hits a big face buster that sends Kidd to the outside. JTG chases after him but Tyson avoids him and tags in David Hart Smith, who clubs JTG from behind. Smith attacks JTG in the corner, bringing him out with a big belly-to-belly suplex. Smith goes for the pin and gets a near fall.

Smith hooks JTG with a rear chin lock, grounding him for the short term but JTG fights out of it. However it’s not enough to stop Smith from forcing JTG into his corner. Smith tags in Tyson Kidd who aids in a tandem attack into the corner. Tyson hits a snap mare on JTG and hooks in a surfboard stretch, punish JTG before breaking the hold. Tyson stands JTG only for JTG to counter him with a roll up; good for a two. Tyson, however, grounds JTG with a kick. Tyson again hooks in a surfboard stretch but JTG manages to get to his feet this time. Tyson tries for an Irish Whip but JTG counters with an uppercut. JTG attacks with a spinning takedown to Tyson! Tyson tags in Smith but it’s Shad who gets the hot tag! Shad ducks under a clothesline and knocks Tyson off the apron. Shad takes down Smith with a clothesline and inverted back suplex! Shad rallies the crowd and hits the…I’m not exactly sure what he calls that elbow drop but yes, an elbow drop. Shad goes for the pin and it’s broken up by Tyson Kidd. Tyson tries to attack JTG but JTG blocks him. The referee tries to get Tyson out of the ring as JTG attacks Smith from the outside! Shad hits the STO and gets the victory for his team!

Winners: Cryme Tyme (Pinfall via STO) **1/2 Good tag team match that shows the growth of Cryme Tyme and the potential of the Hart Dynasty. We should see some good stuff from all four in the near future.

JR and Grisham pimps the main event as we go to commercials.

Women’s Champion Michelle McCool and Layla vs. Maria

JR calls the team a unique combination of ‘M&Ms’. Grisham, not to be outdone, calls for a pause in the commentary to watch Melina’s splits. We get a King reference out of it so this was not wasted time. Melina demands Michelle steps into the ring and doesn’t notice Layla until she gets attacked from behind. Layla goes on the attack but is stopped with a kick from Melina. Melina slams Layla face first into the top turnbuckle and tags in Maria, who attacks Layla with knees to the gut. Maria hits a snap mare takeover followed by a running reverse bulldog. Maria goes for a pin and gets a quick count. Maria pulls up Layla and hits a Monkey Flip. Layla is on her feet and Maria tries for another kick but Layla blocks and forces Maria into a split of her own and clearly she is not as flexible as her partner.

Layla, thinking quickly, tags in Michelle who attacks Maria’s injured leg. Michelle pulls Maria to her corner and tags in Layla who goes on the attack for a moment as well before quickly tagging back in Michelle. Michelle hooks in a sitting toe hold, which Maria tries to fight out of and Michelle puts a stop to with a kick to the thigh. Michelle switches the move to a standing toe hold. Maria seems to be suffering before leg sweeping her way out of the hold. Maria kicks Michelle and gets to her corner, tagging in Melina!

Melina is quick to go after Michelle with forearms but Michelle counters with a kick and tags in Layla. Layla tries for a clothesline but Melina evades it and hits a kick from the back handstand position. Melina knocks Michelle off the apron and Layla comes from behind, trying for the neck breaker but Melina reverses it into a Primal Scream! Melina gets the three!
Winners: Melina and Maria (Pinfall via Primal Scream) ** Not bad for the time it was given but too short to really mean anything.

After the commercials we get a replay of last week’s epic match between John Morrison and CM Punk. We cut from there to Long’s office where Morrison wants Long to let him face the winner of the World Heavyweight Championship match at Night of Champions. Both get distracted singing old Michael Jackson songs that ironically fit into the conversation. From what I gather, Long is thinking about it. Not bad, if only because neither man could sing.

Unified Tag Team Champions Edge and Chris Jericho vs. World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk and Jeff Hardy

Everyone gets their entrances and of course the only one the crowd likes is Jeff. Both Punk and Hardy look wary of each other and it looks like Punk will start it off along with Edge. The bell rings and Edge hooks Punk with a wrist lock. Edge kicks out one of Punk’s leg and pulls back on the hold until Punk flips out of it and hits him with a dropkick. Punk pulls Edge to his corner and Jeff, albeit reluctantly, accepts the tag and attacks Edge with a double axe handle from the middle rope.

Hardy now goes on the attack, whipping Edge hard into the corner. Hardy tries for a pin but Edge has his foot in the ropes. Hardy pulls Edge up and forces him face first into the far turnbuckle and hooks in a wrist lock of his own before tagging in Punk. Punk goes to the middle rope and also attacks Edge with a double axe handle from the middle rope. Punk keeps up the pressure on Edge’s arm with a shoulder lock, dropping Edge with stiff kicks to the chest. Edge breaks the hold with a punch and tags in Jericho who is immediately caught with an arm drag from Punk. Punk hits Jericho with a scoop slam and tags in Hardy who hits a leg drop from the middle rope. Hardy hooks both legs and gets a near fall. Hardy pulls up Jericho who sneak attacks with a shot to the ribs. Jericho goes on the attack with an Irish Whip but Hardy counters with an inverted atomic drop! Double leg drop from Hardy! JR SAYS VINTAGE HARDY! Cole’s rubbing off on everyone!

Hardy tags in CM Punk who takes Jericho down with a snap mare. Punk goes for a pin and gets a quick count. Both men struggle for control but it is Jericho who comes out with the wrist lock and tags in Edge. Edge and Jericho gets in shots on Punk as the referee force Jericho out. Edge hits Punk with a head butt and goes for an Irish Whip but Punk answers back with a spinning heel kick! Punk tags in Hardy and whips Edge into the corner. Poetry in Motion! Edge and Jericho are knocked to the outside! Can Punk and Hardy win this thing? We’ll find out after the commercial break!

We return with Edge and Jeff staring off in the ring. Edge tees off on Hardy with shots to the head, going for an Irish Whip into the corner. Hardy leapfrogs over a charging Edge and hits an arm drag. Hardy tries to tag in Punk but Punk’s eye injury is apparently starting to give him problems. Instead Hardy hits Edge with a vertical suplex and covers Edge to get a near fall. Hardy whips Edge to the corner and goes for a Stinger Splash but Edge steps out of the way. Edge tags in Jericho who hits Hardy with a low dropkick to the skull. Jericho grounds Hardy with a relentless attack before taunting Punk. The referee keeps Punk on the apron as Jericho tosses Hardy to the outside. Again the referee gets distracted by Punk and Jericho as Edge nails Hardy with a hard right that sends him into the barricade.

Jericho rolls Hardy in who tries to crawl to a tag but Punk is distracted by his eye. Jericho stops him with a shot to the back of the head. Jericho locks in an arm trap/chin lock combination. Hardy fights out of it and tries for an Irish Whip but Jericho reverses it, sending Hardy crashing to the outside. Jericho taunts the crowd as Hardy tries to make it to his feet. The referee begins the count and Hardy is up by five. Jericho leaves the ring but Hardy out maneuvers him to get back in the ring and go for a tag but Punk is out of position to the surprise of both Hardy AND Jericho.

Frustrated Hardy goes on the offensive, going to the corner and catching Jericho with Whisper in the Wind! Both men are down! Slowly Jericho gets to his corner and tags in Edge, who goes for the DDT but Hardy reverses it into a Twist of Fate! Hardy gets up and tags in Punk, who didn’t see it coming! Maybe his eye really is injured! Regardless Punk steps in and hits a cornered Edge with a running knee lift and bulldog! Punk goes for the cover and gets a two count! Punk goes for the Go To Sleep but Edge counters wit the Edge O’Matic; good for a near fall.

Edge gloats in the ring as he forces Punk into is corner, attacking with boots to the torso. Edge distracts the referee as Jericho chokes Punk from the outside. Edge tags in Jericho who gets a running start before nailing a kick to Punk’s ribs. Jericho claws at the injured eye of CM Punk before the referee makes him break it up. Jericho taunts Punk who breaks out a few forearm shots before both men take each other out with clotheslines! Punk crawls over to his corner for a tag but Hardy suddenly has his own eye injury that sends him to the ground! That is wrong; hilarious and wrong. Jericho tries a roll up from behind but it only gets him a two count. Jericho tries for the Walls of Jericho but Punk fights him off. Hardy is still faking an eye injury as Punk tries for Go to Sleep but Jericho fights him. Edge gets a blind tag just as Punk hits the G2S. SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR on Punk! Edge gets the pin and the three!

Winner: Edge and Jericho (Pinfall via Spear) ***

Edge tries to attack Punk afterward but Hardy intervenes. Hardy sets up for the Swanton Bomb but Jericho pulls Edge to safety. Punk is back on his feet as Hardy tries to explain his injury and apologizes as he leaves the ring, only to reveal on the ramp that of course, it was all a ruse. Punk is not pleased as Smackdown closes.

Enjoy your Fourth of July! Remember freedom is not free; it was paid for by the generations that came well before us. And take some time to pray for our men and women who can’t celebrate today because they are defending freedom in our Armed Forces. See you next week!