411’s WWF Sunday Night Heat Report 01.13.02

Hello people, I am Carlos and this is 411’s Heat recap. I was going to do a whole thing about football for my intro, but I’m doing Raw tomorrow so I’ll save it until then. Tonight’s show comes to us live from WWF NY, with our hosts Tazz and Michael Cole.

Michael congratulates Tazz for winning the WWF Tag Team titles this week on Raw. Tonight’s special guest star is Spike Dudley, Tazz’s partner.

Match #1- Albert and Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Crash Holly and Funaki

Cole says that the last man standing at the Royal Rumble wins a title shot at Wrestlemania. I guess the Rumble is a last man standing match this year. Scotty starts of against Funaki. He hits a belly to back suplex, dances, and tags Albert in. Albert yells at Funaki, and he crawls to the corner to tag Crash in. Crash doesn’t fare too well. Cool spot as Albert carries Scotty and rams him feet first onto Crash. Scotty is in and he gets cheap shotted by Funaki, giving the heels the advantage. Funaki tags in and beats 2 Hotty down in the corner. Crash comes back in but falls prey to a neckbreaker. No swing though. Albert takes a hot tag and punches both heels down. He presses Funaki and drops him flat on his stomach, which Cole calls his head. Scotty comes in and bulldogs Funaki. Crash sends him over the top but Scotty skins the cat and bulldogs Crash. The zoo crew hits a stereo worm to get the duke.

Winners- Albert and Crash

I am pretty ashamed at how psyched I am for the new season of The Real World. I just love that show. Have you people seen the new cast? I think they just said to hell with it and cast the hottest chicks that applied. I have no problem with that by the way.

We come back to the same Ric Flair video McMahon showed on Raw. Kid Rock for a Flair video? Kinda tacky. When Vince made fun of WCW’s older stars by having his Huckster v. Nacho Man match at WM XII, Hogan was 43, Savage 44. When Vince and Flair meet up at the RR they will be 56 and 53, respectively. I’m just saying.

The Dudley Boyz get into an altercation with Sergeant Slaughter. Slaughter gets into their face doing his whole maggot routine. They Dudz back off, at least until Slaughter calls them ex-champs. That ticks them off and they beat down Slaughter and challenge him to a tag match tonight. The Sarge kind of asked for it there.

Spike comes out for his interview. They hype up the Tazz and Spike team and announce a match between them and the Dudley Boyz. Cole tries to make plans to go clubbing with the tag champs, but gets rejected by Spike. Ouch.

Backstage, Spike meets up with the dude from Kung Pow the movie and a chick with one breast. That’s all I’m saying about that.

Match #2- Billy Gunn w/Chuck vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri w/ Torrie

Some nasty buzz-saw kicks distract me from looking at Torrie. Gunn drops Tajiri with… something, I was looking at Torrie. It gets two. Vertical suplex from Gunn gets another couple. Powerslam drops Tajiri and Gunn goes up top. He takes too long and is put in the reverse tree of woe. Tajiri spanks him and hits a baseball slide dropkick. He follows with chops and a handspring elbow. Standing moonsault gets two. Tajiri tries to hook the tarantula, but Billy interferes. Tajiri disposes of Palumbo but walks into a famouser.

Winner- Billy Gunn

After the match the AGD beat Tajiri down. The lights go out, and the Hurricane appears! Perfect cross-body of the top gets Gunn, a spike ddt puts Palumbo down and then Hurricane and Tajiri double superkick Billy Gunn. The Hurricane kind of looks like Shane Helms, but naw, it can’t be.

We take a look back at HHH’s return. Kurt Angle sells the pedigree AND the stunner better than anybody in the WWF. That must have been a hell of a chokeslam Austin took at Smackdown, because he stayed down for like 10 minutes.

Match #3- The Dudley Boyz w/Torrie vs. Perry Saturn and Sergeant Slaughter

Saturn has new tattoos. I don’t think there is anything even remotely new on Slaughter though. He gets a huge pop. Ok, maybe about 50 of those pounds on Slaughter are new. D-Von and Perry start out. Spinning elbow gives D-Von the advantage, but a springboard cross-body gets two for Perry. T-bone suplex puts D-Von out and brings the legend in. He winds up and punched the former tag champ, Buh-buh comes in to help but Slaughter disposes of the both. Ok, they’re the best tag team of all time, but a sixty year old can kick both their asses. A wazzup drop on Perry gives the Dudz the advantage. Buh-buh slams Perry and goes to the second turnbuckle, but misses a senton. Perry gets him with a big kick to the chops then gives Slaughter the hot tag. He cleans house but nearly kills D-Von with a suplex attempt. I mean very nearly dropped him on his head. Maybe he should stick to the clotheslines. The Dudz attempt some double teaming, but the Sarge has had enough, and he gets his belt and starts whipping everybody, drawing a dq.

Winners- The Dudley Boyz

After the match, Slaughter brings Stacie in gives her a whipping with the belt.

Well, that’s it for me. See you tomorrow for the Raw report and later in the week for 411’s Main Event.