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Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 12.21.22
Image Credit: AEW
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Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals….
And a Happy New Year!
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
WE start the show with the man who nearly won the title last week, Ricky Starks! He’s covered in drip as he heads to the ring.
He says it would have been really nice to be standing here the new champ, but he lost. That’s on him, because he should have known better. It sucks, but at least he lost as a man while MJF won like a coward.He can stand here with respect and dignity, whereas Max doesn’t have either of that or a pair of balls. He would like to point out that if he was this close to beating MJF, just imagine what happens next time. And oh there will be a next time. This is not the end of the road, this is just the start, and if he’s gotta work his way all the way back up for a title shot, line them up so Stroke Daddy can knock em down. He will be the man around here because he is absolute.
Chris Jericho has heard enough. He comes out in a leather trenchcoat with Sammy Guevara and Daniel Garcia on either side of him.
Jericho tells Ricky that he’s been watching him for a long time. He saw Starks last week, and he did come this close to winning. But he will tell Ricky this; he is not a dollar store version of anyone, he is a million dollar talent. He will be a world champ some day, but he’s just not quite ready yet. He doesn’t want Starks to be a flash in the pan. Jericho thinks he has what it takes to be a big star, but he needs a little influence, a little advice, a little Chris Jericho.
Sammy Sucks chant.
Jericho wants Ricky to join the JAS.
Ricky is stunned! The almighty Jericho gave him a compliment? Wow. He has one for Jericho – he likes how he constantly evolves. Just a few months ago, he was out here built like an air fryer and now look at him; dressed like a single father on his fifth divorce. He loves it. While the offer is very tempting to join his little boy band, Ricky will say hell nah he don’t wanna join. Jericho thinks he wants a leash around his neck? Just last week, he lost to Andretti, so the J in JAS might as well stand for JOBBERS. Those two little JAS-holes have not done anything for them. Garcia has lost his title, and as for Sammy? He couldn’t care less. Ricky offers his penis to the gentlemen, then say January 4, Chris Jericho vs Ricky Starks.
Jericho: “Wow.”
Jake Hager is in the ring with his Purple Hat and he attacks at the command of Jericho. Sammy and Garcia run down to join in on the beatdown. Jericho tells thme to hold Ricky up. Jericho has his bat, he is about to swing, but…
Action Andretti is here to springboard and hit a right. He sends Hager over the top rope, Ricky sends Garcia flying, Andretti shoots Sammy out of the ring. Jericho is left prone in the ring. Split-legged moonsault from action to Jericho!
Now it’s time for some action!
Match 1: Best of Seven – No Disqualification Match
Death Triangle (3) vs The Elite (1)
All six men go at it in the middle of the ring, The Elite try for a trio of powerbombs, but Death Triangle all slink out and superkick The Elite to the outside. They all three dive onto The Elite on the outside. Rey grabs Nick and sends him into the ring. Rey corners him with a clothesline, Pac hits a back elbow, Penta misses one, Nick rushes the corner, hits Penta, in comes Matt to do the same. Omega hits one, and here’s Cutler the Elf to try and hit him, but Abrahantes comes in to shove his M in the face of Cutler. Cold spray for Alex, Kick from Penta, one fom Pac, Rey flies off the top with a dropkick! Bulldog from Kenny Omega! Penta has a trash can! He clocks Penta on the head! Pac is in, Rey too. They set a trash can near the gooch of Omega, and Penta flies off with a dropkick! In comes Matt, snapmare from Rey, elbows onto the fae of Matt. Triple dropkicks to Matt’s head! Nick on the apron, Pac hits him with a knee. Nick hops back on the apron. He puills the ropes and Penta flies outside, Rey slides underneath, shoulder to Pac, kick to Rey, springboard X-Factor into a moonsault to Rey outside! SLINGBLADE FROM PENTA!!!
Back from the break and there is a fake Christmas tree in the ring. Whip to Matt into the tree, but Nick flies off the top rope with a crossbody to all of Death Triangle. High kick to Pac, Superkick to Penta, misses a clothesline to Rey, but hit him with a Superkick. He goes for another kick in the corner but Pac moves and Nick kicks a chair!!! His ankle is already hurt! Pac smells blood! He attacks it! He traps it in a chair, but Kenny tosses a trash can into the face of Pac. He grabs another one, Matt hits a moonsault off the top rope! Kenny sets the chair up in the corner. He gets Pac to the shoulders, Kenny with a moonsault with the trash can! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Kenny heads to the outside. He pulls out a broom covered in barbed wire! He enters the ring where Pac is waiting. Rey runs, and Kenny swings it into his gut! Another hit across the back! Kenny lays it down, hits the roeps, bulldog ONTO the barbed wire! Penta in, gets sent to the apron, Matt with a right, Pac gets sent to the outside. There are tables waiting out there. Matt lays Penta, Nick pays out Pac. They head to their respective corners. The Bucks fly! Matt with an elbow! Nick with a swanton bomb! Kenny with a driver on the barbed wire broom! It’s stuck to his shirt! Kenny covers! 1…2…..NO!!! Nick enters the ring with Kenny. Here comes Matt. They grab Rey for some possible BTE-Trigger but Alex pulls the leg of Kenny, Pac grabs Matt, Kenny swipes at him, misses, high kick from Pac, Rey rolsl through but gets hit wit a V-Trigger! Rey has the hammer!! He uses it on Kenny! Cover! 1…2….NO!!!! Rey grabs the head, Pac tries to lock in The Brutalizer! He gets it! Nick in! Rey rolls him into an ankle lock! Matt enters, and there is Penta to grab him by the head and try for a submission. Matt fights out, kicks Rey, stomps him then stomps Pac. Penta has a hammer now, too! Rey is holding one. Pac has one, too! Kenny is left in the ring, but The Bucks pull out Pac and Penta while Kenny hits Rey with a Snapdragon Suplex
! Matt rolls in, Nick grabs a chair, Nick sets up for a piledriber, Nick to the top, he dives! Meltzer Driver! Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: The Elite
This had the same frenetic energy as the last few matches, and they tried to add some holiday cheer in it, but this was possibly the weakest match of the seven. I’m still thoroughly enjoying the series, but this one seemed a bit high on the try-hard scale, particularly with the blading at the end.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 13:40
Penta, Pac, and Rey attack after the bell! Nick is busted open! Matt is busted open! Pac hits Neck in the forehead with the hammer over and over while Penta uses some tinsel to attack Kenny.
Last week, after MJF ran away from Bryan, he cuts a short promo on Danielson. He beat Starks clean. That should have been his moment, but Bryan had to stick his shitty little hipster nose into it. Bryan is a worthless scumbag. Everyone wants to eat off of his plate. When it comes to his reign, Bryan will eat less than he desires and more than he deserves.
After a break, Action Andretti gets some tv time with Tony. He says that he did the unthinkable, the unfathomable, and beat The Ocho, Jericho. He knew that it was only a matter of time before JAS tried to attack.
Enter Matt Menard and Angelo Parker to distract Andretti long enough for Chris Jericho to attack him with a fireball.
IN THE RING stands Renee Paquette to introduce Bryan Danielson to the ring.
Renee brings up Regal, and asks Bryan where does his absence leave The BCC.
Bryan says he doesn’t expect The BCC to forgive Regal. He’s done some pretty bad things, but here’s the thing. He first trained to wrestle here in San Antonio. His very first match was 15 minutes up the road at a rodeo. He was trained by Rudy Boy Gonzalez and Shawn Michaels. But the man who turned him into the wrestler he is today is William Regal. Not only did he turn him into the wrestler he is today, but also the person he is today. He understands that BCC doesn’t have the same relationship, but when Regal was in the hospital, and he thought he’d never see Regal again, Bryan cried. That man has made his life better, his wrestling better, and we know how much Regal has meant to the entire industry. So then he gets to come here, and Bryan loved having him here. One thing Regal taught him is that there are consequences to your actions, and that’s one thing MJF needs to learn. He has been listening to every word that MJF has said. There are consequences to your actions when you hospitalize someone on this earth that he loves more than anyone except his family. Bryan is a coward? MJF get your ass out here now.
Instead of MJF, we get Ethan Page and his pimp Stokely Hathaway. Page wants to get this right – Page makes it to the finals of the tournament, and is one of the final two of the Battle Royal, and we all know if he faced MJF last week, he’d be standing here with the title but for some odd reason, vegetable man over here thinks he gets to jump the line.
Stokely calls this crazy, tells Bryan to go home, shop at Trader Joes, get your gluten-free glizzies.
Bryan is confused, he cant concentrate for a few reasons: the glare coming off of Stokely’s head is distracting. Between that and the crowd telling Page to shut up, he couldn’t hear. Did you just insult him by calling him vegetable man?
Stokely: “You raggedy bitch.”
Page says he didn’t call Bryan Vegetable Man because of what he eats. He called him that because it’s how he will leave him if he thinks he’s hopping over Page.
Bryan asks San Antonio if that was a threat. Bryan offers a fight. Page takes off his shirt, but he’s thought about this and he’s gotta be honest, these pants are not coming off, so if Bryan wants it, let’s do it next week.
Jon Moxley is backstage to talk about the trios Christmas Battle Royal. He’ll be there, so looks like Hangman will know where he will be…again. They can fight all across tExas, they can keep going, but he is starting to wonder when they’ll just settle it in the ring. Then again, what is there to settle? Page got knocked out. What did you think was going to happen? How did Page see it playing out differently. He’s getting tired of the somber tones about the accident and what wasn’t supposed to happen. What did you think he was trying to do with the clothesline? Comb his hair? It’s not his problem Page has a glass jaw, he aint the bad guy here. Don’t become one of those play wrestlers, Page, you’re better than that.
As for Darius tonight, all he hears is injury prone. Is that Moxley’s fault now, too? He is a teacher, so he will teach Darius a hard lesson tonight.
Match 2: Hook vs Exodus Prime
Waist lock into a takedown. Front face lock, thn some swinging rights, lefts, right, hard hook to the face. Prime tries to hit a right, but Hook hits a throw. He captures the boot in the corner, hooks up and hits a suplex. Leaping lariat from the corner.
Hook sits on the back of Exodus, hits some crossfaces, REDRUM! Prime taps out!
Winner: Hook
What a dreamboat
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :57
WE head to the tron where Lee Moriarity and Big Bill are attacking Jungle Boy by a dumpster. Big Bill hits a chokeslam on Jungle Boy into the trash can. Hook makes his way to the back as the music of Jon Moxley hits.
Match 3: Darius Martin vs Jon Moxley
LOCKUP! Jon corners Darius, who switches, Jon switches again, shoves the chest, Darius shoves back. Waist lock from Moxley, Full Nelson, into a snapmare and a kick to the back. Jon shoots Darius into the ropes. Shoulder tackle from Darius, but Jon eats it, another and Jon eats that then slaps Darius. Drop toe hold to Jon, though, and he hits his face on the mat. Back elbow from Jon, Darius with a dropkick sends Jon down hard. Moxley to the outside to recollect. Knuckle Lock. He sends Darius to the outside then whips him in to the barricade. Jon takes him into the crowd, locks up, hits a suplex on the cement! Jon brings Darius back towards the ring, sends him into the barricade, then into the ring. Jon looks to enter, but here comes a tope from Darius!!! Right hands to Jon! Darius sends him inside the ring. To the top rope. Jon is standing, hits a hard forearm to Darius, and he tumbles down to the outside. Ref starts the count. Darius enters at 8. Jon grabs the head, locks it up, hits s flippin suplex. Jon locks up the legs from behind, then reaches forward for a submission. Darius escapes, Jon corners him, sits him on the top, then rakes his back. Superplex from Jon. He locks up the arm then drives some elbows into the chest of Darius over and over. Jon grabs the hand, lifts him up, locks the head, Darius floats over. Chop, hard forearm from Jon. One from Darius. They go back and forth until Darius corners Jon, whip, Darius stops it. Shoulder from the apron, he dives in, gets sent back to the apron, dives into the ring and hits a Flatliner! Cover for 1…2…NO!!! To the top.
Diving crossbody, Jon rolls through. He’s dropping elbows!!! Stomps. Some more elbows! FINISH HIM! Its over! 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Jon Moxley
A perfectly acceptable wrestling match with nothing much else going for it.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 8:57
FTR are here to do battle, and they are showing heavy signs of pain.
Match 4: FTR vs The Gunn Club
Dax and Austin to start. Lockup but Dax favors his back. Chop from Dax, tag to Colten, in comes cash to look out for his partner. Tag to Cash. Cash attacks the lower back with an elbow. Atomic Drop! Another! Back elbow to Colten. In comes Austin, Atomic Drop for him! Inverted! Chop to the chest! Uppercut from Cash. Kick from Colten he misses a dropkick. Kick form Cash. Whip into Austin, again! Cash with a back body drop to Colten! Clothesline sends him out, and Dax is there to send the other one outside. Da grabs the head, cohp, Cash is there kicking Colten in the Coccyx.
We are back and Dax is beatin both they asses. Chop to Colten in the corner, another, another, big clothesline to Austin. Shoots the legs. Sharpshooter! But Austin grabs Dax and pulls him out of the ring! On the outside, they look to piledrive Dax, but cash dives through the ropes with a tope!!! Cash sent into the barricade! IN the ring, Colten mocks. The superkick, tells Dax to Suck it, shoot the legs, and goes for a Sharpshooter! Cash is back in the ring to send Colten flying~ He flies off the apron, but Colten sends him into the barricade!!! Austin in the ring, kicks Dax, hits the ropes, Dax shoves, tries for a piledriver, but his leg gives out.
Rollup from Dax! 1..2..NO! Reversal! He gets some help from his brother! 1..2..3!!!!
Winners: The Gunns
It’s hard to see FTR lose, especially to The Gunns, but there is something to be said about the story they’re trying to tell and their willingness to lose to them.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 9:08
We head back to the ring after a small break where Rick Ross is in the ring with Tony Schiavone to mediate the face off of Keith Lee and Swerve Strickland.
Keith Lee is out first. Rick Ross calls him big homie, says they’re making history today. He tells Lee it’s time to bring out the young legend. Swerve appears to be taking quite a while. Rick Ross tells Lee to give the young legend some time.
Swerve comes out, without music, says he didn’t know we were doing things on Keith Lee’s time again. Swerve is not waiting for nobody. He is going to start doing things his way. He really tried with Keith, he really gave him the whole world. They should own everything. He just cant deal with the accusations.
Rick Ross is just…pointless here.
Swerve says Lee cant keep his eye on the ball, the titles, his health. He needs to keep his eyes on the back of his head from now on.
Swerve takes his jacket off. Rick Ross stands aside while some wild white boy attacks Keith Lee. He punches Lee hard in the gut. His name is Parker, it appears. Lee clotheslines his ass out of the ring while Rick Ross says “whoa.”
Another beefy tatted man stops Lee while he is on his way to face Swerve. Lee. Is able to fight him off, but that Parker dude hits him with a chair. The Trailer Park boys grab the steps and lay Keith Lee out on it. Swerve heads to the top rope. There’s a cinder block in play now, and they lay it out on Keith Lee’s chest. Swerve stomps the block into the chest of Lee while Rick Ross announces Mogul Affiliates as part of Maybach Music, and I did not. Like. That.
Match 5: AEW Women’s World Wrestling Championship Match
Hikaru Shida vs Jamie Hayter
Hayter swings wildly and misses so Shida backs her into the ropes. Shida with a bunch of rights. Tackle to Shida, Shida kips up and hits a forearm. Chops against the ropes from Hayter. Shida reverses and does the same. Hayter rolls her back onto the ropes and hits more chops, but Shida returns the favor. Running knee to Hayter drops her. Stomp to the back. Kick in the corner. Another stomp. Knee to the neck. Ref holds her back. Shida turns, but Hayter attacks the mid section, then drops some hammers ot the back. Shida lifts her up and slams her down with a slam. She mounts and hits some right hands. Ref tries to tell her to open the fist. Shida has the hair in her hands. She locks up for a supelx into the corner buckle. Shida hangs Hayter over the apron and attacks te ack then hits a running knee strike to the chest. Ouch. Damn.
We are back and Shida has the upperhand. SShe has a wrist lock, whips, dropkick to Hayter. Jamie in the corner, Shida mounts high and we get some punches to the head. We get all the way to ten, including OCHO. She kicks Hayter to the center of the ring. Missile dropkick! They head to the apron. Shida holds onto the ropes! Hayter shoves her to the corner, Shida kicks to stop it, then sends Hayter into the post. Knee to the face! SUPLEX OFF THE APRON TO THE MAT!! Holy shit, that looked brutal.
We are BACK and Jamie is on the top rope with Shida laid out below. Hayter stands on the top rope, goes for a moonsault, but Shida moves!!! Shida hits the ropes, running knee! Cover for .1.2…..NO!!! Shida calls for the end but Hayter cannot stand! Shida lifts her up by the head, Hayter with a Death valley Driver onto the knee!!! Running lariat! Cover for 1..2…..NO!!!! Elbow to the back of the head from Shida. She hits the ropes, and runs right into a back breaker! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Hayter tries for a short clothesline but Shida hits a knee to the head! Axe kick! She misses the Kitana!!! Hayter tries for a clothesline again, but Shida hits a German!!! Britt on the apron with a kendo stick! Rebel is distracting the ref. Shida grabs Britt, hits the corner, flies with a kick to the face. She has the kendo stick! Shida smacks Britt in thee gut with the kendo stick. She ursn the corner, tries to fly off but Hayter catches her for a powerbomb. Roll through, Hayter lifts up for a powerbomb. Cover for 1……2…..NO!!!
Hayter hits the ropes, runs with a HUGE Clothesline! Cover! 1…..2…….NO!!!! Ripcord! Hayterade!! 1….2…..3!!!!
Winner: Jamie Hayter
A great way to close the show, with both girls getting a dead crowd alive and then some. They didn’t put their foot on the breaks ONCE, and deserve all the praise. Good shit.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 16:14
The girls attack Shida with some stomps until Toni Storm runs down to attack Britt Baker! Tazz informs us that she has not been cleared, but Toni doesn’t care. Jamie hits Toni with the belt. Britt and Rebel hold her arms back. Jamie looks to attack but…
HERE COMES SARAYA!!!! She clotheslines Rebel down by the ramp, enters the ring, kicks Britt in the face. Britt rolls to the outside and we
End Show
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