wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 5.27.20
Image Credit: AEW
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Week 2 of Tony’s AEW Coverage, and although I’m struggling to find my footing as far as timing and “real life,” I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying the product. Also of note, in only took me two weeks before being accused of being on the WWE’s payroll!
Recap to start the show of Double or Nothing and all that transpired.
Backstage, The Inner Circle are by some boxes of shirts. Jericho says they are having a Pep Rally tonight and find a way to sell all these shirts they bought that say they’re Stampede Champions. Lol. We are informed that there are way more than “a few” boxes. We open up the Budget truck to find that it’s pretty damned full of shirts.
JR brings up the Pep Rally tonight, as well as an interview Tony is going to have with the NEW TNT Champion, Cody Rhodes. We will also find out who his title defense is after a Battle Royal tonight. We will see Kip and Jimmy taking on SCU tonight as well to see who gets a title shot. Finally, Brain Cage will debut tonight, and Hikaru will be in action. Before all this, we’re going to get some six-man action as Matt teams with The Young Bucks to take on Janela and Private Party. Looks like a solid show; let’s go!
Matt speaks with Young Bucks and Kenny and Page as Matt tries to cut a promo. Omega follows as Matt tries to finish his statement. Young Bucks ask Matt for a different version, though. Matt leaves and comes back as Matt Hardy, V1. Matt leaves and we come back to the Cruiserweight Matt Hardy, who wants to do some flips.
Match 1: Young Bucks and Matt Hardy vs Private Party and Joey Janela
Bell rings and we get Quen and Matt of the Bucks to start. Rope work and Matt slides under. Tag to his brother, and he dives off with a crossbody. Tag to Joey who comes in to gives rights to both Bucks. They elbow him down then tag in Matt Hardy, who hits a clothesline in the corner as The Bucks kick. Tag to Nick who hits some Poetry in Motion. A hiccup and I come back to Quen sending Nick over the top rope. Joey hits the ropes and hits a suicide dive then a Death Valley Drive immediately after. He rolls in and covers for 1..2…NO!!!Tag to Kassidy who comes in and grabs the head of Nick. He locks it and drops an elbow. Abdominal Stretch by Kassidy. Nick turns into the hold and hits some rights. Go behind. Switch, and Kassidy hits an elbow to the fae. Kick from Kassidy, whip, roll over and bounce back in a Silly String attempt, but Nick is too quick. He kicks everyone everywhere, goes for a Moonsault on Janela, but Joey moves. Nick goes for Kick, but Joey ducks and Butch and Blade take the hit! Matt flies over the barricade to attack both B and B. Joey elbows Nick in the face. He gets Matt next. Joey sends Nick to the ramp, then into the ring. Joey eats a shoulder. Nick flies over the top rope with an X-Factor! Quen comes flying and Nick sends him flying with a kick. He springboards into a piledriver to Kassidy! Nick tags in Hardy! Matt rushes with a clothesline. Again. Whip to the corner, Matt with a Back Body Drop. Matt with a Side Effect. Pin for 1….2..NO!!! Matt waits for Kassidy to stand. Kassidy turns. KICK! NO! Caught, so Matt hits a right hand. Whip is reversed, step up Enziguri! Kassidy hits the ropes, goes for a Cutter, Matt catches him. He locks a Dragon Sleeper, catches Quen with a DDT and a drop to both men! Joey flies in and Matt hits another Side effect. He stacks the entire team up in the ring then goes to the top rope. Moonsault by Matt Hardy onto all three men. Pin for 1..2….NO!!!! Matt tags in Matt. Lol. Silly Matts. Right hand to Kassidy, another to the face, another, he throat checks Kassidy, hits the ropes, but Joey is there to kick. In comes Nick to give a right to Janela, but Janela rights him, hops to the top rope! He flies with a Missile Dropkick to the brothers! They fly outside. Janella tries to dive but Matt stops him, leaving him hanging upside down. SUPERKICK!!! Here come Part! They dive over the top rope to the outside onto the Bucks!!! Looks like Quen hurt his knee. Kassidy on the apron, flies in with a move to Matt, covers for 1..2…NO!!! Kassidy gets Matt to the top rope. Kassidy attacks. Matt is in the ring. Superkick to the Buck.
Matt on the 2nd rope, he drops an elbow as Kassidy is in the firemans on Nicks shoulders. We get a Finlay roll, Nick flies off the top with a senton. Matt covers for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: Matt Hardy and The Young Bucks
Y’all, my fingers hurt recapping that damned match! Solid action that lead to a sweet debut.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 9:39
Matt leaves the ring to help Quen to the back along with Knox, leaving The Young Bucks in the ring.
In come Butcher and Blade to attack! They beat down Nick and Matt until we go to a truck pulling up to the arena! It’s The Revival! Well, fka. They’re called FTR, it appears, and they enter the ring, past Butcher and Blade, and straight to The Young Bucks. They pull the brothers up then surprise attack Butcher and Blade! They attack both, whip one into some right hands, then remove their shirts! Blade gets grabbed, and they hit him with a Piledriver!
Butcher comes in for some revenge, get superkicked, then we get a Flapjack into a Codebuster from FTR.
THE CHAMP IS HERE!
Ambrose is on commentary with the crew, asks for a Mule, says he feels terrible after the war he went through. Calls Lee the toughest fight, then brings up Cage, and has himself a title shot. This is not what he expected, but gotta roll with the punches, and he’s here to see Cage in action.
Match 2: Brian Cage vs Lee Johnson
Cage starts immediately, cutting off his own intro to toss Lee across the ring like nothing. Cage with a running uppercut in the corner, high kick, GERMAN! Cage calls for the end with a powerbomb. Flip up, down! Lift up, then a Buckle Bomb!
Cage grabs the head, calls for the end, hits a Drill Claw and Lee Johnson dies.
Winner: Brian Cage
Cage is a freaking monster that can move. I’ve seen him do crazy shit at Bar, and I’m super happy for him. Shooting him to the top shouldn’t be question, because even if he’s not taking the title, he’s a viable contender that should look good and make Moxley look legit. I love it. Try not to lose control with that Drill Claw, Brian!
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:07
Taz wants to talk. He respects Moxley, how he paid dues. He grind and grind and grind. Mox is a top guy, the champion, but he’ll be dealing with something different, now. A machine. He wants Jon to bring the grit and the heart because big boy is going to put his hand through Jon’s chest and tear his heart out. Taz wants him to understand something; this is Brian Cage, the machine. Beat him if you can, survive if he lets you.
We come back to Tony and a presentation ready to be presented. It is a large notepad that reads “The Rules of Being a Role Model!”
Out comes Britt Baker in a wheelchair with her friend.
Tony introduces THE RULES, but Britt asks for the mic. She thanks Tony, I welcome her.
Rule #3: Don’t Hurt The Role Model.
She says that last week’s injury to her tibia was a conspiracy, and she has evidence.
Exhibit A is a three-on-one attack on her, probably in the making for months, says Britt. She is close personal friends with the top TNT execs, and without her, there is no Women’s Division. She tells Reba to flip it.
We flip the page, and she calls Statlander being an Alien a crock of shit.
Next page is Shida, who is a fraudulent champion and carries a weapon.
Next Page is Nyla Rose, who has come off the top rope hundreds of time, so she surely could have gotten away from her leg. Conspirator.
She calls for the board. Reba grabs the corkboard, complete with red yarn connecting all of the conspirators. She presents this as evidence, tells Tony to get out of the way, and points out the Web of Evils, all centered on the brains of the operation:
She just so happens to be around every time Britt is injured.
She is putting everyone on notice right now. She will be back at All Out.
She turns to expose the back of her wheelchair that reads, “ROLL MODEL”
Action Figures are available in August. Now you know.
Jericho tells the Fat Head in the back to Shut his Ass. He says they got so much tonight for the Pep Rally. They will be out there getting back on track.
Orange Cassidy is further backstage, walking across during the interview, stopping Jericho.
Jericho is offended. Like, honestly, he’s acting like someone peed in his tea. Imagine?
Hey! It’s CHRISTI! Met her once, that was enough to fall in complete lust. Also, she can go, but she’s likely eatin the pin here.
Match 2: Christi Jaynes vs Hikaru Shida
Lockup and Shida gets Jaynes in the corner. Ref breaks the hold up at 3. Shida misses a right, and Jaynes does a jig. She’s goin heel, starting a clap for Shida, asking for her to dance. Shida takes the signal, starts to clap, but Janyes kicks her leg out from behind her. Shida is pissed. She hits a flurry of rights, yells, hits the ropes, holds on. Jaynes blocks a right and laces the finger. She bounces off the top rope, flips with an arm drag. Shida screams. Janyes grabs the hair and laughs at the idea that this is our champion. Shida blocks, grabs the hair, and pulls back. Jaynes does the same. Shida with a punch to the chest. She grabs the hair as well, sends Jaynes into the corner face first, hits the corner, flies, and hits a running knee to the face of Jaynes! Jaynes gets dragged to the outside, hanging over the apron. Shida runs with a knee lift to the face! Deeeeeyum. HOLY SHIDA chant. Shida grabs the head back in the middle of the ring. Back breaker to Shayna. Shida hops on the back and pulls back on the chin of Jaynes. Jaynes looks to tap. They’re in the center of the ring. Shida releases the hold with a slam to the face. Shida up. She locks, SUPLEX to Janyes and a cover for 1..2..NO!!!!! Shida to the top rope. Jaynes runs up th corner with an Enziguri. Jaynes removes her wrist cover and heads to the top rope. She dives with a Sunset Flip, roll through, side kick from Jaynes. Pin for 1..2..NO!!!
Jaynes hits the ropes and springboard moonsaults, but Shida moves, sizes Jaynes up and hits a right, then hits the ropes, and Shida with a knee to the back of the head! Shida grabs, FALCON ARROW! Pin for 1…2….3!!!!
Winner: Hikaru Shida
Ok, look, we knew who was going to win here, but they gave these girls over five minutes and Jaynes looked great. THIS was such a difference in product that I just can’t ignore. Jaynes looked solid in her loss and it didn’t hurt Shida in the slightest that they had some back and forth, because the WIN mattered. I shouldn’t be impressed by this, but man…
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 5:20
After the break, we get a recap of Saturday when Tyson had some words and things for Lance and Co.
YOUR TNT Champion is here. Arn is right beside him, as is the title. Arn heads to the back after the introduce to give Cody his shine.
This is the second time now that QT is shown ringside with Brandi and that hot blonde from last night. Damn.
Tony is in the middle of the ring with Cody, telling him this was a big moment and on PPV as well.
Cody has a question for Tony. He asks why Tom Brady is his favorite QB. It’s not because he’s well liked in Boston – he’s surely not welcome back in Connecticut. It’s simple; Brady was not first pick. In his head, the parallel is that when Khan thinks of AEW as a merit based company, naturally, he’ll recruit the best wrestlers in the whole world. Cody wasn’t the first call, or the second or third. This doesn’t bother him, and the title in his hand certainly won’t let him. He is the first champion of America’s greatest network.
If we think this is nepotism or favoritism, think again. It’s the story of a 21 year old kid who wasn’t ready, took his bumps, paid his dues, and grew up right in front of him. He is not the Simba in this tale. Dustin got all the Dusty. He got something better; though. He’s got this mean ol mom at home, who has a broken ankle at home, probably standing up on it, and she taught him everything about grit. You can have all the talent in the world and shove it up your ass. He will outwork, outdog, and outshine you. If you are critical of him bell to bell, then judge him on what he does next. He will cut a schedule like no wreslter before. He will stand out here every week. This is an open challenge.
Brandi nodding along to hime while he says all this is such a GREAT touch.
Cody brings up a wrestler’s greatest asset being gone, and tells us directly that we give him two hours, and it is his obligation to give us the best. Follow him, because this is where the fun begins.
Solid ass promo from Cody.
Jimmy and Kip attack immediately, sending Scorpio out and double teaming Kaz.Sky pulls Jimmy out and the bell rings.
Match 3: Kip Sabian and Jimmy Havoc vs SCU
Kaz and Kip to start. Kaz tags in Sky, and SCU ouble elbows Kip down hard. Sky grabs the head, locks up behind, back breaker to Kip and a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Kaz with the tag and a leg lariat. Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Kip with a jawbreaker. Tag to Jimmy, who comes in and gets arm dragged. Tag to Sky who comes in, drops Jimmy, pins for 1..2..N!O!! Tag to Kaz who drops an axe to the wrist. He works the left wrist as Jimmy backs him against the ropes. Ref pushes him back. Whip, Kaz holds on, Sky with a kick off the apron. German from Kaz!!! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Right hand from Kaz. Another. In the corner, and Jimmy reverses a whip. He goes for a splash, Kaz moves. Eight hand to Kip. Rollup from Kaz for 1..2..NO!!! Jimmy mounts and punches Frankie a few times before tagging in Kip. Whip to Kaz, Inverted Drop, and Jimmy hits the ropes and hits a kick to the face. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Kip holds the head, hits a right hand, another, works the left arm. Tag to Jimmy. Kip shoots the legs, looks for a catapult, and Havoc is there to poke the eye. He drops Kaz in a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Jimmy fishhooks the face then drops an elbow to the top of the head. Jimmy backs into a tag. Kip in, drops an axe on the back. Whip to the ropes .Back elbow. Cover for 1…NO! Rights from Kip. Kip attacks the back. Tag to Jimmy. Jimmy snapmares then hits the eyes as we get a commercial.
We come back to be informed that we missed some hot and heavy action. Thanks JR. Kip and Kaz are in the ring, until Jimmy gets tagged in. Snapmare from Jimmy. Kick to the back. Tag to Kip. Chop from Jimmy. He whips Kip into a right hand. Kick to Jimmy. Kaz with a shoulder from the apron, rolls over and tags in SKY! Sky with a clothesline to both men! He misses one, but gets a belly to belly to Kip! Jimmy misses a right. Sky with a dropkick! He grabs Kip as Jimmy flies to the outside. Sky with a running knee to the face, ends up on the apron, spins with a bounce and hits a cutter, into a Dragon Sleeper! Jimmy is there to stop the hold then head to the apron. Tag to Jimmy. Sky with a chop. Whip to the corner is reverse, but Jimmy eats a boot. High uppercut to Sky! Death Valley Driver! Kip is on the top rope! Tag and a foot stomp to Sky! Cover for 1..2….NO!!! Tag to Jimmy. Kip tries a dropkick to Kaz, but Kaz hits a leg drop. Tag from Sky. He sends Kaz into a tornado DDT. Cover for 1…2…NO!!! Kaz grabs Jimmy off the apron. Jimmy misses a right, Kaz slingshots him into the ring and hits a cutter! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!! KIP is there to stop it, but Kaz moves, and Kip sentons Jimmy!!! Kaz sends Kip to the outside. Tag to Sky. Sky gets Jimmy locked up on his back, he waits for Kaz.
Ford is there to distract!!! Kip in! He sends Kaz outside! Jimmy grabs Sky! Michinoku Driver/Dropkick combo!!! Pin for 1…2…..3!!!!
Winners: Kip Sabian and Jimmy Havoc
These guys have been tearing it up on Dark and showing some unity even in their odd pairing ways. This match had some slight miscommunication in the start, but they found their footing and all four men killed it.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 12:14
MJF is in a padded room. I think I’ve been to a strip club that looks like that. MJF says he’s clearly the star in this company, and he didn’t have to come from another place to get that moniker. He’s starting to think that maybe someone in the AEW office doesn’t like him too much, so when he heard that this certain someone was having a Battle Royal, he figured why not make sure that this certain someone gets good competition. Wardlow will be there as his insurance policy, and when they are the final two, Wardog knows what’s to do.
Wardlow: “BuT”
BUT NOTHING screams MJF, then he calls it a rib and says they’re going to have fun out there.
Match 4: Battle Royal for #1 Contendership for the TNT Championship
A Buncha Foos vs Other Dudes
So we come back to the match in progress. Cassidy tries to make his entrance but Ortiz and Santana attack him from behind. In the ring, MJF is seated on the corner buckle. Wardlow stands in front of him, preventing any type of attack. Lucha stalks Luther and tries to chokeslam him, but Luther fights back. Stunt comes up to help, gets tossed for his troubles, but Luchae kicks him then chokeslams his ass to the outside. Stunt then tries to eliminate Luchasaurus. Lol. Sonny flips across the ring to slap MJF as Wardlow is distracted. Wardlow sees him and tosses Sonny over the top rope. MJF rolls under the ropes and stomps away at Sonny. Wardlow has Chris Daniels on the ropes until Colt helps him out, while Lucha tries to eliminate Avalon. Colt sees MJF and they go back and forth until Billy Gunn comes in to eat some right hands. MJF eats some of Colt’s punches, but can’t get the elbow. Flying Apple from Colt into Billy, but Billy catches him and tosses him to the outside.
Outside of the ring, some dude hands a piece of paper to Colt Cabana. I believe it’s from The Dark Order.
In the ring, Cutler gets dropped in the corner while Gunn shoves Stunt across the ring with a push to the head. Gunn tries to eliminate Jungle Boy but he holds onto the bottom rope and hangs. Here comes Cutler to stop the push and attack Billy. MJF and Wardlow have Christopher Daniels in the corner while Lucha and Stunt….well, Stunt humps the leg of Lucha, it appears. Cutler and Avalon, who have both been fighting over their respective losing streaks, meet in the midle of the ring. They try to eliminate each other, but neither can get one over the other, both ending up crotching themselves on the ropes. Thet fight back and forth over and over till they both land on the apron. Peter goes for a choke, Cutler gets one, too. Cutler holds the ropes. Peter slaps his hand, and they are BOTH eliminated! Haha
Wardlow and MJF continue to beat down Daniels. Gunn eats an elbow from Boy. He hits a Fameasser. Wardlow shoulders him into th corner, splash from Lucha. WARDLOW WITH A CLOTHESLINE TO THE DINOSAUR!!! Stunt with a dropkick off the top. He tries to whip, but Wardlow ain’t having it. He whips, Stunt rolls underneath, hops to the apron, swingin kick. Right from Daniels. Stunt hops off th 2nd rope, Daniels goes to toss ihm, but Marko holds on and eliminates Daniels!!! Stunt flies, Wardlow catches, Stunt swings to a sleeper, but Wardlow swings and sends him flying to the outside.
Lucha is behind MJF. He goes for a chokeslam, Wardlow turns him, goes for a right, Lucha with a right. Back and forth. Headbutt. Kick from Lucha. GOOZLE! MJF is there to chop block! Stomps from both men until Billy Gunn shows up with right hands! Whip into Lucha, and he and Billy go face to scales. Lucha hits the ropes, shoulder tackle, and thy stand still. Wardlow hits the ropes. Double shoulder tackle. Billy and Lucha go at it. GOOZLE! Billy gets one, They’re near the ropes. MJF and Wardlow send them both over the top rope!!!
Wardlow, Jungle Boy, and MJF are all that’s left.
They attack MJF.
OMGGGGG
ORANGE CASSIDY!!! HE WAS NEVER ELIMINATED!!!!
He shoves MJF with the strength of one thousand men!!!
MJF shoves back. He pulls the ring out. Wardlow lifts Cassidy. MJF goes for a swing, HE HITS WARDLOW!!!! MJF goes for a right, Jungle Boy sends MJF over the top!!! Wardlow is next!! OC and JB send him over!!
Some fancy rope work. Jungle ends up on the apron, he springboards, then sends OC to the apron, he flies off, holds on, skins the cat, SUPERMAN PUNCH!!! OC with another!!!!
OC grabs Jungle Boy, he looks to toss Jungle Boy, Jungle Boy bounces off the ropes with a clothesline. He goes again, flies with a hurricanrana to Orange Cassidy! Jungle Boy holds onto the ropes! Orange Cassidy ELIMINATED!
HORSE SHIT!!!
Winner: Jungle Boy
As far as Battle Royals go, this was great. Plenty of interwoven stories that each had their time to shine, with a legit prize to be won that was important enough for everyone to focus on at the same time.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 12:15
So, AEW has cheerleaders, which I find to be pointless, but they do their thing during a commercial break, so all is forgiven.
And to make it all better….or worse, Vickie Guerrero is here with some pom poms. It seems she has traded “Excuse Me” for “Are You Kidding Me?” She then introduces The Inner Circle.
Jericho welcomes us to The Inner Circle Pep Rally. It’s been rough for them, but they will band together, and like five sexy phoenixes, they will rise again. This pep rally isn’t just for them, it’s for us as well. That’s why they got all of the staff official merch. Jericho and Co toss out the shirts that don’t matter at all.
Sammy tells his crew to calm down as the crowd starts to boo. He tells everyone that they didn’t win. Know what they did do, though? They participated, so Sammy got everyone trophies. Jericho’s says King of Dad Jokes.
CHOP CHEESE!!!! Yo, that shit is bommmbbbb! A New York specialty that I had to get schooled on by a hip hop head in Harlem! Sick.
Anyway, Hager gets some discount Timberlands, and Sammy got some Vicks. Jericho also gets a photo of Marc Anthony. Jericho has great stuff for them, too.
Jericho says that Sammy is too cool for nerdy crutches, so Jericho got him his own scooter called “The ‘Hit Me Up’ Mobile.”
Jericho has something for Ortiz. They’re noise-cancelling headphones that stop the ringing bell.
Hager says that the best gift is a hand-written poem, so he unfolds some paper and reads out “Happiness” by Jake Hager.
It’s beautiful.
He then ends it with a nice little promise ala Liam Neeson.
Sammy wonders what Jericho wants.
Jericho says what he really wants is Mike Tyson’s head on a platter.
Jericho hasn’t forgotten what Tyson did on January 11th, 2010, on a Monday Night. He turned on Jericho, and every single day of his life, ever since, Jericho has been dreaming of getting his hands on Mike Tyson’s fat head. He wants Tyson’s head on a platter.
Sammy scoots over saying he couldn’t get his head on a platter, but he got something better….A CHEESE PLATTER AND SOME BUBBLY!
The bottle is empty. The cheese is all but gone.
Music hits, and out comes Mike Tyson. He’s got a posse of dipshits with him, and it appears they have drank his bubbly.
I don’t know any of these guys. One looks like if Robery Downey Jr. never recovered.
Jericho tells Tyson to shut up while he’s talking. Jericho has been dreaming of this moment for ten years. Tyson turned on him and knocked him out.
Tyson says Jericho was a sucker, he deserved it, he stole a championship. He’s wrong, man.
Jericho will give Tyson one chance, that’s what ya got. He wants an apology.
Tyson rips his shirt. So does Parallel Universe Robert Downey Jr.
Jericho demands an apology. Tyson shoves. We get a huge fight between Jericho and Tyson until the entire roster comes down to stop the fight. Cody and a few faces hold Tyson back while others hold people back in the ring. Cody backs Tyson to the backstage area and Sammy starts having a wrestling match with someone. Lol
Tyson tries to rsuh the ring aain, but everyone is trying to hold him back. Jericho wants Tyson. Jericho is on the apron. He screams for Tyson as everyone holds him back.
End Show
