wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 5.3.23
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...I may be SUPER late to the party, but that TV Show Succession is pretty bad ass…
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
We are starting with Orange Cassidy so this show is already a 10/10.
Orange Cassidy, Bandido, Roderick Strong, and Adam Cole vs Jake Hager, Daniel Garcia, Matt Menard, and Angelo Parker
Strong and Garcia to start. They tussle a bit against the ropes. Strong tries to lock the arm, Garcia gets to the ropes. Right from Garcia, they trade blows. Rights from Stong get the upperhand, Garcia tries to kick, Strong catches it, hits a chop. Another chop. Tag to Cole. Cole sends Garcia into the corner and kicks in some stomps. Tag to Bandido. Tag to Parker. Parker with some rights, whip to the corner, Bandido gets sent over the top rope, hngs Parker up, to the top rope, flies, Parker runs under, powerslam from Bandido but here comes Menard to shove Bandido. WE get a standoff in the middle of the ing with all right men. They go at it like they’re in the NHL. Aubrey, get your shit together.
WE got Hager and OC in the ring. I THINK they’re the legal men. Hager hits a right then corners OC and hits big uppercuts to the gut. Whip from Hager, OC ducks under, tornado DDT to Hager! Hager rolls outside, so OC suicide dives! Hager catches him! Jumping knee to the back from Garcia, Hager sends OC into th post! Bandido hits the ropes. Flies over onto Hager and Garcia!
Cole takes the walk up the ramp, seemingly towards Jericho at commentary. Parker and Menard stop him with some rights, so here comes Strong to help out. They fight back towards the ring. Parker slinks into the ring, Bandido is there waiting. He sets up for a suplex, holds on for eight seconds, but Menard comes in and….helps Parker out only to be lifted by Bandido, too! Parker is up! They lock Bandido’s head. Bandido with a double suplex! Tag to Orange Cassidy!
We are BACK and Garcia has Orange reeling in the corner. He shoves OC down face first then walks on the back a few times. Tag to Hager who comes in to lock in a bear hug. OC tries to elbow out. Hager shoves him to the ropes and hits a big shoulder tackle. JAS comes in to knock the faces off the corner, then turn towards OC. OC sends Garcia into Hager, hops over Parker, menard grabs him by the pants, OC slides under, hops up for a tag, Menard catches him, inverted atomic drop, locks the head, and OC hits a Stundog! Tag to Strong! Tag to Parker! Rights to everyone!!! Backbreaker to Garcia! Hooks the leg and drops Parker onto Garcia! Chop to Hager, Hager tosses him into the corner, high kick from Strong, another kick, Hager misses a splash, ANGLE SLAM! Cover! 1..2…NO!!! Parker and Menard break it up. They double team as Hager tags in Garcia. Kick to Parker, right to Menard, Garcia with a big kick, tag from OC. OC in the ring, rushes, gets shot down by Garcia! DRAGON SLAYER!! Huge kick to the face of Garcia, each man gets a hit on another, ending with OC hitting the Orange Punch to Hager! Garcia grabs him. BEACH BREAK!! Cover! 1…2….NO!!! !
Orange lifts Garcia by the head, Garia with a chop. OC with THE MOST DEVASTATING CHOPS OF ALL TIME!!!! He duks under, tag from Parker, Hager pulls Garcia out of the ring. OC hits the ropes with Bandido, and we get a double suicide dive! Strong got a blind tag beforehand, comes in with a cradle to Parker for 1..2NO!!!
Tag from Cole! Knee strike from Strong. Cole drops the boom! Cover! 1.2…..3!!!
Winners: Orange Cassidy, Adam Cole, Bandido, and Roderick Strong
That was a hell of a lot of fun
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 14:22
Immediately after the bell, Adam Cole runs up the ramp and attacks Jericho on commentary! He mounts and drills Jericho with some punches until security comes through to stop Cole.
Renee is backstage with Darby Allin and Jungle Boy. If they win tonight, we get a four way. How do they feel about teaming up? JB says they have some stuff in common; they’ve been here sicne day one, and busted their asses to get here. They’ve never main evented a PPV also. They will change that tonight.
Darby says this is it, he doesn’t care how they get there, but one of them two are walking out with the gold. Tonight, it’s showtime.
Backstage, The Blackpool Combat Club is standing around. Daniel Bryan says he is better than Bret Hart, better than anyone before him, he is the best in the world today, and if he isn’t, it’s one of these men. There will be wrestlers better tan him in the future because of what he built. In fact ,he hopes this little shit Wheeler Yuta is better than Bryan ever was. That’s what’s different between him and The Elite. They want what’s best for the business, and they’re willing to do anything to make that happen.
Jon Moxley says they are all just blades searching for iron to sharpen each other. They are not bullies. High levels, bigger devils. There was a time when The Elite was innovative, but now he doesn’t know. Next week, Omega vs Mox, that just hits different. 2019, 2020, may as well have been a decade ago. Every day they get more dangerous. There is a whole new version of Jon Moxley he cant wait to show Kenny. They’ll found out what 2023 Omega is all about.
The Outcasts are here, and are still relatively uninteresting.
Willow Nightingale vs Saraya
Saraya starts the match by…rolling out of the ring. Wollow follows and runs into Toni and Ruby. Saraya enters the ring, Willow follows, and Saraya kicks her. Sleeper from behind. Willow grabs the head and snapmares Saraya down. Shoulder tackle drops Saraya. Willow stands on the corner to point to the heels, Saraya grabs the boot, Saraya tries too pull her, Willow kicks, then hits a dropkick. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Whip to the corner. Willow with a chop. Big clothesline. Chop to Saraya. Another whip to the corner. Toni distracts Willow, Saraya to the apron, kicks the head of Willow. Knees to Willow. Saraya tosses Willow to the outside then distracts the ref so Ruby and Toni can attack.
We are BACK and Willow has just hit a spinebuster to Saraya. She gets a fireman’s, Saraya slinks off, rolls up Willow for 1..2.NO!!! Big right hand, then a Night Cap. Cover for 1.2….NO!!!
Death Valley Driver from Willow! Toni on the apron. Ruby, too! Willow pulls Ruby into the ring, then hits a huge pounce. Right hand to Toni. Saraya kicks, The Goodnight. Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Saraya
This storyline is just a hamster on a wheel, man.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 6:36
Toni attacks while Saraya and Ruby watch on. The beatdown continues until….Hikaru Shida runs down with a kendo stick! She slides into the ring and….
Hugs Saraya. Everyone laughs. Toni hands Shida some green spray paint, but here comes Jamie Hayter and Britt Baker from behind! They attack! Shida sprays Saraya in the face with the green spray paint! Kendo stick shots to Toni, Ruby, and Saraya! Shida sprays AEW on Toni, Ruby, and Saraya, and I really hopes this ends all of this.
House of Black has a video message for us all. They toss the titles down on the floor, calling them tainted. Change starts when people act, welcome to the open house. No mercy. Any three people teaming up will have a shot at their titles, but there is a catch. Under House Rules, there will be
20 second count outs.
No rope escapes.
DQ is enforced. Dealer’s Choice.
They hold up new all black titles and say the house always wins. Welcome to The Open House.
Tres De Mayo Trios Battle Royale
Powerhouse Hobbs, QT Marshall, and Aaron Solow vs The Acclaimed and Billy Gunn vs The Dark Order vs The Butcher and The Blade, and Kip Sabian vs Lucha Bros and Vikingo vs The Varsity Athletes
What y’all want me to say, man…it’s a Battle Royale…
The final two teams are Butcher/Blade/Kip and The Acclaimed/Billy Gunn. Caster was eliminated a bit earlier, though, so they are outnumbered. The heels triple team Billy Gunn, send him over the ropes, but Billy lands on the apron. Anthony with a huge kick to Blade, sends him over the top rope. Bowens grabs Kip, chops Butcher, right to Kip, right to Butcher, Kip kicks, sends Bowens over the top rope, Bowens holds on with ONE HAND! Billy helps him up as Tazz explains Bowens has a good grip due to all the scissoring. Lol. Billy sends Kip into a superkick.
Billy kicks Butcher, we get a double Fameasser! Butcher is sent over one side, Kip is sent over the other! The Acclaimed win!
Winners: The Acclaimed
Wouldn’t have minded seeing a lesser known team get creamed by The House of Black, but this result does give far more star power.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 9:22
Renee is backstage with Sammy Guevara. Here comes MJF who is quick to get teary-eyed. He says for over a year now, he’s had chronic back pain for carrying the company on his back. He was laid back in the car. He is a horrible friend and Sammy deserves better. Sammy stops him from leaving, MJF smiles, Sammy kisses MJF’s forehead. MJF tells Sammy he has their theme music mashed, then they hug, cheek to cheek.
Kenny Omega is backstage with Don Callis. He brings up Jon trying to say he’s changed, and he has some big plan. Don points at his scar, says he has to look at it as a reminder of what Jon did to him. 23 stitches. Every day, he thinks about Jon, and every day he remembers that Jon might have the heaviest hands, but in the battle of wills between those hands and this brain and Kenny’s talent, Jon loses every time. He’s blind to it. He’s a narccisstic sociopath, and it will come to an end next week. Kenny says there is no plan where Jon can touch him. Surround the ring with a cage, sure. They know he can fight. He may even make Kenny bleed. Everything comes to an end in Detroit. This whole effort will be fruitless. What Jon did to Kenny and The Young Bucks and Takeshita, Jon made it personal. It ends next week.
Wardlow (w/ Arn Anderson) vs Jobbithy McJobberson
Wardlow pulls the gun out like he’s Arn Anderson and chops the kid before powerbombing him into hell.
Winner: Wardlow
Squishy
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: Like a minute.
Wardlow grabs a mic and calls out Christian and his monster.
Cage is quick to answer this open challenge, and comes out with his dino buddy. He could take that title right now, but it’s not happening, especially not in Baltimore. The title shot doesn’t belong to Luchasaurus. It belongs to Cage.
Juice Robinson (w/ Jay White) vs Ricky Starks
Ricky is quick to send Juice outside and whips his ass into the barricade back first. Juice locks Ricky’s head up for a piledriver, but Ricky hits aback body drop. Big kick from Ricky. He grabs Juice. Ricky with a whip. Right hand to the head, whip is reversed, and Juice sends Starks int othe steps. Juice stops the count, then heads back outside to grab Ricky by the head. Lift and Juice drops Ricky on his back hard outside. Juice gets Ricky ot the shouldres, but Ricky sends him into the post! He then lifts Juice, walks up the steps, and drops Juice hard off the steps with a body slam! Nice.
We are back and Ricky hits a huge clothesline. Ricky with a back drop! He hits a back elbow in the corner, locks the head, tornado DDT off the ropes, and he covers for 1..2..NO!! Ricky drops Juice hard on the head, then heads to the to prope! He dives with a splash, but Juice has the knees up! Juice hits a shoulder in the corner. He sits Ricky up top, then climbs and looks for a rana! He hits it! Starks on his feet. CLOTHESLINE! Cover from Juice! 1..2….NO!!! Juice is Loose attempt, Ricky reverses with a rollup, 1..2..NO!!!!
J uice with a huge chop to the throat! Ricky hits the ropes, ducks under a right, SPEAR!! ROSHAMBO! Cover! 1.2….3!!!
Winner: Ricky Starks
Good shit here, possibly the best match of the night. Ricky is gold.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 9:09
Jay Lethal runs out to attack, Ricky almost gets the upperhand, but Juice saves Jay and they make their way to the back.
Jungle Boy is hyping himself up. MJF sneaks into the room, tells JB he doesn’t want to fight, but wants to talk about what he can do for Jungle Boy. Money, fame. Just double cross Darby. He loves Jungle Boy like a brother, but he’s not World Champ material. He’s offering a spot next the throne.
JB slaps MJF’s hand away. He aint looking for a spot next to the throne, he’s looking for the crown. He’s taking the title.
Darby Allin enters the room, MJF says he doesn’t want trouble, and leaves. Darby wonders what’s going on. JB says “we got this,” but Darby says no…he’s go this.
Darby Allin and Jungle Boy vs MJF and Sammy Guevara
Sammy and JB to start. JB gets the upperhand, causing Sammy to cower into the clutches of MJF for comfort. Tag to Dary. Tag to MJF. Headlock takeovers to Darby to really piss off Darby. Arm drag from Darby, cradle for 1..2.NO!!!! MJF then rushes to Sammy for some love. Tag to JB. Lockup! MJF screams that JB is pulling his hir, and tells t he ref to do his job. Another lockup, MJF asks for the ref, Sammy holds JB as the ref is distracted, JB with a right hand to Sammy, then a chop to MJF. Tag to Darby. Whip to MJF. Back elbow to MJF from both. Darby covers for 1..2.NO!!! Darby swings at Sammy, and MJF attacks from behind. Boot to the face. Ref is busy with JB so Sammy chokes Darby up with a scarf. He tosses it to MJF as the ref turns around, then they do it again as MJF calls attention to JB. Looks like the ref saw it this time around, looking all kiinds of confused. Cover for 1..NO!!
JB goes to attack MJF, but Bryce rolls out ot stop him and Sammy uses the scarf again. This time, Darby reverses and chokes Sammy up. MJF enters the ring so Darby locks the scarf around his neck, too. Stunner to MJF! Ref is back in the ring and both men are down. Darby is about to tag, but MJF is there to pull Jungle Boy down.
We are back and Darby is able to aescape some offense and get a tag iN! crossbody! Elbow to MJF, one for Sammy, both men up, whip to JB, clothesline to both men! Suicide dive to MJF on the utside. One for Sammy next! Another for MJF! ANOTHER FOR SAMMY! Flip over the top rope to MJF! JB IS NOT DONE!!! HE gets back in the ring, stands, hits the ropes, is about to dive, but is too tired! SO DARBY DOES IT! Whip to Sammy into the ring. Tiger Driver from JB. JB pulls Sammy to the corner. MJF is there to hold the boot. Sammy up! SPANISH FLY! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Tag to MJF. He beats down on JB over and over with right hands. Darby in off th tag. He gives a boot to MJF, right, headbutt to Sammy. Code Red to Sammy! Draby tries the same for MJF, but MJF holds him and hits a powerbomb into a pin for 1..2.NO!!!! Blind tag from JB! SNARE TRAP TO MJF! IN comes Sammy! Stomp to JB! He sends JB to the outside. Sammy hypes MJF up. They call for a suicide dive. Hit the ropes, the ropes, Sammy dives over, but MJF stays put. Lol. Sammy sends JB into the ring. MJF is there waiting and underhooks, locks the head, lifts up for a suplex and covers for 1..2.NO!!!!
MJF and Sammy argue! MJF stops Sammy from pinning. He slaps Sammy in the face! SAMMY WITH A SUPERKICK TO MJF!! JB rolls Sammy up! 1…2…NO!!!
HUGE BLOW TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Darby with a blind tag. Coffin Drop! Pin for 1..2..3!!!
Winners: Darby Allin and Jungle Boy
Total Rating:
Match Time:
Darby and Jungle Boy get in each other’s face as Sammy leaves. MJF holds his title, and the main event is set.
End Show
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