wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 8.17.22
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...What a time to be alive!
I just spent an embarrassingly long time playing this new game “Fall Guys” that I originally purchased for my niece. She has yet to play.
I figure now is a good time for a break….
Oh shit, Dynamite…
It’s Wednesday…you know what that means!
AEW left us with a lot to salivate over and looks to continue the tease tonight as we start with YOUR AEW World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk.
Punk tried to put his tough-guy game face on, but we all ruined it by making him smile. He doesn’t have the prettiest smile, but he does have the prettiest belt. He’s got some business to attend to. Both important and unimportant. That is not so important; there is someone from around these parts he’d like to challenge to a rematch here and now.
CM Punk sits cross-legged and calls out Hangman Adam Page for a rematch here and now.
Commentary wonders if Punk is medically cleared, saying they never got word on it.
Punk awaits Hangman, checks his watch, wonders if his mic is working, and Punk moves on, but not before calling this Coward Shit.
Punk says the apology must be as loud and as public as the disrespect. If anyone else has a problem with the champion, he welcomes them down. Everyone wants to be the champ until it’s time to do champ shit. Ouch. He understands that Moxley has a lot of fans, and he can be #1 in your heart, but he’s not #1 in this ring. Punk is THEE AEW Champion. He talks a big game and backs it up. He breathes it into existence. He knows what it’s like to lose. He has lost big. Sure. But Jon has always been #2. Someone always has his number, and CM Punk is that guy. Moxley is the third best guy in his own group, and that seems to be a reoccurring theme in his career. This doesn’t make him bad, just doesn’t make him the best.
Moxley talks about breaking bones, but the only person who did that in the past six months is Punk. Stop him when he’s telling lies. Look up Interim. It means temporary. Punk is willing to test himself against Moxley, but Moxley won’t even test his best friend. Eddie Kingston? Third best Eddie, second best Kingston. They are not Number One in ANYTHING!!!
Punk has missed us, missed competing. He has yet to defend the title, but he will in Chicago, and he’s looking forward to testing his foot. Heading into Moxley, Jon isn’t even the first “John” he’s going to beat for a title, and he’s certainly not Number One in that category either.
Moxley’s music hits, and CM Punk jokes that he thinks he has some time before Punk gets to the ring, so he’s going to do some snow angels.
He finally makes it to the ring.
Look out ladies and gentlemen, Punk is dropping pipebombs! Punk doing what he does best, writing checks with his mouth that his body can’t cash. Punk lives in a fantasy world. Most of the time, Punk ain’t even the best wrestler in catering. Punk thinks the mic in his hand is power. This is the real world, and it’s just a microphone. That mic, all the words, don’t mean shit. The belt on his shoulder doesn’t mean shit. To be fair, right now, this belt on his shoulder doesn’t mean shit, either. He is the heart and soul of this company, and every time they called him Interim, it made him think of Punk.
CM Punk: “You can be the heart and soul, I’ll be the dollars and the cents.”
Jon says Punk only came to AEW because he ran out of money. Being the best IS about heart and soul, and they both know that Punk ran out of fighting spirit a long time ago. Wanna prove him wrong? Do something about it. Punk ain’t going to do shit.
Punk says they have a match coming up at the PPV, in which he will soundly beat him. If he touches Jon now, he’s afraid Jon will just bleed all over him.
FISTICUFFS!!!! Bones are being thrown until officials come out to break the boys up.
Jon hops to the top rope, flips Punk off, then hops onto the pile of men! Moxley finally leaves the ring, but it’s just to grab a chair!!! Moxley slides in, and security pounces onto him! Punk continues to be held back. Moxley grabs his title, drops it, then continues talking shit, unsure if he wants to leave or not. Jon hops on the apron again, and Punk grabs his head, but Security is still there to hold both men back.
Backstage, Hobbs says he doesn’t need friends. Ricky proved to the world that he was ok with losing. Hobbs is not ok with losing. For two years, Ricky walked around as if he was some God’s Gift, hiding behind Hobb’s back. He was hired to do one thing; make sure Ricky stayed champion, and he couldn’t do it. Hobbs breaks backs and necks. As far as QT, and The Factory he’s got something for them too.
Let’s get to some WRASSLIN!
We got Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat to be the guest timekeeper! Sick.
Jericho’s music hits, and out comes the man himself, Chris Jericho. He’s sporting a broken nose and a scowl. He’s joining us for commentary.
Match 1: 2 Out of 3 Falls Match
Daniel Garcia vs Bryan Danielson
Garcia has a graphic calling himself a Dragon Slayer and is announced as such. Nice touch.
Bell rings and they feel each other out. Bryan shoots the leg and trips Garcia up. Garcia reverses, and grabs Bryan’s legs, Bryan trips him up. Right hands to the face. He gets side control, but Garcia slips out. They both stand, Garcia is on Bryan’s back. Bryan falls back onto the man. Nice! Kneebar after some right hands from Bryan. Garcia stands up in the hold and hooks the leg. Bryan kicks Garcia, Garcia with one. They exchange a few more. Bryan hooks the heel. Garcia gets to the ropes. Bryan turns into the hold and breaks it. Garcia kicks Bryan away like a bully.
LOCKUP!!! Garcia backs Bryan into the corner. Hard slap from Garcia!
We come back from break and Bryan is PISSED. He hits a hard right, corners Garcia, YES KICKS!! Running dropkick to Garcia! He sits Garcia up on the top, follows, hooks the head, and tries for a rana, but Garcia holds on and turns it into a pin! 1..2…NO!!! Chop to Bryan! Bryan with an uppercut. Graci with a right, uppercut, boot, whip, Bryan jumps over, hits the ropes, Garcia catches him, double underhook suplex into an arm bar!!! Bryan turns into the hold and reaches for the ropes, Bryan is able to back suplex Garcia onto the mat! He turns him to his belly, attacks the back, hooks the right arm, and hooks the head! Garcia reaches the ropes. Garcia to the outside. Bryan hits the ropes, and dives with a dropkick!!!! He hops to the apron, dives off, lands on his feet, and there’s Garcia to back suplex Danielson to the mat! Garcia sends Bryan into the ring, He then drops some elbows ala Bryan to the shoulder and chest. Big boos.
Garcia hooks the leg and locks in the Dragon Tamer, but Bryan spins back on his back. Up kick! One flush to the face drops Garcia into a sleeper!!!! Right hands from Bryan to the crown of the head! Garcia lifts Bryan into….A PILEDRIVER!!! GOOD LORD!!!! Garcia locks the arm, and steps over, DRAGON SLEEPER! Bryan is fading! Ref calls it!
First Fall at 9:23
Garcia tells the ref that Bryan is down, and to start counting. Ref starts it, but with much concern! Bryan finally stands. Garcia corners him with stomps after stomps after stomps! Garcia holds his fists up. Garcia stands Bryan up. Hits an uppercut. Chop! Another chop from Garcia!
We are BACK and Garcia is giving it to Bryan in the ring. We missed a DDT to Bryan on the concrete outside of the ring. Garcia holds the left hand and smooshes Bryan with the foot. Bryan is bleeding. Garcia rings the arm and snaps Bryan down face first! He goes for another Dragon Sleeper, and Bryan flips him, but Garcia holds onto it! He drives elbows into the side of the face! He hooks the hold, and Bryan gets him down to his shoulders! That’s a pin! 1..2….3!!!
Second Fall in 6:14 for 1 to 1 at 15:37
Bryan gets Garcia into the Tree of Woe for some kicks. He flips Garcia up onto the top buckle. Bryan hammers his chest with elbows. Garcia drops him, Bryan holds on! GERMAN OFF THE TOP ROPE!!! Bryan pulls himself up, He turns and stands on the top rope. Bryan dives, missile dropkick to Garcia! Garcia flies out of the ring! Bryan kips up! He rushes the corner. SUICIDE DIVE OUT OF THE RING INTO THE HEAD OF GARCIA!!! Kicks to Garcia! Bryan sends Garcia into the post! Bryan pulls Garcia into the post by both arms! Garcia returns the favor! Both men down!
We see Steamboat on his phone, and Jericho cleverly says he’s probably checking the time. Lol. Garcia gets into the ring at 7! Bryan doesn’t! Ref hits 9! In comes Bryan! Garcia is bloodied.
We are BACK AGAIN! Bryan wants The LaBell Lock! Garcia blocks, turns it into a pin, Bryan reverses, gets it again, another roll into a pin! 1..2.NO!!! Right hand from Garcia! Dropkick in the corner, Danielson doesn’t care! Running knee from Garcia! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Bryan with the shoulder up! They have their fingers locked! They exchange elbows, fingers still locked. Bryan is dropped to his knees, and Garcia is exhausted but standing. Bryan stands and gets his forearms over. They go back and forth. Garcia is fading. Bryan pulls him up and hits a hard one, another, another, dropping Garcia to the mat. He releases the fingers. Bryan beats him over and over and over with elbows. Bryan grabs the arms, wanting to kick his head in, but Garcia pushes with the boot, monkey flip, HOLDING ON! HE KICKS BRYAN’S HEAD IN!!!! But Bryan rolls him onto his back and hits headbutts to the chest!!! Bryan grabs the arms! He is stomping his fucking head in!!!!!!! Bryan with a triangle! He drives elbows to the crown of the head! Does Bryan push for a pin? No, he lifts Bryan up for a piledriver but doesn’t have the strength. Bryan beats down with rights, and Garcia attacks the mid-section! Bryan turns his hips.
LaBell LOCK!!!!!!!!! Garcia moves his hips. Bryan drops an elbow to the side of the face, over and over and over again. Bryan locks it in again. Garcia is out! Game Over!
Winner: Bryan Danielson
What an ass kicking. There were fewer than ten pinning attempts in this entire match, with three of those going towards a win. That’s wild. That means a bulk of this was massive offense from each man. Just an ass-kicking or submission attempt, and it hurt watching in the best possible way. Good shit.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 26:16
Garcia is shown and he’s tugging at the kneepad of Bryan Danielson. Bryan is completely shocked. He applauds Garcia and then gets to his feet as Garcia shows some semblance of cognizance. Bryan walks over to him, giving him some major props. Bryan asks the crowd to cheer for Garcia and extends his hand.
Tazz mentions Jericho has left the announce table.
Garcia looks to shake the hand of Bryan, but JERICHO ATTACKS FROM BEHIND!!!!! He stomps Bryan over and over until Garcia stops him!!!
HUGE GARCIA CHANT!!
Jericho points his finger at Garcia. Garcia slaps it away. The crowd LOVED that. Jericho points again tells Garcia to think about this.
“You’re a wrestler” chant. WOWWWWWW!!!
Swerve in Our Glory is backstage with Private Party to talk about Friday. Swerve tells them “You’re welcome.” Private Party talks about being #5. Swerve says they’ve been here since the beginning, and this is the closest they’ve gotten to the titles.
Lee tells them after they beat Private Party, they can walk their happy asses back down the ladder.
WE ARE BACK!
Jericho is backstage with Menard and Parker. Tony asks if there is dissension. Jericho tells Garcia that next week, he and Garcia will have a face-to-face. Whose side is he on?
Here’s Ricky Steamboat! He says he’s watched Garcia, and he’s coming into his own. He doesn’t need Jericho or these guys. Jericho is the same guy, same hair, same get-up and go, if anyone should mentor Garcia, Danielson would be the better choice.
Jericho calls him Goody Two Shoes Steamboat and tells him he hasn’t liked him for 15 years, so keep his hands off Jericho and stay out of his business. Jericho walks away. Parker tries to choke Steamboat with his hand, telling him to stay away, but Steamboat chops him across the chest.
Match 2: The Varsity Blondes vs The Gunn Club
Whole lotta greenery in this match.
Austin and Griff to start. Colt sends Pillman flying off the apron. Colt 45 to Griff. Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: The Gunn Club
Well, I’m glad they kept it short…
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :30
Billy Gunn on the mic says THAT is what he’s been trying to teach them the past couple of weeks. He is super proud of the two. He has done a lot of great things but the best is being able to work next to the two.
Stokely Hathaway comes out, stares at the three in the ring, extends his hands, and…
THE GUNN CLUB ATTACKS BILLY GUNN!!! Lol.
The Acclaimed run down for the save of Billy Gunn.
PAC with a promo in front of Death Triangle to talk to Ospreay. They have unfinished business. He’s looking forward to next week.
Jungle Boy’s music hits and he is out here without his pet dinosaur! He thanks the crowd for the adulation, and says he was asked to never wear a specific shirt ever again. He wore it three weeks ago, and it really hit the nail on the head. For weeks, he’s tried to hit Christian Cage every chance he got. He’s tried to hit him with his fist, a chair, and even a car. Cage has done nothing about it. The way he sees it is either he can continue to chase Cage until he gets his hands on him, and he will, or Cage can man up and face him at All Out!
Unless, of course, the shirt was right, and Cage is just too big of a pu—-
Cage’s music hits, and here comes Turtleneck Tommy!
Cage says his answer is no, but not for what you think. Things are getting out of hand. Lucha got suspended. At the end of the day, Cage is proud of JB. Look at him! All this confidence, speaking for himself. Last week, Cage went home and reflected.
He enters the ring.
Obviously, JB got frustrated by losing the titles. They both said things neither of them meant. JB got a little personal, but Cage understands. Cage doesn’t want to fight him. He wants to fix this. He wants to take JB to the promise land. At the end of the day…
BULLSHIT chant. Lol.
At the end of the day, they’re family, and he loves JB. Come back home.
Lol. The cage is so slimey. Love it.
Jungle Boy considers…goes in for a hug….THEN SHOOTS THE LEGS!!! Rights to the head! Cage stands, JB grabs and sends him back down! More rights! Cage tries to level. JB hops on him with some more rights! Cage is finally able to roll to the outside. JB follows. Cage kicks him and then sends JB to the barricade.
CHRISTIAN CAGE: “I HATE YOUR GUTS YOU PIECE OF CRAP!”
JB sends Cage into the steps! He slams his face into the steps a few times, saying Cage was never his family. JB stomps the right arm of Cage onto the steps hard.
Match 3: Toni Storm vs Kilynn King
Rollup from King outta nowhere. Storm reverses and gets a roll-up of her own. Side headlock off the pin. King reverses, Toni tries for a dropkick, King side steps, hits the ropes, and tries for a dropkick to the side of the head, but Toni moves and hits a dropkick of her own. She rushes the corner, gets tossed to the apron, back elbow from King, springboard to the second rope, and a knee off the 2nd rope. King hits the ropes and dives through the ropes but Toni moves and tries for a tornado DDT. King catches her and slams Toni into the apron. Another into the barricade.
We are back and King shoots Toni off of her, kicks the midsection, running kick to the side of the head. King rushes the corner, Toni kicks, and King catches and lifts Toni up then slams her down hard with a modified spinebuster. Cover for 1..2.NO!!!
King tries for a pump handle, lifts, Toni slinks behind, hits. German! Sweet Cheeks Music! Toni with the finisher and the win for 1..2..3!!!
Winner: Toni Storm
A match cut in half by the PIP, but it nice enough win for Toni Storm. King is alright; a bit on the generic side, but that’s better than most.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 6:47
Rosa is backstage giving Toni a golf clap.
Best Friends cut a promo for Friday.
Punk vs Moxley is announced for next week?!?! Wow.
Match 4: Andrade El Idolo, Rush, and Dragon Lee vs The Young Bucks and Kenny Omega
DON CALLIS IS ON COMMENTARY! Lol. Kenny is wearing a long sleeve black top and what looks to be some sort of brace.
Nick and Lee to start. Lee shakes the hand of Omega and tries to shake Matt’s, but Matt ain’t bout it. He shakes Nick’s hand. Andrade and Rush show annoyance. Nick and Lee lock hands. Knee to Nick, right hand to the back, shoulder tackle from Lee. Nick rolls into a run, hops over, split, chops from Nick, Nick runs the ropes, arm drag, and a kip up! Tag to Matt. Whip to Lee, elbow strike, and Nick bulldogs Lee into a dropkick from Matt. Andrade in, and we get a rana from Nick. In comes Rush, a dropkick from Matt. Matt and Lee are alone in the ring. Kenny asks for a tag. TAG!!!!
Omega flies into the ring with an axe to the arm of Lee! He works the arm. Chop to Lee, another chop to Lee, sends him into the corner hard, mounts and drops some right hands!!!! Firemans and Omega marches around the ring, front roll but he can’t quite pop up. Tag to the Bucks. They both in and drop Lee into a gut buster. Omega with a leg lariat. Neckbreaker from Matt. Matt tags in Omega. Omega sends Lee into the corner and chops Lee, again. Lee with right hands. Kick, tag to Andrade!! Andrade shoves the back. Omega turns and they go face to face. Jose hops on the apron to distract, and Rush attacks Omega! Stomps to Omega.
We are BACK and Nick is doing a combo rana, arm drag to the other team. Tag to Matt, he catches the flying Lee, hits a Northern Lights, another one, goes for a third, Rush walks in, he locks them both, but can’t lift them, in comes Nick all six men lock up! Bucks and Omega hit suplexes!! Everyone to the outside! Nick flies off the top onto everyone! Nick whips Lee in the ring, goes for a superkick, Lee sends Nick over the top rope, Omega in, hits a tilt a whirl, stomp from Nick, Matt on the top flies with an elbow! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Rush with an elbow in the corner to Matt. Andrade rushes the corner with a knee to Omega. Lee covers Matt, being the legal man, and gets a 1..2…NO!!!!
Matt left in the ring by himself. Andrade, Rush, and Lee with dropkicks to Matt!
We are BACK! Omega and Andrade are in the ring. Andrade with a kick, Omega hits the ropes, in comes Rush, Omega with an enziguri to Rush, double underhook to Andrade, Snap Suplex! One for Rush! Lee in, and Omega hits him with one! Ouch! Lordy. Tag to Nick. Nick tags in Matt. Mtt grabs Rush, Nick grabs Andrade. Omega with a back elbow to Lee, Bucks rush the corners to splash Andrade and rush, the whip is reversed, Bucks lock arms, spin, SUPERKICKS!!! Matt catches Lee off a rana and hits a buckle bomb coupled with kicks from Nick and Omega! SUPERKICK PARTY!!!! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Andrade is there to stop it! Everyone outside except for Omega!!! He hits the ropes. LEE RUSHES AND GRABS THE LEG!!! He enters, sweeps the leg, Omega hops over off the backdrop, sends Lee to the outside, Omega hits the ropes, tries to run, knee buckles. He hits the ropes again, but there’s Jose to pull the leg!!! Andrade and Rush pull Omega out of the ring and grab the barricade! They pull the barricade closer to the ring. They sit Omega on the top of the barricade. Lee hits the ropes….
HE DIVES THROUGH THE ROPES INTO OMEGA!!!!!
Omega gets sent into the ring. Cover for 1..2.NO!!!! Andrade gets the tag. He heads to the top rope. Nick runs up, catches the leg, and elbows from Andrade. Lee hops over the top rope and Ranas Nick off the apron! Moonsault fom Andrade! Omega rolls! Andrade lands on his feet! Standing moonsault! Cover! 1..2….NO!!!
Andrade with a double underhook, hammerlock DDT!!!! Andrade covers for 1..2…NO!!! Matt pushes Rush into the pin. Omega with a knee to Lee! He runs…
V-TRIGGER!!!!! Omega grabs Lee. Bucks are on the apron.
Omega lifts Lee from behind. He sits Lee on the shoulders. Nick enters the ring to hold Andrade back. Matt has Rush. One-Winged Angel! Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winners: The Young Bucks and Kenny Omega
Hell of a main event. One could complain about the many issues that Omega faced during this match, but I firmly believe that everything was done on purpose to prove that he “came back too early.”
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 20:52
Andrade and Rush sstand over Lee. Andrade is removing the mask of Lee. Rush holds Lee up, then pushes him into Andrade, who hits the Hammerlock DDT.
End Show
More Trending Stories
- Kevin Nash Comments On ‘Antiquated’ Oklahoma State Athletic Commission, Thinks Recent Nyla Rose Ruling Was Political
- Eric Bischoff Thinks Tony Khan Should Bring In Jinder Mahal To AEW
- Booker T On Swerve Strickland’s AEW Title Win, Says Goldberg Wouldn’t Fit There
- The Undertaker on Why Triple H Was Right About Outside Stars Struggling in WWE
