wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s WWE RAW Review 5.1.23
Image Credit: WWE
Loading...It’s THE DRAFT! Will it matter? Do you care?!
I’ve been drafted to Inside Pulse
It’s Monday, you know what that means!
The H’s is here, and he’s got his draft cards. He points to me in the crowd, but I’m not there, so joke’s on him.
The shiny new title is next to him as he smiles behind the podium. He welcomes us to RAW and to Night 2. He said things got craaaaazy on Friday. Tonight will be no different, but first he’s got to set some ground rules. All remaining stars are subject to transferring to other brands.
Since Reigns was drafted to Smackdown, we will be crowning a new World Heavyweight Champion, who will be exclusive to RAW. oF everyone draft eligible, will there be a new champ emerge?
Before we start, there is one guy that is not eligible to be drafted – Brock Lesnar. Earlier today, Brock renegotiated his status as a free agent, so he can appear on any brand at any time. NXT Superstars are eligible, and the new rosters go into affect after Backlash. He says March 8th, but I believe he meant May.
Now then….
First Round of Round 2
Rhea Ripley to RAW
Austin Theory to Smackdown
Seth Freakin Rollins to RAW
Charlotte Flair to Smackdown
Triple H introduces Paul Heyman, who, in an awkward moment, is presented the title by Trips as if he hasn’t seen it, ever.
We head to the ring with Heyman who wants to have a chat.
He has been asked by Reigns to address a number of items. He has been drafted Smackdown along with Reigns and Solo. Tonight determines the fate of The Usos. They did NOT win the titles on Friday. He well address this tonight, and they will address this with a title shot on Saturday.
They will also address the Smackdown audience, where Reigns will be, to take all business items, and one of those items is that hunk of beautiful gold on the podium right now. Come on, wouldn’t it look relevant around Reigns’ waist? Almost 1,000 days into a reign. Talk about undisputed. Create a championship and Reigns will dominate that title to the main event of Mania. Of course, Reigns cant compete for the title because he won’t be on RAW.
Heyman talks about the boys in the back, how they are freakin clowns, freakin jokes, and well what do ya freak, here comes Seth Rollins.
He says it’s great he’s still no RAW, because it means Roman doesn’t have to run from him anymore, and Heyman doesn’t have to pull strings anymore to make sure Seth doesn’t get a title match. He now can use his energy to make sure Bloodline doesn’t go poof. Heyman is a spoiler guy, though, right? He loves a good one. Here’s one: at Night of Champions, he will win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. The entire world will see what a real champion looks like.
Heyman gets a phone call mid-promo. Lol. He cowers in the corner and Seth tells Heyman it’s going to be real hard to have a phone convo while a bunch of people are singing.
Heyman: “I CANT HEAR MY TRIBAL CHIEF!”
Lol.
Heyman tells Seth he’s pissing off Roman. Seth asks Texas how long it’ll take to get Heyman flat on the canvas so he can stomp him.
Seth counts down how long it could take, but here comes Solo Sikoa to give Heyman the confidence to smirk in Seth’s face.
I wonder if the three minute warning
Solo hops into the ring, Heyman holds him back, and tells Seth all strings are being pulled and by the time they get back from commercial, Seth Rollins vs Solo Sikoa will be going down tonight.
Seth says they don’t gotta wait for all that, it’s on.
We return to RAW to see an “EARLIER TODAY” where Cody Rhodes enters the arena to be told by Adam Pearce that Lesnar is here, but he’d love to have no chaos. Cody doesn’t promise anything, and instead, rushes away.
Bayley and Dakota Kai vs Raquel Rodriguez and Liv Morgan
Dakota and Liv to start, but it’s short lived as Bayley and Raquel get their tags. Bayley with a hard right hand but Raquel no-sells and corners her with some shoulders. Tag to Liv.
We are back from a break and Kai runs and kicks liv in the face in the corner. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Liv in the corner. Elbow to Bayley, right to Kai. She runs to tag,but Dakota catches her, pulls her arm, and hits a hard right. Liv gets a tag! Clothesline, another, a third from Raquel! She lifts for a Fallaway Slam, hits it, in comes Bayley to take the bullet for Dakota! Raquel with another Fallaway Slam! Raquel twists and lands a senton then covers for 1..2…NO!! Bayley pulls Raquel out of the ring! Kai kicks Liv in the ring, hits the Kairopractor and covers for 1..2.NO!!! Raquel in to break it up.
Bayley in to wrestle her towards the ropes, Kai hits her with a kick, knees from Liv, ObLIVion! But Bayley got the tag. She rolls Liv up for a 1…2..3!!!
Winners: Dakota Kai and Bayley
For some reason, this felt incredibly generic. They hit the beats and got to the finish, but nothing of note really happened.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:14
Backstage, Booker T is incredibly excited to announce some picks. He wont be alone, though, because the Queen will be with him.
Second Round of Round 2
Booker T says what up to D-Town….I don’t think they’re in D-Town, but whatevs.
Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn to RAW
The Usos to Smackdown
The Judgment Day (Priest, Balor, and Mysterio) to RAW
LWO <Mysterio, Vega, Escobar, Del Toro, Wilde) to Smackdown
Braun Strowman and Ricochet vs The Alpha Academy
I come to the match with Gable trying for a German but Ric landing on his feet. Chop to the chets, he hits the apron, springboards, lands on his ffeet, CHAOS THEORY FROM GABLE plants Ricochet on his head! Tag to Otis. Tag to Braun! They slap chests, Braun misses a right, Otis corners Braun with a bunch of lefts and rights, hits the ropes, hits a splash! He hits the corner, but Braun splashes him! Crossbody from Braun!
Bodyslam from Braun to Otis! Tag to Ricochet, he stnds on the shoulders of Braun! They walk over to Otis! Swanton! Cover! 1…2….3!!!
Winners: Ricochet and Braun Strowman
A whole lot in a little bit of time. Fun but coulda been a bit longer.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: Stopwatch Issues.
Shawn Michaels and Adam Pearce ready to announce the next picks.
We return to HBK at the podium. Pearce joins him, and here we go..
Before Michaels can announce who is drafted, the music of Brock Lesnar hits, and he heads out, ignoring Pearce, who is talking to Brock while he walks down the ramp. Brock stops, stares Pearce down, causing him to stop talking, and continues his trek to the ring.
He asks Texas how it feels to be looking at the only real cowboy in the state?
Lol. Damn.
Pearce brings down like ten security guards and tells Brock to leave the ring, or his guys will help him leave.
Pearce calls out even more goons that are TOTALLY not indy talent. Pearce pleads for Brock to leave.
Cody Rhodes is here! He uses his music for a distraction, then attacks from behind.
In come security to hold Cody Rhodes back as Brock makes his way out of the ring and up the ramp. Cody nearly makes it out of the ring, as roughly ten guys stand in front of Brock.
Random Security dude: “It’s not worth it.”
Lol. Man I hate pull-apart brawls.
Cody: “Make me earn it.”
Ugh…..
Round 3 of Day 2
Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez to RAW
Asuka to Smackdown
The New Day to RAW
Brawling Brutes to Smackdown
Backstage, Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens are chatting it up. In comes Matt Riddle to tell them how happy he is that they are all on the same show. Tonight, he will put the beats on Jey Uso.
Riddle’s music hits and he heads out as Kevin takes umbrage with Riddle’s wording of hanging ut “all the time.”
Matt Riddle vs Jimmy Uso
Riddle gets tangled up on the ropes quickly. Jimmy distracts the ref, so Jey hops on the apron and high kicks Riddle in the back. Kevin rushes over there and threatens Jey, asking if he wants to go. Kevin falls, Sami smacks a chair against the floor, then tosses it to Jey. Jey catches the chair, and Sami calls for the ref. jey stands there like an idiot and the ref sends Jey ot the back.
We are BACK and Jimmy hits a Superkick and a pin for 1..2.NO!!! Another Superkick! Cover! 1..2…NO!!! Riddle’s kick outs are wild. Jimmy in the corner. He removes the buckle. Owens is on the apron.
Owens sends Jimmy’s face into it. Riddle with the Floating Bro! Cover for 1..2..3!!!
Winner: Matt Riddle
More than half of this match was during the commercial, and half of what was shown was distractions/ejections. So…..a whole lotta nothing. The Usos downfall continues.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 7:22
Nice little Iyo video package.
Eric Bischoff is backstage getting ready to announce the next drafts. RVD is then shown, turning his card upright in response to those critiquing him online. Lol.
Backstage, Heyman is hyping Solo Sikoa up until Jey Uso comes out to ask why Solo wasn’t ringside tonight. Solo stares Jey down. Heyman says Solo has been assigned an extermination of a clown tonight, so he’s concentrated on that.
Jey looks his brother up and down. Heyman wonders if there is something else. Heyman gets it, he wants the room. He tells Solo Jey can have the room to himself.
They leave.
We head to the stage. Bischoff and RVD are there.
Round 4 of Round 2
Trish Stratus to RAW
Karrion Kross to Smackdown
Shayna Baszler and Ronda Rousey to RAW
LA Knight to Smackdown
The Miz is here to go over the draft, saying he was the biggest acquisition. He has a guest tonight, and this person was drafted to RAW…..
Shinsuke Nakamura
Miz asks Shinsuke if he thinks he has a chance at winning the World Heavyweight Championship.
Shinsuke: “Hi.”
Miz says he is the epitome of a workhorse, but Shinsuke would be a great number two. They should form a partnership. A merger. MIZUKE NAKAMURA! He tells Shin that things are different here on RAW. Shin needs someone to watch his back, and who better than The Miz.
Shinsuke says thank you, Miz has more experience, but Shinsuke knows on RAW, Miz is the guy of…small balls. Lol. He says this in Japanese, though, so Miz thinks it’s a compliment until Shinsuke translates.
Miz tries to hit Shinsuke, but he ducks. Hits the ropes. Kinshasa!
Shinsuke takes a bow.
Omos vs A Jobberino Alanis
Omos murders a man and gets away with it.
Winner: Omos
K
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: Seven blinks
Recap of the new world title reveal.
Molly Holly and Road Dogg are up next to announce the draft picks.
Round 5 of Round 2
Braun Strowman and Ricochet to RAW
Shotzi to Smackdown
Bronson Reed to RAW
Pretty Deadly to Smackdown
The Judgment Day are here for some action.
Damien Priest tells us to all rise, then introduces Rhea Ripley. She was the first draft pic, says mommy is always on top. She is going to pretzel up Zelina Vega. Finn Balor says she’ll roll her up like a booger and flick her…I think. He then tells Bad Bunny that Priest is going to handle that ass. Priest has some words in Spanish for Bad Bunny. He chose these words carefully, says Priest. He knows Bad Bunny is a huge star in the music industry, but this is his world, not Bad Bunny’s. Priest continues in Spanish.
Dominik Mysterio gets two words out before boos shower him and he cannot continue. Finn asks for us to let him speak. He tries again. And again. They milk this for a bit. He finally says he cant wait till Rhea and Priest dominate at Backlash, and they, in their entirety, defeat LWO. This will be the last night he’ll get to embarrass his dad and his loser friends.
Rey Mysterio is out to say no one is running or hiding. They were selected by Smackdown. Ya dummy. He’s glad they wont be on the same brand. If Dom thought getting whooped with the belt was bad, next time he’s busting out la chancla. He cant wait to see Zelina leave PR with Rhea’s title on her waist. He is looking forward to watch Bad Bunny fuck up Priest’s face.
Boy that took forever.
Dom and Rey to start, but Mami wants some action. She gets in. Rey tosses Vega onto Rhea, to hit a rana. Rhea kicks her ,tries for a Rip Tid,e but Zeline spins mid-air and locks the head. Rhea lifts Zelina in the air, she slinks off, hits a jawbreaker. Priest with a tag. Rhea is shocked. In comes Santos to meet Priest. He hits the ropers, punch to the forehead. Double knees in the corner. Right hands from Santos, whip is reversed, kick from Santos, another. He hits the ropes, and Priest hits him with a HARD right, knocking him on his ass. Priest clocks Rey for fun. Priest hits the ropes, flies off, Santos with a knee. In comes Dom, and we get a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Tag from Rey and he hits a seated senton to Priest on the outside!
The faces celebrate in the ring as we go to break.
We are back to Dom and Rey! Rey with a rana! He corners Dom, mounts, hits some punches. Priest attacks from behind, but Rey hits the roeps and a crossbody to Dom! Rhea stops a pin then hits Vega with a right hand. She grabs Rey, fireman’s to Rey. She presses Rey in the air, but Zelina with a 619 to the mid-section! She holds the ropes as Rhea rushe her, and Rhea topples to the outside. Dom hits a dropkick to Rey. Tag to Priest. Priest wit a shoulder, but Rey moves! Rey kicks Priest into position. 619 attempt, but Finn rolls into the ring, Dom pulls the leg of Rey, Santos with a suicide dive to Dom! Rhea with a dropkick to him! Vega with the double knees off the apron!
In the ring, Priest kicks the distracted Rey! Lifts him up for a Razor’s Edge, Rey slinks down, drop toe hold. 61—FINN IS IN THE WAY! He takes the 619! Priest grabs Rey off the apron! South of Heaven! Cover! 1..2…3.!!!
Winners: The Judgment Day
This was fun, albeit short, and with a commercial break cutting it in half. A good win for the team that’ll probably lose come Backlash.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 8:58
Cathy Kelley is backstage, and Cody comes up in his shirt and jacket.
Wait, so he…changed into wrestling gear, then back into his suit…?
Cody says he must win at Backlash, because if he doesn’t, then the whole idea of finishing the story ceases to exist, and he moves to the back of the line, and he refuses to go to the back of the line. He wont be there now or ever.
Up next is Texas’ own, JBL alongside Teddy Long.
Backstage, Bianca Belair and Iyo Sky exchange words. Bianca doesn’t need a translator, because Iyo and her, they understand each other.
Round whatever or Round 2
The Alpha Academy to RAW
Rick Boogs to Smackdown
Katana Chance and Kayden Carter to RAW
Cameron Grimes to Smackdown
Xavier Woods cuts a phone promo about the draft. He tells USA Network to get ready.
Solo Sikoa vs Seth Rollins
They circle for a bit, Solo tries to lock up, but Seth ducks under and runs up the corner to conduct his chorus. Solo tries to plu his ears. Intresting. Lockup, side headlock by Solo, Seth hops over Solo, slinks out of the ring, and poses. He’s pissin off Rikishi’s kid. Solo slides out, and Seth slides in. Solo slides in and Seth tries to stomp, but Solo slides back out. He takes the steps to get into the ring this time. Kick from Solo. Headbutt to Seth. He corners Seth, hits some right hands. Seth fights back, hits some rights, the ropes, holds them, Solo tumbles outside, lands on his feet. Seth kicks him, the hits the ropes for a suicide dive, but Solo runs into the ring and hits a spinning heel kick!
We come back with Seth having Solo reeling on the outside. He sends Solo into the ring, heads to the top rope, tries for a knee, but Solo ducks and hits a surprise Samoan Drop! Cover for 1..2.>NO!!!
We see Heyman on the phone outside, seemingly giving notes as he is not listening, only speaking.
Solo tries for a Rock Bottom, Seth escapes, rolls up Solo for 1..2.NO!!! Superkick to Solo! Seth tries for a rolling elbow, but Solo with a Spinning Solo to Seth! Cover! 1..2….NO!!! Solo lifts Sethe by the chin. Hard slap to the face by Seth. He laughs from beneath Solo, asking if that’s all he got? Solo lifts Seth. Another Rolling Solo! Solo mounts Seth, punches over and over. Ref tries to stop him, he counts Solo down, Solo is up and corners the ref but doenst touch. Seth heads to the outside. Solo follows. He sends Seth to the table. He lifts Seth, Seth slinks off, sends Solo into the post. Rolls into the ring, Solo does too! Superkick! Rolling elbow!
Here comes The Usos for the DQ!
Winner: Seth Rollins via DQ
A fine way to end a really lackluster show. Best matcgh of the night, by far, although that wasn’t hard, and was to be expected.
Total Rating: **3/4
Match Time: 10:25
Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, and Matt Riddle run down to make the save! Everyone brawls and RAW ends abruptly!
End Show
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