British Optimism: CZW Gen Z: The Transfusion

CZW Gen Z: The Transfusion
January 8, 2005
The Arena
Philadelphia, PA

CZW Laws: Zandig must shout ”SEE ZEE FUCKIN DOUBLEYOUUUU” before ending a match, DJ Hyde must never use spell-check and the January shows must always suck. Judging by the tiny crowd, we’re sticking to that rule. When I grilled the CZWFans about the attendance they blamed it on the curfew and the lack of an announced main event. We’re off to a great start.

G.Q., Jude, & Cornell Adams vs. John Kermon, Malik, & Sean Bishop.

You know a match is going to be good when it’s advertised as ”a 6-man tag” with none of the names listed. Jude and G.Q. ham it up on the way to the ring, everyone else just looks nervous. No commentary yet as this is apparently a Dark Match. If it’s on the DVD doesn’t it stop being a Dark Match? I wouldn’t make usually care but I have no clue who the fuck 3/4 of the match is, so I have to stop and Google these sorry fellows.

There, the only image of these three online. Malik is the black guy in shorts, John Kernon is the white guy in shorts and Sean Bishop is the other one. I’ve spent way too long on this Dark Match already so let’s resume.

Jude and *checks* Malik exchange basic moves and Jude tries for a cheeky roll-up, only for Malik to slip out and slip up when trying to kip up. I spent four minutes finding his bastard name and he messes up in one minute. Jude also shows how worthless my life has become by immediately missing an enziguri on an immobile opponent. Crowd is loud in their dissatisfaction, which I’m sure some wrestler will use to demonstrate that Jude is a good heel. G.Q. and *checks* Kernon. Kernon busts out a twilt-a-whirl slam on G.Q. and shows improvement over Malik by not fucking it up. G.Q. sends Kernon to the outside and fakes a dive. While he’s laughing at Kernon’s flinch, G.Q. gets shoved off and I guess he was supposed to get caught by Kernon, but the white guy misses him and G.Q. splatters into the guard-rail. Fuck’s sake. No wonder G.Q. left wrestling. Kernon hits a Vader Bomb (oh fuck off, I’m not going to bring Vader’s name into this. I’ll call it the Mr. Hughes Bomb instead) but gets two. G.Q. with feeling in his legs counters a few Irish Whip attempts and crotches Kernon when he tries a leapfrog. AND THE MATCH JUST GETS BETTER as G.Q. attempts a Reverse Powerbomb but Kernon doesn’t know how to take it so he sandbags it. G.Q. responds by kicking him repeatedly in the balls. This is the best bad match I’ve watched in years. Cornell Adams tags in for G.Q. who likely couldn’t take any more. Adams hits a stalling suplex with squats and manages to get some applause from the crowd because he didn’t fuck it up. He tags in Jude who hits the Running Diving Crotch in the corner…then waits a few seconds afterwards, clearly expecting Kernon to counter or do SOMETHING. He does nothing so Jude Overhead Belly-To-Belly Suplexes him. The crowd has turned on the fan favourite Jude. Kernon tries to tag out but Adams distract the ref so WE GET MORE KERNON. If I was Adams I’d have let him leave the match. G.Q. executes a Missile Dropkick but gets booed despite his best posing. Adams shows off his power by swinging Kernon over his shoulder and slamming him. Adams gets applause again and it’s a shame he wasn’t brought back. He’s only done two moves and he’s already the best thing about the show. Adam prevents Kernon from making the tag. He manages to Tornado DDT Adams without killing anybody and finally makes the tag to Sean Bishop who takes out everybody with big clotheslines…until Adams gets in his face. They chop each other until Bishop takes a Cobra Clutch Backbreaker. Bishop immediately gets up and DVDs Adams right on his head. G.Q. makes the save and helps the apparently knocked out Adams tag out. G.Q. and Bishop try to do moves but have a bit of a communication breakdown so Jude comes in to deal with Kernon. Jude lets Kernon clothesline the hell out of him, which was nice of him. G.Q. instigates his ”Do a DDT, hold onto the guy and do it twice more” series of moves as Bishop patiently waits for G.Q. to give him some room and Cobra Clutch Suplexes Adams. They both cover their opponents, but the referee only sees G.Q.’s pin.

Winners: G.Q., Jude, & Cornell Adams (1/4* for Adams)

That was five of the most hilariously awful minutes of wrestling I’ve ever seen. It did get better, but it couldn’t have gotten worse.

The show starts for real with Maven Bentley. He’s just been relieved from BLK OUT manager duties so the crowd boo him. He wants to push the youth in this company which brings out Chris Hero and Claudio Castagnoli who enter through the front door with travel bags and coats. ”What better way to start the year than with a Chris Hero promo?” . In a ‘meant little at the time but would become important later’ moment, Hero fires BlackJack Marciano for failing to help Hero defend the Iron Man Title at COD VI. Messing with Eddie Kingston’s best friend would haunt Hero for years. Hero thinks it’s a shame he had to fire one of his Few Good Men before they could come up with a name for themselves. I miss this running gag. He then declares Claudio his One Man Gang. Crowd is thankfully in on the joke and chants OMG’s name. Zandig comes out to spoil the fun but ignores everybody in the ring to awkwardly shoot on a bootlegger in the crow’s nest and sets Frank Talent onto him. Moving on, Zandig isn’t medically cleared to wrestle (from the brain trauma he sustained wrestling Teddy Hart) and he isn’t a technician like Hero, so he sends the best technician he knows…

Chris Hero vs. Jon Dahmer

Yes, really. Dahmer runs out and immediately dominates Hero, not allowing him to remove his coat. Crowd split between Hero and Dahmer (yes, really). Claudio distracts Dahmer which enables Hero to backdrop drive him. He gets changed into his ring gear in between stomps. Hero applies a leg-lock and takes a Claudio-assisted drink of water.
Hero fakes a knee injury to get the referee’s attention so Claudio can cravat Dahmer. Hero plows through Dahmer’s crappy beard with the Hero Sidekick and dares to perform the Zandig Muscle Pose. Hero then double dares to try the Double Spinning Clothesline…only to stop spinning and lock in a cravat. Hero isn’t as polished in-ring as he would become, but he had the entertainment aspect down to a tee. John House actually says ”There ain’t much better than John Dahmer!” which is the only thing more amusing than Hero’s wrestling. Dahmer suckers Hero in with a fake injury and DDTs Hero…who gets up before Dahmer does. Dahmer ignores his lack of conditioning and gives Hero an Exploder Suplex, a backdrop, The Garvin Stomp (!) and a messy Cradle Suplex for two. Hero ignores all that and delivers an Alabama Slam to Dahmer (starting a brief ”Hardcore Holly” chant) and heads up top only to jump off, land on his feet and apply another cravat…which Dahmer sells like a punch and falls over. Hero just shrugs and applies it when he gets back up. Immediately after that, Gargiulo says (and this is a quote) ”Dahmer is one of the best technical style wrestlers in the United States today”. After a double stomp, Hero puts Dahmer into an STF but Dahmer bites his way out of it. Hero grabs the referee to help him so Claudio can attack Dahmer with his travel luggage bag, but DJ Hyde (Dahmer’s tag partner) runs in and drags Claudio to the back. Dahmer is distracted, but before Hero can capitalize Zandig gets on the mic and distracts Hero. Dahmer grabs Hero, gives him The Move Of 1,000 Maniacs…and pins him OH WOW.

Winner: John Fucking Dahmer (**1/2)

Dahmer was able to keep up with Hero for most of the match, I’ll give him that. He’s not a bad wrestler and the match was obviously designed to set up Hero/Zandig, but it’s still weird. Imagine if Val Venis pinned CM Punk on Raw and you’re nearly there.

Crowd chants ”WHAT THE FUCK” a lot louder than 130 fans should be capable of. Zandig challenges Hero for next month…maybe. He then switches to Promoter-Mode and informs the audience that The Messiah (World Champion) won’t be there due to airplane trouble. Ditto JC Bailey (Tag Team Champion). He then emphasises the curfew by saying ”if you’re under 16 and around after midnight, they’ll lock you the frig up”.

Niles Young (w/ Cory Kastle) vs. Derek Frazier

I had forgotten Kastle even existed. They both feel each other out until Young takes a spinning kick to the head and takes a breather. Young gives Frazier a Russian Leg Sweep and flows through to try a pin-fall. He follows up with an Atomic Drop counter off a leapfrog and goes for what looks like a backbreaker…only to dump poor Frazier on his head. He poses afterwards. Frazier recovers and counters a Young kick into this:

Frazier then threatens to ”blow the roof of this bitch” as only a white man wearing pleather can do and double stomps Young. The roof stays on. Young tosses him outside while he poses and whilst being hold by Kastle, topes Frazier on the outside. Young and Frazier then go through an impressive counter/counter sequence but sadly decide to do it on the outside where only a quarter of the arena can see it so it only gets a smattering of polite applause. Kastle shoves his oar in again to allow Young to recover. And recover he does, as he delivers a Northern Lights Bomb on the outside on some chairs. He takes too long getting Frazier into the ring (which is what happens when you rely on Kastle) and Frazier is able to kick out. Young continues the assault with a Chestburster and a Yakuza Kick for another two-count. Some of the crowd is getting behind Young. Frazier goes for Pure Impact but it’s countered, to which he re-counters and finishes Young.

Winner: Derek Frazier (**3/4)

Solid match but too many sequences that looked over-rehearsed and unnatural to rate any higher. Frazier liked the ”Frazier takes five moves then counters with his one finisher” ending sequence, didn’t he?

Claudio Castagnoli, Hallowicked, Crossbones & Ravage vs. Nate Webb, Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw & DJ Hyde

That second team is one of the most random I’ve ever seen. Webb impersonates B-Boy during his entrance, causing an annoyed B-Boy to turn up and demand his half-mask back. Resuming intros, Webb gets Hyde and the ref to dance but can’t make Quack move. Hyde is That Young Upcoming Kid in 2005. Webb’s team scare off Claudio by clicking their fingers together like West Side Story. Crowd chants ”DJ HYDE” as he faces off with Ravage who laughs maniacally. He’s a graduate of the CZW Academy apparently. No idea what happened to him. Hyde attacks Ravage who laughs to no-one’s amusement. Quack and Hallowicked get tagged in and Quack is awesome enough to sell Hyde’s tag. I love all of Quack’s CZW work but it took me a while to ‘get’ it. The same can be said for the crowd as his fancy footwork gets almost no reaction. Quack gives him a Twilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker, holds on and gives him a Chestburster too. He tags in Nate Webb (who who won the Tag Belts at COD VI as part of Team Ca$h with Webb, JC Bailey, Sexxxy Eddy and Chris Cash) who takes on Crossbones. Webb gives him the Flying Crotch In The Corner (as seen in the first match) and misses a second, but Mule Kicks Crossbones on the way down. Whisper In The Wind and Corkscrew Body Splash gets two so they switch to Jigsaw and Claudio The One Mang Gang. Claudio overpowers Jigsaw but Jigsaw gets a variety of pinfall attempts and Lucha moves to put the bigger man down. Claudio gives Jigsaw the Press Slam Into a European Uppercut and it must have been a new move at the time as the crowd and commentators go nuts for it. Hallowicked and Crossbones both tag in to work on Jigsaw who takes a shit-kicking. Even Ravage takes some shots. Hallowicked puts Jigsaw on his shoulders and Claudio signals to give him a Doomsday Device. Claudio asks Hallowicked to come a little closer though…and locks in a cravat whilst on the top rope! YES.

Jigsaw isn’t happy and knocks Claudio off and sunset flips Hallowicked for two. Claudio back in and gives Jigsaw a weird-looking bodyslam/leg drop combo. It looked weird as Claudio’s so big. Jigsaw is tossed in the air but reverses with an X-Factor on the way down. That looked neat. Jigsaw manages to tag in and here comes Quack. He also uses the Flying Crotch In The Corner (what is with that move tonight?) and follows with the Windmill Chops. After a bulldog, he tags in Hyde to a wild crowd reaction. He Press Slams Claudio but everyone runs in when he tries a Pump Handle. Webb, Quack and Jig (sounds like a Chiptune band) send their opponents to the outside with simultaneous dropkicks and they collectively dive to the outside…apart from Quack who holds on because Claudio walks off to avoid diving. Quack simply follows with a Springboard Plancha. Nice sequence! That leaves Ravage and Hyde in the ring. Ravage tries offence to work on Hyde and comedy moves to work the crowd. Neither work. Ravage manages a Shining Wizard on Hyde but Quack makes the save. Quack helps elevate Jigsaw who Frankensteiners Claudio. Hallowicked makes the save as the match breaks down. Webb Irish whips Hallowicked into Claudio who gets sent outside, leaving Webb to finish with the Arachnid Kick and Spyder Drop for the pin!

Winners: Nate Webb, Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw & DJ Hyde (***1/4)

The CZWhikara alliance meant that fun multi-man tag matches like this were a staple of this era. Even though this one went on slightly too long for my liking, everyone benefited from being in the match (apart from Ravage, but they’re not miracle workers) and the crowd ate up everything with a Black And Yellow spoon.

Ghost Shadow, Heretic & Spyral vs. BLK OUT (Eddie Kingston, Ruckus & Sabian w/ Robbie Mireno)

I’d question having a multi-man tag match immediately after another one. The first team don’t have a collective name but they’re basically Quiet Storm, Brian XL and Chris Devine Ver. 2.0. Maven comes out and introduces BLK OUT despite not being their manager. BLK OUT are very heel here, they don’t get ANY cheers and pick fights with the front row. Mireno tries to talk but crowd chant ”White Out” at him. He gets his mic cut off ”due to the curfew”. Ha! Heretic (who gets chants) starts off with Sabian who taunts him with ”Huss!” due to Heretic’s resemblance to Jimmy Jacobs. I hope Sabian feels up Ghost Shadow mid-way through the match. Feeling out process to begin, progressing to arm drags and Sabian taking a breather. Kingston and Shadow in and Shadow surprisingly has the advantage to begin start with, causing Kingston to tag out to Ruckus. BLK OUT are doing a good job of making their opponents look like a threat. Spryal tags in and stalling follows. Spyral tries a spinning headscissors but Ruckus cartwheels onto his feet. Ruckus does the same and Spyral does the same. Ruckus tries a dragon screw but Spyral backflips onto his feet(ish) but Ruckus hits him when he tries it. Ruckus assumes control and tags out to Kingston. Kingston suplexes Spyral and distracts the ref as Sabian and Ruckus demolish him in the corner. Kingston with a Head-and-Arms Exploder and further ref distractions as they bust out the Osaka Pro ”Two Guys Hold the Guy Upside Down With His Legs Apart While a Third Guy Axe Kicks Him In the Groin” triple team. Spyral is dying out there. He manages to comeback with something resembling a Sunset Bomb and tags in crowd favourite Heretic. He struggles for something with Sabian but manages a Springboard Codebreaker. This brings in Kingston who falls over/elbow drops nothing for some reason. Maybe he botched deliberately to make Heretic look good. Heretic gets a nice move by spinning around Kingston’s body and kicking him in the head. Ruckus is having none of that and puts Heretic in a Gory Guerrero Special and makes sure to stretch Heretic before splatting him face-first on the canvas. Ow. Ruckus and Sabian double team a spinning Pump Handle Slam and I’m making half of these names up but that’s more than the commentators are doing. A backbreaker puts Heretic down and Sabian follows with a slingshot swanton. Kingston and Ruckus both pick up and drop Heretic onto Sabian’s knees like it’s his birthday. Kingston with a big back suplex but misses a top rope knee drop as the crowd chants ”HUSS!” to get behind Heretic. It doesn’t work as Kingston Yakuza Kicks him. Ruckus continues his killing spree by giving him a Purple Haze (Powerbomb Into An Ace Crusher). Kingston tries to cover with one hand which inspires Heretic enough to counter a Twilt-a-Whirl into a messy-looking DDT onto Kingston. Ghost Shadow in and gives Sabian a quick House of 1,000 Maniacs-esque move and superkicks Kingston. But can he take on Ruckus? Nope, he immediately gives him the Afterburner (Handspring Into A Tumbleweed). Ruckus must be in a bad mood tonight. He misses the Razzle Dazzle and takes a Tornado DDT enabling Spyral to tag in. Everyone goes down for Spyral (even Ruckus) and gives Kingston a sort-of Codebreaker to the throat. Looked nifty and Kingston sells like he can’t breath. Sabian takes a spinning Package Piledriver type move and the crowd is firmly behind him now. Ghost Shadow gives Kingston a Missile Dropkick to send him to the floor and follows with a Tope Con Hello. Heretic decides to give Ruckus something resembling a Canadian Destroyer (and that’s being very generous) and bounces Ruckus off his head. Heretic follows with a Spinning Tumbleweed off the top rope to all of BLK OUT and Spyral gives everybody a Springboard Swanton. Back in, Kingston chops the paint off Heretic and puts him a Reverse Powerbomb and swings him to to strike his partners down. HAHAHAHA. He turns it into a Wheelbarrow assisted Suplex with Ruckus and dumps him in the corner with a Powerbomb. Ruckus flies with the Van Terminator and Sabian finishes with a chair-assisted 450 Stomp for the pin.

Winners: BLK OUT (**1/4)

Some nice spots and moves, but you need more than that to have a good match. 2/3 of BLK OUT tried to make their opponents look credible but it was a bit fruitless given how nervous they looked and sloppy they wrestled.

Post-match Ruckus kills Heretic some more with a Falcon Arrow on a set-up chair. Yeah, he must have been in a bad mood that day.

El Generico & Beef Wellington vs. H8 Club

Not sure why El and Beef are teaming. They’re both Canadian? from IWS? This is the first match for the Gage/Pain version of The H8 Club, forming after they both turned on their tag partners (The Wifebeater and Nate Hatred) during the main event of COD VI. Gage and El start off and Gage has none of El’s shit. He isn’t impressed with his posing and tags in Pain who immediately takes a Drop Toe Hold from El. El misses a standing moonsault and tags in Pain who gets superkicked coming in. Pain drops Beef with a move that looks like a lazy Pain Thriller for two. Gage makes the blind tag and Gage gives Beef a diving headbutt. So that makes Harley Race, Dynamite Kid, Chris Benoit and Nick Gage as reasons to not regularly use that move. Gargiulo calls The H8 Club the greatest tag team ever and lists every ECW tag team they’re better than. Beef dives off the top and gives Gage a DDT. Pain cuts off Beef’s tag to El so he gives Gage a running eyepoke. I don’t think this match is going to go anywhere special as there’s not a chance in hell of Gage or Pain taking or selling Beef’s trademark moves. Beef drags Pain in which just results in him taking more moves by H8 Club. The fans chant for Wifebeater and Hatred while Pain applies a Dragon Sleeper. Like Zandig/Hero, I don’t think that match ever took place. *Googles* I’m right, Hatred wouldn’t return until September and Wifebeater retired after the COD match. Neither El or Beef have found their niche in CZW yet so this match and crowd are going nowhere slow. El makes the luke-warm tag and crossbodies Gage. El takes a powerbomb from Beef to an on-all-fours Justice Pain. That gets a reaction. El fakes a dive to the outside like only he can. The crowd love chanting ”Ole” and ”Brainbustaahhh” but El hasn’t made them care about HIM yet. Weird that there was a time when that existed. El is brought outside and double-teamed into a guard-rail. Beef dives to the outside but Pain elbows him on the way down. Gage misses with a chair and Beef actually tries for the Ass Punch. Sadly Pain cuts him off with the Kurt Angle Belly-To-Belly off the top. El tries for The Brainbustaahhh but Gage has none of that and gives him a Big Ole Chokenbreaker. Beef takes two Face Washes in the corner (which had stopped meaning anything in 2005 but still look like they fucking hurt) but as Gage poses in the corner El comes flying into him with a Yakuza Kick. Good spot and good editing from the SMV guys there, as El appeared from nowhere. Pain flies in and gives El an Overhead Belly-To-Belly who lands on the sat up Beef. While Pain goes for a chair, Beef actually manages to land the Ass Punch to the joy of the crowd. Pain sells it for approximately two seconds before giving Beef the Pain Thriller onto a chair. El makes the save and backdrops Pain onto the chair. He goes to the top (posing as always) but Gage tries to steals his moment like he stole that bank’s money FREE NICK GAGE. El has none of that and turns his attack into The Brainbustaahhh for a giant pop and ”HOLY SHIT” chants. El goes on top again and manages an extremely loose knees first 450 splash onto/through Gage. Pain JUST makes the save and after taking a schoolboy, clotheslines the shit out of El. Boos for that. Pain goes on top but El intercepts with a chair to the face. However Gage runs in and they Spike Piledriver El onto a chair for the pin.

Winners: The H8 Club (**1/2)

Picked up towards the end but it was almost miserable before that. I was wrong though: Pain and Gage DID sell the comedy moves.

Post-Match Gage kills Beef with a Hardcore Drop through a table. They give El another Spike Piledriver through the remains. Pain gets on the mic (as usual) and says ”Fuck the future, we’re not old. I’m 26 and Gage is 24” HOLY SHIT, NICK GAGE IS 24? That is worrying.

El and Beef sell their injuries all the way to the back and the last thing you hear before the disc change is the cameraman burping.

Super Dragon & Excalibur vs. Sexxxy Eddy & Chri$ Ca$h (c) (CZW Tag Team Titles)

This is Chris Cash’s penultimate appearance for CZW. Eddy is very, very over because of his arm-bleeding appearance at TOD last year. He wouldn’t make many appearances after that because of his Canadian-ness, but it ensured that any appearance he made was treated as something special. He asks for two female volunteers before the match ”not from South Philly” but Dragon & Excalibur Pearl Harbour them to stop the boobs. You’d think Excalibur would approve of such fun. Cash confuddles ‘Calibur with some quick moves before Eddy removes his stripper tights which Excalibur sells by jumping out of the ring. Dragon attacks from behind and suplexes Eddy who comes back with a Russian Leg Sweep. Eddy missile dropkicks and Split-Legged Moonsaults Dragon for two. Cash and Eddy sloppily double backdrop Dragon. Dragon tags out and Cash gets suplexed. Excalibur gives Cash a backdrop too, presumably to show him how to do one properly. After a chinlock and low dropkick, Excalibur tags Dragon back in and he immediately crushes Cash’s cock on the top rope with his boot. Dragon stretches Cash and gouges his eyes in a move I don’t know the name of (and neither does John House).

After Excalibur runs in to hurt Cash, Dragon kills Cash with the dreaded Curb Stomp. He knocks Eddy off the apron and pretends to be him, encouraging Cash to tag him in. Cash tags Dragon in, who runs in and hugs Excalibur before they both stomp the shit out of him. I love that spot. Excalibur puts Cash in the Camel Clutch before holding Cash in place for the Double Stomp. Cash is getting pounded in there. He makes the comeback by giving Dragon The Gory Guerrero Special (just like Ruckus but without the face death). Anwyay, Cash makes the hot Canadian tag to Eddy who wipes out Excalibur with a long swinging sidewalk slam and shoulder breaker. He hits Total Sexstasy but Dragon stops the count with another Double Stomp off the top. Dragon then gives Eddy a German Suplex quickly followed by a Dragon Suplex for two. Dragon had all the moves you’d give your Create A Wrestler on a video game. Cash counters a Psycho Driver to a backdrop (better this time) and DDTs Excalibur. Excalibur isn’t impressed and gives him a Brainbuster. While he’s down Eddy splashes him off the top rope but the referee refuses to count Eddy’s pin as he’s apparently not the legal man. John House disputes that. Eddy gives Excalibur the Sexy Plex and everyone is down. Eddy tries for another pin and the ref counts this time. Hey, John House was right! Dragon breaks it up anyway and beats the hell out Eddy in the corner. Eddy manages to crotch him off the top and they have an awkward sequence which finishes with an awkward dropkick interception by Eddy. He puts Dragon on top again but Excalibur comes in and they give him the great-looking DVDDT for a close two-count. Excalibur plants Eddy with the Double Underhook Piledriver but BLK OUT distract the ref as he makes the count (the ref actually counts three but we’ll ignore that) and Chris Cash concusses ‘Calibur with the Burning Hammer for the pin.

Winners and still CZW Tag Team Champions: Team Ca$h (**1/2)

Super Dragon and Excalibur wrestled and acted like they were World Champions while their opponents wrestled like skinny tag guys. This meant a lot of cool-looking spots and moves but absolutely no believability as Cash and Eddy would kick out of moves that looked like it killed them over and over again. That’s a complaint I have about a lot of Super Dragon matches though, so your mileage may vary.

BLK OUT all join in assaulting Team Ca$h but Webb makes the save with a chair. Excalibur puts Ca$h over and challenges any two members of BLK OUT next month. Eddy demands two ”hot, hot, hot” women from the audience but Maven puts a stop to it ”as the commission would put a stop to CZW” CZW plays the charity case card too often. And is Maven heel or not? Webb and Eddy engage in their whitest dancing instead.

Alex Shelley vs. Sonjay Dutt (c) (CZW Jr. Heavyweight Title)

Last month Dutt had the crazy Loser Leaves CZW match with M-Dogg-20. Shelley teamed with Johnny Storm to lose to Erick Stevens & Roderick Strong, which er means he’s in line for a title shot tonight. Dutt hasn’t lost since October 2003. If he wins tonight, he will break Trent Acid’s reign of longest Jr. Heavyweight title reign in CZW history. Lots of feeling out and brief submissions to start off, all brilliantly executed. Shelley sends Dutt outside via Frankensteiner and follows him out with a dive. As Shelley celebrates in-ring, Dutt dropkicks him from behind and HE dives outside to show he can do it too. Inside, Dutt gives Shelley Rolling Thunder for some reason. He follows it with an Arabian Moonsault which makes more sense. Dutt continues on offence with a very fast Frankensteiner for two. Dutt tries another V.F. Frankensteiner but Shelley powerbombs him. Crowd are quiet but seem to be behind Shelley the most. Running Knee Charge and a snap suplex gets two for Shelley. Shelley criss-crosses his arms around Dutt’s throat and stretches, but Dutt goes over his back whilst still holding on to put the hold on Shelley instead. Awesome and very fluid sequence. Shelley just snapmares him off though. He puts Dutt in the same submission Super Dragon uses (which supports my previous match move-stealing theory) and gets dropkicked coming off the top rope. Dutt gives The Calcutta Cutta (called the ”Cow Cut Cut” by John House in his best Howler of the night) and follows it with a standing Sliced Bread #2 but Shelley shrugs it off with a standing Diamond Dust, Reverse DDT and Border City Stretch combo. Dutt refuses to tap so Shelley goes up top but Dutt cuts him off and executes the Indian Summer…for two. Shit, I thought that was his finisher. Both men have used their trademark moves and gotten nowhere. Shelley gets cut off on the top rope again but Shelley suckers him in and blasts Dutt’s crotch with a Top Rope Manhattan Drop. A Machine Gun DDT gets two, shocking Shelley. Nothing is working for Shelley so he goes up top yet again for the Frog Splash but it gets Indian Knees. Dutt applies the Indian Deathlock as both men punch whilst in the hold. Dutt is like ”This ain’t working either” and Machine Gun DDTs Shelley for the hell of it. Dutt to the top and Shelley cuts him off this time. Both men have been evenly matched so far and none of their trademark moves are getting them anywhere. Shelley with a Top Rope Jawbreaker (not seen that before, which makes sense), a German Suplex and a Darkness Driver…for two. Shelley can’t believe it. Shelley does the cut-throat gesture and sells the pain he’s in just taunting. Nice. He tries for another Darkness Driver but Dutt reverses it into a Tiger Suplex and a Springboard DDT for another two. Dutt gives him his ultimate finisher The Hindu Press but Shelley slips out of the way and rolls up Dutt, covers him with his whole body…for the pin and title!

Winner and NEW Jr. Heavyweight Champion: Alex Shelley (****)

Told an excellent story between two friends and opponents who knew each other so well that everything they did cancelled each other out. One of the rare occasions when a silent crowd didn’t interfere with a match’s enjoyment, as they told their story without resorting to desperate moves to pop the crowd.
”Alex Shelley…shake my fucking hand”. Shelley thanks Dutt and calls him ”one of his best friends in Orlando” and shows his experience and friendship means he can beat Dutt ”at Def Jam Vendetta”. He promises to not be a paper champion and leaves to cheers as Garguilo protests that Shelley’s shoulders were down at the same time (they weren’t). Gutted that Dutt didn’t break the record, but Adam Cole’s 2010-2011 reign would end up annihilating previous records anyway.

Kaos vs. B-Boy (c) (CZW Iron Man Title)

YOUR made-up-on-the-fly main event. Kaos was a fun mid-carder in XPW but he got shoved into the CZW main event instantly and promoted like the second coming, a position very few would flourish in. Kaos had some of the worst luck and timing too. Here he is main eventing following the emotional and important Dutt/Shelley match. The only thing resembling a feud here is that they’re both from the East Coast but have never wrestled each other. B-Boy on the other hand is flying high after pinning Hero for the Iron Man Title at COD last month. Pre-match Adam Flash comes out and demands to be in the match but Maven has him escorted out.

Both men tempt fate by attempting kicks and Shining Wizards and missing. Kaos gets sent outside and B-Boy knocks him down with a Twisting Pescado. Kaos gets chopped HARD to the delight of the crowd. Kip-up Enziguri to the back of the head for two. Headscissors submission by Kaos. John House asks if this is under Iron Man Rules and Gargiulo replies ”I don’t think so”. Fucking hell, were they told nothing by management/Zandig/WHACKS The Cameraman? Kaos takes a Top-Rope Bulldog but gets up soon afterwards, causing an indignant B-Boy to full-on Yakuza Kick him out of the ring. Kaos struggles falling out though which makes B-Boy laugh. Garguilo says ”He doesn’t have any notes up here”, he must have heard me typing. Kaos comes back in and German Suplexes B-Boy who gets back up (huh?)and takes a hard clothesline for two. Sending B-Boy outside, Kaos hits his own Twisting Pescado. Crowd jeers. Kaos is basically playing the same role Adam Cole would play with DJ Hyde in 2011. Cole had had a wee bit more success though. Kaos sets up three tables outside the ring. That’ll help him get over with this crowd. He tries a second-rope suplex to the outside but B-Boy averts it. Kaos up top but B-Boy decides to reverse it to a German off the top instead. After taking some time to recover, B-Boy sits out on a running DVD Bomb but gets two. Kaos slips out of something and superkicks the goatee off B-Boy’s face. It gets two, as does a Press Slam Into An Ace Crusher. Kaos Camel Clutches B-Boy as Gargiulo scolds House for not knowing anything. Ha! Kaos ducks something by B-Boy but B-Boy punches from below so Kaos ends up taking a Palm Strike anyway. That would have been great if it didn’t look accidental. Kaos tries a sleeper of sorts but B-Boy blocks it and gives Kaos an Exploder in the corner. The crowd chants ”Go Home” which is a shame as they’re trying. Maybe it was 11.50 or something. Kaos kills B-Boy with a Sit-Out Gourdbuster from the top (Kaostrophe) but decides to slow things down and choke B-Boy instead of pin him. B-Boy eventually powers out and plasters Kaos with a Reverse Frankensteiner With Added Bird Flipping To Some Guy In The Crowd. B-Boy murders Kaos with a dropkick to the face in the corner but it gets only two. Dewey Donovan runs out to distract Kaos so Adam Flash can run-in with a ladder. He sets it up just right to fall through the various tables at ringside and climbs it. Kaos climbs too, for whatever fucking reason. B-Boy thinks ”Thanks for making my life easier” and pushes the ladder down, sending Kaos bouncing off the top rope and Flash plummets through the tables on the outside. B-Boy seizes the opportunity and gives Kaos a big Shining Wizard for the pin.

Winner: B-Boy (**)

They tried. They really did. But there was only so much they could do with the tools they had. As a match, it wasn’t bad and the rating would be higher if it wasn’t The Main Event. Kaos gets a lot of applause from the crowd afterwards, for what it’s worth.

Bonus Match: JC Bailey vs. Necro Butcher (Fans Bring The Weapons) from CZW Respect 

I’m guessing they included this because it’s the best match from a shitty show. Tim Madden has already reviewed this, but this is my blog (Zandig: ”MOTHERFUCKERRRR”) so I’ll give it a whirl. There’s no commentary. Bailey tries to hurt Butcher but Butcher is too dumb to feel pain and insists upon headbutts. Butcher removes his shirt and comes to get Bailey but JC swings a stack light-tubes through his chest. Butcher’s back was already a Jackson Pollock by 2003. Butcher prods Bailey with a crutch which is a fairly polite receipt. Bailey attempts to roll a bowling ball at Butcher’s crotch, but Butcher grabs it and they have a nice sequence where Bailey avoids Butcher’s bouncing ball…until he catches him and drops it on his stomach. Ahhhh. That gets two. Butcher suplexes Bailey on the guard-rail outside and uses his him to break light-tubes and chairs over. The drunken crowd are non-stop in their noise-making and they stretch their necks to check out Bailey’s back with gleeful expressions on their faces. Bailey and Butcher have a bar fight (without chairs, Butcher would perfect that spot in EVERY SINGLE MATCH after this) on the outside, which causes a ”Can’t See shit” chant from the other end of the crowd which immediately gets a ”Too Fucking Bad!” return chant. I miss these crowds. Not even Extreme 8 could dampen their spirits. Butcher gets hit with something hard and plastic and Butcher sells it like it hurt. Bailey puts it down and reaches for litgh-tubes but I’d have kept the plastic. Bailey sets up a massive light-tube stack in the corner and whips Butcher through it chest-first. Crowd goes crazy. Wow, remember when light-tubes would generate that type of reaction? He follows it with another Butcher favourite, the VCR shot to the head. Bailey sets up a barbed wire ladder on two chairs on the outside as Butcher wipes VCR juice out of his eyes. Bailey back sentons a light-tube and barbed wire covered Butcher (again to a massive crowd pop.) and half the crowd chant for ”IWA”. I forgot the football crowd reaction these crowds had. Bailey and Butcher fight on the top rope, and with the ladder set up behind Butcher you’d think Butcher he’d lose and fall backwards or get pushed off. Well…no. Bailey instead decides to SUPERPLEX BUTCHER ONTO THE BARE CONCRETE BELOW. Crowd completely loses itself. Both men struggle to their feet and Bailey tries to pin Butcher after a big boot. Butcher gets a ”CZDUB” chant just for kicking out. Bailey goes for another but Butcher locks in the Asiatic Spike. Bailey breaks a few tubes over Butcher’s head but he refuses to let go until Bailey’s hand drops three times.

Winner: Necro Butcher (***3/4)

A brutal and exciting match. The white-hot made it even better when watched after Gen Z and it’s XPW-Quiet crowd.

Zandig comes out afterwards and graciously lets the crowd chant for IWA-MS and helps both men to their feet.

The 411: Shelley/Dutt is worth a watch. Everything else was just to set up the next show and managed it in a very mildly entertaining way. You can purchase this DVD fom Smart Mark Video from this very link here.
Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]