Brooklyn Brawlin’ 12.24.08: As a Holiday Gift – A Tournament to Crown the King of Kings

I want to wish a Happy Chanukah to everyone out there in the IWC. The holiday season is finally upon us, and I am now among the proud iPod owning populace thanks to my sister. I now have plans to spend my entire vacation filling it up, thus ensuring my fiancée a nice break, as all she wants is some peace and quiet for a while.

Raw Thoughts –

I love the idea of the Race to the Rumble but I don’t get booking the 4 people they have in the Fatal 4-way next week. HBK, JBL, Jericho and Orton provide ZERO new and intriguing match options for the Rumble. Cena has successfully feuded with each of the four people here thus making the Rumble match a retread. Almost always, the Royal Rumble title matches are place holder feuds before Wrestlemania. I think they missed a real chance to explore some new feuds for Cena, like CM Punk, or Rey Mysterio. It’s very convenient that the heels won every match (except HBK who is acting heel-ish). I almost don’t get the booking of the Legacy stable. You want to get a stable over so you have Orton (the leader) job at Armageddon. Then you have them lose a 3 on 2-handicap match last week on Raw (albeit by DQ), and last night you have Manu job out cleanly to Kofi Kingston? Not Cena, HBK, Batista, or another main eventer, but Kofi Kingston? Why tease a switch up with Sim Snuka (Deuce) when you could just add him to the Legacy and make it a four-person stable?

Speaking of booking… If the reports are true about Batista going to be out 6 – 8 months with injuries, than based on last year that makes him the # 1 favorite to win the Royal Rumble. If they are true then Wrestlemania takes a mighty odd turn as all signs were pointing towards Cena/Batista II as a main event. Then again we may get Cena/Triple H III and Edge/Jeff but who knows. It also makes Triple H the unanimous favorite to me, to win the Rumble as the two people I had pegged were Jeff Hardy and Batista. Now the favorites appear to be Triple H, Randy Orton, or even Edge depending on who is in the title matches at the ppv. It has been way too long since a heel won the Royal Rumble. In fact, since the inaugural show in 1988, only 5 heels have ever won (Flair – 92, Yokozuna – 93, Shawn – 95, Austin – 97 and Vince McMahon – 99). Add to that that both Shawn and Austin were getting sizable face pops when wrestling as heels. I am hoping Jeff defends against Kozlov at the Rumble allowing Edge to win it.

As usual I seek inspiration for my columns in the magical world of WWE Classics On Demand a.k.a WWE 24/7. What caught my eye this week, other than the first Post Montreal Incident Raw and Nitro, was an advertisement for next month’s programming focusing on “Royalty.” With January being Royal Rumble month, they will pay tribute to Jerry “the King” Lawler in the Legends’ section. It got me to thinking about wrestling royalty. Now Jerry Lawler is the King, but the WWE has a nearly 25-year history of King-ship and nobility. The first of the WWF(E) King of the Ring Tournaments was held in Foxborough Massachusetts in July of 1985 and its first crowned king was Magnificent Don Muraco who defeated the Iron Sheik in the finals. But it was 1986’s tournament that brought true royalty to the WWE. Now I grew up in the golden age of WWE wrestling in the height of the Hogan-era and when I think of kings, I think of “Handsome” Harley Race. It’s funny to think of the grizzled Kansas City veteran, a former 7-time NWA Champion who made his reputation on being the toughest man in the ring playing such a goofball as Harley did while wearing the crown in the mid 80’s. Race defeated Triple Crown winner Pedro Morales for the crown just over a year after Muraco won his tournament. But Race’s manager Bobby Heenan would take things a step further and actually have him crowned King of the WWE.

Race would don the crown and bright purple robe for two years before Heenan named a replacement king from his Heenan Family; Haku, while Race was out with an injury. Race returned at the Royal Rumble in 1989 to dispute Heenan’s passing of the royal lineage. Race battled Haku at the ppv, but came up short to Haku’s vicious thrust kick. Thus Haku was the official king of the WWE. Haku’s reign was plagued by losses to big stars like WWF Champion Macho Man and Hulk Hogan and lesser stars like Hercules at Wrestlemania V. In the summer of 1989, Haku would lose the crown to perhaps the most unlikely of king, Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Likewise, Duggan’s reign came to an early end at the hands of now former World Champ, “Macho Man” Randy Savage.

Savage was royal till the end, and the end was Wrestlemania VII in Los Angeles when Savage lost a classic “Career Match” to Ultimate Warrior. From there the title of King of the Ring would remain vacated until 1993 when the first KOTR ppv was held in June. On that night, Bret Hart defeated Bam Bam Bigelow in the finals to become king, a win that triggered a long feud with who else but Jerry Lawler. One year later, another Hart would become King of the WWE, or better to be known as the “King of Harts” as Owen Hart defeated Razor Ramon. Like Bret, Owen used his Kingship to propel to a main eventer and he feuded with WWE Champion Bret through Summerslam.

1995 saw a stacked field including Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, and British Bulldog. Of course we all know what happened that year… MABEL!!! Less said the better, but he did get one main event out of it and lost an awful match to Diesel at Summerslam 95.

What ever became of that guy who won in 1996? Oh yeah, he said something about John 3:16 and ass kicking. Stone Cold Steve Austin was born at the KOTR when he decimated Jake Roberts in the finals. Similar story with 1997, as Triple H was given the first major step forward after a year of doghouse duty thanks to the Klique. He defeated Mankind to become king, and cemented his status by crushing the crown over Foley’s head. From there, the robe and crown took a hiatus.

In 1998, nobody crowned Ken Shamrock after he tapped Rock to the Ankle Lock in the finals (Bet they’d reverse that decision if they could). 1999’s KOTR could be described with one big fat stinky word… ASS! As in Bad Ass Billy Gunn who was foolishly pushed over X-Pac in the KOTR finals and right into a feud with the Rock, which did not end well for him or his push. King of the Ring 2000 was one of the most disappointing shows ever. With names like Angle, Benoit, Jericho and Eddie Guerrero in the tournament it seemed like it would be a night of great wrestling. Unfortunately, Rikishi wrestled 3 times, and Crash Holly went farther than Benoit, Jericho or Guerrero and in the end of the mess Kurt Angle was King, defeated Rikishi with a Super Belly to Belly Suplex.

King Kurt would become WWE Champion Kurt a few months later, ending a 2-year run of crappy winners. Edge would prevent Angle from being a 2-time KOTR winner by beating him to become the reigning King of Awesomeness. After claiming he would not “Billy Gunn” the KOTR, Edge became the IC Champion, and after a few more years would blossom into the main event Rated R star he currently is today.

The last ppv appearance of the KOTR was in 2002, when “The Next Big Thing” became the “Next Big KING” as future UFC World Champion Brock Lesnar F5’ed RVD to win the crown. As with Angle, he was the World Champion within months. After the brand extension the KOTR was removed from the ppv rotation and would not return till 2006, when Teddy Long brought it back on Smackdown. There, Booker T would return the glory of the kingship by again donning the robe and crown after defeated Bobby Lashley in the finals. Earlier this year, on a special 3-hour Raw, General Manager William Regal ran a relatively easy road before beating CM Punk in the finals.

That forces the question… who is the greatest KOTR? And so, I present the first ever Fantasy Tournament in Brooklyn Brawlin’ history…

THE JERRY LAWLER MEMORIAL KING OF THE RING TOURNAMENT

The tournament will 16 of the previously discussed 17 “kings” only excluding Don Muraco as it was Harley Race’s reign that established a lineage of kings in the WWE.

The brackets are determined as to give the best and most intriguing matches in all rounds:

ROUND 1 –

Stone Cold Steve Austin (1996)
Haku (1988-89)

Owen Hart (1994)
Macho Man Randy Savage (1989-91)

Ken Shamrock (1998)
Brock Lesnar (2002)

Kurt Angle (2000)
Mabel (1995)

Harley Race (1986-88)
William Regal (2008)

Hacksaw Jim Duggan (1989)
Triple H (1997)

Bret Hart (1993)
Booker T (2006)

Edge (2001)
Billy Gunn (1999)

The first round matches should give a clear picture of who the worthy and unworthy kings were. Here Stone Cold would move past Haku with the Stunner. In one of the most intriguing first round matches Macho Man is able to avoid the Sharpshooter and counter to a small package to eliminate Owen Hart. In a battle of UFC Then & Now, Brock Lesnar wins a hard fought contest over Ken Shamrock with the F5 and sets up a second round match with his old enemy Kurt Angle who tapped Mabel to the Ankle Lock.

In the bottom half of the bracket we start with a hard fought contest between two hard hitters but it’s the 7-time NWA Champ that comes out on top when Race drops the head butt on Regal. He meets his modern day incarnate; Triple H in the second round after Triple H drops Duggan with the Pedigree. Bret Hart moves on with the Sharpshooter over Booker T and faces fellow Canadian Edge who spears his way past Billy Gunn.

That sets for ROUND 2

Stone Cold Steve Austin
Macho Man Randy Savage

Brock Lesnar
Kurt Angle

Harley Race
Triple H

Bret Hart
Edge

We thin the pack and have 4 terrific contests in the second round that span 4 decades of wrestling lore. First off, Macho Man gives Austin all he can handle but after a missed big elbow Austin hits the Stunner to move to the Final 4. There we will see another renewed rivalry as he faces Kurt Angle. Angle and Lesnar worked a modified MMA wrestling match, and while Lesnar is the UFC Champion, this is Kurt “I won a Gold Medal with a Broken Neck” Angle. Angle is able to wrestle Lesnar down and lock in the Ankle Lock Grapevine for the win.

On the lower side, Triple H avoids the diving head butt and defeats the man his offense resembles with the Pedigree. His opponent will be Bret Hart who used his KOTR winning move, the Victory Roll, to pin Edge after a missed spear attempt. Hart and Hunter have a long history outside the ring, as part of the DX/Hart Foundation rivalry and Montreal Incident. And we have the FINAL FOUR…

Stone Cold Steve Austin
Kurt Angle

Triple H
Bret Hart

A Hall of Fame Final 4 in any arena in the country, as Gorilla Monsoon would say. Austin and Angle put on one of my favorite matches ever at Summerslam 2001, and I would dare say, it is the greatest match ever to end in a DQ, narrowly topping Benoit/Jericho at Backlash 2000. Both men would wrestle their style of match as it gravitates back and forth between Angle-style wrestling and Austin-style brawling. After Angle blocks the Stunner and turns it to the Ankle Lock, Austin fights to the ropes. Austin finally hits the Stunner but cannot cover immediately due to the leg work… PSYCHOLOGY!!! He slips out of an Angle Slam but his Stunner is countered to the Ankle Lock again. This time Austin tries countering by rolling in, but Angle counters that by holding him down on his shoulders and getting the pinfall to make the finals.

In the other semi-final, Bret Hart sweeps the legs (KARATE KID) on a Pedigree attempt and taps Triple H in the Sharpshooter to advance to the finals. For the first time ever in wrestling, the Dream Match… Bret “Hitman” Hart vs. Kurt Angle. This is Wrestlemania XXI Angle/HBK level phenomenal. Bret uses all his moves of doom, and tries working the legs for the Sharpshooter. Angle meanwhile uses his vast array of suplexes and Olympic Wrestling moves to neutralize the Hitman. He also works the legs setting for a potential Ankle Lock. The match boils down to a showdown of the two premiere submission moves in wrestling, the Sharpshooter and Ankle Lock. While Bret is able to get his hold on first, Angle is the better at counter-wrestling. Angle counters it to the Ankle Lock and fights off Bret’s attempted counters and drops down into the Ankle Lock Grapevine. Bret fights and fights and reaches for the ropes but Angle drags him back to the middle. Bret makes one last reach and finally has to tap out for the only time in the WWE and Kurt Angle wins the Jerry Lawler Memorial KOTR Tournament in a 25-minute classic over Bret Hart.

Winner – Kurt Angle

Of all the KOTR winners in all the years past, Kurt Angle wins the right to be called King of Kings. There are many possible outcomes to the tournament, so feel free to comment on how you would’ve booked it. That being said; have a great holiday season and as always, have fun storming the castle!