Cook’s WWE BattleGround 2017 Report Card

Hi, hello & welcome to the Battleground 2017 Report Card! It’s Monday afternoon as I watch this, as my recent work schedule has me a little behind on my WWE Network play schedule. The bits & pieces of feedback I’ve seen online prior to watching have not been kind, so I have very low expectations going in. Which I would have had anyway, as SmackDown Live’s efforts have been lackluster ever since the SuperStar ShakeUp. Tonight’s card didn’t do much to inspire confidence going in, but let’s see if the observers were wrong & the blue brand actually hit one out of the park.

Here’s how I grade the WWE SuperStars…

A – Outstanding. Great moves, selling, interaction with the fans, everything. Stands out as a top performer.
B – Above Average. Very good offensively or defensively. Plays their role well. Helps the match accomplish what it set out to do.
C – Average. The type of performance that does nothing to stand out. No outstanding moves, no great effort to sell their opponent’s offense or draw the crowd into what they’re doing, just bland, basic wrestling. Sometimes, especially in a multi-man match, a short period of time spent in the ring without a chance to do too much.
D – Below Average. Poor execution, ignoring the crowd, not doing things that make sense.
F – Failure. Not doing anything useful. Actively holding the match back from accomplishing its objective.

Kickoff Match: Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger: Aiden’s pre-match singing is all right, but if it’s the best thing we’ll ever see in WWE as he claims it is, why should we bother watching the rest of the show afterwards? It’s all downhill from here! Some pretty little chain wrestling early by Dillinger, wouldn’t be out of place in the vintage World of Sport. He stomps English and enables a 10 chant, but then it’s English on the offensive throwing them fists & boots. A little conducting before a Rikishieque turning smash in the corner. Rikishi had 200 pounds on English so it probably worked better when he did it, but I like some good conducting. English’s offense continued during a commercial, probably for the best there. Chinlock! English sings about how Dillinger isn’t going anywhere. He eventually does. English avoids the Tyebreaker by going outside & tricks Dillinger into a kick, but a spinebuster by Tye back in the ring gets 2. Up top for a superplex…nah, English knocks Tye off. A rollthrough by Dillinger on a crossbody by English gets two. Tye goes for his move again, but English slips out, snaps Dillinger’s neck on the top rope and hits a DDT variation for a two count. English is unhappy and turns to mocking Dillinger. He goes for the Tyebreaker, but Tye gets out and they go to a series of counters. Enlgish hits a full-nelson slam variation for the three count in a mild upset. It would have been even more of an upset if Dillinger had beaten anybody lately.

I thought this was a pretty solid effort from both guys. English rarely gets to do anything on SD Live, but when he gets a chance to deliver he can bring the goods. I do kinda feel bad for Dillinger since his callup hasn’t gone well at all, but there’s always the chance that he can be in a funny tag team in a couple of years.

Grades
English: B+
Dillinger: B

Hey, I’ll give Jinder Mahal credit for something: he looks legit when he gets out of a limo and does an interview with the Indian announce team in Hindi.

WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (c) vs The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods w/Big E): New Day going with the lighter high-flying lineup here tonight, and they go crazy on Jey right at the start. Jimmy does a blind tag though, and they isolate Xavier Woods for their offensive attack. And it’s quite the lengthy offensive attack. JBL says that the Usos were expecting Big E to be part of the lineup, which makes me wonder what kind of champions don’t make their challengers specify which two men will be in the match beforehand. I get it when it’s the champions doing it since they have the leverage of being champions and making teams play by their rules, but the challengers really shouldn’t be allowed to, right? Anyway, Kofi gets a hot tag and he’s flying all over the place. Boom Drop! Clap along with the New Day now…no Trouble in Paradise, but Kofi gets the Usos outside & sets up for a dive. Sadly for him, the Usos catch him and power bomb him on the floor! Fortunately for the New Day Kofi tagged Xavier before getting killed, but Xavier doesn’t fare too much better on his dive attempt. Xavier goes back into the ring, hits a reverse Code Red on Jimmy for a two count. Jimmy then sends Xavier into the turnbuckle and they hit a super Samoan Drop for a two count! Kofi’s still out on the floor so it’s Xavier eating all the punishment and fighting back. He goes up top for his elbowdrop, but ends up getting superkicked instead! He kicks out somehow despite the fact his head got kicked into the third row. Jimmy locks in the Tequila Sunrise! Xavier gets to the ropes, but Jimmy pulls him back to the middle and transitions into a half crab. Xavier forces a break again. Kofi’s back now! He tags in & New Day hits the Midnight Hour for a two count! SUPERKIIIIIIIIIIIIICK to Kofi! Top rope splash by Jey gets two! Xavier breaks up the attempted double team, Kofi avoids a splash…Trouble in Paradise to Jimmy! Xavier hits his elbowdrop from 3/4ths across the ring to get the three count!

The announcers spent much of the match hyping these teams as the best of the last ten years, and this was the kind of performance that doesn’t make that assertion sound crazy. Great effort from everybody involved, but special props to Xavier Woods for making that match with his selling throughout & taking the lion’s share of ringtime. There was a time when he was considered the weak link of New Day, but no more.

Grades
New Day: A
Usos: A-

A number of people I trust have told me to stop watching the show at this point.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs Baron Corbin: Did Shinsuke start choking on his mouthpiece during his entrance? Some weird stuff going on there. The staredown is pretty great too with Corbin talking trash & Nakamura rolling his eyes back in his head. I now want to see Nakamura vs Undertaker just for the potential of a eye rolling staredown. After a brief exchange of strikes they take turns working the ten count outside the ring. Corbin lands a punch and takes the offensive. BEAR HUG! Eventually Nakamura manages to get himself to lock in a armbar, but then runs into a big boot for two. Corbin tosses Nakamura outside, ramming him into the barricade. Back inside, Corbin whispers into Nakamura’s ear and then forearms him off the ropes. BEAR HUG! Of course JBL sticks up for Corbin when Tom Phillips calls him a locker room pariah. Corbin attempts a chokeslam but apparently Nakamura broke it up with a knee. Yes kicks get broken up, but a dropkick takes the big man down. Shinsuke now on the offensive. Hey, nice move by Corbin there as he slides out of the ring, slides back in on the other side of the ringpost and clotheslines Nakamura! That’s the best thing he’s ever done that wasn’t on Talking Smack. Nakamura fights back with some knees. He sets up for his finish, but Corbin turns it into a Deep-Six and a two count. Nakamura fights back and starts rallying the crowd while Corbin takes a nap. Nakamura pulls him up, and Corbin MULE KICKS HIM! RIGHT IN THE DING DING! That’s a disqualification. Corbin gets his briefcase and begins leaving, but then returns to take a shot at Nakamura with the case and hit the End of Days.

Yeesh. Not a good effort here. Corbin pretty much is what he is and needs somebody with their working shoes on to have a good match. Nakamura…well, I keep hearing people talk about how he’s lazy and takes matches off. Maybe that’s it. Maybe when you go out there for the second match with Baron Corbin and you know the finish is going to be a kick to the ding ding, you mail it in. Or maybe his style just doesn’t gel well with the WWE style. Whatever it is, this just didn’t work on any level.

Grades
Nakamura: D+
Corbin: D+

Five-Way Elimination Match: Becky Lynch vs Tamina vs Natalya vs Lana vs Charlotte Flair: The winner gets a shot at Naomi & the SmackDown Women’s Championship at SummerSlam. Lana showing some fire early on with some good trash talk. She & Tamina target Charlotte after Natalya & Becky get taken out temporarily. Lana hits a series of kicks to Charlotte’s head while Tamina holds her ankle. This 2 on 1 goes on for quite awhile as apparently Nattie & Becky died. Here comes Becky, and she & Charlotte eject Lana & Tamina so they can wrestle each other a little bit. That’s fun. Nattie runs in, kicks Charlotte and gets two counts on both. Becky hits Becksploders on everybody…well, not Tamina. Superkick to Becky, Samoan Drop to Natalya. Charlotte takes her out, but Natalya reverses the figure four, hits a clothesline and locks in the Sharpshooter! Lana breaks it up for no apparent reason, then tries to pin Charlotte. Becky locks in the Disarmer and Tamina breaks that up. Well at least they’re friends so it kind or makes sense. Spear through the ropes by Tamina on Charlotte, which is certainly dangerous. Becky kicks out of a pin attempt & tries to Disarm Lana, but again Tamina breaks it up. There’s a Disarmer for Tamina, who taps out and is eliminated. Lana taps out to the Disarmer this time. Natalya rolls up Becky for a three count and that’s three eliminations in less than a minute. We’re down to Natalya & Charlotte. Natalya tries to lock in a cross arm-breaker, but it gets reversed into a sitout powerbomb for two. Charlotte’s moonsault meets nothing but knees. Natalya schoolgirls Charlotte’s head into the bottom turnbuckle, covers and gets the three count!

Decent effort but the flow of the match wasn’t really there. It was like they forgot to eliminate people for awhile, then somebody remembered and they all went out at once. Natalya winning is an interesting choice, maybe Carmella cashes in on her at SummerSlam? Or the SummerSlam Kickoff Show?

Grades
Becky: C+
Tamina: C
Natalya: B
Lana: C-
Charlotte: B-

WWE United States Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs Kevin Owens: KO takes the early advantage and goes right to the headlock. Funky little arm drag by Styles sends Owens outside, as does a funky little rana a minute or so later. As does a dropkick a minute or so later. I’m noticing a trend here. Marcelo Rodriguez hopping over the barrier the second they go near the Spanish announce table shows he knows his history. Owens crotches Styles on the ringpost, which seems like it would hurt more than Corbin’s mule kick on Nakamura earlier, but the referee lets it go. It was on the outside of the ring, as Tony Schiavone would point out to Jesse Ventura if they were there. Rear headlock by Owens, who claims he’s the Phenomenal One. It goes on for awhile. He fights out, but a DDT by Owens later, a two count and back to the headlock. Styles fights out but runs into problems when he tries to lift Owens. He finally does after a couple of attempts and hits a faceplant for a two count. Owens snaps AJ’s neck off the ropes and a rollup with a weak attempt at a handful of tights gets a two count. Frieman’s carry neckbreaker gets two for Styles. Springboard 450 gets knees and a two count for Owens. CANNONBALL. Two count. Owens seems to have some blood coming out of the nasal cavity. They go up top and Styles tries a sunset flip powerbomb…no dice there, but he gets Owens into a torture rack! Drop gets a two count. Styles up top until Owens knocks him down. Styles sets up for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Owens slides out of the ring and clips Styles on the apron. He landed shoulder first on the apron, which leads to a new focal point for Owens. Pele kick by Styles gives him some reprieve from that. No Styles Clash…Owens tosses Styles off right into the official! Ouch. Well that’s a different way to bump a referee. SUPERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK by Owens! He goes for the pop up powerbomb, but Styles avoids and turns him into the Calf Crusher! The referee is still out, so none of this really matters. Owens reverses into the Crossface but Styles gets out of it and locks in one of his own. Owens rolls Styles over into a pinning combination, and the referee counts three! Owens appeared to have both shoulders down and was closer to the referee than Styles, but that doesn’t matter. The crowd seems pretty blah about the whole thing, not even managing to muster up a boo.

Welp. Going into this show I would have had this pegged as one of the matches that would deliver. It didn’t. Owens’ dull offense combined with questionable booking led to a pretty lackadasical effort. You know things are going poorly on the blue brand when even AJ Styles isn’t having good matches.

Grades
Styles: C-
Owens: D+

Tom Phillips mixes up Owens & John Cena in building the flag match, I’ll have to remember to put that one in the Botched! column. I’d love to hear what the Russian announcers have to say about Rusev since he went back to Bulgaria and stopped representing Russia.

Flag Match: John Cena vs Rusev: It’s not really an old school flag match, as you have to take your flag down, then take it down the entranceway to a pedestal. Bless the announcers for trying, but Byron Saxton’s assertion that John Cena might have to retire if he loses this match is absolutely laughable. Rusev’s early attempts to retrieve the Bulgarian flag are not fruitful. He does get some good offense on Cena though for the next twenty minutes. Hey a DDT! Cena fights back and goes into Vintage John Cena mode. Five Knuckle Shuffle! No AA though, as Rusev hits a spinebuster and tosses Cena outside. Cena goes up top, jumps off and Rusev kind of catches him with a power bomb. That probably didn’t feel good. Rusev climbs up top and gets the Bulgarian flag! Traditionally that would be the finish, but now he has to take it down the entranceway to the pedestal. That’s a shame. Cena dropkicks Rusev and knocks the flag out of his hands. Rusev goes face first off the post and then Cena hits the AA! He then locks in the STF for a bit and Rusev passes out from the pain or some such thing. Cena gets the American flag! Rusev kicks his head off and the flag touches the mat. Some patriot Cena is, Jim Duggan never would have let that happen. Cena does manage to double axehandle Rusev off the apron and toss him into the steps. He goes back to retrieve the flag, but Rusev attacks from behind again and now the flag touches the damn floor. What the hell is wrong with these people? Rusev with the steps to the skull of Cena. He got cut on his arm at some point. Now they fight in the entranceway & Rusev’s head goes off the LED board. Cena jumps off the pedestal onto Rusev, who catches him and fallaway slams him on the steel. Rusev talks to the Portugese announcers for a second and gets a table. Hey, member when ECW was a thing? Now he has two tables and is prepping Cena for destruction off of the pedestal, but Cena breaks that up and knocks Rusev off. He gets the American flag for a second so he can drop it on the ground again. Cena teases putting the flag in and Rusev hits him with the flagstand. He locks in the Accolade! There’s some great sound effects as Rusev makes the man humble. He gets the Bulgarian flag ready and ascends the Bulgarian pedestal, but Cena puts a stop to it! He lifts Rusev up for a second, but nah. Rusev with a kick. Time to Machka Cena again, but Cena gets Rusev on his back, walks up the American pedestal, and AAs Rusev through the tables! And BIG MATCH JOHN DOES IT AGAIN. FLAG IN PEDESTAL. AMERICA.

Holy poop. That was 20+ minutes of my life I will never get back. The AA through the tables was cool because tables getting broken is always cool, but jeez. The rest of this was a complete waste of time. Cena & Rusev are both capable of better, but this was nothing more than a lame excuse of a patriotic moment for Cena and Rusev coming back to put over that young up & comer.

Grades
Cena: D
Rusev: D

The Fashion Police’s investigation has led to the Ascension. Unfortunately the Ascension didn’t do it, as they were at an Eddie Money concert when Breeze was attacked. The mystery assailants attack again, and this time they get both Breeze & Fandango! Fandango gets drug away to continue the Fashion Police saga…

Mike Kanellis (w/Maria Kanellis) vs Sami Zayn: THE POWER OF LOVE! Sami actually gets some offense early on before a distraction from Maria leads to a Mike punch. Startling development. The ol’ Eskimo Kiss over Sami. Two count! I wonder if Mike really was the manager of a Hallmark store while he was working ROH shows. He could have given himself off weekends to do shows. I can’t rule this out. JBL asks who goes to movies anymore, which is pretty hilarious since box office records are getting broken every single year. Sami eventually fights back. Nice little move off the ropes there. Time for a dive! Clothesline off the top gets a two count. Kanellis blocks the Blue Thunder bomb & goes for a piledriver, but Sami reverses out into the ol’ Tornado DDT. He thinks about an exploder in the corner but Maria is there to block the corner! Mike tries to take advantage, but he can’t and Sami hits the exploder! Helluva kick! Three count for Sami to tie the series.

Pretty average, but the way things have been going on this show that’s quite the step up. “Sources” say that WWE is already souring on Mike, which I’m taking to mean that the Bellas & Maria still don’t get along. Mike is what he is, and Sami can get some good stuff out of him. I’d expect another match on Tuesday night. Like I said, not great stuff, but good compared to everything else since the tag team match.

Grades
Zayn: B-
Kanellis: C

WWE Championship Punjabi Prison Match: Jinder Mahal (c) vs Randy Orton: Jesus Christ. That structure. How would you like to pay for ringside seats to a PPV and not be able to see the main event? Jinder asks for the door in the inner cage to be opened, which will stay open for sixty seconds. Once it’s closed, it’s closed for good. I can only hope this happens to all four doors. No I don’t, that means this would go on all night. Arm-breaker from Mahal. Orton’s left arm is being targeted here because he has the same arm condition his father has. It’s hereditary, I think. Second door gets opened. Fallaway slam by Orton, shades of Rusev. Two doors have now been padlocked. Maybe they should do thirty second intervals so we don’t get these minute long fights to get out that don’t lead anywhere. To Mahal’s credit, he does manage to jump up onto the cage and tries to climb out. The fans start a DELETE chant, and I’m inclined to agree with them. Something like this crap might actually work in the Broken Universe because they’d do some teleportation stuff or something ridiculous. They’d at least make it funny. This is just a goofy take on boredom. Third door is opened. Third door is shut. Orton hits the ol’ draping DDT and asks for the final door to be opened…he decides to go for the RKO, but it’s blocked and Mahal knees Orton. Mahal goes for the cobra clutch slam, then Randy hits the RKO. The Singh Brothers pop out from under the ring and pull Jinder out of the ring before the door closes! Well now they just have to figure out how to get him out of the second cage. Jinder starts climbing the second cage while Orton climbs out of the first. He jumps over to the second…and climbs down so he & Jinder can face off. Great strategy. Orton manages to knock Jinder off, but those darn Singhs pull Randy down to the floor. Jinder begins climbing while Orton begins murdering the Singhs. Randy grabs Jinder’s ankle and yanks him down the cage. More problems for the Singhs. Jinder finds a Singapore cane and starts taking shots at Orton’s arm with it like he’s Alexa Bliss or something. Orton fights Jinder off and finds a cane of his own. Jinder begs off but Orton is not known for his mercy. Orton says something foul. He decides to climb up, and Sameer Singh meets him near the top like a crazy spidermonkey…Orton knocks him off the top through the table and he dies. I hope those poor little dudes are getting good pay for this run. Jinder meets Randy up top & they slowly climb back down. Jinder misses a kick and gets his leg caught in the cage, Orton takes advantage and DDTs the man on the floor. Chair time! Orton takes Jinder & Sameel Singh out and seems ready to climb out and win…

Until…

THE GREAT KHALI!

THE GREAT KHALI HAS RETURNED! SOMEWHERE JEFF SMALL IS SMILING! HE REACHES THROUGH THE BARS OF THE PUNJABI PRISON AND CHOKES RANDY ORTON OUT! JINDER IS CLIMBING! KHALI’S GRIP WILL NOT CEASE! KHALI TELLS JINDER TO CLIMB! JINDER CLIMBS OUT AND WINS THANKS TO THE GREAT KHALI BY GAWD! KHALI HUGS JINDER! KHALI TAKES THE BELT! HE AWARDS IT TO JINDER! BY GAWD THE GREAT KHALI HAS RETURNED! MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!

Grades
Mahal: F
Orton: F

In all honesty, the stars of that match were Khali & the Singhs. Orton & Mahal brought very little to the table. Sorry folks.

Final Thought

You know how sometimes we talk about how matches don’t get enough time on PPVs? This was the opposite of that. Every match with the exception of the opening two and maybe Zayn vs. Kanellis got way too much time. Nobody needs Jinder Mahal & Randy Orton bumbling around in the Punjabi Prison for nearly a half-hour, or John Cena & Rusev running around the arena in a convoluted capture the flag game for over twenty minutes. Even guys like Nakamura, Styles & Owens that generally deliver something worthwhile even if the booking sucks are either mailing it in or just flat-out bad right now.

SmackDown Live has gone from being my favorite WWE show to being a second-rate borefest. Building around a parade of anti-American foreign heels & Baron Corbin just isn’t a good idea if you want to produce a TV show that people actually want to watch. The booking of SmackDown used to make the most of the talent on hand, now it’s making the least of it. All I hope is that the attempt to make SmackDown WWE’s version of Ring Ka King is raking in that Indian money.

At least Raw’s been pretty darn good lately.

For more of Steve Cook’s thoughts on pro wrestling, along with his thoughts on whatever happens to be going on at any random point in time, follow him on Twitter!