Dark Pegasus Video Review: No Mercy 1999

No Mercy 1999 by J.D. Dunn In case you missed my Rebellion review — and shame on you if you did — you missed Stephanie McMahon getting hit in the head with an errant garbage can tossed by the British Bulldog. Sadly, she developed amnesia and can’t remember her fiancé, Test. Interestingly, the same thing happened with the WWF booking committee over the next few years. Behind the scenes, Vince Russo negotiated a deal with WCW while the WWF was on their Rebellion tour and bolted for the rival company. The WWF replaced him with former The Daily Show writer Chris Kreski. Things didn’t get any less outrageous, but they did make a lot more sense (We’re assuming Mae Young giving birth to a hand doesn’t exist.). October 15, 1999 Live from Cleveland, Ohio. Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Opening Match: The Godfather (w/Hoes) vs. Mideon (w/Viscera). Mideon and Viscera beat down Godfather to set this up. One of Godfather’s hoes looks a lot like indy wrestler/manager Rebecca Bayless. Godfather is about to make short work of Mideon, hitting a back kick and setting up for the Ho Train. Viscera starts molesting the hoes, though, distracting Godfather long enough for Mideon to jump him from behind. Viscera slams Godfather’s back into the apron to give Mideon the advantage. And, boy, does Mideon ever take advantage… with a chinlock. Don’t worry, though, he keeps things interesting by telling the fans to, “Shut up!” Sunset flip by Godfather, but Vis has the ref distracted. Mideon tries to hold GF for Vis, but it backfires. The Ho Train leads to a schoolboy rollup, and the Godfather picks up the win at 7:31. I guess it was an okay opener because the fans like the hoes, but it could have been about half the length. 1/4* Recap of Triple H “getting bit by a rattlesnake” that Austin planted for him. He showed up with goofy makeup on his cheek and claimed his career was ruined and blamed Austin. Austin actually believed him for a moment, and Hunter was able to get the drop on him. WWF Women’s Title: Ivory vs. The Fabulous Moolah (w/Mae Young). This match – is not good. Ivory is the heel as is evidenced by her awful “you’re an old lady!” promo backstage. However, the fans love seeing old ladies get beat up (and, really, who doesn’t). Ivory hits a few moves and even nails Mae, who had hopped up on the apron to interfere. Ivory hits what could generously be called a tope. She tries to hit Moolah with the belt, but Mae grabs it… eventually. Ivory is so shocked that Moolah is able to schoolboy roll her for the win and the title at 2:55. The unintentional comedy earns this 1/4* Recap of Vince McMahon making the title match tonight “No DQ/No COR.” The New Age Outlaws vs. The Hollys. The NAO are still babyfaces here. The Hollys cost them the titles on Smackdown!, which was stupid because the Hollys could have had a title shot here. Well, no one ever accused Hardcore and Crash of being rocket surgeons. Roadie Shakes, Rattles & Rolls Crash. Crash tosses him over the top, though, where Hardcore has his way with the Dogg. Not nearly as erotic as it sounds. Road Dogg plays face-in-peril for a while. He gets his foot up to block Hardcore’s dive. Crash cuts off the tag, though. Hardcore hits his dropkick, and you see where AJ Styles got that post-dropkick pose. Hardcore goes up but gets crotched. Road Dogg delivers the top-rope superplex! HOT TAG TO BILLY! Mr. Ass cleans house with press slams and hits a Jackhammer. The ref is distracted by Road Dogg, though. Hardcore tosses a chair in to Crash, but Billy delivers the Fameasser and drives Crash’s face into the chair. Oh, but the ref sees him and disqualified the NAO for using the chair at 10:11. Good match with an old-school finish. **1/2 Recap of the unsung Jarrett-Chyna feud. Intercontinental Title, Good Housekeeping Match: Chyna vs. Jeff Jarrett (w/Miss Kitty). Jeff was on his way to WCW and held up the WWF for a big sum of money, which is part of the reason TNA exists today and Jarrett isn’t wrestling CM Punk for the ECW Title. If Punk has lost the title by the time this posts, please feel free to insert the name of the current ECW champion. Chyna is in a weird position here because she’s a babyface in this feud, but she’s aligned with Triple H in his feud with Austin, so she was getting big face pops early in shows and then getting booed out of the building later on. And, you know what, we need *more* of that. She’s guided by self-interest, which makes her a character, not “oh, I’m supposed to be an evil person today” which makes people caricatures. Anyway, it’s No DQ and there are a lot of domestic items surrounding the ring. Chyna hits Jarrett with a skillet and a toilet lid. She rubs a banana and whipped cream in his face. Give Jarrett this – he was willing to be humiliated on his way out. She misses an elbowdrop and puts herself through a table. Jarrett nearly pins her on the salami. Not nearly as erotic as it sounds. Jarrett nails her with a fish! THIS MATCH IS FLOUNDERING! **nyuk, nyuk** He tries to toss flour in her face, but it backfires. Miss Kitty gets a milking – not in the good way. Jarrett clips Chyna from behind and applies the figure-four. Chyna makes the ropes, which should be meaningless, but Teddy Long breaks the hold. Jarrett grabs some tongs, but Chyna goes low and crushes his testes with the tongs! Jarrett gets piefaced – literally. KITCHEN SINK SHOT! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Jarrett counters the Pedigree on the cake to a catapult and sends her right into Teddy Long. D’oh! Kitty slides in the belt, and Jeff nails Chyna in the face with it for the win at 8:24. Hey, I don’t remember the IC Title showing up on WCW TV. Oh, wait! Jarrett can’t win with a beltshot because it’s not a household item. That’s a lovably retarded stipulation. Jarrett returns and puts Teddy in the figure-four, but Chyna smashes the guitar over his head and gets the real pin at 9:57. I’m not sure how the guitar is any more of a household item, or why Teddy counted Jarrett’s pin in the first place, but it doesn’t pay to ask too many questions. This was a goofy-but-fun match. The Jarrett-Chyna feud was one of the best of the year, although that’s not saying much. **1/2 Recap of the Rock/British Bulldog feud. It’s notable only for the Rock giving Bulldog the Rock Bottom onto a pile of dog feces and the crack WWF production staff cutting together a video package of Michael Cole saying, “Into the dog poop – the dog poop – i-into the dog poop – p-p-p-poop – the dog poop.” The Rock vs. The British Bulldog. Rock does not wear his tag title belt to the ring. Rock clears Bulldog out of the ring and tosses him into the steps. Bulldog drops him on the announce table to take over. Bulldog tries to take an upside down Harley Race bump into the corner and lands right on his head. OUCH! He stays on top, though, with a vertical suplex and a chinlock. Rock fights out of it and goes for a Samoan Drop, but the Bulldog thinks he’s trying to backdrop him. Thankfully, that worked out okay. Bulldog goes low and ties Rock in the ropes. Rock escapes and avoids a charge, and Bulldog crotches himself. Rock hits the KICK WHAM DDT but only gets two. Bulldog with the powerslam, but Rock is in the ropes. Rock slips out of another and hits the Rock Bottom. People’s Elbow and we’re out at 6:21. No one bought the Bulldog as being on Rock’s level at that point, and he was on his way back down the ladder. Injuries didn’t help. *1/4 Recap of the lecherous King having Terri Runnels climb up the ladder in her short skirt. The T.I.T. Finals Ladder Match: Edge & Christian vs. The Brood (w/Gangrel). T.I.T. refers to the Terri Invitational Tournament. See, Terri Runnels wanted to get back into managing because…well, she had nothing better to do. This led to a best-of-five series between these two teams. They come into tonight tied at 2 matches apiece. Edge and Christian whip each other into the Hardyz. Matt and Jeff doubleteam Edge and call for Gangrel to bring the ladder to the ring. The ref stops him and sends Gangrel to the back. Matt goes out to get the ladder, but Christian springboards out onto him. Edge goes up, but Matt pushes the ladder over. Christian pins Jeff to the corner with a ladder and dropkicks him. Edge springboards off of Christian but splashes the ladder. Christian hits Jeff with a reverse DDT off the ladder. Matt goes up but gets powerbombed by Edge. Edge goes up. Jeff rushes up the turnbuckle and dropkicks Edge off. Matt slams Edge on the ladder, and Jeff Swantons onto him. The Hardyz clothesline Christian with the ladder. Matt moonsaults onto the ladder while Christian is laying underneath. Jeff goes up, but Edge returns with another ladder and knocks Jeff off with it. Edge goes up, but Matt returns the favor by ramming him with the ladder. The Hardyz go for another clothesline with the ladder, but Christian bodypresses onto them. Edge and Christian sandwich Jeff with the ladder. They take Matt out with a flapjack into the ladder set up in the corner. Edge hits the Downward Spiral on Jeff from the middle of the ladder. Christian and Jeff battle on one of the ladders. Christian hiptosses Jeff off. Edge and Christian try to superplex Jeff onto a ladder. Matt makes the save and battles with Christian. Jeff takes the opportunity to use the ladder as a see-saw and WHACKS both men in the face. Two ladders are set up, and all four men go up. Christian and Jeff tip over and slingshot themselves off the top rope. Edge and Matt tilt the other way and fall off. They set up the ladders again. Edge piefaces Matt off their ladder. Matt bounces off the ropes and knocks over Christian and Jeff’s ladder. As the ladder falls, Jeff steps onto Edge’s ladder, knocks him off and grabs the $100,000 prize at 16:28. Unlike many of the other recent ladder matches, this one has aged quite well. The spots don’t come off as contrived and the emphasis is on the battle, not the spots. This was the 1999 WWE MOTY for many publications. ****1/4 The Hardyz celebrate with Terri. Earlier on Heat, Mankind smelled what the Rock was cookin’ while he was in the bathroom. He left Rock a copy of “Have a Nice Day,” but it turns out Rock wasn’t in the bathroom at all. Mankind goes back to get the book and gets jumped by Val Venis. Did Larry Craig book this angle? And if that’s not topical by the time this posts, please feel free to replace Craig’s name with whichever family values congressman is involved in a sex scandal. The Rock returns to the ring to challenge whoever emerges with the title tonight. Triple H jumps him and destroys him with the sledgehammer. Interestingly, Hunter actually swings the hammer like a normal person. I mean, it’s obvious that it’s rubber, but at least he doesn’t put his hand over the end and jab people with it. Mankind vs. Val Venis. I forget the exact feud here, but I remember Venis stuffing his tights with Mr. Rocko (Mr. Socko’s Rock-based friend). Venis slides to the floor, but Mick is ready for him. He hits the running knee in the corner and drops a leg south of the border. He reaches down into Val’s tights and pulls out Mr. Rocko. Val goes low, and they take it to the floor. Val suplexes Mick onto an open chair. SICK! Val retrieves Mr. Rocko. Mankind grabs the Mandible Claw, but Val shoves the back of his head into the post. Back in, Val hits a Russian Legsweep onto the chair, which should be a disqualification, considering the Outlaws were disqualified for the same thing earlier in the evening. Val slams the back of Mick’s head into the mat and hits him with a Northern Lariat. Val is actually using some psychology here. He drops a knee to the back of Mankind’s head and hits the clothesline/bulldog sequence á la Raven. Mankind avoids the Money Shot and hits the Kobashi Driver. He puts on Mr. Socko, but Val puts on Mr. Rocko. It winds up being a battle of Mankind’s Mandible Claw versus Val’s Testicular Claw. Val wins that and falls on top to pick up the surprising win at 9:30. This was Val’s last brush with credibility as Mick tried to elevate Val and Al Snow only to have Taz and the Radicals debut a few months later and take up all the midcard spots. The thought was there, though. *** Four-Way Elimination: X-Pac vs. Kane vs. Faarooq vs. Bradshaw. This was just a clusterfuck designed to add intrigue to the impending X-Pac/Kane split. He lets Kane get doubleteamed for a while before tagging in against his partner. Faarooq and Bradshaw sucker him in, though, and deliver a massive beatdown of Iliad proportions. It basically turns back into a tag match with X-Pac as the face-in-peril. He hits a desperation Tornado DDT, and Kane destroys everyone. Bradshaw falls victim to the chokeslam. Pac, that sneaky bastard, hits Kane with the leg lariat to eliminate him. The crowd *really* doesn’t like X-Pac for that one. That brings it down to Faarooq and X-Pac. Faarooq counters the Broncobuster to a spinebuster. He goes for a shoulderblock, but X-Pac counters to the X-Factor (in theory) at 10:15. X-Pac would continue stringing Kane along before finally rejoining DX (although, I guess he never left) and dumping the Big Red Machine. ** WWF Heavyweight Title, No Holds Barred: Triple H vs. Steve Austin. Vince McMahon snatches Hunter’s sledgehammer away from him and gets knocked down. Austin runs down and jumps Helmsley for a brawl in the crowd. Austin hits a flying clothesline and a garbage can shot. They get lost in a sea of fans. Austin beats Hunter with a fan’s crutch and mule kicks him in the Little Game. Austin literally lowers the boom on Hunter by utilizing the camera equipment. The brawl finds its way to ringside where Austin crotches Helmsley on the barrier. Finally, Hunter backdrops him to block a piledriver. Austin reverses a Pedigree to a catapult and sends him right into the ref. The ref just got bumped, and they haven’t even been in the ring yet! Finally, they get in the ring, and HHH eats a Stunner. There’s no ref, though. Austin revives the ref, but he gets bumped again! Hunter hits the Pedigree, and there’s still no ref. Earl Hebner finally replaces him, but HHH only gets two. They brawl to the announce table, and Hunter gets cut open. Back in, Austin gets two. Back out again, Hunter gets whipped into the steps. Finally, Hunter gets his legs under him and suplexes Austin on the floor. We’re 14 minutes in and Helmsley is only just now mounting an offense. Hunter’s kneedrop misses, but he nails Austin with a clothesline. Hunter zeroes in on Austin’s knee that he went after waaaaaaay back in the Summer. Austin clubs his way out of a kneebar but takes a facebuster for two. Hunter goes up but gets superplexed. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Austin steals the chair from him and goes absolutely medieval on his ass. He pauses for a moment, so Hunter clips his knee. The Rock returns with the sledgehammer, looking for a little revenge on Triple H. He accidentally takes out Austin, though. A Pedigree takes out the Rock, and Hunter covers Austin for the win at 21:54. Very much a transitional match from the wild, all-over-the-arena brawling of the Austin era to the more cerebral story-based HHH era. ***

The 411: Everyone remembers the Hardyz vs. E&C in the ladder match (1999's WWE MOTY by most accounts), but there are some other matches on the card worth checking out. Mankind and Val Venis was part of Mick Foley's project of elevating Val and Al Snow, but injuries and a sudden influx of outside talent derailed that plan. Hunter wasn't on Austin's level at this point, so the title match looks better on paper. Check out their No Way Out match a few years later for what they're really capable of. Fast-forward past the first few matches and call this an easy thumbs up.

Final Score:  8.0   [ Very Good ]