Death by Midwest: Mid-American Wrestling Hardcore Cup 2003

Damn, it’s been a long while. Sorry if I disappointed anyone who reads my reviews regularly (Anybody? Well fine!), but with school and work I just never had the energy to do a review. But let’s just get back into the swing of things!

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Ian Rotten vs.Horace the Psychopath

ROUND ONE: BARBED WIRE BAT AND BARBED WIRE CHAIR

Ian appeared frequently on MAW shows, having feuds with basically everybody in the company. Horace the Psychopath is a veteran from mid-90s USWA, and received tryouts with WWF and ECW in the late 90s. In a really funny and tragic moment, the ring announcer introduces Dysfunction, then realizes his mistake. “You fucked up.”-crowd. They take turns trying to push each other into the wire. Ian dares Horace to run the ropes. Sadly, he doesn’t. Ian gets the wire first. Horace gets a few bat shots from Ian to pay back that favor. Horace unloads punches and busts Ian open with the wire’s help. Then they break out the STIFF headbutts and Ian wins that battle and destroys Horace with the barbed wire chair. More headbutts! Ian back rakes Horace with the barbed wire chair. That’s a new one. Horace hits a number of jumping knees to Ian’s head. Horace goes to splash Ian on the chair but Ian moves and then hits the Rotten Rush for the win at 11:07.

Rating: *1/2 Too many slow parts to rate it higher, and definitely not the best opener. Horace was lively and took Ian’s shots, which made it decent enough.

After the match, Horace delivers a promo saying Ian is exactly what everyone says he is. He then kind of rambles on for a bit. Bad promo.

Ian puts Horace over as a true psycho, but warns the other wrestlers that he is the “undisputed king of hardcore.” Better promo.

Madman Pondo Vs.Bad Boy Hido

ROUND ONE: BED OF NAILS, TAIPEI THUMBTACK

Pondo is a deathmatch legend, for whatever reason, having been all over from IWA to Big Japan to CZW to recently, FIP. I don’t like him much. Hido first gained fame in FMW. More recently, he fought against Jushin Liger in 2006, cutting off a piece of Liger’s hair. Pondo incites a “USA” chant as Hido does some Hogan poses. Hido backhands Pondo with his thumbtacked glove for 2. Hido punches him again, then proceeds to light up a cigarette. He takes one of Pondo’s gloves off and puts the cigarette out on his palm! Sick stuff. Pondo grabs a headlock but gets CROTCHED on the barbed wire. To the outside where Pondo gets hit with a Japanese flag. Pondo scrapes Hido on the wire and the bed of nails. Hido spits a beer in Pondo’s face, then pounds him with his own stop sign. Suplex by Hido on the bed of nails….for 2. He goes for a powerbomb but Pondo hits a Russian Leg Sweep onto the bed and slaps on some sloppy choke for the submission win at 8:34.

Rating: ½* It was entertaining when Hido was beating Pondo up in the early going, but dragged for the rest with boring brawling. And now I’m guaranteed another Pondo match tonight. Great.

After the match, Pondo says they put on the best match in the tournament. Great way to put everyone over there. He asks Hido if he wants to say anything. “I don’t speak English.”-Hido. Hahahaha.

J.C. Bailey Vs.Corporal Robinson

ROUND ONE: FOUR CORNERS OF PAIN

This is more like it. Bailey is a high flying deathmatch wrestler, probably taking way too many risks. Corp is another IWA guy, and actually a good strong style worker when given the chance. The gimmick here is a box in each corner containing a secret weapon. Corp won this tournament in 1998. They trade punches to start with Corp winning that battle. Bailey opens box #1 to find a PIZZA CUTTER. He introduces that to Corp’s forehead. Bailey grabs a thumbtack bat but Corp reverses and POWERBOMBS Bailey on the bat! Corp gets a stapler out of box #2 and staples a dollar to Bailey’s TONGUE! Corp gets two bucks stapled to his head. Bailey dives THROUGH the barbed wire to the floor! Thumbtack bat to the head of Bailey! DDT on a chair by Bailey gets 2. Box #3 is a POWER DRILL. HE RUNS IT OVER CORP’S FOREHEAD. Box #4 is a mouse trap that Corp puts onto Bailey’s nuts. Cradle piledriver by Corp gets 2. Inverted DDT by Bailey follows that for 2. Boot Camp by Corp gets the pinfall at 6:29.

Rating: *** Just so brutal. They mixed in some actual moves with all the creative and sick weaponry. I gave an extra quarter star because Bailey wrestled the entire match with a dollar stapled to his tongue.

After the match, Bailey promises to come back after taking the dollar off the tongue. Sick cameraman zooms in on the bloody dollar. Corp applauds Bailey’s effort but says tonight is his night.

Spyder Nate Webb vs. Dysfunction

ROUND ONE: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE, BARBED WIRE TABLE AND LADDER

Nate Webb is another IWA regular, and uses “Teenage Dirtbag” for entrance music which is fantastic.Dysfunction is one of Milwaukee’s best talents, and has only recently been starting to appear more throughout the Midwest. Dys goes up the ladder but Nate crotches him on the top of it and then shoves the whole thing down. Nate goes for a Nebraskan tumbleweed off a chair onto the ladder but slips on the chair. He gets a better chair and repeats the spot. Spike DDT by Webb. Dysfunction hits a German Suplex onto the ladder, goes for another, but Webb reverses and gives him one onto the ladder. Nate grabs a non-barbed wire table and sets it up under the announcing position. Kind of like the ECW Arena Crow’s Nest. Nate heads up with a chair…..MOONSAULT WITH THE CHAIR THROUGH THE TABLE! “Holy shit!”-MAW crowd. I concur. Nate takes too long to make the pin and it only gets 2. Back in the ring, Dys hits a Death Valley Driver on the ladder. Dys sets up Webb on the outside on the barbed wire table and climbs up the ladder inside the ring and hits a Splash to the outside! The table doesn’t break all the way, so Dys picks up Nate for a LIGER BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE for the win at 10:05.

Rating: ***1/4. I like deathmatches with high spots. They made good use of the weapons involved and it played to their strengths as high flyers. Best match so far.

Austin Aires (c) vs. Adrian Serrano

MAW JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH

This was pre-ROH Aires, when he was becoming more well known thanks to a big feud with Shawn Daivari. Serrano is a former MMA fighter and frequent competitor in the Midwest, and is with his manager, Holly Wood. Serrano grabs the mic pre-match and says while Aires beat him the night before, he had cheated in doing so. Serrano goes for strikes but Aires ducks. Aires hits a monkey flip after Serrano executes an awful dropdown. Serrano goes outside and Aires takes him out with a corkscrew dive. The slingshot senton and elbow drop gets 2 for Aires. Aires goes for a shoulderblock and hits the ring post. Serrano works over that shoulder. Holly gets involved as well. Serrano goes for an Irish whip, then hangs on to the arm of Aires, working that shoulder over even more. Aires gets a legsweep for 2. Aires’ striking ability is neutralized due to the shoulder. Pair of hammerlock bodyslams by Serrano. He goes for a cross armbreaker but Aires blocks it and reverses into an ankle hold. Flurry of jabs by Aires. Aires goes up top for the 450 Splash, and suddenly a trio of “ninjas” come out. Aires dives onto them from the top, but then misses the 450 Splash that follows. Serrano locks in a cross armbreaker for the tapout win at 11:11.

Rating: **1/4 Middle of the road match. Told a story with Aires’ shoulder, but was brought down by Serrano’s dull offense and his lack of good selling for Aires. Good psychology, not enough flair added to the basics, though.

Brad Bradley vs. CM Punk

CM Punk is making his return to MAW after a months-long absence. He gained attention here in 2000 and 2001 for his matches with Colt Cabana. Bradley is managed by Carmine DeSpirito. Carmine is MAW’s owner and tells Punk pre-match that he is responsible for Punk’s career. Punk responds by calling Bradley a “big vanilla dildo”. Awesome. He says he knows Carmine’s tricks, so he introduces Lucy to even the score. Carmine calls her a “WCW slut”, and threatens to beat her ass if she gets involved in the match.

They trade chops in the early going. Punk tries to keep him on the mat to combat Brad’s power. Punk goes for a clothesline but Bradley gets a Rock Bottom-like slam for 2. Brad focuses on the back of Punk with knees. Powerslam by Brad gets 2. Punk answers back with a flying body press for 2. Bradley didn’t take that very well. Bradley continues working the back with a backbreaker. Punk recovers and clothesline Bradley to the outside. Punk goes for a tope but Bradley hits a forearm to stop that. That gets 2. For some reason, Lucy tosses Punk a stuffed animal and he hits Brad. Punk gets tossed outside where Carmine chokes Punk with a chain. Lucy breaks it up by low blowing Carmine. Punk knocks Brad and Carmine’s heads together. Springboard missile dropkick by Punk. Brad goes for a German, Punk lands on his feet and hits a Shining Wizard on Brad, but Brad falls too close to the ropes and Punk can’t make a pin. Lariat by Bradley…for 2. Brad tries to use the chain but Lucy comes in and hits him with a bulldog. DQ, anyone? That gets 2. Bradley hits Punk with the chain, but it only gets 2. DQ again. Punk brings Brad up top…PEPSI PLUNGE but Carmine pulls the ref out before he can make the pin. Lucy comes around and chair shots Carmine, but Brad hits a big boot for the win at 13:35. Seriously?

Rating: **. Had some fun parts. Bad finish, though, along with a shaky performance from Bradley. Some of the outside stuff didn’t go as planned as well. Carmine has a tendency to take away from the matches far too much when he’s at ringside.

MAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH, FATAL FOUR WAY
Ken Anderson © vs.Chris Hero vs.Dino Bambino vs.Colt Cabana:

Ken Anderson would be better known as Mr. Kennedy, who might be the biggest star to come out of this promotion. Dino Bambino was a regular on the Midwest scene in the early 00s. No eliminations here, first falls win the belt. Cabana hits a rana for 2 on Anderson early on after some matwork. Dino and Hero follow up on that with some matwork of their own. FINE WRESTLING~! Dino double stomps Hero’s arm with Colt’s help. Dino tries to tag out to Anderson, but Ken refuses to come in. Colt hits a twisting sunset flip from the second rope for 2 on Hero. Anderson comes in…then tags out about 10 seconds later. Lots of solid matwork early, but it doesn’t seem to be establishing anything. I guess just that the champion doesn’t want to get in the ring. Hero and Dino fight over a wristlock, with Hero being pushed down into a 2 count, and he kicks out into a bridge! Cravatplex by Hero on Dino and then Anderson tags himself back in. Dino goes for an Arabian Press but gets knees. Hero and Anderson hit a double team sit-out hip toss on Dino. Lionsault by Dino misses. Gourdbuster by Anderson gets 2 on Dino. Sunset flip by Dino gets 2 as Anderson and Hero isolate Dino in the ring. Bridging fallaway slam by Hero gets 2. Anderson and Hero go for a double team, but Dino moves and hot tags Colt.

Colt give Hero a Kryptonite Krunch ONTO HIS KNEE! Someone needs to use that. Knee lift to Anderson, then an Asai Moonsault by Colt to Hero. Dino dives onto Colt. Anderson then hits a Somersault Plancha onto Colt and Dino, followed by a corkscrew dive by Hero onto everybody. Colt goes to Russian Leg Sweep Hero but Dino hits him with a missile dropkick…for 2. Dino goes for his Bambino Bomb, but Anderson clips his leg to prevent that. Shellshock by Colt gets 2 on Dino. Anderson gives Colt a Northern Lights but Hero breaks it up by double stomping Anderson off the top. Bit of a whiff there. Hero gets 2 on Colt. Anderson clotheslines Hero to the outside. SHOOTING STAR PRESS by Dino on Colt, but he hurt his ribs there. Hero breaks the pin up. Dino avoids the Hero’s Welcome and hits the Bambino Bomb! That’s a powerbomb into a DDT, basically. Colt and Hero are stacked on each other. Anderson catches Dino up top and hits the Kenton Bomb onto Hero and Cabana to retain his title at 20:12.

Rating: ***1/4. Good match that was great the last few minutes, but was held back by a very slow 15 minutes to start. I didn’t really understand the dynamic of having Anderson and Hero team up on Dino when it was a one-fall 4-way. Still, entertaining stuff, and it’s interesting to see the future Mr. Kennedy wrestling guys like Hero and Cabana.

In an odd moment after the match, Cabana pukes in the ring. Strange stuff.

Ian Rotten vs. Madman Pondo

SEMIFINALS: TAIPEI AND FOUR CORNERS OF LIGHT TUBES

These two are credited with introducing the deathmatch style to the US with their feud in 1996 and 1997 throughout the Midwest. Both guys are bandaged from their first round victories. Pondo busts Ian open early on with the taped fists. Ian rubs in some broken glass into Pondo’s arm. Ian gets thrown headfirst into the light tubes! Pondo busts Ian open more with a broken tube. He even scrapes it on Ian’s tongue. Can’t these guys leave the tongues alone?! Ian comes back with a HUGE chairshot that that knocks down Pondo. Ian sets up some tubes between two chairs. Ian tries to back suplex Pondo through them but Pondo reverses it in midair. Pondo made that really suck. Pondo heads to the back and comes back with with a light tube bat. And he DESTROYS Ian with it. Pondo piles on the stop sign and some chairs on Ian and then splashes it off the top rope. And by splash, I mean almost completely miss the entire thing. Pondo puts a trashcan with light tubes on top of three chairs. Rotten Rush by Ian gets 2. Ian places Pondo up top and slams him into the trashcan full of tubes for the win at 11:40.

Rating: ¼*. That was sloppy as hell except for some of the shots Ian took. Pondo screwed up so many spots that could have made this a damn good match. On the plus side, Pondo is not in the finals.

Dysfunction vs.Corporal Robinson

SEMIFINALS: ELECTRIFIED LIGHT TUBES ON BARBED WIRE BOARDS

Corp wants to start on the floor. Corp knocks Dys down with some punches and sets up one of the boards on two chairs. Dys gives him a suplex through the electrified tubes and barbed wire! Dysfunction follows that up with some cheese grater action. Dys heads up top and hits a Guillotine Leg Drop for 2. Dys picks him up for a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER through another one of the boards….for 2! Dys grabs four chairs and puts another board on top of there. He places Corp up top but Corp turns him around for the SUPER BOOT CAMP THROUGH THE BOARD! Of course that’s it at 5:41.

Rating: ***. That match did 3x as much as Pondo and Ian in less than half the time. I only give it 3 stars because it was so short. Great action though by both guys.

Ian and Corp come down and stare each other down as the ring guys get prepared for the finals. Carmine comes back out and congratulates both men, before going into a tirade about how much he despises both of them, Ian especially. He says the finals will be BAREFOOT thumbtacks, but Ian will be the only one who has to be barefoot. Corp gets on the mic and says out of respect for Ian, he’ll go barefoot as well.

Corporal Robinson vs. Ian Rotten

FINALS: BAREFOOT THUMBTACKS

Ian brings out a huge box of light tubes before they start. Carmine says on commentary he’ll enjoy seeing these guys beat the hell out of each other. Corp takes Ian to the mat and tries to shove his feet into one of the thumbtack pits. Corp grabs a thumbtack bat and hits Ian’s FEET with it! Owwww. Then he STAPLES A DOLLAR BILL to Ian’s foot. Then the other one! Oh you sick fucks. Corp screams when he steps on a stray thumbtack. Ian picks up Corp and plants him FEET FIRST IN THE TACKS! Dear lord. Ian goes to stomp Corp’s head into the tacks but Corp moves and Ian STOMPS THE TACKS! Ahhhhhhh, this is gruesome. On commentary, Carmine dedicates the tournament to Lou Thesz. HA! Ian takes off Corp’s shirt and hits him hard with the thumbtack bat. That’s right, zoom in on it, you sick cameramen. He’s got at least 20 tacks stuck in him. Ian grabs two light tubes and puts them on Corp and then double stomps them onto Corp! Good thing I’m not eating anything while watching this. Corp is bleeding from his feet, stomach, face, and back. Corp takes the cheese grater and scrapes it on Ian’s feet. Ian is a bastard and slaps some of the tacks stuck in Corp’s back. Ian staples a dollar to Corp’s groin. That is frightening. Then he SHOVES Corp’s foot in the pit, and it comes up with about 10 tacks stuck in. Owwwwww. Corp does the same to Ian with similar results. He PUNCHES the tacks into Ian’s foot. Ian gets the thumbtack bat and hit the top of Corp’s foot. That tack gets in DEEP. 2 count for Ian. Corp calls for the Boot Camp, but Ian reverses into the Rotten Rush into the tacks to win the tournament at 14:15.

Rating: *** Not a lot of wrestling, but there’s so much brutality that I have to give a higher grade. Plus they came up with very inventive ways to punish themselves. Both guys are nuts to do some of the things they did-but then again, deathmatches are crazy to do as it is.

The 411: Kind of mixed bag here. When I reviewed IWA's KOTDM 07, I noticed Night One was a lot better match by match than Night Two, because with 3 matches for the finalists, it suffered from the usual one-night tournament weaknesses. This was no different. You get the best in deathmatch wrestling (Ian-Corp, Webb-Dysfunction) and the worst (God damn you Pondo). The non-tournament stuff was mixed, too, as the Punk-Bradley match was a letdown, and Serrano brought down Aires' performance. Some entertaining stuff here, but I'll only recommend it for the bloodmarks. Thumbs in the middle. You can pick this up at smartmarkvideo.com.

Final Score:  5.5   [ Not So Good ]