Enzo & Lio: HHH Stands for Hip Hop Hooray

On Monday, the return that few were waiting for and even fewer were asking for came back into our world. The man known as Enzo Amore lit the world a fire with his promos in the WWE until he was accused of harassment, pointed out as a rapist, and later fired from the WWE due to not informing them of the investigation that he knew was upon him due to the allegations. While he immediately went into an isolation of sorts, the thing he was best known for – his voice – was quelled completely. His Instagram was all but deleted, and he went silent for some time.

Recently, a formal statement was made by his lawyer, vindicating Enzo, claiming that the evidence was simply not strong enough, and that the case had been dropped completely, making Enzo a free and innocent man. One would assume that this exoneration would create a humble man ready to speak on the travesty of his incident and the seriousness of false accusations made to a man in the public eye. But in true Enzo fashion, we got more than we could have ever asked for…

While this is a music review first and foremost, I must preface this by letting you know that I’ve had a soft spot for Enzo since jump street. I just loved the dude, man, and when he was accused, I did the whole “Man” thing of minimizing the accusations and the woman who made them to nothing but another whining female looking for attention. Yes, I did that – the guy who posts women in my reports on a weekly basis. Still, I hoped for vindication for the dude. The buzz of Enzo’s innocence created by him was shoulder-shrug inducing to say the least, but I did not expect a full fledged music video featuring the Real One known as Enzo. Let’s break it down:

So we start with the tired cliché of a basement dwelling wrestling fan who eats cheetos and lives with his mother being super pumped about the 25th Anniversary of a show that is definitely NOT WWE’s Monday Night Raw, and in pops Enzo to belittle the dude. Fast forward to some horribly sounding hip hop flow that makes me wonder if there’s something called gravely-mumble rap, because that’s basically what this is. Think Macho Man on fast-forward trying to sweet talk his rap lyrics.

Speaking of lyrics, there was always something about Enzo’s promos that punched hard with short jabs. If you let him stretch a metaphor, however, it became troubled and the thin tendrils of connectivity began to minimize, thus causing a harsh attempt from the listener to even try to keep a hold of it. In other words, just like that damned sentence, right? I jest, but the same can be said for this song as he spends the entire first verse talking about just how much proof he had to show he was innocent and the “she” in question will soon have her wages garnished.

In what could loosely be called the second verse, he continues his exoneration and vindication, claiming that TMZ owes him some money, and that what happened to him hurt the MeToo movement. The flow is choppy, but finds its footing and becomes an actual song, albeit too late for any listener to care. At this point, the song relies too much upon itself and no Tupac quotes or imagery can save it.

Suffice to say, Enzo could have done any one thing to make his statement regarding what happened to him, and moved forward in some type of way, yet he chose to release a music video on Worldstar Hip Hop, the same webpage that shows videos of how important cockroach milk is.

AND IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH HIP HOP FOR YOU WRESTLING NERRRRDDDSSSSSSS,

We’ve got Lio Rush pulling a straight up Hakeem Lyon on us all and spittin verses on a song called “Money Money” that truly falls in line with every other rap song that’s been released this year, which I suppose could be considered a compliment, but when YouTube offers a recommended video featuring that rainbow headed idiot known as Tekashi after this video, I’m here to tell you that that is definitely NOT a compliment.

https://youtu.be/VPrj8SkM_kQ

Admittedly, once you get past the generic production and simple first verse (which is not Rush’s), you get a semblance of a great verse. It’s too bad, then, that he found the need to add some auto tune and break the flow of head-nodding with a line that is literally, “Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, all mine.” After this, the song basically falls apart and no A$AP Rocky sound-a-like voice altering can save it.

Remember when you wondered if a wrestler could make a song about money that was in the similar vein of EVERY SONG ABOUT MONEY IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS? Well, Lio is here to please the masses with this one. Dude only has one cool line about wrestling in the entire song, making Wale disappointed in his attempts for sure, and it wasn’t even that cool. You mention Haystack over DiBiase?! Your song is about MONEY!!! Hell, one Million Dollar Man Laugh would have turned this song into a classic! Alas, we get a track that’s more suited for WorldStar Hip Hop than Enzo’s is…

One thing of note is the fact that Enzo is at around 110,000 views on YouTube as of this writing, while Lio’s got just a notch over 8,000 views. One would think that this makes Enzo the clear winner if these two are pitted against one another. I mean, if we’re comparing songs here, then Lio Rush wins in quick fashion, even with the outside interference of excessive auto tune, but some would say the popular vote goes to Enzo.