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We are officially moved into the new spot, and although I still have to stream RAW through a shady website that show me where hot chicks are in my city who can’t wait to meet me, I’m lovin the comfort. Now, for some discomfort…RAW!

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EVERYONE! It’s Vanessa’s birthday tomorrow! Wish her well!

Seth Rollins starts the show with a new shirt, The AOP, and Buddy Murphy. He wants us to know that everyone has played a small part in making him the man that he is today. Without all of us, there is no Monday Night…I’m not sayin it. He thanks us. For our support, for all of the faith as the leader of this show. For this, he is in our debt. There is someone he wants to thank specifically, though. He heads to Buddy and says that last week, this man opened his eyes and embraced his fate. This man was courageous and brave and rose up, and now he stands firmly etched on the right side of history.

Rollins introduces us officially to the newest disciple after a video package shows us what went down last week. They hug. Seth says what they are doing is fate and destiny, and it cannot be stopped. We have reached a crucial time, a time for all of us to decide what kind of person we want to be, in the crowd and in the back. The battle lines are drawn; what kind of people do they want to be. Either they are with Seth or they are against them, and for those that are against him…

Kevin Owens is here! He’s not alone. Joe is quick to follow. Owens asks Joe if Seth talks to much, then affirms it. Owens understands how Seth can gloat over taking out Show. They are all so happy for them. The problem is that Show will be back to deal with Seth, Owens is sure, but two, they did not get rid of Joe and Owens. He’s pretty sure Kansas agrees, and we get visual proof that they do, that they are tired of Seth’s stupid voice. Owens suggests less talking and more fighting.

Seth says they will not fight right now. They need to decide a proper time and place.

Joe says he sees a self-proclaimed Messiah, but what he hears is a lawyered up ass hat.

JOE chant.

Seth tells Joe that Seth is a very forgiving man but the AOP are not, but if the two of them are hellbent on fighting the four of them, then there’s not much left to say except to come on down and dance with destiny.

Joe tells Seth that one of the side-effects of being an asshat is that listening skills diminish. They’re ready for a fight, but they aren’t the only ones. Joe calls out the boys…

And the boys are The Viking Raiders.

All four enter the ring, and Seth is quick to weasel out of the ring while the faces take on the heels. Owens with a Stunner to Akam. Joe with a rock bottom to Buddy. The faces stand tall in the ring.

We return to Raw to Seth saying he is challenging The Viking Raiders for the tag team titles tonight. He will be teaming with his new Buddy.

Match 1: Ladder Match for the United States Championship Title
Andrade vs Rey Mysterio
Bell rings, and both men leave to grab a ladder. Well, Andrade does, but Rey was only pretending. He heads back in and slides into the ladder, into Andrade. Rey on the apron, dives, but Andrade catches him and swings him into the barricade. Andrade sends Rey into the ring, sits him up on the corner, and attacks the back. Andrade climbs up, eats an elbow. Rey with another. Andrade attacks the back again, as Rey swings over to the other side. Andrade looks to suplex Rey, but Rey hits a right hand, then sits Andrade on the corner. Rey on the shoulders. Rey spins and head scissors Andrade down to the mat, causing his head to bounce off the

We come back and Andrade is beating down the arm of Rey, but Rey clocks it down and reverses. He goes to whip, but Andrade reverses and misses a running knee! Rey grabs the ladder but sees Andrade stir. He heads to the top rope and looks to dive, and does! Seated senton onto Andrade!!! Rey rolls him into the rin and follows. Kicks to the hammies. Rey is sent up and over, but hits a right hand. He springboards, and gets another senton. Springboard, Andrade catches him, Rey floats off and pushes, Andrade stops himself, but theres Rey to send him into the ladder anyway. Rey heads out of the ring, grabs a ladder and shoves it into the ring. Rey grabs the original ladder, kicks it towards Andrade, then hits the ropes and kicks the ladder into Andrade. Andrade falls to the outside. Rey grabs the most recent ladder, which is a bit taller then the previous one. Rey starts the climb, I go to make a thirty-minute meal, then Andrade comes into the ring to grab Rey. Rey flies off, Andrade catches him. Suplex. Andrade spins, and he goes for the three amigos, with the final suplex ONTO a ladder. Andrade grabs the ladder from underneath Rey, sets it up between the ropes and the tallest ladder horizontally, then grabs Rey who is on the apron. They fight back and forth. Rey with a shoulder, then a high kick to the head. Andrade to the top rope. Rey hops to the top, locks the head up ith his legs, but Andrade holds on. He powerbombs Rey INTO the ladder!

We are back, and we got a whole other ladder set on the opposite side of the vertical one. Rey and Andrade are up top. Rey sends Andrade over it crashing onto the floor!!! He tumbles to the outside. Rey stats the climb. Andrade is up, too!! Rey touches the belt. Andrade stops him. They fight at the top, Andrade gutwrenches. Hes got Rey on his back. He sets up for…fuck, I dunno…Rey elbows out. Sunset Bomb onto the ladder from Rey!!!! Rey heads down. He kicks Andrade onto the ropes. 619 sends Andrade flying to the outside! Rey to the ladder. He grabs the belt! Andrade moves the ladder! REY HANGS!!! Andrade is beneath him. Rey falls! Looks like Andrade was supppsoed to catch him, but they botch and Rey lands on his ass, rolls through onto his feet. Andrade is up. Rey sends him to the outside.

Zelina sneaks into the ring. She climbs to the top. Damn….she’s hot. Rey gets to the top. Zelina sits on the top of the ladder. She slaps Rey. Andrade is up. He attacks the leg. Andrade is behind Rey, standing on the horizontal ladder. He locks the head of Rey.

Hammerlock DDT to Rey Mysterio onto the ladder! Andrade starts to climb. Rey is dead. Zelina cheers Andrade on. Andrade grabs the belt.

Winner: Andrade
Quite a lot of minor miscommunications brought this down a notch.
Match Quality: ***1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

After the match, Zelina goes to the outside and removes the padding to expose a Kansas cornfield. It’s beautiful.

Andrade sends Rey to the outside then locks the head of Rey. Andrade turns. There’s a tall dude in a Rey mask. He breathes heavily, then removes his mask. He attacks Andrade. Zelina gets in the middle of them. They head up the ramp as Humberto checks on Rey.

After the Mexicans get their time, we get a vido package for MLK.

Match 2: Black vs Tessa Blanchard

Black wins

Winner: Black

Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Heyman and Brock are here to talk about the Rumble. Heyman mentions Brock coming in at 1 and eliminating 29 others and everyone says, of course Brock will – he’s Brock. Brock has vowed that 29 other contracted challengers will be eliminated, and he will win. It gets better, because the winner gets to choose who they face in the main event of Mania, and Brock has deemed that there is not one person in the locker room that is worthy of main eventing Mania against Brock. DO we really believe that there is anyone worthy of stepping into the ring that is worthy? Name one…they’ll wait.

Ricochet’s music hits. Lol.

He says that every time that he jumps off the top rope, it might be the last time that he ever takes that risk, so he ain’t afraid of nothin, and certainly not Brock.

Heyman says Ricochet must have been educated in Wichita. Heyman calls him lunch meat and tells his ass to be taken back to the locker room before he gets hurt.

Ricochet says he’ll stay right here. This Sunday might be his only ticket to Mania ,and he’s not afraid to fight for that. He’s seen what happens when challenging The Beast, then tells Brock directly that he’s not afraid to step in the ring with Brock.

Now that he’s in the ring, he’s also not afraid to challenge Brock to a fight right now.

Brock isn’t down. He walks out of the ring, chuckling. Ricochet asks him if he’s afraid. This stops Brock in his tracks. Brock re-enters the ring and kicks Ricochet in the nuts.

Brock: “Not Scared”

Backstage, Orton is with Charley, who wants to know how Orton feels about McIntyre. He says that Drew is a hell of a guy, a hell of a talent – he has a hell of a future, and he’s got one hell of a chop, but on par with oRton? Nah. It’s virtually impossible for someone to be on par who can attack at any time, any place, anywhere, with the most devastating move ever.

Match 3: Randy Orton vs Drew McIntyre
Orton starts the match by messing with Drew a bit until Drew overpowers him into the corner. Randy takes him a bit more seriously and tosses him over the top rope, then follows to drop him back first onto the barricade twice. A third one but Drew stops it and sends Orton into the post. Drew rolls inside, then back out. He rushes Orton and goes for a Claymore, but Orton dodges and Drew kicks the head of a timekeeper in lol.

We come back to the show with Drew on the top rope, waiting for orton to stand. He does, Drew flies, and Orton hits a dropkick! Both men up at 6. Right hand from rew. Kick from Orton. Uppercut. Drew attacks the back. They go back and forth. Drew with a chop. Another. A third, and orton is hurtin, but gets a thumb to the eye. Drew with a big boot! Orton sends Drew to the apron. He grabs the head. DDT TO DREW!! Orton calls or it. He shoots for the RKO. Headbutt from Drew! Orton is down! Drw wants orton to stand, he does, Drew grabs him. Belly to belly and a cover for 1.2…NO!!! Drew with a fucking DEADLIFT SUPLEX!!! Drew counts down for the Claymore. 3…2….POWERSLAM TO DREW!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Orton gets Drew up in the corner. Orton with a superplex!!! Orton rolls to the outside.

As he leaves the ring, out comes The OC. They triple team Drew. Drew with a headbutt to Anderson, he fights Gallows away. AJ attacks the leg. All three men stomp Drew down. Orton is in the ring with a chair!!! He attacks!!!

Drew hits the Claymore to Anderson! Orton cracks one over the back of Gallows.

Winner: Drew McIntyre via DQ
Nice little hard-hitting sprint
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ****
Total Rating: ***1/2

Drew and Orton stand in the middle of the ring as AJ and The OC scamper. Randy hesitates a bit, then hits the RKO to Drew.

Drew on the mic, he calls Randy and says “Randall Keith Orton,” then asks for a mic that works. He says he should have Claymore’d Orton, and says that one was on him. Drew promises that he will kick the head off of Orton come the Rumble, and he will win and main event Mania.

Charlotte gets to talk about herself backstage some.

Charlotte goes over how she lost last year, Becky pokes her in for a bit, then Charlotte woos.

Becky has a match, but has some stuff to say first. She says that Asuka spitting green shit in her face lit a fire. ASuka beat her last week, but who won in the end? Because Becky went on to make history all around the world and Asuka went to Youtube to make soup. So break her bones, but she will be collecting on one last debt and teach her what she knows now – Asuka can’t beat Becky anymore.

Match 4: Becky Lynch vs Kairi Sane
Kairi tries to joke so Becky punches her in the throat. Becky with a dropkick to Sane who is outside. Becky turns to the distracting Asuka, so Sane clips the knee. Sane heads to the apron, grabs Becky, and tries to drag her int othe ring. On the outside, Asuka attacks the back of the leg as Sane distracts the ref.

We return and Asuka is sitting up in the corner while Kairi works the arm from behind Becky. The ref yells for Asuka to get down ,but she doesn’t listen, sittin up top. Sane has a hold on Becky, but Becky stands, turns into the hold, drops down to break it then gets kiced. Becky with aheel kick. Both girls on their knees. They trade blows. Giggity. Becky blocks a right and hits an uppercut, then a clothesline. Another. Hits the ropes. Battering ram to Sane. Sane side steps a right then gets sent over the top rope. She hits a right. Sane flies with a fist. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Sane grabs Becky, spins, but Becky kicks, antoher kick out of the corner. She grabs the head and slams her down. Becky drags Becky to the top rope. Legdrop. Cover for 1.2…..NO! Becky goes for the Disarmer, but Sane escapes and stacks up Becky for a pin. 1..2..NO!!! Becky is up. Sane screams. Kick from Becky. Suplex to Sane is reversed, and Sane hits a DDT. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Sane hits the ropes, tries for a knee, Becky side steps and sends Sane into the post, then kicks her off the apron. Becky on the apron, flies with a fist. She sends Sane back in the ring. Becky enters then punches Asuka off the ringpost. Becksploder. Kick. ARM BAR!

Winner: Becky Lynch
Uneventful start with an ok end.
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: **1/2

SHINING WIZARD FROM ASUKA SENDS BECKY FLYING!! Asuka locks in the Asuka lock! Ref holds her back. ASuka kicks Becky in th head.

Match 5: WWE Tag Team Championship Match
The Viking Raiders vs Seth Rollins and Buddy Murphy
WE start off with AOP bein shady, only for owens and joe to come down to the ring and chase them into the crowd.

We come back to Seth and Buddy beating up on Erik in the corner. Whip to the corner. Seth whips Buddy into Erik, who toses uddy over the top rope to the outside. Seth is next, as Erik sends him to the outside, too. Erik reaches for ibar, but Seth and Buddy pull him down and send him into the barriacade. Erik misses a clothesline to Seth, but buddy is there to kick, then hit a knee, then a supelx. Tag to Rollins who is on the top rope and flies with a frog splash. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Buddy lifts the face of Erik, Erik blocks. Murhpy blocks, kicks, misses a right, gets tossed over the hip, then eats a hard knee!! Damn. Tag to Ibar. Tag to Rollins. Side slam to Budy. Crossbody to Buddy. Ibar hits the corner, Seth side steps, Ibar crotches him then cartwheels and clothslines Buddy. Tag to Erik. They grab Murphy. Looking for The Viking Experience, but Rollins makes the save. The Vikings send Seth and Murphy to the outside. They then suicide dive into Murphy and Seth! Erik sends Murhpoy into the ring. Tag to Ibar. Viking Experience. Pin for 1.2…NO!! Seth is there to stop the pin. Erik misses a right, eats a kick to the head. Leg lariat from Ibar to Seth. Murphy elbows out of the corner. Cho pfrom Ibar. He seats Murphy down. Ibar to the top rope. He locks the head, looking for a superplex. Murphy hits rights, goes for a sunset flip, but Ibar holds on. Ta form Rollnis. Kick to the head. Kick from Murphy. They double team to powerbomb Ibar. Cover for 1..2….NO!!! Seth is up first. He tags Murphy in. Buddy helps Seth with a whip to Ibar. Ibar comes back and blocks a double clothesline, then hits a springboard double elbow to te heel team! Tag to Erik! He tells Ibar to get to the top rope. He grabs Murhpy. Powerbomy to Murphy. Seth shoves Ibar to the outside. Erik stares ihm down. He misses a right.

Erik grabs Murphy. Knee to Erik! Stomp from Seth on the apron!!! Murphy covers for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Seth Rollins and Buddy Murphy
Not that their tag team title reign lit the world on fire, but this just shows how little the titles mean. And why wouldn’t the AOP want them?
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: ***

Seth and Co are backstage, elated. Seth says that this Sunday, he will win the rumble.

Now we get a fake Weekend Update with Street Profits that I will take as a chance to go get a donut.

Matt Hardy comes out, and I’m uninterested.

Commercials happen then Erick Rowan comes out and I am even less interested han I was before them.

Match 6: Matt Hardy vs Eric Rowan
Rowan squishes Hardy. He then big boots Hardy. He then tries to show Matt his pet, but it bites Eric instead. Rowan drops the cage on the steps hard a ew times out of anger. Matt attacks.

Rowan sends him flying then crossbodies Matt. He sends Matt bck into the ring and hits the face palm chokeslam and pins for 1..2..3!!!

Winner: Rowan
-eyeroll-
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Joe tells Owens that he will not hesitate to toss him over the top rope if need be.

Backstage, Mojo talks about his title. He says that for too long, this title has been carried by cowards who flee at the sign of danger. In come the Bollywood boys to act a foo. Mojo tosses one then grabs the other and drops him, too. Mojo smacks his shiny gold penny attached to a green belt, King drops a not-funny pun, and we head to the main event.

Lana is wearing a Breaking Bad yellow circa Season 5 outfit.

Oh no…

She asked for a mic.

Match 1:
Liv, the girl who expressed a yearning to just be who she truly is comes out dressed very Harley Quinnish. Her and Lana do some wrestling moves. Sorta. Lib smacks Lana hard, then hits a clothesline, and it looks like Lana hit one, too. King calls it awesome. It’s not .Tag to Rusev. Lashley in. Clothelsine, missed, Samoan Drop from Rusev. Rusev up and rushes the corner with splash then a belly to belly. Lana is on the apron. She screams at Rusev to hnot hurt Lashley, and Rusev points his finger at him. Lashley distracts, Rusev moves, Lashley almost hits her, Rusev takes advantage with aroll up for 1..2..NO!!! Lashley shoves Rusev, and Lana hits an elbow. Lashley tries to end it and pins for 1..2.NO!!! liv breaks the pin up. Lana is in, Liv sends her to the outside. Lashley checks on her, then turns into an Enziguri from Liv. Rusev with a kick to the face.

Rusev calls for a Superkick, but Lana holds his foot down. She lets go, and Lashley hits a Spear. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Lana and Lashley
-extreme eyeroll-
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: 1/2*

End Show