Mid-South Wrestling (3.2.1985) Review

-Originally aired March 2, 1985.

-Your hosts are Boyd Pierce & Bill Watts. We will NOT re-watch the video of the Ted DiBiase incident last week because the master tapes have been turned over to the police. That said, Bill Watts concedes that his attempts to ban weapons from Mid-South have failed because the outlaws keep finding away, so going forward, screw it, all bans are rescinded. You can bring chains, tennis racquets, 2x4s, and dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you to ringside.

TV TITLE: TERRY TAYLOR (Champion) vs. TIM HORNER
-Bill Watts is so damn wound up that he wants to watch this match to relax because it’ll be a good clean scientific battle. Terry Taylor actually #1, brought, and #2, wore the TV Title medallion this week, and neither one of those should be as rare as they’ve proven to be here.

-Horner gets a wristlock, Taylor scientifically reverses, but since Taylor has only been developing a wristlock reversal for a year, it’s unproven science, so Horner scientifically reverses to a hammerlock. Side headlock by Horner as Bill Watts tells every sportswriter in America to STFU about wrestling. This packed building knows what it likes!

-Side headlock by Horner. Taylor gets to his feet and shoots Horner into the ropes, and he catches Horner in a backslide for the three-count.

-Hacksaw Duggan tells us that Mid-South just proved why banning guns in America won’t work, and now that everyone can have all the weapons they want, Hacksaw has a coal miner’s glove to counteract DiBiase’s crappy little leather glove or Steve Williams’ cast. Bill Watts hastily clarifies that allowing all weapons doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want, it just means you can do whatever you want. We’re starting to lose the thread here.

GORGEOUS GINO HERNANDEZ vs. TOMMY PRICHARD
-But first! Here’s Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Why in god’s name did Tim Horner get a TV Title match when Jake still hasn’t got his TV Title match that got called off??? He wants a TV Title match and he wants it NOW. Failure to comply will result in injuries.

-Jake leaves without incident, because low-down dirty snakes mean “now” figuratively. Gino elbows Prichard down. Tommy counters a backdrop with a kick. Gino fights back with a savate kick. Prichard responds with an enziguiri and it connects with a THWACK. Gino tries a corner splash and misses, but Prichard crashes on a dropkick attempt. World’s Worst Neckbreaker by Gino, and the backwards elbow from the second rope finishes. They hastily cut to commercial as a “Gino” chant starts to erupt for the heel.

“Dr. Death” STEVE WILLIAMS & TED DIBIASE vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG & PVT. TERRY DANIELS
-I was wondering when we were going to get to this. We have finally reached the point where the Marine Corps told Terry Daniels to knock it off, so he’s not wearing his uniform to the ring anymore. On the other side of the ring, Dr. Death is billed “from Oklahoma University,” like he’s still living in the dorms three years after leaving school. I bet he’s angry all the time because somebody’s not flushing the designated pisser.

-Williams shoulderblocks Daniels around. Daniels fights back with armdrags and makes the tag. Armstrong hits the ropes and runs into a slam. DiBiase tags in and gets armdragged and dropkicked. Williams takes a moment to welcome all the new viewers on Superstation WTBS and he asks fans to write to Channel 17 and tell them what they think of the new show.

-Williams takes control over Armstrong, applying a chinlock. Maybe it’s me but it looks like they doubled the number of seats in the building this week. The building looks packed.

-DiBiase tags back in but gets kicked away on an attempted backdrop. Hot tag Terry Daniels. Daniels cleans house, but he aims a blind bodypress poorly and referee Carl Fergie takes a FANTASTIC bump from it. With the referee out, DiBiase and Williams load up their weapons, and Jim Duggan hits the ring to do something about it. He knocks Williams out cold, but DiBiase gets out of harm’s way, and Duggan accidentally knocks out Brad Armstrong. Confusion about who wins this one (Watts calls it for the heels, the referee raises unconscious Armstrong’s arm, which would make more sense since that’s who Duggan’s interference impacted most). Match was good, though.

BARBARIAN (with Skandar Akbar) vs. SHAWN MICHAELS
-This is not The Barbarian you’re looking for. This would be The Artist Futurely Known as The Berzerker, sporting a 12-year-old jock haircut and a cutoff t-shirt bearing the slogan “Today is a Good Day to Die.”

-Boots and forearms by Barbarian, who’s working a really similar style to the other Barbarian. Forearm by the Barbarian, as Watts clarifies that the name isn’t indicative of any ethnicity, it just means he goes to the gym a lot. But he doesn’t wipe off the benches afterward, because he’s barbaric, I guess. Elbow gets the win for Barbarian.

ICEMAN KING PARSONS vs. KAMALA (with Friday & Skandar Akbar)
-We’re getting dangerously close to that Skandar Akbar Saturation Point we had in this territory a few years ago where nobody is allowed to be a heel without being Skandar Akbar’s friend.

-Kamala misses a corner charge right away, but he kicks Parsons down and chops him. Kamala with the Pec Wreck as we’re reminded that Parsons has “soul,” in case you’ve forgotten who’s on commentary. Kamala stays with the pec, kind of a lot, while Watts goes into a long, complicated explanation of why it hurts. I can absolutely buy how painful it is, but I can’t get past what a ridiculous-looking hold it is.

-Parsons punches free, but Kamala chops him down. And that appears to be a whiffed spot, because he does it again and this time Kamala misses and Iceman takes him off his feet with a dropkick. Hercules hustles in to interfere for the DQ. They try to sprawl Parsons out in position for a top rope splash from Kamala, but Reed hurries in, slams Kamala off the top, and dropkicks him out to the floor. Kamala is so shocked at getting manhandled like that, he hurries back to the locker room, to Akbar’s dismay.

DIRTY WHITE BOYS vs. DAVE BOWMAN & MIKE JACKSON
-Bowman takes a beating in dirty and white fashion. Denton finishes quickly with a Samoan drop. Jackson didn’t even really get to do his token stuff.

KERRY VON ERICH vs. “Nature Boy” BUDDY LANDELL
-Anyone want to post odds that Kerry even noticed it’s a different Nature Boy than the one he’s used to?

-Kerry takes Landell down with a waistlock. Landell gets to the ropes. Kerry works the arm as Bill Watts dubs him “the man that Ric Flair is running from.” Whip and backdrop by Kerry, and the discus punch…gets TWO?! Okay then. Landell dodges a corner charge and frantically drops an elbow to try to finish this quickly. Kerry heaves him off of the attempted lateral press and goes to the iron claw, and that puts Landell away.

7.5

The final score: review Good

The 411

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