The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (5.4.1987)

-Originally aired May 4, 1987.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Lord Alfred Hayes. Bobby Heenan is missing this week, for reasons that will become apparent as the show progresses.

THE GREAT DEBATE
-And indeed, we’re leading right off with this segment. Gene Okerlund does a TL;DR version of “The Ken Patera Story” and explains that Bobby Heenan refuses to take any blame for Patera’s extracurricular stupidity.

-And we go to the ring, where Mean Gene is moderating. Awesome story from Bobby Heenan’s book: He asked Vince if they could put a small table between the podiums with coffee and pastries because he wanted to touch on Patera’s years in prison and then ask, “Hey Patera, would you like some sticky buns?” Vince, brace yourself, said no to that idea.

-Heenan says that Patera needs to be locked away forever. Patera says that he made a mistake. So there’s a famous moment here where Bobby Heenan gets bleeped for a LOOOOOOOOONG spell, like a good 30-second continuous beep, which a message at the bottom of the screen says that Heenan’s being censored due to the “heinous nature” of his remarks. Heenan is making no effort to hide the fact that he’s reading something, so my guess is he was reading something like a newspaper article describing the assault and it made Patera come off way too unsympathetic. Total guess, though.

-Patera vents his endless butthurt about not getting a phone call, which…again, you fucked up, Heenan had other business, and it was time to move on. And in fact, that’s pretty much Heenan’s whole retort. His job is to get Patera booked in the ring, and when Patera can’t get booked anymore, what does Heenan need to make phone calls for? So Heenan finally oversteps his boundaries by removing his belt and whipping Patera with it. Patera grabs the belt, wraps it around Heenan’s neck, and then Heenan takes a wild bump from Patera Irish whipping him but using the belt to jerk Bobby backwards and onto the mat. Patera celebrates triumphantly while Heenan lies writhing on the mat.

GEORGE “The Animal” STEELE vs LUSCIOUS JOHNNY V (with Honky Tonk Man)
-From Toronto. This is supposed to be George vs. Honky, but Honky has a sling in his arm and Johnny V takes the match in his place. Johnny V leads off hockey fight-style, jerking Steele’s shirt over his head and punching away, but Steele fires him out of the ring. Back in, Johnny tries a chokehold, but Steele bites him and slams him to the mat. And then Honky runs in and attacks Steele from behind, revealing that he was faking the injury, and it’s a two-on-one assault on Steele. What the hell was any of this?

OUTBACK JACK vs FRENCHY MARTIN
-From Philadelphia, which means we get treated to Dick Graham on commentary. Jack flings him around the ring a bit until Frenchy bails and stalls. And stalls. And stalls. Frenchy finally comes in and offers a handshake, but he slaps Jack instead. Jack gets fired up and nails him with an elbow, and the boomerang finishes.

JUMPING JIM BRUNZELL vs JIM “The Anvil” NEIDHART
-We must be going back a ways because Neidhart isn’t introduced as a champion and he’s not even wearing pink tights. Quick check says that this match is nearly a full year old at the time of this program and they actually aired it a year ago! This is a straight up rerun!

-Alfred anticipates that Jim Brunzell will have a tough challenge ahead of him from “Jim The Awful Hart.” Brunzell’s plaster cast from the past few weeks is off, but he has a taped fist now.

-Side headlock by Anvil and he won’t release it, no matter what Brunzell tries. Brunzell comes to life and Anvil immediately goes to the floor and stalls. Back in, he connects with a forearm shot, and Brunzell goes all the way out to the floor and needs to take a time-out to recover. Gee, I wonder if this will end in a draw.

-Anvil goes for an attack outside but hits the post to absolutely no reaction from MSG. Back in, Brunzell applies a hammerlock and the crowd completely turns on this. Bodypress by Brunzell gets two from the referee and a huge pop from the crowd. Brunzell IMMEDIATELY goes back to the hammerlock after that and the fans just totally shit on him for it.

-Anvil gets out and tries for a front facelock, but Brunzell slides out and reapplies the hammerlock, and the crowd seriously sounds like they’re going to surround Brunzell’s car after the show.
-Inverted atomic drop by “Anvil Hart” and then he bites Brunzell as we break for a commercial in the middle of this “tremendous match-up.” We return to Anvil biting Brunzell some more, and Brunzell circles the ring to recover. Anvil applies a chinlock and the crowd screams “Boring!” before they even hit the mat. Crowd keeps chanting…something…that I can’t quite understand. Until somebody can clarify for me, I’m just going to guess that they’re chanting “JBL.”

-Sleeper from Brunzell. Anvil breaks it and applies a side headlock, and Alfred actually says on commentary that Anvil is “blown up.” Brunzell works the leg and applies an awful-looking figure four, and even Gorilla points out how bad it looks, and Anvil gets to the ropes for the break. Double clothesline and both men are out cold, finally allowing them to take a break from this frenetic pace.

-Brunzell recovers and throws a dropkick. He goes for the pin, and the bell sounds for the time limit draw. Wow, this was just aggressively bad.

“The Rebel” DICK SLATER vs “The Natural” BUTCH REED (with Slick)
-My god, this match would have a drastically different dynamic to it today. We’re back in Philadelphia, so it’s a Dick Graham bonus bout!

-Feeling-out process eventually leads to a slam by Reed. Good spot where Reed applies a side headlock and just spins in place to keep the referee from seeing all the choking and closed fists while he holds onto Slater. Reed drives an elbow into Slater’s forehead. Commentators are giving this match no attention at all and instead going match-by-match through the Wrestlemania III card and recapping all the issues.

-Slater starts coming to life but misses an elbow. Piledriver by Reed, and he boots Slater out to the floor, then follows him out there and rams him into the barricade. Slater starts to mount a comeback, but gets distracted by Slick. Reed gets a three-count with a foot on the ropes. Slater must have been getting paid REALLY well because he stuck around for a long time considering how hard he flopped and how long he got jobbed out.

-Bobby Heenan calls the studio, horrified to see “Prime Time” airing this week because he presumed the show would be pre-empted until he was healthy.

DEMOLITION (with Mr. Fuji) vs JIM POWERS & PAUL ROMA
-Fuji’s first match with Demolition. I absolutely loved the way Fuji looked with facepaint and he should have just kept doing that forever no matter who he was managing.

-Ax clotheslines and slams Powers. Demos gang up on Powers as we get pre-taped words from Fuji, vowing to turn “two handsome young men into Frankenstein.” Frankenstein was the doctor, not the monster. For God’s sake, stop making that mistake, people. Decapitator finishes.

-Gorilla joyfully announces that because Bobby isn’t there this week, they’re skipping the Fuji/Muraco segment.

UPDATE
-Who is the master of the full nelson? It could be this one guy, or it could be this other guy.

DINO BRAVO vs SPECIAL DELIVERY JONES
-Dino attacks before the bell as the commentators marvel about the “360 degree turn” that Dino’s attitude has taken since aligning himself with Johnny V, which, of course, would mean that he’s still a babyface.

-Jones tries to get something going with a monkeyflip, but Dino blocks it and makes it an inverted atomic drop. Elbow misses and SD throws a few punches. Corner charge misses, and the side suplex finishes. Man, SD just got his ass handed to him here. That’s not like his usual match.

$50,000 TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL
-Quite simple; if you’re eliminated, so is your partner. Your line-up is: Big & Super Machine, Killer Bees, Hart Foundation, British Bulldogs, Islanders, Rougeau Brothers, King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd, and Dream Team. So Studd isn’t with the company anymore and both Machines have been totally repackaged.

-Harts & Bulldogs are eliminated immediately, preventing this match from reaching potentially dangerous levels of watchability. Studd & Bundy double-team Haku to continue their issue. Everyone just kind of wanders around for a while after that. Valentine dumps Brunzell. Studd eliminates Jacques Rougeau, then walks over to Raymond and tells him to leave, which is a nice touch. Beefcake is eliminated by the Machines, which seems to catch the crowd totally off guard. Machines are dumped by Studd & Bundy.

-We’re down to the Islanders vs. Bundy & Studd, which had a ridiculous blown finish the last time I reviewed a match between them. Let’s see how this goes. Studd & Bundy attack, but Islanders fight back with chops. Avalanche wipes out Tama, but Haku gamely fights both men with chops. Studd holds Haku by the arms so Bundy can clothesline him, and you can probably see this finish coming down the turnpike. Islanders win $50,000. A little lackluster.

1.0

The final score: review Extremely Horrendous

The 411

"Story Time" is a good show. Go watch that.