wrestling / Columns
The Cheers ‘n Jeers of Wrestling 11.17.08: Marella Loses, Hardy vs. Finlay Delivers and More!
Hi everybody! I’d like to give the first cheers of the week (but not the cheers of the week) right now to the comment section and the misfits, miscreants and malcontents who make it what it is. I’m not above joining the fray, and I’ll continue to respond in the trenches, but I’m adding a weekly comment showcase to honor the cream of the insightful and thought-provoking crop. Youse guys and gals have been deserving of this for a while, and it seems like most everybody else has feedback sections, so I’m gettin’ my conformity on to boot.
KAHMMENT BAWKS
This week’s entry comes from Erik, who waxed authoritative on the political over-flow of the site last week, before putting it all in perspective.
“Ya know guys, there is a political section on this wonderful site than you can go and rant on about how Obama is only half black so it doesn’t really “count” and what not…
This is the wrestling section, which means we talk about WRESTLING
With that being said, I want Kelly Kelly’s vagina :)”
Cheers to you, and all of you who continue to make me laugh, think and mouth the words ‘what the fuck’ nearly everytime I scroll south of the border.
JEERS
to Santino Marella for losing the intercontinental championship on the very night that he unveiled the Honk-A-Perfect-Mountie-Meter, a wickedly named upgrade which can perhaps now be found only in Canadian gay bars. We’ll be missing out on that and other gems now that Santino is no longer the champ, but it was a fun ride while it lasted and I think we all knew that it was going to come to an end sooner more likely than later.
Still, I wasn’t expecting such an abrupt end or for it to come at the hands of a heel (though William Regal was playing the hometown hero for the night) and I’m genuinely baffled by the switch. I guess Regal fans are happy, but I don’t see why he needs it or why the WWE want him over Santino for whoever they’re going to transition the belt to and I can’t see it as anything but a fart in the face to Santino fans world wide.
CHEERS
to Matt Hardy and Finlay for their slobberknocker of a title match on ECW, which saw Matt successfully defend amid a somewhat more hostile atmosphere than he’s been accustomed to lately. Which was weird because I thought Brits and the Irish had a thing going. Or maybe that’s over, I haven’t really been paying attention. Anyway, I think that with the boos for Matt and the cheers for Regal the previous night, merry old England might now be in contention with Canada as wrestling fan bizzarro land.
JEERS
to Jay Lethal for having too much machismo to take to take advantage of the cheap shot offered by the MCMGs during his title match against Sting on Impact. I can respect taking the high road, but how many opportunities at the TNA title does Lethal have in his future? Probably not many, and, realizing this, he should have taken the chance given to him. The machismo maniacs would have forgiven it.
CHEERS
to Christian Cage for taking his (final?) beating like a man at the end of Impact and (possibly?) going out like any professional should: in a crumpled, beaten heap. I’m sure you’re all aware that Christian is reportedly set to leave soon and was written out of TNA’s storylines, but if he is indeed bound for the home of his former glory, I do have to question the wisdom of Kurt mentioning it. In fact, I think I’ll go ahead and issue a
JEERS
to Kurt Angle for keepin’ it a little too real. You could argue that if Cage is to leave for greener pastures, everybody either already knows it or will soon enough and they aren’t bothering to insult anyone’s intelligence, but I don’t think it’s in TNA’s best interest to promote the future endeavors of a top star who is about to jump ship. Can you picture the WWE doing the same thing? No, you can’t, because they wouldn’t. And besides, when has TNA ever cared about whether they insult their fan’s intelligence or not?
JEERS
I’m still waiting on the MVP doghouse to end, but my patience is being whittled down to nothing and if Friday night’s Smackdown was any indication, it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. Or maybe not. Perhaps we witnessed rock bottom and MVP is on the verge of a spectacular comeback. Can there be anything lower than being jobbed to Funaki in 2 minutes and getting punked out by Khali throughout the Kiss Cam? Do I dare ask that question and tune in next week? Do I dare tempt the booking Gods, whose whim could see MVP losing to Maria in a loser gets dry humped by Festus match? Was this really all about the feelings of an overly sensitive piss tester? Give the guy a break already, before his credibility gets broken beyond repair.
CHEERS
to Frankie Kazarian, who is apparently well on his way to recovery, if I’m not reading too much in to his being brought back for more Suicide promos. As I’m sure you know (but just in case ya didn’t), Frankie was slated to debut the Suicide character before a Triceps injury put him on the shelf for many months and there had been some talk of TNA perhaps going ahead with a new man for the mask. Obviously Kaz will be keeping the role and with his taping some new promos, I have to assume that we may be seeing him in the near future. Now all that’s left is for TNA to create Patricide, Matricide and Genocide characters and we’ll be on our way to having a pretty fuckin’ kick ass stable.
CHEERS
to Brock Lesnar, who became the UFC Heavyweight champion last night after a strong victory over Randy Couture. I guess any lingering doubts about his being able to make it in the world of Ultimate Fighting have been completely erased, as have any lingering hopes that he’ll return to the WWE anytime soon. I’d also like to point out that he beat Randy soundly in the second round, but it took him nearly half an hour to put Undertaker away, proof positive, not that it was needed, that the Undertaker is far, far tougher than Couture. At least Brock was able to win a championship without almost breaking his neck after a botched Shooting Star Press.
JEERS
to the WWE for taking a pointlessly petty shot at UFC while congratulating Brock Lesnar on their website (which, actually is pretty nice of them, all things considered).
From WWE.com:
“Critics have noted that many of the fights on the UFC pay-per-view ended in the first round, leaving UFC producers scrambling to fill the three-hour event with content. The dearth of hearty competition left many viewers to watch less prestigious under-card fights and only served to bolster claims that UFC pay-per-view events can often be a “crap shoot” in regards to filling the full three hours.”
Not a big deal, and I don’t completely disagree, but the WWE is in no position to be leveling such accusations when they themselves often struggle to fill a card with decent matches, despite the fact that they have a wealth of talent from three different shows to draw upon. Sure, they generally make it to the three hour mark, but childish swipes at the competition don’t make them look good and the above statement is sure to make many fans analyze WWE PPV more closely and realize that they sure get a lot of shit they can (or have, or will) see on RAW. Regardless, their shoe-horned swipe makes them look like desperate cheeseballs.
JEERS
to the news that Bobby Lashley is rumored to be considering a return to the squared circle. Perhaps Bobby has some reservations about his octagon prospects, or perhaps more is being made out of his sudden about face while talking about his former profession, of which he has been dismissive of in the past. Either way, I hope the story doesn’t pan out as Lashley’s entire WWE run just never clicked with me and I haven’t missed him at all since he’s been gone.
Want to know how you can tell whether or not you’re Jeff Hardy?
Ask yourself if you’ve just been given the *CHEERS* of the Week, and if the answer is yes, then you are!
In addition to that career milestone, Jeff was the star of the show Friday night, kicking things off with a fantastic promo and cutting short what was sure to be a boring contract signing. Of course, he topped it off by scoring a pinfall victory of The Undertaker in a very good Extreme Rules match and he just might find himself in the title match at Survivor Series if he can (or if he did) beat the Game on this week’s already taped edition .
Some were worried that Jeff’s momentum would fizzle out coming off a series of losses to the WWE champ, but Jeff has refused to slink quietly away from the title hunt and he’s never been hotter than he is now. I still don’t think he’ll be seeing a WWE championship in 2008, but the fans clearly still want him in the main event mix and the WWE is listening.
to full release, which came at the unhappy finish of several more WWE careers this week. I won’t get in-depth, as I’m sure by now these have all been given the treatment from many of my fine colleagues here, so I’ll just say that Kenny Dykstra is no big loss at this point and, barring injury or a decision to switch careers, is still very much at the beginning of his life as a pro wrestler. This could actually turn out to be a good thing for him, as he’ll get the chance to scrub all that jobber stink off on the indies or wherever before it becomes permanent.
Since I barely know who Lena Yada (Yeda?) is, I have no opinion on her leaving, but the release of Elijah Burke makes me want to deliver a 4-Up to the side of “creative”‘s head. For a while it’s been said that they haven’t had anything for Burke to do, which was the supposedly the cause of his not being seen in so long, and ultimately, his release. If that’s the case, a lot of people should be hanging their heads in shame right now. But I don’t like to jump on the WWE fucked up bandwagon, because as keyed in as we all are, we don’t know everything and Burke could have been a major asshole behind the scenes or had some other problem that made him less lucrative to his employers than he might seem to us. That said, if I was putting together a wrestling organization, Elijah Burke would be waaaay ahead of at least a third of the WWE’s roster on my pick list. For what it’s worth, a friend who watches Ghosthunters told me that when Elijah was on it last year, he was caught putting down the WWE and the business in general when he thought the cameras were off. Or something. Perhaps Elijah’s heart isn’t really into it, but that’s total hearsay, so I hope that’s not the case and Burke goes on to become a big star elsewhere.
Oh, and forget what I said about not going in-depth on the releases, that turned out to be total bullshit.
What’s good in the hood or this is what I read on 411 today:
THE STEPHEN RANDLE NEWS EXPERIENCE
J WESTERFIZZLE’S SUNDAY BRIZZLE
THE ONLY NEWS REPORT FOCUSED SOLELY ON THE BUSINESS OF WRESTLING
That’s me done for another week. Somebody will be by later with something, I’m sure. I don’t know, I still haven’t gotten the hang of this Monday thing. Saying “Randle will be by later” was a crucial part of my goodbye, but now that’s already happened. What goes on here Mondays, anyway? Is it clothing optional? I hope it’s clothing optional. Bye for now, everybody!
