The Contentious Ten 10.26.09: The Top Ten Scariest Wrestlers

Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. I love all of the horror movies on TV, I love going to Haunted Houses, and I love making costumes and dressing up and going to parties. So, in honor of Halloween this week I’m going to look at the ten “scariest” wrestlers. I put “scariest” in quotes because I’m looking at wrestlers whose gimmicks are to be frightening. For example Rikishi’s giant ass hanging out of his tights is a pretty scary site, but the character isn’t supposed to be “scary.” Let me put it this way: If the character could fit into a horror movie then the character could make the list. Also, the quotes also indicate here that the concept of what is scary is relative. Let’s face it, wrestlers on TV aren’t exactly terrifying, so it’s hard to be a legitimately scary wrestler. Nevertheless, lets take a look at some of the creeper wrestlers to come down the pike.

The Top Ten “Scariest” Wrestlers

X

Doink the Clown

Yes, I’m serious. While I don’t suffer from Coulrophobia (fear of clowns) a lot of people do. There is something pretty freaky about a person who paints their face in such exaggerated emotions. Evil clowns are surprisingly common in our culture. From The Joker, to Stephen King’s It, to Captain Spaulding in House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects, to real life serial killer John Wayne Gacy who dressed like a clown; all of them a pretty scary and paint a duel nature of clowns. Doink, upon his debut was unquestionably an evil clown. He was mean to kids, smoked cigars, and played dirty tricks on wrestlers like luring Crush in with a prosthetic arm and then clobbering him with it. He even attacked a wrestler with a car battery. Aside from the clown makeup, Doink originally entered to the first few measures of “Entry of the Gladiators” and then music warped into ominous music filled with Doink’s maniacal laughing. Things got even stranger as multiple versions of himself would appear, most notably at WrestleMania IX, indicating that he had at least a few followers. Evil Doink, like a lot of the later entries on this list didn’t last too long. People were attracted to the evil clown and started to like him, so just when the character was getting good, the WWF decided to turn him face, and with that left his “scariness.”

IX

Luna Vachon

Luna Vachon might seem like a bit of an odd choice. She’s not the biggest, or the strongest, but of all the women ever to make it to a major wrestling promotion Vachon is the creepiest. Vachon shaved the sides of her head creating an oversized mohawk out of her bleached blonde hair, then, starting from the shaved area a number of veins would be painted on the side of her face. The rest of make up varied, but the veins were almost always there. The rest of her look was fairly standard for a wrestler with her character, lots of leather, chains, and studs. However two things beside her looks made her worthy of this list. First, her voice sounded like she gargled broken glass and gravel every day. When she would shriek or cut a promo just the sound of her voice made her seem monstrous and unstable. Second, it always seemed like she was just one small step away from completely losing her mind. She brutally attacked other women like Sensational Sherri, Medusa (Alunda Blaze) and Sable, and her associations grew increasingly bizarre, from Bam Bam Bigalow, to (The Artist Formerly Know as) Goldust, to the Oddities to Gangrel. Her propensity for violence was made slightly more disturbing because she was woman in a man’s “world.” In fact, she would have been easily more frightening to meet up with in a back alley then most of the male wrestlers of her day.

VIII

The Boogeyman

The Boogeyman is proof that it doesn’t take much more than a weird gimmick and some dramatic presence to have a reasonably successful wrestling career. Personally, out of the gimmicks/wrestlers on this list I disliked The Boogeyman the most, but he was still a fairly “scary” character. His appearance was quite unsettling and featured red and black face paint (covering his entire head), several missing teeth, a weird “V” shaped hair cut, strange fur around his neck and arms, and black makeup smudges all over his body. He also carried a smoking staff and a giant alarm clock that he would smash over his head during his entrance. Since I’m on the topic of his entrance he would usually slither out, and then after smashing the clock he do a jerky dance/walk to the ring. Aside from his appearance he did strange things as well, like show up almost out of nowhere during backstage segments, he bit off the giant mole on Jillian Hall’s face, and to top it off he would routinely put a wad of live worms in his mouth, or in the mouth of his victims. Unfortunately for the Boogeyman (fortunately for us) he didn’t last too long in WWE. It was pretty obvious that the wrestling aspect of being a wrestler wasn’t Boogeyman’s forte, and the character quickly played itself out. Yet it’s impossible not to include him on list of the “scariest” wrestlers, because he was pretty creepy.

VII

Gangrel

Wrestling is filled with some pretty silly gimmicks, and the gimmick of a wrestling vampire is pretty high on the list of silly gimmicks, yet somehow Gangrel worked. Aside from the fangs, puffy shirt, and straggly bleached hair, Gangrel had one of the greatest and creepiest entrance themes in wrestling history. In fact it’s not a stretch to say his theme was better than anything else about the character. After rising up through a ring of fire Gangrel would make his way to the ring carrying a goblet of “blood,” which he would partake from and then spew into the air (long before Triple H was spitting water), covering himself and a few ringside fans in “blood.” Like all good vampires Gangrel had a few followers in Edge and Christian, who were collectively know as The Brood. Together, The Brood would single out wrestlers and beet them down, then suddenly the lights would go out and a few moments later they would come back on and the victim of the Brood would be covered in blood. While Gangrel’s followers would go onto great heights, Gangrel himself really went nowhere. Aside from looking pretty freaky, administering blood baths, and having awesome entrance music there wasn’t a whole lot to the character of Gangrel, but he definitely has his place on the “scariest” wrestlers list, and as far as wrestling vampires go he fits the bill far better than Kevin Thorn ever did.

VI

Kevin Sullivan

What makes Kevin Sullivan such a “scary” wrestler is that he didn’t need high budget effects to unsettle the audience, all he had to do was draw an “X” on his head, and the wrestling world had it’s Charles Manson look-a-like. Like Manson, Sullivan was a leader and recruiter of the easily manipulated, and while in Florida Championship Wrestling he put together the “Army of Darkness” to go after the soul of Dusty Rhodes. People were actually pretty unsettled by Sullivan’s character at the time, which was seen a “Devil worshiper,” and he played the part so well it was easy to believe that he might very well have been down with the devil. A few years later in WCW a toned down version of the bizarre gimmick would be brought back. Sullivan, known at the time as the “Taskmaster” formed the Faces of Fear, and later the Dungeon of Doom to feud with Hulk Hogan in an attempt to “kill Hulkamania.” Of course, as I mentioned in a previous column, the Dungeon featured some of the silliest and stupidest gimmicks ever to come out of pro wrestling. In fact the sheer awfulness of the Dungeon hurt Sullivan’s placement on this list, but his stint and the “Devil worshiping” Manson family emulating lunatic is more than enough to earn him a pretty good spot on my top ten list.

V

Abyss

The “Monster” Abyss has a look that is reminiscent of both Mankind and Kane, yet he is very much his own monster. The three things that make Abyss one of the “scariest” wrestlers ever are his size, his mask, and his instability. Abyss is one of the largest men in TNA, and with that size comes freakish power, which has allowed him to tear through a large number of his opponents. His mask, like many of the other masked or makeup covered wrestlers on this list hides his identity and makes him more of a faceless destruction machine akin to a Jason Voorhees or Leatherface. The mask itself varies in color, but always covers the lower part of his face, mouth, and surrounds one of his eyes. Finally, Abyss really does seem like he’s out of his mind, and his brutality is almost unparalleled in the major wrestling promotions. He has also participated in and innovated some of the most violent matches and gimmick matches in history including Monster’s Ball, Full Metal Mayhem, 10,000 Thumbtacks, and Last Rites matches. Abyss, like a number of other wrestlers on this list has a convoluted and troubled history that involves his former manager James Mitchell being his father. But, despite the goofy back-story there is no question that Abyss plays the role of a wrestling monster exceedingly well.

IV

Mankind

Although many may remember Mankind as the lovable Socko toting doofus, it is the character’s early beginnings that cause him to make this list. In his initial vignettes Mankind sat in a dark room caressing rats, tearing his own hair out, wailing about his deformed ear, and how he smashed his fingers with a hammer. Based on these early appearances it was clear that Mankind was a pretty creepy wrestler. However his debut the night after WrestleMania XII revealed just how “scary” he really was when he attacked the Undertaker. Everything about him was unsettling: from the patch of hair missing on his head, to the strange leather mask, to the protective covering over his middle two fingers which he used to apply his bizarre Mandible Claw move. In addition to his strange appearance Mankind also seemed to be severely mentally unstable, attacking wrestlers and announcers, cultivating strange relationships with other weird personalities like Goldust and Paul Bearer, and exposing his body to unusually high levels of pain. The creepiness of Mankind started to wear off when Mick Foley’s other personas started to come out of the woodwork. Still, it was the persona of Mankind that participated in the infamous Hell in a Cell match that took the concept of brutality in the WWF to a whole new level. The monstrous attributes of Mankind’s early years are more than enough to earn him a spot in the top five.

III

Papa Shango

Despite the character’s short tenure, few wrestling gimmicks have been as creepy as the Voodoo priest Papa Shango. Charles Wright, better know to wrestling fans as the Godfather, was the man behind the make up, but the origins of the Papa Shango character can be found in the Voodoo spirit of the dead, Baron Samedi, who like Shango was depicted in a top hat with a skull face. Not long after his debut Shango was propelled up the card to the main event. In his first chance to make a major impact, by interfering in the Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan match at WrestleMania VIII, he missed his cue. But he was still thrust into a major feud that saw him place a curse on the Ultimate Warrior causing him to vomit pea soup just like Linda Blair, and causing a black liquid to drip from his head. Despite the high profile feud the Papa Shango character didn’t take off as well as the WWF had hoped. Perhaps they were hoping to create another Undertaker-like character, but for some reason the fans just didn’t connect with the character as well. After an abrupt end to his feud with the Ultimate Warrior Shango was shuffled back down the card, and it wasn’t long before he was phased out of the WWF. They have been several unconfirmed rumors that Shango may have been brought back as the force behind Bob Backlund going crazy, a member of the Nation of Domination, and as the “Higher Power” for the Ministry of Darkness, but obviously those never panned out. While his time was short the unsettling character of Papa Shango made quite an impact, influencing a few of the other gimmicks on this list.

II

The Undertaker

In many ways the Undertaker is the original “scary” wrestler. While there had been wrestlers like George Steel and The Missing Link who could be considered “scary,” the Undertaker was the first I can remember taking the concept to such a supernatural level. During his nearly twenty-year career with WWE Undertaker has gone through several significant changes. Upon his debut he was “the dead man,” pale, gaunt, and methodical moving like a zombie with a purpose. Accompanied to the ring by the just as macabre looking Paul Bearer the seemingly indestructible Undertaker (who would simply sit up after being pulverized) immediately set forth on a path of destruction, leaving many of his opponents in black body-bags after finishing them off. Despite the gimmicky persona and the fact that he was a villain, the Undertaker connected with the fans and quickly moved up the card and feuded with the Ultimate Warrior (locking him in a casket), indirectly with Randy Savage, and Hulk Hogan, who he defeated to capture his first WWF Title. The positive crowd reaction the Undertaker started to receive resulted in a face turn, but that didn’t make him less spooky, as he kept all of his “zombie” mannerisms.

Over the years his appearance and persona changed, little by little. First the gray gloves and leggings were replaced with purple ones, then after being betrayed by Paul Bearer and being buried alive by Mankind his appearance shifted to a more gothic look that grew increasingly more elaborate as he slid down the path toward the creation of his Ministry of Darkness that saw him reach a cult-leader like status and saw him ritualistically crucify (symbolfy?) several wrestlers. After the Ministry disbanded the Undertaker left due to an injury and retuned not as a “dead man” but as a biker. This persona would last a few years until a renewed rivalry with his half-brother Kane led to him reviving the classic “dead man” gimmick.

Even though he’s been a face throughout most of his tenure, the Undertaker remains one of the “scariest” wrestlers ever to step between the ropes. His entrance ritual alone (although it’s routinely recognized as purely psychological) is intimidating. Several gimmick matches including the Casket Match, the Buried Alive Match, and to some degree the Hell in a Cell have been created specifically for the purpose of promoting his supernatural gimmick. Nevertheless, there’s clearly something about a character like the Undertaker the resonates with fans, because at its original inception the gimmick of an undead wrester was similar to that of the Berserker or the Repo Man in that it’s a gimmick that uses an overly produced idea in order to get the wrestler over. But the gimmick of the Undertaker worked and twenty years later the gimmick still has the power to captivate the audience.

I

Kane

While he’s not much of a major player these days Kane was, and remains, one of the “scariest” wrestlers around. As the mask wearing burn victim Kane was reminiscent of iconic slasher monsters like Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees. His height and build made him intimidating enough, but the mask (covering what at the time were thought to be disfiguring burns) and the one piercing white eye made him instantly more freighting than the his brother, and object of his wrath, the Undertaker had ever been. Along with his physical attributes was his psychopathic willingness to do anything to anyone for nothing more at times than just his enjoyment. Despite being turned into a monster through fire, Kane embraced his metaphorical creator to much dramatic effect.

While wearing the mask, Kane would change sides (from face to heel) frequently, but ultimately spent more time as a babyface than a heel. However, the monster would return with a vengeance after he lost a match against Triple H that forced him to unmask. It became clear that there were no scars from the fire, but the mask, which had been Kane’s security blanket was gone and Kane completely lost his mind, and grew even scarier in the process, as now there was nothing to contain the monster inside. He first attacked his friend Rob Van Dam, and then a few weeks later Tombstoned Linda McMahon on the stage. Kane’s new reign of terror focused in on his brother once again as he helped Vince McMahon bury him alive. Later he would stoop to new lows of intimidating Lita into sex, pregnancy, and marriage.

In more recent years Kane has once again taken to frequently changing sides, but whether he’s a “good guy” or a “bad guy” Kane seems to always have evil intentions. In fact, the fact that he has switched sides so many times indicates his instability. Because Kane is unpredictable he has the ability to lure people in and then turn on them without any provocation, and that too makes him scary. Like most of my “scary” wrestlers Kane has only had marginal success as a main event player, to the point that he’s hard to take seriously as major threat to world champions, and that has taken away a lot of his mystique. Yet, his look (masked or unmasked) and his drive to simply cause pain put him at the top of my list.