The Fink’s Payload 06.12.08: Create Your Own Stable!

I want to kick things off this week with a couple of quotes from Michael Scott, the regional manager on NBC’s The Office. When forced to decide on a method of resolution for an inter-office conflict, he struck a chord many of us are quite familiar with:

“Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn’t work, everybody would still be in the cage.”

Can’t argue with that. Perhaps more so in the ‘80s than today, cage matches can serve as the ultimate blowoff to a feud and the ultimate “resolution” to a world-championship “conflict”. But TNA still dedicates an entire pay-per-view to these confined clashes and WWE’s Hell in a Cell and Elimination Chamber share a common branch on the match-type-tree with the Big Blue Cage of yore. So you can’t argue with the effectiveness, even if the winner is Jim Halpert (over Dwight Shrute) instead of Hulk Hogan (over King Kong Bundy).

“When people work together there is going to be conflict… you can’t outrun your problems. And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing. But here’s the thing about cage matches: sometimes, you have to open the cage. And that is something that Toby will never understand.”

Let this wisdom be imparted unto ye, Payloaders of America. I got it from TBS who got it from NBC who got it from… well, Steve Carrell said it. I can’t be expected to credit everybody in between.

…At least, I hope I can’t.

If a cage match (or some current variation, like Hell in a Cell) is the ultimate form of conflict-resolution… then what’s the ultimate form of conflict-avoidance? Kind of the other end of the spectrum type of thing – If you’re not battling your mortal enemy in a singles contest specifically designed to prevent other people from having any effect on the outcome, what are you doing? Maybe, just maybe… you’re hiding behind your buddies. Because you can’t take the heat on your own. Because you need the safety and protection of a group of your peers. Because you all work together towards a common goal.

That’s a stable, baby! For years, wrestlers have bonded together in stables, or factions, or fac-gimes (if you totally reek of awesomeness), or what-have-you in order to boost the stock of everyone through strength in numbers. Almost every superstar is part of a group at some point in their careers – Ric Flair had the Four Horsemen, Triple H had Degeneration X, and now Edge has the Familia/Rated Rmy – to help them when they can’t, or won’t, or don’t care to take care of business on their own. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Well that, dear readers, is all in how you play the game! Let’s get to your thoughts!

Opinion #1: Dan “Re-Writing the Book” Torkel
“The Second Coming”

This isn’t exactly a new idea as the WWE is teasing it anyway, but the group is Ted Dibiase Jr, DH Smith, Cody Rhodes, Jimmy Snuka Jr (Deuce, I think) and Nattie Neidhart. Nattie and Deuce would move to Raw in the draft.

It starts at Night of Champions when Ted Jr promises a mystery partner to challenge Holly and Rhodes. The bell rings and Rhodes turns on Holly and levels him with the title belt. He hits a DDT and Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream for the win. He introduces his mystery partner – CODY RHODES!

On Raw, Holly is ballistic and wants to know what’s up. Dibiase and Rhodes come out and then DH Smith and Deuce attack from out of the crowd. They beat the holy hell out of Hardcore and leave him bloodied up.

Ted has the mic and introduces us to the SECOND COMING. All sons of wrestling legends, Baby Bulldog, The New American Dream, and a new Wildman (they introduce Deuce by his actual name Snuka Jr). He announces that all good men need a good woman and they introduce Nattie Neidhart. The Second Coming has arrived and their new catchphrase is “the Future is NOW.” Dibiase also makes claims of their leader coming soon.

Dibiase and Rhodes are Tag Champs, Nattie goes after the Women’s Title feuding with Mickie, Beth and Melina and Smith and Snuka can go towards the IC Title. The Second Coming’s leader returns in a few weeks as none other than the original legend’s son, RANDY ORTON!

WHAT DO I THINK?: Well, you pretty much fulfilled my expectations for the rumors that have been going around. Including Orton, as far as shock value goes, knocked my socks off. Would the “Legend Killer” really associate himself with a group composed of legends’ sons? Could that somehow add to his legacy as attached to that moniker? He fills out the group as the rest of the guys were fairly lacking in credibility (tag team championships notwithstanding) other than their status as second-gen guys. Also, it gives Orton a chance to show leadership skills, which is a sign to the viewers that he isn’t the punk upstart that got kicked out of Evolution anymore. Anything to that end is a good thing.

Opinion #2: lwcmvp
“The Millionaire’s Club”

On ECW, Matt Striker begins having trouble with Hornswaggle again. The Cade and Murdoch feud continues on RAW. Jimmy Wang Yang scores a few upset victories over MVP and JBL is still having trouble with John Cena.

One night on RAW after Cena defeats JBL in a street fight, and Cryme Time continues there weekly tradition of being nothing more than comedic pieces by stealing his hat and auctioning it off. JBL goes off backstage and delivers a “shoot” promo which he begins to run down modern Pro Wrestling as cheap comedy. He says that he doesn’t want to see the WWE go down in flames like WCW did. He has had enough. “I am a millionaire and I deserve better than this”

The next night on ECW, Matt Striker does not show up for his match with Super Crazy.

The next week on Smackdown, MVP does not show up for his match with Yang, and finally Cade does not show up for a match that he was supposed to have with Murdoch [on the following Raw, I assume? – ed.]. After a commercial break, JR and King are still wondering what has been going on lately with all of the missing superstars.

Finally, it comes to the July 14th edition of RAW, which takes place in Raleigh North Carolina. It is advertised that Ric Flair will appear on Pipers Pit to talk about the new Ric Flair DVD (could also take place on the July 18th Smackdown which takes place from Charlotte), but right as the interview is about to begin, JBL’s music hits, he comes out with MVP, Lance Cade, and Matt Striker. He tells the crowd that they will not be seeing Piper’s Pit tonight because he has purchased this time for a special announcement. Since the last time he was seen on RAW, he has been sitting at home in his big comfortable living room. And week by week he was joined by more and more superstars who were sick and tired of the way that the WWE has changed over the past few years and they have made a decision. JBL then announces that thanks to a huge donation to the wallet of Mr. McMahon, he has been named the President of the WWE (like Regal was named King).

The group will be known as the Millionaire’s Club (I know it was used in WCW but it fits here). By Survivor Series, everyone will win gold, (except for Striker, who will become the manager of the group.) Cade will become the IC champion, MVP will win the ECW Title, Beth Phoenix, who joins the group after winning the Womens title and of course JBL who wins the WWE title from Triple H

It will eventually lead to Mr. Kennedy feuding with JBL, kind of like Austin vs. McMahon. After Kennedy beats him, Vince fires JBL.

Another quick Idea. Val Venis, Nunzio, Colin Delaney, Super Crazy, and Funaki form the new Job Squad.

WHAT DO I THINK?: Great minds think alike, buddy. This is an idea so good, it made me re-write everything that I had planned because my stable featured M.V.P. and J.B.L. together as well. Also, I love it when everybody in the group has a title of some sort. It just looks cool in pictures, really, but it’s just a little thing that makes me believe that the group had a purpose. I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but… what the hell are Hawkins and Ryder doing with Edge and Vickie, anyways? Why the hell don’t they at least become tag team champions? Would it be so hard to get a title shot, maybe with Edge as the special guest referee? Not with the General freakin’ Manager in your stable! But no, they just tag along and don’t get anything for themselves… it makes no sense. So, thank you, for making sense. Other than that, I appreciate your choice of stable members and I think the Kennedy/J.B.L. thing could be good if it didn’t try too hard to be Austin/McMahon. Everything tries too hard to be that feud, but the ship has sailed.

Opinion #3: Craig T
“The Untouchables”

Just read your column and thought I’d drop a line since I was just thinking about this the other night. The group is called either The Untouchables or The Playa’s and it’s comprised of Cryme Tyme, MVP, Elijah Burke and possibly Shelton Benjamin. Think of them as the 4 horsemen meet Hip-Hop. MVP would be the de facto leader and main event threat and could recruit Cryme Tyme as he is “the highest paid superstar in the WWE.” Cryme Tyme is all about that Money…Money (yeah, yeah) so the association makes sense. Benjamin and Burke are the mid-level singles stars who are looking to make a name for themselves. Burke makes more sense because he isn’t established as a star yet and while Benjamin won’t be winning a world title any time soon he’s been around longer and could easily be turned face simply by a violent exclusion from the group (a la Sting/Horsemen). He’s also not as solid on the mic as Burke which comes into play later.

Initially the group comes together and begins to go on a roll. Burke begins to establish himself as a mid-card threat and Cryme Tyme become the #1 contenders for the tag titles. They’re the first of the newly formed group to win titles and they continue to dominate the tag division. Burke is next, bringing in the gold of the US or IC title depending on which show this all takes place on (smackdown would be ideal so the group’s story isn’t lost in the shuffle of Raw’s over-crowded roster). Now with 3 of the 4 members carrying gold their leader sets his sights on the World Title. It doesn’t matter who the champ is at the time, Cena, HHH, or Edge would probably be the best foil. While the other members of the group have had actual success MVP feels success by association and he refuses to lose. His personality takes on a bit more of a T.O./Chad Johnson type, throwing temper tantrums and doing ridiculous celebrations both during and after matches.

Eventually his failure to capture the gold combined with the other’s success causes tension within the group. At some point (maybe survivor series with MVP and Burke as the two remaining members of their squad) Burke begins to outshine MVP by stealing the victory while MVP does one of his over-the-top celebrations. Burke and MVP can begin having some great battles on the mic about who’s better than the other. Cryme Tyme is caught in the middle and can choose to stay with MVP or go with Burke. Ideally, MVP’s ridiculous celebrations will either help him begin a face turn or he’ll be boo-ed out of the building. Depending on the fans’ reaction you determine who gets kicked out of the group, Burke or MVP. Alternatively, the introduction of just about any Diva playing the part of Yoko Ono could also work, but provides for a much more unoriginal story unless the swerve comes from her not breaking up the band. (Bro’s before Hoe’s y’know).

The problem with any African-American group in recent wrestling history is that they’re not booked into realistic personas or situations. The Nation was based on a militant group that hadn’t been relevant in over 20 years and the whole Rap vs. Country feud of WCW’s dying years isn’t even worth discussing. The issue always boils down to race or rap. Here you have a chance to market a group of young stars with the cockiness of Kanye West or Jay-Z and the showboating of Terrell Owens. While you’ll still have part of the hip-hop culture as an influence the goal for these guys is to get paid, get laid and dominate the industry. Each member has the potential to become a breakout star and the possibilities for guest-stars who would associate with them is huge. Think about how much better the Mayweather/Big Show feud could have been with Mayweather hanging around with this group instead of random “handlers”. You also have potential for all kinds of side stories….Teddy Long as the ultimate Player Hater makes sense, Vince trying to be cool by association also sounds like it’s right in-line with the kind of “comedy” the WWE regularly employs and don’t even get me started on Santino Marella trying to show he’s got street cred.

The formation doesn’t require any crazy booking or ridiculous face/heel changes and is even somewhat logical. In fact, the entire development of the group could be setup by the draft without anyone ever seeing it coming. It makes waaaaaay too much sense, which is why you’ll never see this on WWE TV.

WHAT DO I THINK?: You make some very good points about the way that African-Americans are portrayed in wrestling in general, and I think you’re right to say that a wrestler with the behavior of Kanye West or T.O. is widely more acceptable than the Nation at the present time. I think that M.V.P. is the perfect example of this and your idea to back him up with an entire stable of like-minded African-Americans would fit his character well. One point to make: if this is going to work, it should be the huge push that will cement M.V.P. in the main event for years to come. He pretty much has to win the title while the group is together or else you run the risk of making me think, “if he couldn’t do it with the group behind him, then…” whenever he gets another chance. I do like how you plan on turning him face when the group breaks up, however, since he would immediately have a set of foes that the crowd hates more than they hate him. That’s important to a successful face turn, usually.

Opinion #4: Darnell Banks
“Smells Like Team Extreme”

The ring is filled with flowers, all set up for the wedding between Vicky and Edge. Edge comes down to the ring, and Chavo the new United States champion escorts Vicky to the ring. They get right up to the point where Edge has to say “I Do”… building up the suspense.

Ex-United States Champion Matt Hardy takes to the ring with CM Punk delivering chair shots to everyone. Matt wards off Hawkins and Rider as well as Bam Neely. As Edge lay on the ground, CM Punk holds the brief case in his hand. An announcement comes over the screen and it’s Vince McMahon. Saying since it’s all about the mon-nay and Vickie is drawing unfavorable reviews she cannot overturn what he is about to say.

He then says CM Punk is cashing in his Money in the Bank right now. “Get a referee to the ring and ring the bell.” The bell sounds and Edge struggles to his feet. CM Punk lifts him up and delivers the GTS. Edge lay there as CM Punk gets the pin and the World Title moving him to Smack Down.

The next night CM Punk has a backstage interview saying his tactics weren’t dirty; he had to throw the champion off of his high horse. And that, along with Matt Hardy, he was going to rid Smack Down of La Familia.

Stable members: CM Punk , Matt Hardy.
Candice Michelle joins from the supplement draft and is preparing to go after the number one contendership for the Diva’s Championship.
She knows her opponent will have a male protector backing her in the form of Chavo. She seeks help from everyone, and gets the help from Matt Hardy. Chavo distracts the referee as he knocks him out. Matt tries to stop him but Hawkins and Rider come out to take him away. Chavo hits the frog splash on Candice. The referee wakes up and her opponent gets the pin.

Stable members: CM Punk , Matt Hardy , Candice.
Edge has a special “Cutting Edge” editon featuring CM Punk. Edge calls him a coward for using a weapon to beat him. CM Punk shows the tape of him capturing the gold from the Undertaker after his brutal match with Batista and then the Elimination Chamber with John Cena. Vickie comes out and starts a match between the two, a rematch for the World Heavyweight Championship. CM Punk retains and tells Edge he didn’t win the title, but here is a lovely parting gift. A box is sitting on the stage gift wrapped. Out pops Rey Mysterio, who is introduced as the new stablemember.

Stable members: CM Punk , Matt Hardy , Candice , Rey Mysterio.
Jeff Hardy finally makes his debut after a hard-fought battle with Cena and Triple H on Raw. Becoming the last member of the stable.

CM Punk takes on Edge for World Title, Matt Hardy takes on Chavo for the United States Championship at the PPV. Hardy wins Title.

Jeff Hardy takes on Hawkins and Rider on the next Smack Down, and Candice takes on the Divas Champion winning the title.

La Famila starts to fall along with Vicky and Edges’ relationship, meanwhile Vicky starts to sabotage the stable to break-up. All the while they are still Jeff and Rey win WWE tag titles and lose them a couple months later.

CM Punk starts to turn heel after a few months of title reign. He slowly takes on his Indy Heel look as the title claims him. They all start to fight about him in the back and Vicky makes a match at Survivor Series: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio, in a match type to be determined by her.

Her speech would go something like. .. “What other chance do I get to for a match like this? The world wants this so it should be for the World Title.”

I want to see it so it should be in a match of my choosing. A Survivor-Series-style Hell in a Cell. Four men will go in and none will come out. At least in good shape anyway.

Matt Hardy puts on a long fought battle to become World Champion, ending the group almost immediately.

WHAT DO I THINK?: Wow, you did a lot there. First of all… Rey comes out of a gift-wrapped box? Too lame for words. There are ways to introduce stable members and then there are ways to entertain three-year-olds. Rey-Rey-in-a-Box falls in the second category. Other than that, it looks like you tried to put together a mix of guys with similar, high-flying-ish styles. Made me think that you would eventually put them together in a ladder match to showcase those talents… but hey, Hell in a Cell works nicely too. Having the group eventually disband with all four guys going their separate ways is something that you don’t always see. Somebody almost always wants to keep hanging out with at least one person from the old crew, it seems. I’m a big fan of everyone in your as-yet-unnamed fighting force… anybody wanna post their ideas for the group’s name in the comments section?… and it truly looks as if everyone will be elevated after the group disbands, which is a sign that the stable achieved its goal.

“Entertaining Several Thoughts”

Well, I had a great idea involving M.V.P. and J.B.L. (as mentioned above) and I scratched it at the last moment due to similarities with one of the reader opinions. That’s not a cop-out, that’s a fact, brother. So I decided to post a few different ideas that I also had here in shortened format. I’ll just quickly outline who is in the stable and what the highlights are.

Caribbean Cool
Members: Carlito, Kofi Kingston, Elijah Burke (possibly Shelton Benjamin)
Carlito comes to ECW in the draft and takes similarly-gimmicked Kofi under his wing. They capture the WWE Tag Team Championship from Miz and Morrison when Burke interferes and reveals his allegiance (since he is from Jacksonville, which is technically in Florida, which is a state close to the Caribbean). Burke challenges Matt Hardy for the U.S. Championship and takes it at one point due to CC-hijinks, but soon loses it back to Hardy. The shelf life for this group depends on whether Benjamin is thrown into the mix and if they have something bigger to aim for than midcard titles… my thought is, they don’t.

Evolution
Members: Batista, Randy Orton, Kennedy, Lance Cade
Heard of the name? But you haven’t played this game. Following Wrestlemania 25, where Triple H defeats Batista in a brutal and bloody affair, the Animal swears revenge and gets it by reuniting with Orton. They then recruit the red-hot Kennedy and upstart Cade and the strength in numbers pays off when Triple H loses a decisive Hell in a Cell match to Batista (and friends, of course) at Judgment Day ’09 and “leaves” the WWE. After flipping from heel to face and back to heel in ’08, Kennedy takes a solid face turn when he is unceremoniously kicked out of the group the night after JD. He feuds with the other three, specifically Orton; Cade wins the Intercontinental Championship in June; Batista claims the WWE Championship at Summerslam. The night after SS, Triple H returns to put an end to Evolution’s reign of terror. At Unforgiven, Cade and Orton fail to assist Batista so he loses the title to HHH. Batista and Orton splinter into a private rivalry and Cade, hopefully, has enough momentum to sustain a singles’ career.

Hood Rock
Members: John Morrison, JTG, Shad, Ron Simmons
Wouldn’t it be great to see Morrison in charge of his own stable? Simmons could be the manager who just says that one word a lot; Morrison is the singles star and Cryme Tyme is his posse. Find these guys some kind of psychedelic-rocker-gangster gear and you’re set. Could this be one of the very rare face stables? I believe so, because Morrison just has a quality about him that I think we would all like if he played his cards right. And Cryme Tyme… those guys are hilarious.

Capital Punishment
Members: Katie Lea Burchill, Paul Burchill, Robbie McAllister, Rory McAllister
This group could pop up right away. Basically, just say that the Highlanders both think Katie Lea is hot and are willing to do heelish things for Paul in exchange for being associated with her. Sure, it dumbs down the Highlanders a little bit, but their character was always an ugly and stupid gimmick to begin with. At least this way they can be Paul’s cronies while he builds his character and Katie Lea asserts her power (a la Trish Stratus with T&A) to establish them both as big deals in the future. If he gets into a serious feud with Kennedy soon he will need backup to establish a legitimate threat, at least in my eyes.

Well, those are just some thoughts. Here’s another one! What if Armando Estrada somehow “bought the contracts” of three of WWE’s biggest superstars and used them as his personal army to wage war against Teddy Long in ECW? His old buddy, Umaga, would sure fit nicely into this ensemble. So would Big Daddy V, a man who he dealt with as ECW GM. And Mark Henry seems predestined to do nothing but be huge and strong… so he’s in as well. What would we call this group? Would it just inherently suck? I’m not really sure, but it just popped into my head as I was writing.

Thanks for reading this week, guys! I really love sharing my ideas with you every week. I can’t believe we’ve been going strong since the end of March with the new Fink’s Payload! It’s a lot of work… but it’s all worth it when I get to see the smiles on your pretty little faces.

What’s that? You’re kidding me. Not one smile?

Oh, that’s bullshit.

Next week, I want y’all to really open your minds. Last week’s question was about dealing with what you have already in the roster… this week, we’re going to venture into unknown territory.

Next week’s homework… Due on Tuesday, June 17th at 11 PM.
TNA has a six-sided-steel-cage and reverse battle royals. WWE has the casket match and the Hell in a Cell match. I want YOU to create your own gimmick match! Go wild and tell me as much as you feel necessary to explain how many competitors can compete in the match, what the objective is, and how this is different from previous match types! Feel free to use words including, but not limited to, the following:

Table, ladder, chair, cage, steel, pole, stretcher, ambulance, pod, glass, thumbtacks, fire, cane, chain, live animals, noose, strap, rope, spiked-turnbuckle, or scaffold.

You know, it would also be really cool if you would tell me who you think should participate in the first-ever match of this type. That way, I can get a feel for what you think a typical “________ Match” would play out.

Anyways, have a great time thinking about weapons and destruction and send your ideas to [email protected]!