The Furious Flashbacks – IWA-MS Sweet Science Sixteen 2001

The Furious Flashbacks – IWA-MS Sweet Science Sixteen 2001

Because nothing says technical wrestling like the Insane Clown Posse

Continuing on from 2000’s debut Sweet Science show here’s the sophomore effort from Ian Rotten’s IWA-Mid South promotion. The first one was terrible but how would year two shape up?

We’re in Charlestown, Indiana.

Crowd is larger, more indoors and rabid. Host is Dave Prazak. Immediately it has a more professional and organised feel.

Dysfunction v Hy-Zaya w/Uncle Honky

This isn’t part of the tournament, thankfully. Dysfunction is an 18 year old rookie. Both these guys names are a pain in the ass to type. The mat doesn’t look too good. That’d be all that hardcore wrestling. The crowd are in favour of local lad Hy-Zaya. I don’t see why they need to have this match on the show considering they need to fit in a 16 man tournament and this doesn’t exactly provide a different wrestling style. Prazak bolding predicts this will be better than the other tournaments mentioning how good the ECWA Super 8 is. He mentions the upcoming King of the Indies tournament in California, which is where Doug Williams made his name. I’ve reviewed that one. That’s available here. Zaya uses Honky to boost him over the top, which I’m sure is cheating. Both these guys have lousy ring gear. At least Dysfunction has trunks and kneepads on. Hy-Zaya looks like he’s about to go clubbing. They do some horrible counters into a Zaya DDT. The whole process of missing with a clothesline should be that the clothesline is at regular height and the wrestler ducks it. Not a foot higher that usual. These guys go right into the highspots and start dumping each other on their heads after about 5 minutes. Zaya powerbombs Dysfunction onto a pile of chairs on the floor. As if that wasn’t stupid enough Zaya goes up top and sentons off into the pile of chairs. Pin is academic. ½*. Well they had a finish that was more nuts than the rest of the high spots so at least they should get credit for raising the bar. But the match was dogshit.

Trent Baker w/Jim Fannen v Nova

Baker is the IWA champion. Nova is Mike Bucci who’d go on to be Simon Dean in the WWE. He’s better known at this point for being an ECW alumni. This is instantly better than the opener thanks to some actual wrestling. Nova flips a bit and works at the arm. Baker retorts with a headlock and they mess up an escape spot. Oops. They run some near misses and Nova just armdrags Baker over hardway. “Get that shit out of the building” shouts a clearly irate Nova. Nobody like a sandbagger. Baker comes back with some horrible worked punches. Nova breaks out some nice athletic dodges, acrobatics that are effective, and throws Baker out of the ring. Nova dropkicks him into the crowd after flipping over the top of him again. Nova is doing flippy stuff but it works because it’s quick and is only used to dodge Baker’s clumsy attacks. Unlike some of the flippy stuff on the Indy scene usually. Nova goes up top but Baker shoves the ref into the ropes. Hey! This company needs some kind of rules. Iconoclasm from Baker gets 2. Baker with a bulldog that Nova was bumping before contact. Oops. FLAWED! Nova gets a roll up for 3 but Baker was on the ropes so that won’t count. That sure was an ugly roll up. And most of the mistakes aren’t Nova’s fault because for once he’s working a slow paced and smart match. There are moments where he’s getting carried away and those look somewhat unattractive but this is a more mature Nova than in ECW. Baker goes up top but Nova roundhouse kicks him on the way down. Nova with a big boot to the face and Baker looks a little dazed from that. Legit. Nova crashes into him a few times. He’s at it again. Nova occasionally just got carried away, which hurt him. Baker’s t-shirt slides up a bit. Urgh. He wins an award for “most abs”. Nova lands an Enzuigiri. Fannen has a word with the ref and in comes Chris Hero but Nova counters the Hero’s Welcome and nails one of his own on Hero. Nova then fakes Baker out by lying around and counters him into the Novacaine for the pin. **. In later years that would mean we had a new IWA champion but that wasn’t in place in the early years.

CM Punk v Dino Bambino

Punk went and got himself over in the past year and the crowd HATE him. He also has a more traditional look now with the baggy shorts, black hair and tattoos. He invites the crowd into the ring for a fight before calling them a “bunch of goddamn assholes”. One ginger fan takes offence and security has to jump in the way. HEAT~! Bambino is cut but lacks personality. After Punk’s assault on “clowns” the crowd chants “Juggalo”. Oh great. Now I hate the entire crowd. Prazak refers to them as “face painted assholes”. Fannen has joined commentary and he says he’s an asshole and he’s offended by the comparison. They do some basic flipping to start and Bambino matches Punk for skills. Punk gets tied up in the ropes over the top, which I’ve never seen before and Bambino dropkicks him off the apron. Bambino follows with a diving rana. That was a touch early in the match. They battle in and out of the ring and Punk flies out with a tope. We follow that with a chop off. Punk gets tired of being chopped and gets in close for a belly to belly. Bambino gets back up and bicycle kicks Punk in the face. OW! GREETINGS FROM ASBURY PARK from Punk. That was out of nowhere and leads to a double down. Could have easily been a finish. Punk doesn’t even pin instead opting to elbow drop Bambino on the back of the head. Bambino doesn’t bother selling anyway so Punk neckbreakers him across the knee. Punk can’t get the Mexican Surfboard. Oh dear. Inexperienced Punk was kinda slapdash and hit & miss. Outside and Bambino takes a sick chest bump into the ring post. Like the Bret Hart corner bump only outside. Punk goes for a springboard to follow up but Bambino throws a chair at his head! That was awesome. Big leg jam misses to follow up and Punk hits a Pedigree for 2. Oh, come on! That’s a finish. WELCOME TO CHICAGO, MOTHERFUCKER! I’d worry that Punk has now hit two well known finishers and Bambino has just kicked out. Punk kindly sits up in the corner allowing Bambino to go coast to coast and legdrop him. He actually overshot and landed his ass across Punk’s face. Punk “kicks out” in that he doesn’t because he’s knocked out. Bambino pins again and this time Punk kicks out. He was giving him the option to just lose there but Punk had too much pride. Bambino goes up top and the Shooting Star Press finishes. **1/2. Punk got himself knocked cold on that coast to coast. They used too many finishes and didn’t have enough selling but it was a strong match compared to everything from the year before.

BJ Whitmer w/Jim Fannen v Mike Quackenbush

BJ has his Stone Temple Pilots and looks slightly more like the Whitmer I know from ROH. Quack has a habit of just wrestling around his opponents but making them look capable in the process. He also looks a bit like Karl Childers from Slingblade. Quack ties the inexperienced BJ up on the mat. Crowd want Quack to “fuck him up”. One spinal tap later and he has! Quack ties up Whitmer again holding one arm behind his back then tying it to the other one. BJ takes time to get going because he can’t work out Quack’s offence. Whitmer takes a bump over the top and Quack follows out with a flip senton. Another spinal tap. Those are going over well. Standing flip senton gets 2. BJ comes back because he has more size and is able to bully Quack around a bit. BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAAAA gets 2. BJ shouldn’t have delayed on the pin. Snap suplex and BJ is just using his power to throw Quack around. BJ makes the mistake of going upstairs and the quicker Quack just moves. Quack goes crazy with PALM STRIKES and kicks. PENDULUM DDT! Springboard frogsplash…gets 2. That could easily have been a finish. They counter standing again using the RVD-Lynn DDT into Northern Lights spot for 2. Up top and Mike wants a sunset flip bomb. BJ breaks it so Mike hits a LIGERBOMB into a rolling cradle for 2. Quack rules! Prazak calls him a goof and a show off. BJ wants a powerbomb but Mike counters lucha style into a diving rana but BJ just counters into a slack powerbomb. Having done that he breaks out a real powerbomb. That’s not an Indy finish though so he kicks Quack in the balls and heads up top for the frogsplash and that finishes. ***. I’d rather Quack advanced because his chaining was beautiful and his selling made sense. Basically he’s way ahead of these other guys at this point.

Chris Hero w/Jim Fannen v Adam Pearce

Babyface Pearce, which doesn’t really wash with me. Hero is by contrast heel, which doesn’t suit him either. At least his selling is pretty huge so Pearce throws him around and wails on him and Hero is a good enough guy to sell it all and act like a chicken. In fact it’s Fannen who is the X-factor grabbing Pearce’s leg and allowing Hero to take over by jumping from behind. Wrestling, old school style, as it should be. Pearce comes back but makes a hash of the spinning heel kick. Hero catches him on a crossbody attempt showing his power and hits a wind up urinage. Hero decides to make this a stiff match with a badass forearm shot. Hero goes for a moonsault but Pearce gets his knees up and that looked painful. Pearce PILEDRIVES him for 2. That should have just finished. Fuck it, have a big upset in quick order. Spinebuster from Pearce into a half crab and Hero is struggling. Hero nearly gets the rope so Pearce switches to an STF. Hero goes low and hits a sloppy lariat for 2. They start trading forearms and that’s a lot of fun because no one has really done that so far tonight. Pearce starts hulking up and catches Hero with a DDT. He heads up top, which isn’t really his territory and the Savage Elbow gets 2. Fannen is up on the apron to complain about the ropes or something. Pearce grabs him and that’s enough time for Hero to get the Hero’s Welcome but he’s too close to the ropes and Pearce saves himself. Hero doesn’t really follow up on that. He should just hit it again but instead Pearce gets an opening and rolls him up for the surprise win. **3/4. Good basics. Pearce is solid but unspectacular and as a result works well with others. Notable upturn in quality this year over last as well. Guys like Hero and Punk have gotten a lot more ring time and they’ve brought in some better wrestlers to work with them.

Tarek the Great v Colt Cabana

Tarek is an IWA hero for his series of matches with American Kickboxer. Cabana has his full goofy dancing and partying gimmick going on now and that suits him much better over his indifferent act the year before. Tarek heels on the “fake ass clown bitches”. Fucking Juggalos. Colt says he’s not a light heavyweight because he’s 6’ 2” of pure chocolate. He then encourages a “dork” chant. Tarek is bizarre to look at. He has Hulk Hogan’s haircut only he’s a Goth and a cruiserweight. Imagine that if you will. Lots of stalling at the start of this one. Cabana looks way better here than at the previous years show. He grabs an arm and works at it. Tarek looks horrible by comparison actually. His offence is totally unbelievable and Cabana is able to manhandle him as a result. Powerslam gets 2. CM Punk joins commentary. Tarek blows the ‘jump onto the ropes’ bit that Rey Jr does. He recovers to hit a tornado DDT for 2. Punk is running down Cabana on commentary due to their feud in IWA. Tarek takes it to the floor and hits a springboard senton. Next is a spinning heel kick off the top for 2. That wasn’t bad. They do some interesting counters. Tarek tries a dropkick low but Colt just moves back and then pulls him into a pin for 2. Colt with a big release German suplex. Tarek being so small flies from these bumps. Tarek tries for a kick but Colt catches the foot and catapults him into the buckles. Wheelbarrow bomb gets 2. That could have finished as Tarek landed on his face. Tarek tries desperately hard to blow some lucha stuff and blows a rana too. Tarek miscues and lariats the ref. Colt wants a dive, which is stupid. Colt takes forever as well so Tarek stops him and chair shots him back into the ring. Brainbuster should finish but there’s no ref. Another one jumps in and Colt gets pinned anyway. Urgh. **. Passable thanks to Colt’s drastic improvement over the past 12 months. Tarek is mediocre at best.

Cash Flo v Psycho Patrick w/Insane Clown Posse

This is, thankfully, not part of the tournament. Patrick has the worst entrance music, ever because its one of those fucking awful ICP tracks. Patrick mumbles some swear words into the mic, which I presume is a promo but he might just have tourettes. He certainly doesn’t have talent. Neither do his corner “men”. I don’t know of any other Indy scrubs that illicit such outright hate from wrestling fans as the Clowns. This match is sloppy as shit. Its like watching two crack whores brawling over a sammich. They can’t hit anything. They can’t bump anything. They can’t sell anything. Luckily I can tell how much it sucks in fast-forward just as easily as I can at normal speed. Brawl in the crowd. Pile of chairs. Slam on the chairs. Flo on the bleachers. Patrick moves. More brawling. Up top. Patrick hits a super rana for 2. Flo chokebombs him. Leg jam across the ring finishes. DUD. Well, the finish was impressive for the distance involved in the dive but Patrick dragged the match down to pretty much nothing.

POST MATCH a pile of painted faggots pour into the ring to circle jerk Patrick. Ian Rotten puts him over in the hopes that he’ll draw this juggalo crowd for every show with this scrub on it. Watching ICP chant “Patrick” might be the gayest thing I’ve seen in some time. Rotten offers him a re-match tomorrow night. AWWWWWWWWW. Fuck you, Ian. The crowd seem happy. I’ll just skip over it.

Mitch Ryder v Mark Wolf

Back to the Sweet 16. Ryder has a Brian Christopher knockoff gimmick. He’s sadly replacing the injured Reckless Youth. The sweet science goes out the window for this one as they just brawl around from the start. Ryder pounding away gets really boring, really quickly. Wolf is a mess. They hit a few sloppy moves including a DDT. No selling at all in this. Wolf nearly falls over himself. Both guys blade. There’s that sweet science again. The problem these guys have is they can’t have a match without brawling and blood. Not a good one anyway. Not that this match is any good. Ryder with a few chair shots and we get a great look at how lousy Wolf’s bladejob was. I’ve cut myself more shaving. More worthless brawling in the crowd. You know, the kind that happened in ECW and everyone thought was cool until it got boring and repetitive. Horrible striking in the crowd is just as bad as horrible striking in the ring. This match sucks mammoth cock. Ryder is at least bleeding all over the place. Legdrop with chair. That sucked. Mark’s valet runs in. She’s pretty and dressed like a schoolgirl, which is nice. That just serves as distraction for Ian Rotten running in to chair shot Ryder in the head and Wolf gets the pin. Nothing says technical wrestling like finishing with two run in’s and a chair shot! -**. Fucking awful.

Dave Prazak leaves the commentary to be replaced with Jim Fannen & Colt Cabana while Prazak goes to cut a promo.

Danny Dominion w/his rat/Prazak v American Kickboxer

American Kickboxer is one of the local favourites and like Tarek looks tiny. Dominion is significantly bigger and more muscular. Hence he overpowers immediately. He evens mockingly dumps him on the top buckle and walks off. Midgets, bless. Kickboxer uses the only advantage he has by kicking at the legs. Kickboxer rana’s Dominion over the top. If this was the NWA that’d be an instant DQ. Springboard half pike twisting plancha from Kickboxer. More kicks to the leg and he tries for a standing Octopus but Dominion just powers him off like he’s nothing. SPLASH MOUNTAIN! I love that move. That gets 2. Kickboxer misses a sloppy crossbody. Prazak puts the boots in. Out into the crowd and Kickboxer hits a diving rana off the bleachers. See, I have no issues with actual wrestling out in the crowd if they can still work a match involving it. Kickboxer is certainly leaving everything in the ring. He kicks Dominion in the legs until he falls to his knees then kicks him in the head. The valet pops onto the apron to show off her tits. Hello! This gives Dominion recovery time and by the time Kickboxer jumps off he gets caught in a powerbomb for the loss. *1/2. Psychologically sound but this wasn’t technically great.

POST MATCH Dominion says he’s happy with the respect he was shown so his valet will get her tits out. She strips to her bikini. Hello nurse! Pretty much a face turn there. Woo!

Ace Steel v Suicide Kid

Ace has a little bacne on the go. Steel gets on the mic and calls all the fans rednecks. “Fuck the ICP, they can suck my dick too. And fuck all you assholes”. Kid has a bad shoulder from last week. Steel doesn’t bother waiting for introductions and they run some nice counters at speed. Kid isn’t happy and SLAPS Steel. That’s so stern he has to bail and have a word with Dave Prazak. CM Punk is on commentary and he calls for a DQ for the slap. I know, it’s an OUTRAGE! They make a bit of a mess of a flying headscissors spot. Kid breaks out the corner dropkick and the corner groin headbutt. Steel gets spiked with a rana for 2. They fuck up a corner spot where Ace doesn’t get out of the way quickly enough. Steel finally gets on that injured arm. Steel takes it to the mat and cranks at the bad arm. Logically this should be all over from this position. FUJIWARA ARMBAR! Again it should be over but Kid won’t quit. SHOULDERBREAKER! Kill that shoulder joint! Prazak grabs it over the ropes just to make sure that shoulder is fucked. Kid busts out another rana to protect himself. DIVORCE COURT! CROSS ARMBREAKER! Taaaaaap! Tap! Tap! The psychology is perfect now just quit. No dice. Springboard dropkick to the shoulder gets 2. Chair shot to the shoulder. Kid grabs the chair and hits a Van Daminator. Kid then blocks punches with his bad arm. Blockbuster. Kid seems to be hitting all those “cool” top rope moves that were so over back then. Triple jump moonsault. See? Of course he only weighs 45lbs so the impact isn’t too severe. He goes for Sliced Bread #2 but Ace blocks it. Kid goes for the super rana but falls on his head. OUCH! Steel just jumps off on top of him for the finish. **1/2. The psychology was great for a while but it went tits towards the end.

POST MATCH Prazak talks to Ace about facing his partner Danny Dominion in the next round. Ace seems taken aback that Prazak seems to be siding with Dominion. “I can take him. Fuck you people” – Steel.

Barefoot thumbtack match – Madman Pondo v Ian Rotten

Just to add to the severe lack of talent on display Pondo calls out ICP too. They ramble on for ages and bring out a few skanks in their underwear. This is like a really, really, really, really, really, really low rent Vince Russo show. Pondo uses a thumbtack wiffle bat and hits Rotten in the feet with it before sticking tacks in Rotten’s nipples. EWWWWW. I’m sorry but I don’t watch wrestling for this shit. They continue the sickness with face stamps in the tacks and tacks in the mouth. Pondo goes to double stomp Rotten but lands feet first into the board o’ tacks. He spends most of the rest of the match trying to pull them out. Not satisfied with slamming Rotten in the tacks Pondo gets a pair of scissors and blades him with it on camera. This match is absolutely sickening. Pondo takes a tack to the nose. Rotten with a light tube. Why can’t we just work with the tacks? Is there any need for all this other crap? Pondo gets busted wide open hardway. Pondo then blades Ian’s feet with the glass. URRRRRGGGHHHH. I have a pretty strong stomach but this is making me queasy. Rotten bleeds some more. That forehead is a mess. Both guys can’t stand properly because their feet are so fucked up. What asshole thought up this match? The skanks all get their tits out and the ICP attack Pondo allowing Ian to get the pin. -****. I think they pushed every button here. This match is sickening. It only isn’t minus five stars because it has tits. There’s a lot can be said in favour of tits.

POST MATCH CM Punk runs in and powerbombs Shaggy 2 Dope into the thumbtacks. *****! He would have done it to Violent J as well but he’s too fat. “CM Punk is now my favourite wrestler of all time” – Prazak. J challenges Punk, Pondo and Mitch Ryder to a 6-man tomorrow night. Predictably Ian Rotten rambles on with a long-winded and pointless promo after that putting over the ICP who are already over with anyone who wants to cheer for them. Everyone else just hates them. To make matters worse Ian takes his shirt off. URRRRRGGGHHH. Feel more than a little sick right now.

NIGHT TWO. Still in Charlestown, Indiana.

PROMO TIME – Madman Pondo comes out with a very young Adam Gooch. Pondo whinges about losing to a bad rap band. Retarded fans all chant “I-C-P”. Pondo decides to play heel by bigging up Eminem and how great he is. Some old fucker with a beard tries to get in his face. “You ain’t part of the show, asshole, sit down”. A bunch of babyfaces run out and throw Gooch into the crowd. Only the crowd move so he lands on the chairs. Yeah, real safe Ian. Rotten wipes his ass with the Eminem t-shirt although he’d crawl through broken glass to suck that man’s dick just for him appearing in the IWA once. Rotten starts into a rambling promo and I’m in no mood to listen to his shit again so I just fast forward it. Ah the sweet science of rambling bullshit promos. I think he booked CM Punk and Sabu and Tracy Smothers in a 3-way. Punk comes out to complain. Then Rotten rambles on for another 5 minutes. Editing, look it up.

Tarek the Great v Mark Wolf

Tarek tells the fans he’s better looking than Wolf’s valet Summer. Better looking in what sense of the word? Because Wolf is so inexperienced his tactics are somewhat limited. They run basic counters are half speed. Tarek works at the arm. I guess there’s a story of sorts here but it’s not one that interests the crowd. Wolf is supposed to be this rookie upset kid who has no chance but he outweighs Tarek by about 50lbs or so and is much taller, which doesn’t really make him look like an outside shot. It doesn’t help that he just sort of kiels over every time Tarek tries to roll him over. Wolf’s own offence is mostly clubbering. Once again, hardly Sweet Science. Tarek headspikes a DDT. Don’t think they meant to do that but it looked great. Bulldog and Tarek tries for another headspike because his bald head has no friction. Tarek forgets the arm and goes to an extended chinlock. Tarek with a springboard legdrop. I’m really not digging his work. I can’t even pinpoint what I don’t like about it just that I don’t like him. I can tell with Wolf it’s just because he’s really inexperienced. Tarek’s use of chinlocks probably isn’t helping. At least they have the decency to do some selling and they work in a double down. Slingshot gourdbuster from Wolf. Gutwrench suplex gets 2. He’s at least trying to be varied and interesting. Backbreaker and Wolf goes up top but Tarek pushes the ref into the ropes. Come on, man! Why are there no DQ’s in this company? Tarek pulls out a Musclebuster for 3. We’ll just have to ignore that Wolf was in the ropes I guess. *. I’ve seen worse from rookies and relatively poor midcarders.

Dino Bambino v Nova

This should actually be quite good. Both guys are in good shape and are capable of a few high flying antics. They do some reversals standing until Nova sweeps the leg. Nova seems a touch quicker. They do some more reversals and Bambino scores with a big dropkick. Nova starts creating takedowns and picks off the shoulder in the process. High crossbody from Bambino gets 2 as he scores the first high flying move of the night. Bambino gets cocky and charges, which gets him spin kicked in the face. Beautiful. Nova has the Shades of Wilbur Snyder looking to grind down Bambino who probably hasn’t been in with quality like Nova before. Nova invents a new form of facebuster but Bambino gets the ropes. Nova has been far more innovative here than in the last match he was in. “B-W-O” chant the crowd. Heh. Bambino gets a series of roll up’s for near falls. Nova seems a little rattled and this leaves him open for some strikes in the corner. Nova is more experienced at countering though and as soon as Bambino goes for a big move, a Tombstone, Nova counters it into a reverse Pedigree for the pin. Neato. ***. That was great. More of the same please!

Chris Hero w/Jim Fannen & Mike Quackenbush v American Kickboxer/Colt Cabana

This is an odd choice with Quack being a babyface and Hero a heel. The other team are both faces. Basically these are guys who got eliminated in the first round but don’t suck. So they want to shoehorn them in somewhere. Hero tries to tell Quack what to do. “Don’t call strategy, monkey boy” – Quack. Quack starts with Kickboxer and they work some standard counters. They don’t look smooth enough considering who’s involved. Crowd chant “mon-key boy” at Hero. Colt in and they do some very tidy stuff ending in double nip up’s and that, my friends, is an Indy stand off. “Monkey bitch” now as Hero tags in. Colt gets the crowd to chant “you’re a towel” at Hero and Quack jumps into the ring to do monkey impressions. I get the feeling they’re not taking this match entirely seriously. The thing is; when they do its really quite good. Hero & Cabana run some tidy stuff and Hero is looking quite innovative. The revolving door of commentary currently has Hy-Zaya and Cash Flo in the booth. Oddly enough it’s not an issue. They all seem around the same basic level and no one is really bad. Colt gets the tornado suplex but he can’t get the surfboard and just holds the arms instead so Kickboxer can kick him in the head. Kickboxer dropkicks him right in the face. Good job he doesn’t weigh anything or that’d hurt! Kickboxer with a great whirl headscissors. Hero sold that great and then comes back with a wind up urinage. The bumping is great. You need great bumping to make anything remotely lucha look good. Quack tags in and makes up a new stretch where Kickboxer is upside down with his arm and head hooked. “What the fuck is that?” – a fan. Hero miscues and boots Quack off the apron. Hero slaps him and throws him to the dogs. This team seems to be finished. Colt gets a Michinoku Driver for 2. Hero gets a tag but looks unenthused. Quack is still in there though and he clips Cabana with a shotei. Colt is on the floor so Quack hits a corkscrew plancha! Kickboxer brings the sickness with a DIVING RANA OFF THE BALCONY! These guys are really letting it hang out considering this is a non-tournament match. Colt picks off Quack for the Colt 45. Kickboxer is in the ring too and Colt wheelbarrow bombs him on Quack FOR 2? How is that not a finish? I guess they want to fuck up Hero as well and do so. Quack is back up. I’m not liking this lack of selling. Quack picks off Colt with a reverse rana and neckbreakers Kickboxer for 2. Quack turns on Hero kicking him in the head. He leaves him lying for Colt to hit the Tumbleweed and everyone piles on for the win. Technically Quack was on top so does he win? I told you that was an odd choice of partners at the top. ***1/4. That was a hell of a match. Shame it had nothing to do with the tournament. Imagine how good this tournament could have been?

Ace Steel v Danny Dominion

These guys are both in the same stable. Dave Prazak gets on the mic followed by Steel to run down Dominion’s valet. Looks like we’re up for a straight up contest then. “ICP suck dick” – Steel gets the juggalos on his side. Dominion’s valet has less clothes on than on night one, pre-stripping. Dominion talks about how Prazak spent the entire of last night after the show bitching about the valet and leads the crowd in a “homos” chant at Prazak & Steel. So much for that team. Thankfully that now gives us a heel-face dynamic and an excuse for Ace to sell the “faggot” chants. Steel chops away but Dominion totally no sells him. Stinger Splash. No sold. Press slam! Ace bails. When he returns Dominion dominates him. Steel punches him in the nuts. That’s one way to change the tide. So Steel gets some heat in and kicks at Dominion while he’s down. Dominion tries to come back but Steel catches him with a Russian legsweep. Dominion grabs him with a back suplex. There’s nothing wrong with this match it’s just really formulaic. Prazak trips Dominion up thus proving himself to be the superior manager. Of course this is IWA-MS so there’s no DQ’s anyway. The valet kicks his ass but Steel flies into the ring with a diving DDT to go to the next round. **. Solid. Professional but formula. For two guys that knew each other well they didn’t exactly set the world on fire.

BJ Whitmer w/Jim Fannen v Adam Pearce

Pearce gets the crowd to chant “Blow Job” for obvious reasons. These guys go right to the mat. Generally Pearce will try and be old school as possible. This doesn’t always lend itself to a babyface performance. BJ gets thrown out of the ring and Pearce breaks out the Cactus elbow. Back inside Pearce gets a powerslam for 2. BJ gets the leg though with the heel cut off and works a leglock. BJ uses the ropes because, fuck it, this is IWA and there’s no DQ’s anyway. Why does anyone ever break holds at five? BJ goes to town on that knee and uses the ring post. Colt Cabana brings the history telling us that Pearce used to play football until his career was ended by a knee injury and suggests that BJ has done his homework. Good stuff, Colt. Even if it isn’t true it gives the match depth. Figure Four from BJ…on the wrong leg. Hey, Flair did it all the time. Pearce turns it over but Fannen pushes the limp bottom rope into the ring so BJ can break it up easily. BJ runs into the spinebuster. Pearce doesn’t get all of it because his knee wasn’t strong enough to push off. Pearce disappoints me by using a spinning heel kick. Sell the leg dude. Pearce goes up top still not selling but misses a senton. Despite landing on his back that aggravates the knee. Frogsplash misses because BJ takes FOREVER to get up there. Just get the knee again. Powerbomb from Pearce gets 2 and they blow the next move. Sitout powerbomb finishes for Pearce. Well, that was very underwhelming. Why not feature the knee in the finish? Ah well. **.

Cash Flo v Psycho Patrick

Patrick blows his turnbuckle pose. That puts him at Jeff Hardy in ROH bad. Here’s the re-match from last night’s terrible match. The only way this should be better is that ICP aren’t out here. They take a different approach this evening with a really slow paced technical match. Unfortunately Patrick can’t wrestle so it’s actually worse than the violent crap of night one. He looks worse because the whole weekend is technical wrestling and every wrestler is far superior to this guy. Even his drop downs are horrible. That’s what happens when you work ICP’s fed though. You don’t learn to wrestle. We head outside for a brawl and that’s fucking ugly too. Basically Patrick is totally unprepared for anything approaching a match. He can’t do anything. Cash is trying his hardest to work the match but he can’t get anything going at all. Patrick keeps leaning back when he’s taking chops too, the fucking pussy. He’s got a shirt on too. Patrick suddenly decides to sell like he’s dead. I wish he was dead. Then I wouldn’t have to watch anymore of his shitty attempts at playing at being a wrestler. Patrick with the upset super rana onto a chair for the win. -*. Even worse than last night. Psycho Patrick is one of the worst wrestlers I’ve ever seen.

Tarek the Great v Nova

Tarek attacks with the belt but Nova drop toeholds him causing him to bash himself in the face with his own title. Tarek tries his patented skullet attack but gets caught in an armbar and Nova just schools him on the mat. Huge gulf in class here. Nova with a springboard bulldog and he nearly fucks that up so Tarek did a good job of taking the bump right and fixing it. Tarek generally looks poor though. His legdrop in particular showcases how average a wrestler he is. And I mean average for IWA as opposed to average in general. Nova starts inventing roll up’s. I always liked Nova’s ability to make stuff up seemingly on the fly. The downside being that some of his moves looked either stupid or bad. A far smaller percentage than Kanyon though, another inventive wrestler. Nova is also far more powerful and anytime Tarek tries to lean on him Nova powers him off. They run some nice stuff at speed until Nova ENDS Tarek with a Yakuza Kick. Sadly that’s not the finish. It should have been. Tarek didn’t bump it. He just took it. WHAMMO. They run some counters and Tarek gets an inverted DDT for 2. Tarek looks for the Musclebuster but Nova counters out into the Kryptonite Krunch and Nova wins again. **1/2. That was fine. Tarek isn’t a great wrestler but he tries hard. Nova looked pretty smooth in that one.

Ace Steel v Adam Pearce

Winner faces Nova for the Sweet Sixteen. Here’s how this match should go down – Ace attacks the knee and destroys it before a kneebar or similar finishes. 5 minutes at the absolute most. Here’s how it does go down – Ace attacks the knee. Good start. Then he starts with the chops and forearms before attempting a springboard crossbody. He gets caught and powerslammed. Ok, they started right! Pearce uses his bad leg to block something. Eesh. Not rocket science guys. Missile dropkick to the knee and we get back on track. Outside and Ace chair shots the leg. Maybe this isn’t science but it makes sense. Ace gets a kneebar. Ok, this is perfect. Now tap out! He doesn’t so Ace drives some knees in there too. Pearce tries to kneedrop Ace, which is just retarded, and hurts himself. Steel shows his equal stupidity by diving off the top and missing. Pearce with a spinebuster. Apparently something is going on outside so a load of fans leave. Pearce takes offence and goes to a sleeper. Can’t say I blame him. This match should be over by now. Steel gets another leglock and Pearce has to tap out, finally, allowing Ace to go to the finals. **. Should have been over a lot quicker and been just as good. The logic of the booking is impeccable.

POST MATCH Pearce gets seriously old school by staying down and selling the injury. He even gets a trainer out here to make sure he’s ok. Now THAT is selling ladies and gents. And lo and behold he gets a round of applause when he finally gets up. How hard was that? Take note up and coming wrestlers.

CM Punk v Sabu v Tracy Smothers

Punk was taken out of the ICP match earlier tonight and dumped in with these guys by Ian Rotten. This is a showing of how much potential Punk had as they’d throw him in with the top talent. Sabu are accompanied to the ring by Bill Alphonso and the Insane Clown Posse who are out for revenge against Punk. Speaking of Punk he gets the mic to tell everyone he’s straightedge, which means he’s better than everyone else in the building. He picks on Fonzie and shoves him over. Punk is such a jerk as a heel. I love it. Punk runs his mouth until the other guys start wailing on him. Sabu blows the opening two spots, which were both double teams with Smothers. Punk gets slapped around in the corner. Chair in the ring – AIR SABU! Smothers spears him and Sabu decides now would be the time to stop working as a team. Punk does his spot where he ties himself up in the ropes and he gets wailed on some more. Sabu with a nice springboard swinging DDT on Smothers for 2. Arabian facebuster and Tracy rolls into the ropes to save himself. Smothers with a leaping calf kick. Where did that come from? He stops to pose and Punk missile dropkicks him for 2. Sabu tries to springboard but Punk catches him in mid air and throws him outside. Smothers with a dropkick. What is this? LUCHA-TRACY? He flips up top and comes off with a high crossbody. I’ve not seen Smothers fly this much since about 1991. This match starts to suffer from the usual 3-way deficiencies. Punk gets Tracy with a tope though and wipes out the front two rows. Sabu sees them and sets up the chair. TRIPLE JUMP PLANCHAAAA! Smothers goes up top but Fonzie knocks him off. Sabu takes advantage with a super rana. Sabu chokes on Air Sabu TWICE. He repeats the spot a second time and finally hits it. What was going on there? In comes a table. Lot of Sabu crap in this one. Smothers trips him up into the chair to block the triple jump. Punk gets a pin but Smothers pulls him up and hits the belly to belly. Tracy is wrestling lucha-style and faking dives and shit. It’s madness. Punk with a neckbreaker on him but Sabu breaks it by just kicking Punk in the jaw. Ouch! Tracy takes a swing at Fonzie. Sabu takes advantage with a chair throw. Sabu fucks up Air Sabu AGAIN. I don’t know what’s up with him, aside from the usual, but he’s really starting to piss me off. Smothers is busting his ass out there though. He sets up a convoluted chair shot/bicycle kick spot with Punk. Don’t care for that. But then we hit sloppy some time ago. Sabu starts dishing out Arabian facebusters. Sabu with a tornado DDT onto a chair on Smothers. That table is still in there doing nothing. Smothers on it and Sabu legdrops him through the table. Punk sneaks in and gets the pin though! Ha, that was awesome. **1/4. Pretty sloppy but lots of fun. Oddly enough it didn’t suffer from the usual 3-way problems for some time because of the way they whupped Punk around before actually making it genuinely 3-ways.

POST MATCH Fonzie gets revenge with a chair shot on Punk. ICP get a table. Time for their revenge. Sabu goes up top but the fans want Violent J to do it instead. He wants Shaggy to do it. He hits a lousy buttsplash to break the table. Lots of retards cheer. Punk still won. Smothers gets the mic and puts everyone over.

Mad Man Pondo/Mitch Ryder/Adam Gooch v Those Fucking Clowns/Ian Rotten

The only thing worse than ICP wrestling is having to listen to ICP’s music when they come out here. At least their valet tonight has massive tits. Rotten gets the mic and I hit fast-forward because they’re debating Eminem, which is enormously gay on many levels. More talking. More stalling. On the upside at least they’re not wrestling. Gooch starts spanking Shaggy making this match slightly gayer. While stomping at him Gooch manages to fall off the apron. Oh good lord. They brawl out into the crowd where Ryder blades. Rotten has the thumbtack bat and he blasts Gooch with that. More blood. Lots of violent crap follows. Plunder and such. On the upside, at least they’re not wrestling. Shaggy powerbombs Gooch. Hey, a move! Wow. All the faces grab chairs. Gooch is about to be killed. Triple chair shot and that’s it. DUD. Nothing.

POST MATCH Ian Rotten rambles on AGAIN. Shut the fuck up, please.

Sweet Science Sixteen Finals – Ace Steel v Nova

Nova bails to hug a fan. “I love this job”. Ace gets upset with being called a faggot. Basically they stall for ages. He considers it to be such disrespect that he walks. Nova invites him to come back in so he can win and these people can go home and smoke drugs. Hah. Ace gets on one of the girls at ringside. “How old are you?” “How many kids you got?” “Cunt”. “You ECW reject, I’m gonna kick the fuck outta you”. Nova rolls him up for 2. That would have been a funny finish. They run a knucklelock with kicks, which is pretty fun. Nova is better at the flipping in that than Ace is. Nova drops like a sack of shit out of a sleeper. Ace celebrates but Nova is completely fine and kicks him in the head. Running flipping senton gets 2. Nova doesn’t really need mind games but that made Ace look particularly stupid. Ace starts stretching Nova on the mat. Nova keeps getting roll up’s in between Ace kicking his ass. Ace resorts to a dropkick and he starts getting very methodical. Steel pops off a smooth suplex but the diving headbutt misses. Nova with a shinbreaker and he tries to tap Steel with a reverse leglock with a choke. Ace turns it into a pin and they end up doing some poor standing counters. Not much science in there. Nova breaks out a new version of the powerbomb with an added elbow drop. Steel picks off Nova’s leg giving his offence some continuity with his last match. Obviously he found his niche working Pearce’s knee. Nova gets free with an Enzuigiri. Nova comes back with what appears to be a VIOLENCE PARTY~~~! Steel kicks out. I prefer Super Dragon’s but that was pretty cool. Ref gets bumped. Fucking IWA. Can’t even do a technical tournament without a fucking ref bump in the final. They trade on roll up’s until Nova gets a choke and Steel is tapping out. But there’s no ref. Steel with a Tiger Driver and the ref is back up…for 2. Steel springboards but Nova hits him on the way down. They counter some more and they’re not quite on the same page with those. Steel lands on top off a monkey flip and hooks both legs to win the tournament. ***. Decent back and forth match up but they didn’t really click and could probably have had a better match given some history.

POST MATCH Nova puts the fans over and says he doesn’t know if he’s coming back but he’d like to. He offers a handshake for the winner but then hits Ace with the Kryptonite Krunch. Sore loser.

Barbwire pool of leeches match – Mitch Page w/Madman Pondo v Corporal Robinson

The ropes are still up because it was quicker to just wrap wire on the ropes and it’s getting really late. I can imagine because this card has been ridiculously long. There’s a kiddies paddling pool full of leeches so they fight over the top of it. That’s the pay off. Robinson hits a neckbreaker and Page accidentally dips his head in the pool. He gets out sharpishly. Page gets busted on the barbwire. Robinson follows suit. Seems like the thing to do. Because there’s no space in the ring there’s very little they can do bar use the wire or the leeches. Or get a light tube off the fan at ringside and blast Page in the back of the head with it. More sickening blood follows. Thumbtack wiffle bat assault by Page. They brawl outside and there’s a barbwire crutch, which ends up stuck to Page’s back. This is all very sickening and there’s blood everywhere but I think I’ve already become immune thanks to the previous night’s match. They decide that taking shirts off would be a good idea and Robinson takes a Rock Bottom into the pool. The leeches don’t behave themselves and attack. Page opts for picking some up and attempting to stick them on Robinson. This match is cruel to leeches. This carries on for ages and I’m sure all these people in the crowd just want to go home. I personally want to eat my dinner, which has now been ready for about five minutes but these fuckers don’t know when to quit. We get a lovely close up of Page’s back and there’s a leech eating at it. In come chairs and a light tube and they set something up in the pool. You know that’s a finish. But they take FOREVER to get to it. Eventually Robinson puts him through it all and there’s a leech on Page’s head. Urgh. ½*. At least they used to props. Match was still a mess.

The 411: The company has come a long way since the 2000 tournament where they were totally bush league. The violent crap is still the worst part of the show and I could do without it on a release dedicated to a technical tournament. After all if I wanted to see that shit I’d buy King of the Deathmatches instead. This came on FOUR discs. A little selective editing could have gotten it down to one whilst retaining the best matches on the card (the better tournament matches and the tag with Quack/Hero). But then IWA never edit anything, which is easily their biggest flaw. ROH realised they had to and it’s paid off for them.

Final Score:  5.0   [ Not So Good ]