The Furious Flashbacks – WEW Extreme Ho-Fare

The Furious Flashbacks – WEW Extreme Ho-Fare

With feedback from last time, WWF tributes, stripping and tables

Seeing as I got such a positive reaction to the last WEW review I thought we’d take another look at the Philly porno promotion. This one is back from February 2002 and their very first PPV event. I would like to point out that at time of writing in 2010 this company is still in business! So say what you like about their ideas and approach but it must be making money. It just has to be. It gets DVD’s released! Its lasted 8 years. ECW only lasted 7 years. And to think their business model involves hiring porn actresses and showing them how to wrestle rather than trying to find hot women wrestlers. Vince Russo was right. This shit is profitable. Sex sells.

Let’s get it over with then…

EARLIER…we follow Fujiko Kano who’s pissed off that GI Ho is hanging out with Rebecca Wilde. Later they’ll be fighting for the right to own GI Ho (my guess is she was sold into white slavery, these things happen, but there’s no official explanation as to why one wrestler is stuck in this ownership situation). CATFIGHT! Although there’s nothing really approaching a fight.

We’re in the old ECW Arena in Philadelphia. Hosts are Eric Gargiulo and Joel Gertner. Ring announcer is Steven DeAngelis. Don’t think badly of them, they needed the money!

BACKSTAGE A-MAN-da Storm tells us she’ll not only beat Alexis Laree (the future Mickie James) but also run her over with her car, chop her up into pieces, store her in her freezer and eat her over an undefined period of time. And ECW thought it was extreme. Pah, how many actual acts of cannibalism can they lay claim to? Missy Hyatt’s diseases eating their jobbers doesn’t count.

ELSEWHERE Alexis Laree, looking super thin, cuts a promo about dynamite coming in small packages.

Amanda Storm w/The Smoke v Alexis Laree

This is the exact same match that was on the last show I did. I guess if you put on a decent match you keep clinging to it. Or rather I think it was recycled for the Nude World Order show I reviewed. At least I caught the name of Amanda’s corner man this time around. “The Smoke”, which is an unashamed rip-off of the Rock. Gargiulo nearly steals the entire show calling Amanda “Pebbles Flintstone on crack”.

Seeing as I’ve already recapped this one before let’s take a look at some of the comments from the last review…

I’ve seen these videos on the shelf of HMV, they all have tacky names and that’s as far as I’ve ever bothered to go with them. Having read this review I’m glad I never got one, they make the worst WWE Diva’s sound like polished technical wrestlers.

Posted By: JAK (Guest) on August 27, 2010 at 09:57 AM

See, that’s why I took the promotion on in the first place. You do see DVD’s like this and I know someone out there may have been tempted. I’m saving you money. Albeit by denying Dave Milan cash. But lets face it; the internet fans are not his fanbase.

archive of your old reviews please?

Posted By: tompoopers (Guest) on August 27, 2010 at 12:14 PM

I got a link to the Internet Archive and you can actually read most of my old reviews by using it. Here’s said link…

FuriousRage.com archive

Best thing I read was that someone looked like Dualla. She was fucking hot.

Posted By: neverAcquiesce (Guest) on August 27, 2010 at 01:36 PM

That’d be referee “Isis”. She’s from Puerto Rico and from the stills doesn’t look quite as much like Dualla as she did in passing during that battle royal. Too bad, chaps.

Is that the ECW arena?

Posted By: Alex (Guest) on September 04, 2010 at 09:32 AM

It sure is. They had the hard camera on the other side but when Kristy Kiss is fighting Tara Titanium you can see some of the areas where ECW regularly did spots from.

Caught your review in my Google alerts. Good stuff!

Posted By: Eric Gargiulo (Guest) on September 04, 2010 at 07:32 PM

I had to email Eric to see if that was legitimate. You never can be too sure with the internet being so anonymous. Turns out that was legit. Thanks to Eric for his support.

In case you didn’t read the recap from the last show Alexis Laree gets the win in that match btw.

BACKSTAGE Gargiulo and Gertner get a little screen time. Eric throws it to the competitors “with comments”. Some of the interviews take place in the toilet. I notice Tara Titanium plugging her match with Kristy Kiss. I’m not watching that one again. The best promo being Tai Killer Weed trying to get stoned with Psycho Bitch so they can go out and get waffles. Psycho Bitch doesn’t understand until Tai translates it into shouty nonsense. I approve.

Britney the Schoolgirl v Bar Room Barbie

Isis is the referee and Gargiulo implies that a dollar and a coke is enough to get to know her better. If they hired referees this hot in other companies they might get people into women’s wrestling and she’s not even the hottest referee. This is not the same Isis as the one from Ultimate Surrender. What? We all watch porn! Gertner gets in a great reaction to the arrival of the ladies but they really need to get him a better introduction. There’s no “well, well, well”. Isis is very thorough in checking the ladies for hidden weapons. Britney strips before the match. So now she’s wrestling in her underwear and high heel boots. Barbie goes to strip too but in come the Dysfunctional Mae’s to destroy them both. Papa Mae is disgustingly fat, which draws the usual Philly response. “YOU FAT FUCK”. Papa says he’s here to put an end to WEW because he doesn’t like pretty girls. Yeah, you and, erm, fat emo chicks. Somebody’s got a complex. Tai Killer Weed and her ass-less chaps along with Psycho Bitch make the save. You can’t really rate this because the only wrestling was Britney wrestling her clothes off. Which was a solid contest. Call it ****. What? I like strippers. The ref ruled it a no contest btw because no contest took place.

Mixed Tag: The Smoke/Keri Windsor v “Icecold” Billy Austin/Heather Lynn

The Smoke hails from Stamford, CT, which makes Gargiulo double take. Keri Windsor is a porn star as is Heather Lynn. The Smoke’s Rock impression isn’t far off but he’s still a poor man’s Sonny Siaki at best. They could probably afford Sonny Siaki. Austin hails from “Titanville, Texas”. He’s just a Stonecold impersonator. Crowd chants “what” at him, which goes to show how devastating that catchphrase was. Not that there’s anything for it to ruin here. Gargiulo describes the men as “these two morons” and Gertner is begging for a tag. The women can’t wrestle at all so they opt for ripping each others tops off (boobies!), which gets an enormous pop. “This is great” – Gertner. Crowd wants bush. Haha. The commentators opt to make “small package” jokes as there’s no wrestling to call. Austin & Smoke have just let them go and opted for brawling around ringside. The impersonators come back in and both get beaten up by the women. The ladies with a pair of Stunners. The topless porn stars then make out over the fallen bodies. Someone gets pinned. If you want wrestling; this isn’t for you. But if you want two topless girls making out at ECW Arena this match is for you. No rating and may God have mercy on your souls.

OUTSIDE Tai cuts a promo about being angry, which is contrary to her stoner gimmick. You’d think she’d be more mellow.

ELSEWHERE Tara Titanium points out she used to be Angel in ECW in 1993. Oh yeah!

Tara Titanium v Kristy Kiss

This is also from Nude World Order, or vice versa. The match makes more sense this time around as Kiss wasn’t about to turn heel and join the PWO because they didn’t exist yet. But making sense doesn’t make it better as a wrestling contest. For those who missed it last time; this match is partly plunder but mostly just about Kristy Kiss’ bladejob. Generally women’s bladejobs are a lot sicker than men’s. This being no exception. The sight of her lying face down in the ring in a pool of her own blood is quite disturbing. I can’t remember the rating from last time but it minus stars.

BACKSTAGE Keri Windsor and Heather Lynn leave together just planting the seeds for the PWO. They go back to Keri’s place. Foot fetish pornography ensues. Gargiulo complains that his mother is watching his PPV debut and just saw that! Then he asks for a replay. Haha, awesome.

Winner gets GI Ho: Fujiko Kano v Rebecca Wilde

This is the third match that was also on Nude World Order, which makes me wonder how many shows WEW actually recorded for their PPV’s. Gargiulo claims Kano isn’t interested in men. Peter North says different. This match makes more sense too with the stipulations actually being mentioned. So GI Ho’s boyfriend takes a beating and all the women leave together. While I appreciate the empowering of the women on this show that doesn’t make this ‘match’ any better. Rebecca Wilde’s hilarious bump over the top remains only this time I notice her tit fell out during it. I missed that last time because I was laughing so hard. I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention Fujiko Kano using hammerfists, which look more like a massage. I still can’t believe they booked this match, knowing the stipulations, and booked no finish.

BACKSTAGE Fujiko and Rebecca carry on the teamwork in the shower.

The Dysfunctional Mae’s v Tai Killer Weed/Psycho Bitch

The Mae’s are a couple of fat hillbillies in dungarees. I’m not sure what Papa Mae’s relationship is to the girl he’s wrestling with; whether she’s supposed to be Mama Mae or a daughter or both. Tai, probably still high, tries to slam Papa Mae. He’s about 450lbs while Tai is about 110lbs or maybe less. Tai is a fan favourite on account of her wearing ass-less chaps to the ring with a black thong. We throw realism out the window for Tai to have fun abusing Papa. To be fair he’s too fat to move much. He’s probably just taking a breather or having a heart attack. The match is so bad there’s a CLIP in it! Gertner points out that Papa Mae is so fat he has a mole that weighs 37lbs. Tai nearly gets the pin but the referee has a sudden pain in the back of his neck that prevents the 3-count. They fuck up by ringing the bell. The ref then fast counts Tai down. Maybe it was a spasm from his bad neck? *1/2. This was an actual legitimate match and Tai made it fun even if Papa Mae is somewhat unsightly.

POST MATCH ‘Head’ ref Isis bitches out the male referee for his bad officiating. He can’t help a sudden neck spasm. I feel these women are just acting completely irrationally. Time of the month? Isis gets a slap across the face for her troubles. This is man’s business, bitch. *SMACK*. Psycho Bitch knocks him out with a chair shot and we head back to see how the shower is coming along. Kano and Wilde are still rocking some pornography back there. Or exchanging naked hold and counterholds. There’s definitely a waistlock and at one point the double nipple cripple. I think Kano is submitting.

Gargiulo says they’ve signed a re-match of that last match and it’ll be a ladder match. Tai is the only one light enough to climb it! Gargiulo is surprised to see next up we have a wrestling match.

Tara v Candi

This was the opening match on the Nude World Order DVD. That makes this the 4th match that’s been doubled up. Much like last time I recapped it this match sucks but they do actually attempt wrestling in the process. The wrestling moves are competent, Tara’s crossface is pretty nice and I appreciate Candi’s stinkface. Candi hits her finish; the Rock Bottom. Tara kicks out of it. Its at this point I realise it’s a different match to one on Nude World Order. I’ve seen the re-match. Candi makes the mistake of getting blasted in the head with a cookie sheet and Tara gets the pin. The other match was a bra & panties contest, which was much worse. The actual mat wrestling was passable at times even if the stand up was routinely awful. Just like Martin Lawrence. Apart from the bit about wrestling. Candi rips Tara’s top off after the match, which is probably where the bra & panties re-match came from that I’ve seen. Now that match really does suck. This was probably *-ish.

BACKSTAGE the Mae’s (all four of them) debate Pa’s strategy; stealing Tai’s weed supply to pay for something or other. The sound levels weren’t great back there so I couldn’t really hear him.

ELSEWHERE Tara is all pissed off. Candi gloats about it and demands a bra & panties match. Tara wants a hardcore match so in comes The Smoke to book a hardcore bra & panties match. Gargiulo points out that WEW took his traditional wrestling match and turned it into a hardcore bra & panties match.

Lady Storm w/The Smoke v GI Ho

Seeing as I’ve mentioned The Smoke I thought I’d include this so you can have a good laugh…

This is a table match. Lady Storm (pictured in the above promo from a different show) is prettier than Amanda Storm but she’s still a powerhouse. I’ve had worse. The Smoke likes ‘em big and tough if you smell what he’s cooking. As Isis checks out GI Ho, Gertner says it’d take him 30-40 minutes to check her and that’d just be the one thigh! Storm is an actual wrestler while GI Ho is a model (presumably). Ho struggles to get going and nothing she does looks legitimate. Which is unfortunate because WEW are intent on pushing her to the moon. Or as close to the moon as you can get in terms of promotions where backstage segments include full frontal nudity. The match would be garbage even without the garbage they use in it. Billy Austin does a run in and abuses Lady Storm with a trashcan and a stick. Storm gets laid out on a table and GI Ho, very, very tentatively dives off the old ECW announce position nearly landing on her face. She’s probably quite fortunate not to get seriously injured there. That’s the match finished though. ½*. I’ll give GI Ho points for bravery and you can see how she’d get over despite a lack of skill. That was a gutsy dive and she was clearly scared about doing it.

The 411: Its actually a much better show than “Nude World Order” because the matches have flow and the booking seems to make some sense. On “Nude World Order” everything was just thrown together and having seen where most of the matches come from you can see why. It was a “best of”. Which is worrying because it sucked. This is a far more competent production. Gargiulo and Gertner worked well and both guys added to the action. I gained an appreciation for several of their talents during the show. Tara, GI Ho and Tai Killer Weed all got put over by a combination of effort, skill and bravery. Yeah, the promotion sucks and has no right to be on DVD but I came away from this with a greater appreciation for what they were attempting than after “Nude World Order”, which never conveyed a clear message.

Final Score:  2.0   [ Very Bad ]