The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 04.29.09

I’m such a good employee. Let me just say that I finally got past my sinus infection that kind of stopped up my thought process, only to get out and get a nasty sunburn that put me into the doctor’s office for heat exhaustion and dehydration. And here I am. Still writing.

So as I sit in my stuffy radio studio where luck would have it, the air conditioner has broken and the heat is scratching at my 1st degree burns. So fear not Jeff Hardy fans, karma has taken a bite out of me.

Anyway, it’s kind of a slow news day and this one’s going to be short. So let’s get this over with! Cue banner!

News: Christian won the ECW Title at Backlash.

Happy: Damn. Was it just me or did it seem like Backlash was a LOT better than Wrestlemania? We start things off with finally giving Captain Charisma a world title reign. Be it that it is in fact, the ECW World Title, it’s STILL considered a World Title by the WWE.

With Christian now as champion, and the altercation between he and Edge, the path has been set toward an eventual summertime program that will hopefully once and for all end all this “Vince hates Christian” bull. With the belt, Christian can form a respectable fanbase, albeit a small respectable fanbase on ECW (similar to how Bobby Lashley became “popular”). He can feud with Jack Swagger or any of the other young guys on ECW and help put them over. I’d love to see Christian go toe to toe with Evan Bourne. Then, when he drops the title, either back to Swagger or maybe Bourne, he can make the move over to Smackdown and get in a feud with Edge around Summerslam where Christian can finally once again confront Edge about his “lunacy” and Christian can actually get involved in a mainstream, main event feud.

It makes sense to me. But making sense isn’t always the WWE’s forte.

Go Sucky: It’s just a shame that Christian wasn’t able to make his debut in the WWE sooner. Let’s say Christian had returned in January, he could have won the ECW title at No Way Out or something, then he could have lost it at Backlash after being drafted from ECW to Smackdown. I only say that because I’m REALLY anxious to see this program get underway, and with the WWE showing the two having words, it only added fuel to my fire.

I also feel like this match should have happened at Wrestlemania rather than Backlash. Knowing now that the WWE didn’t have plans to let Christian win Money In The Bank, they could have had the title defended at Wrestlemania and got Jack Swagger, a guy that will likely be a main event star at some point, on their big show.

News: Edge & Randy Orton on the World Heavyweight Title and WWE Title respectively.

Happy: John Cena and Triple H both taken out on a stretcher and both losing their titles. It was like an IWC dream right? Had John Cena not shown up at the end of Raw, it would have been just perfect! A raw without Triple H OR John Cena? Has that ever happened in the last 10 years??

Anyway, Randy Orton’s title win came 2 weeks too late and I think we can all agree with that. The fact that HE, not Ted or Cody but Orton pinned Triple H, and not Shane or Batista, REALLY put Orton in a good spot and that really put my fears to rest that Triple H was just looking to inflate his World Title count without ever actually losing the title.

Speaking of world title counts, it was #9 for Edge. I think the draft pretty much spoiled this one so we all knew it was coming but again, I think we all would agree that this was the right move. Now it should be interesting to see who Edge gets into his next program with. Jericho? Jeff Hardy? Mysterio? Khali? Perhaps Edge will actually get to hold the title longer than 3 months this time? Probably not but it’s ok to hope.

Now with Triple H out for what will hopefully be a month or so, Raw can actually freshen itself up a bit with the likes of guys like The Miz, MVP and Matt Hardy, who got a chance to shine this past Monday either on the mic, in the ring or both. The Miz had it right when he said he was tired of seeing the same guys in the main event week after week and hopefully the WWE wrote that line themselves.

Go Sucky: Whatever happened to the day that world title reigns lasted longer than 30 days? There are only two champions in the WWE that have held their title since 2008. Carlito and Primo won the WWE Tag Team Titles back in October, and Maryse won the WWE Diva’s title in December. Other than the U.S. Title, each WWE title has bounced off at least two waists in 2009. I’m afraid that title reigns are becoming less meaningful not just in the WWE, but in wrestling overall. Keep the title on someone already!

Also, was it just me or was the end of the Orton/Triple H 6 man tag seem kind of sloppy? The bell rings and confuses the hell out of everyone. And while I’m watching the ref wave off the bell and watching the fans celebrate then look dumbfounded, Orton punts Triple H. I felt like I missed part of that punt because of the confusion. That’s just my opinion and I’m curious to see if anyone else felt the same way.

News: Matt Hardy broke his hand at the end of his match against Jeff Hardy at Backlash.

Happy: The good part here is that even though Matt is injured, the WWE found a way to make him remain relevant and make him remain one of the best midcard heels on Raw, even if he did just beat Goldust. Just as long as the WWE can find ways to keep Matt Hardy on TV without having him actually wrestle for the next 4 to 6 weeks, they probably won’t lose any of his momentum he’s built as a major heel.

Besides, the injury may be a blessing in disguise. The plan was for MVP and Matt Hardy to get into a program and wrestle over the United States Title. I guess the WWE feels that if it happened on Smackdown, then it never happened.

As much as I loved that program a couple years ago, I’d much rather see MVP go toe to toe with Randy Orton like we did this past Monday Night on Raw. Even getting him involved with the likes of Ted Dibiase or Cody Rhodes would be a change, since we hardly ever get the chance to see the two of them actually wrestle on Raw. Whereas Matt Hardy, once he’s healthy and well, has a whole slew of main event guys he can feud with on Raw.

I’m not saying I never want to see the two wrestle ever again, but I don’t really care to see the two of them fight over the US Title again. I can understand multiple programs for titles the WWE or World Heavyweight Championship, but there are about 20 guys that AREN’T in the main event picture that might just have a surprising impact on the program if they were to get involved in a midcard title picture.

Go Sucky: They were just asking for this to happen the way Matt was taped up to that table. His hands were sitting straight out and he couldn’t really move to take the bump the way he normally would. Bad idea on their part to try and pull it off, but it was a fun, interesting way to end the match nonetheless.

It’s a shame for Matt because it seemed like he was on the verge of something. Very similar to a couple years ago during the aforementioned program with MVP, Hardy was on the brink of greatness and was in the middle of, at the time, one of the best feuds on WWE’s programming. Then he had that problem with his appendix and was out for awhile.

This time, Matt was on a major winning streak and was really catching on as a heel, and may have had the chance to move on and get into programs with the likes of someone like Shawn Michaels or even John Cena who REALLY could have helped get him over and into the main event scene and given a fresh look to the Raw landscape.

So here’s hoping for a speedy recovery to Matt Hardy and hopefully, a nice buildup to a nice, upper mid card program.

News: The WWE has signed former TNA wrestler Lance Hoyt (Rock).

Happy: The WWE can always use extra big men, especially since that’s the way Vince likes em best. And in this case, the WWE is getting a big man that some, not many but some, wrestling fans are already familiar with.

On top of that, for once we can actually say, “Damn you WWE for taking TNA’s rejects!”

A lot of people are already assuming that Lance Hoyt’s stay in the WWE will be a short one. And I’m one of those people. But we probably do owe the WWE a very slim shadow of a doubt. I’m sure there were lots of people who thought guys like “Dangerous” Mark Callous, “Stunning” Steve Austin, or Jean-Paul Levesque were bad ideas too.

Go Sucky: I’m finding it difficult to take this signing seriously. Hoyt will join Florida Championship Wrestling where many former TNA guys never escape and I seriously doubt he will either. And even if he does make it to the main roster, he’ll wind up on ECW and his tenure will be about the same and impactful as Brayden Walker’s.

I think WWE has now officially signed everyone that TNA has released with the exception of Petey Williams and Sonjay Dutt (and I guess Hoyt’s last partner Jimmy Rave), who quite honestly, were probably the best wrestlers TNA has ever released. Senshi, aka Low Ki is under developmental contract now. Chris Harris and Kaz both spent some time in development and a short round on TV. So did Mickey Batts. Kid Kash had a nice run as Cruiserweight champion for a couple of months. Of course Ron Killings is on Smackdown now and Monty Brown had a short stint in ECW as Marcus Cor Von. I guess you could even consider Christian TNA alum now as well.

Why is this a bad thing? Look at the careers (outside of Christian) of the names I just mentioned once they came to the WWE. Low Ki’s a little guy so it’s doubtful he’ll ever have an extended WWE career. Chris Harris, Mickey Batts and Kid Kash wrestle in obscurity now. Monty Brown is taking care of his family and done with wrestling all together. Ron Killings is jobbing out on Smackdown, when he actually gets booked. And of all the names I mentioned before, only Kaz was able to return to TNA and remain “relevant”, despite his injuries.

I can’t blame Lance Hoyt for looking for a paycheck from the WWE, but if history tells us anything, Lance’s wrestling career won’t exist for much longer if the WWE has their way.

News: There have been creative talks that the WWE may team Hornswoggle up with new Raw superstar Festus.

Happy: And you thought tag team wrestling was dead!

Hornswoggle and Festus are kid favorites in a child friendly WWE so it doesn’t exactly surprise me that this would be considered. The last time we saw Hornswoggle on his own on Raw, he was a McBastard. And now that that is over, what else does he have to do? Other than look up under Santina’s dress. As for Festus, without Jesse, he’ll be lucky to find his way to the ring.

I know it sounds silly but right now, ANY tag team that may ACTIVELY wrestle, especially on Raw which is where the tag team titles are right now, is a good thing. Festus and Hornswoggle will probably never be tag team champs if they do get teamed up, but I’m sure they will be entertaining when they’re on screen to say the least.

Go Sucky: Here’s the problem. In order for Hornswoggle and Festus to be a successful tag team, especially on Raw, they’re going to have actually WIN MATCHES. The tag team division is already diluted and they won’t be able to beat tag teams like Jamie Noble and Chavo Guerrero every week and still find ways to sell t-shirts. They’ll have to beat teams like the Colons, and Cryme Tyme, and whatever few tag teams are left on the WWE roster.

And by beating those tag teams, well, it will be hard to respect a couple of guys who lost to a midget and brain damaged country bumpkin.

Rapid Fire!

News: The Amazing Red is expected to return to TNA soon.

I often times feel like I should compare TNA’s X-Division to the Octo-mom. TNA has artificially impregnated itself with another X Division wrestler that it will eventually just neglect.

News: Reid Flair (son of Ric) was arrested after being pulled over for driving impaired and having possession of heroin in his car.

Looks like this Flair is going to learn a new version of the famous “Flair Face Flop”.

News: Trevor Murdoch made his TNA debut as Jethro Holiday.

Lance Cade has also been contacted by TNA but is finishing some commitments in Japan first.

News: Raw’s rating was 3.4, down from a 3.7.

And let the lack of Triple H on Raw comments begin!

News: It looks like Season 2 of Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship has been killed.

Now he knows how Nicole and Ron felt….

Uh oh. I went there.

By the way, if anyone reading this lives in the Central Kentucky area and wants to check out some local wrestling this weekend, come on out to the American Legion in Frankfort, KY this Sunday at 7pm for New South Wrestling!

I hear one of the refs over there is a really cool guy.

Alright, my heat exhaustion is forcing my eyes closed. Until next week my friends, may this bad sunburn go away, and may your lives be Happy…or Go Sucky!