The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report 06.24.09

What a week to miss a week!

First off, my apologies for not being around last week. I tried to get you a suitable replacement but it would seem that nobody was up to the task this week. And what an awful week to miss. Donald Trump buys Raw. Howard Stern mentions 411mania. And the worst part of all, I missed Mick Foley!

Ok normally that wouldn’t make me a sad panda but today I am, mainly because I wanted Mick Foley to see my awesomely awesome Happy-Go-Sucky Banner in hopes that he would publish it on the cover of his next book.

So just in case he’s still reading, cue the banner!

Get all that Mick?

By the way, this edition of the Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report is being brought to you commercial and picture free! So enjoy!

News: Monday Night Raw scored a 4.5 rating.

That my friends are its highest rating since early February 6, 2006 according to my research. What was special about that card? Well here were the results from that night:

A tournament was held to determine who would wrestle for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania.

– Quarterfinal Match: Chris Masters beat Kane
– Ashley beat Mickie James w/ Trish Stratus as special guest referee
– Quarterfinal Match: Triple H beat Ric Flair
– Quarterfinal Match: The Big Show vs Shawn Michaels is cancelled by Vince McMahon
– Quarterfinal Match: The Big Show beat Shelton Benjamin w/ his Mama
– Quarterfinal Match: Rob Van Dam beat Carlito
– Winner picks ref for next week’s title match: John Cena & Maria beat Edge & Lita (Cena picked Mick Foley)

Looking back on that, seems like Raw has come a long way. And it’s hard to believe that particular card scored in the 4.0’s.

This my friends is great news for Monday Night Raw and wrestling fans alike. The plan here was that if the commercial free Raw worked, they may continue to try it out. As you saw last night, WWE can just do product placement (like the bucket of KFC chicken in front of Jerry Lawler) and get some advertising dollars while finding a way to keep people from flipping over to competitive cable TV programs or worse yet…Monday Night Football! If Raw continues to take a hike in the ratings like this due to the commercial free atmosphere, expect to see a totally different way wrestling is presented to us.

So why did this happen? According to the Wrestling Observer: “WWE and USA Network started discussions of a commercial free Raw several weeks ago. The move to not air commercials during Raw is an experiment to see if it would result to higher ratings since a large percentage of Raw viewers switch channels during commercial breaks. The loss in the ratings battle to TNT’s “The Closer” and other shows also help with the decision not to air commercials.”

I’d have to say, the experiment worked. I mean, the second hour of Raw scored a 4.8! Nearly a 5.0!!! By the way, if you’re wondering when the last time Raw scored a rating of 5.0 or higher, you have to go all the way back to March 18, 2002, the night after Wrestlemania 18 that saw Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock. The main event was Hogan & The Rock vs. Kevin Nash and Scott Hall and Ric Flair take over as owner of Monday Night Raw.

Wrestling ratings that high is a great way to raise the morale in the company, get more butts in the seats, and maybe earn some more pay-per-view buys. There is nothing bad you can say about this. Unless of course you were planning on buying any advertising with the WWE in the near future.

Let’s just hope this wasn’t a novelty Raw and people will continue to watch after Donald Trump leaves. I mean surely you all didn’t watch because he was there right?

Right?

News: Kurt Angle is the new TNA World Champion.

Happy: Do ya think they took the title off of Foley because he reads 411mania?

In all seriousness, I’m glad to see the title off Foley and, you won’t hear me say this often, but I’m glad to see it on Kurt Angle. All of a sudden, TNA’s storylines make sense again. Particularly, the Main Event Mafia. Ever since Foley won the title, the Main Event Mafia has been nearly an afterthought. Now all of a sudden, the tables have turned and now Sting is the leader of the group while Kurt Angle is the champion. Hmm..interesting.

On top of that, we’re now left to wonder if our beloved Samoa Joe has taken the official heel turn and/or joined The Main Event Mafia. This is the kind of television that TNA has needed. Sure the Foley angle was fun for nostalgia sake but that title, for the better part of 8 months hasn’t been defended or even seen at a TNA live event. Kurt Angle is a full time wrestler and reprehensive of the company and the fans deserve that, especially when they spend their money to see these guys wrestle at the house shows.

Now don’t get me wrong. I, unlike a lot of wrestling fans who read this site, enjoy Mick Foley on my TV. He’s entertaining, he’s creative, and can deliver a promo/skit with the best in the business. But TNA can not and should not focus on just Foley. Or Just Kurt. Or Just Sting. Or Just Jarrett. It should be on the entire roster, which it seems to have mostly forgotten, outside the mystery of Suicide in the X Division.

Here’s an interesting thought. The TNA title has not been held by someone under 40 since Samoa Joe lost it at Bound for Glory 2008 in October. There’s your sign TNA. There’s your sign.

Go Sucky: Sadly, the initial hope I had for Foley and for Foley returning to wrestling and becoming champion didn’t happen. I had hoped for Foley to help TNA get over a younger guy like he did with Orton and Edge and that just hasn’t happened in TNA. I thought for a minute or two he might try to help Alex Shelley or Eric Young over, but both seem to have just fizzled out of the equation. Foley has instead, spent the majority of his time in TNA feuding with Jeff Jarrett, who, let’s face it, hasn’t needed anyone to push him since he was “Simply Irresistible” in the old USWA.

Foley himself has been a decent ratings push for TNA and Spike TV. But in the end, his title reign was a failure as it really never built anything up in the company and never will have any lasting effects for the company. If anything, Foley’s title reign seemed like a little speed bump that slowed down the Main Event Mafia limo. But now that we’re over that hump, let’s hit the gas TNA.

News: Triple H & Randy Orton will wrestle in a 3 stages of Hell match at The Bash.

Happy: Wow! I thought they had retired this match! There has only been two of these matches, the last one featuring Triple H himself wrestling Stone Cold Steve Austin at No Way Out in 2001. (For those keeping score, WCW was still in business the last time the WWE held a 3 stages of hell match.)

All of a sudden, I don’t care that The Bash is no longer The Great American Bash due to global marketing reasons. (Heck even Vince McMahon knows nobody likes America anymore!) I also suddenly don’t care that Triple H and Randy Orton are wrestling again. This match will be brutal and should hopefully be the end of this feud, for now anyway.

So I’m lead to wonder what the 3 match stipulations will be. We just had the Last Man Standing Match. One can assume they’ll probably throw a cage up (though I’d love to see The Hell In The Cell cage go up as the 3rd stipulation). I can assume there will probably be a 1st Blood Match. Or maybe even a Submission Match.

The final stipulation should be an “I Quit” Match. The I Quit Match should be the match that finishes this off once and for all and gives the WWE a reason to move forward with another program for the WWE Championship. I don’t care what the other two matches are, just please make the 3rd one an “I Quit” Match. Pretty please?

Go Sucky: No offense to Triple H but he is not the Triple H he was back in 2001 when he was proving to all of us that he’s a future Hall of Famer. I can’t imagine that the match will be stacked heavy with high risk gimmick matches. Especially for a second rate pay-per-view like The Bash.

My only argument is this should have been kept for one of the “Big Ones”. Summerslam is coming up. A match type that hasn’t been used in 8 years would have been a great way to headline what is the halfway point to Wrestlemania.

News: Matt Hardy suffered from a torn abdominal muscle and will undergo surgery.

I’m not going to debate the good and bad of this but instead I’m going to wag my finger at the WWE for making Matt Hardy wrestle in the first place. This of course given that Hardy’s broken hand is legit. I’ve had a broken hand before. I smashed my hand in 3 different places and had pins put in. It’s not comfortable and it basically slows you down 10 fold.

I can only imagine how much it would slow a wrestler down, especially when you can’t protect yourself or fall the way you’d usually fall in order to protect your hand. It was just a matter of time before Matt hurt himself even more, and it finally happened.

In this case, I don’t think it’s fair to call Matt Hardy “fragile”. I can’t remember all of them, but I know he had the ruptured appendix, which could happen to pretty much anyone at anytime. He broke his hand at Backlash because of the way his brother Jeff wrapped him up on the table. And it doesn’t seem like such a stretch to say this recent injury is because he was wrestling in high profile matches with only one arm.

I’m not saying this because I’m a Matt Hardy fanboy. But more so because it seems like poor Matt Hardy just can’t catch a break. Or maybe he catches him all….

News: Candice Michelle and Sim Snuka were released from the WWE.

Happy: Speaking of fragile, join me in saying farewell to Candice Michelle and allow me to thank the WWE for proving my theory right about women’s wrestling now. Now that the WWE has “cleaned up” their image and aren’t posing for Playboy anymore, Candice Michelle really doesn’t have a use anymore. Not to mention she became a liability. Injury after injury after injury. It seemed like the better in the ring she got, the more reckless she became.

The truth here is this: Nobody really cares about her as a WWE Diva anymore. She’s much better off as the Go Daddy Girl. She’ll do just fine without the WWE.

Go Sucky: Sim Snuka had a lot of potential. That assessment of course based on what I saw from him in Ohio Valley Wrestling and as one half of the Greaser tag team that held the tag titles a few years back. Sim was always the guy that carried those matches over for that tag team offensively and defensively. I had a lot of high hopes for him when it seemed like he might join Legacy.

The WWE missed a chance at getting him over. As many times as the WWE pulls Jimmy Snuka into the ring, they easily could have done that for Sim to get him over as a major heel. Instead, they chose not to and now another 2nd generation superstar joins the ranks of the unemployed.

News: The WWE is considering a Hell In The Cell themed Pay-Per-View.

Happy: The Hell In The Cell match is always a huge draw for whatever pay-per-view it is appearing in. Every match (with maybe the exception of one) has been a classic. But a whole pay-per-view with nothing but Hell In The Cell Matches is like the Holy Grail to modern day wrestling fans!

This is certainly the type of gimmick the WWE needs to create a business buzz and get people watching the show and buying their pay-per-views. I remember how well the first ever ECW One Night Stand did. It was fresh and historic and people bought the heck out of it. In fact, I think it was the 2nd highest bought pay-per-view that year for the WWE (behind, of course, Wrestlemania).

Other than the financial benefits, the WWE may also be able to let some younger stars emerge in the company. It’s hard to think about where Mankind would be if he hadn’t got tossed off the structure. Who could become the next legend of the cell?

Go Sucky: Rage In A Cage, Hell In A Cell, No Escape, & Lock Up are the names being tossed around to name this pay-per-view. Really? Is that the best the WWE could come up with? How much time did they spend in this board meeting anyway and did anyone offer up to name it “Ephraim The Retarded Rabbit?” That’s what I want to know.

It might just be me but maybe the WWE should replace Cyber Sunday with this pay-per-view and give the people a chance on what to name the pay-per-view rather than the matches they see on the pay-per-view. I’m just saying.

It would seem to me that naming your pay-per-view, especially if it’s going to become an annual thing and a staple to your company, you’d at least give it a better name. I guess if I had my druthers out of all those names, I’d prefer No Escape.

Outside of my disdain for the name choices, it would seem to me that this would become too much of a good thing. The greatest part about the Hell in The Cell match is that we don’t know when it’s going to come into play. It can be brought in to pretty much any pay-per-view and whoever gets in there automatically becomes a part of an instant classic. That’s the great part about the Hell In The Cell.

However, if we KNOW every single year that a whole pay-per-view with nothing but Hell In The Cell matches is coming, it takes away from the novelty of it and eventually the fans may become burned down and the matches become watered down. Just way too much of a good thing to be doing it every single year.

Rapid Fire!

News: TNA is hinting that Taz will be joining the company.

They’re also hinting that Kurt Angle will become TNA World Champ. Oh wait…

News: Media in Japan are reporting that Akitoshi Saito is apparently on suicide watch. Saito gave the suplex to Misawa that killed Japanese wrestling legend Mitsuharu Misawa last weekend. The reports noted that Saito’s house has been vandalized and his parents have received death threats. (Gerweck.net)

Stay classy Japan….

News: Bryan Danielson is suffering from a staph infection.

No matter how cool he makes it sound, never rub elbows with Kevin Nash….

News: Petey Williams, Jimmy Rave, and Scott D’more were backstage at Slammiversary.

Sounds like there was more talent backstage than on stage.

And that’s going to do it for this “commercial free” edition of the Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report, brought to you by your mom.

Until next week my friends, may your lives be Happy…or Go Sucky!