The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 07.01.09

Man I hate dull news weeks. It makes my job hard. Luckily, we at least got one MAJOR storyline that I can ran on for awhile. Otherwise I might have to sit here and talk about my Michael Jackson memories or something like that. Which by the way, I’m not, but I hear plenty of people are over at the Music page of 411wrestling.com. But don’t click it yet. You need to finish reading me first.

Anyway, I’m sitting on a brand new couch, lounging like I’ve never lounged before and now I have to write. So don’t be surprised if I take a nap somewhere in between here and the end.

OK, I’ve officially torn through my always painful preamble, so with all that being said, CUE BANNER! Please….

News: The WWE shifted 15 Superstars via a “Trump Trade”.

Happy: It seems like the WWE fixed the problems that the draft couldn’t fix, which is a good thing, especially for Raw whose roster is, for lack of a better term, stale.

So let’s see what we’ve got here. I’ll mark the ones I like here in the Happy portion, the ones I don’t like in the Go Sucky, which honestly, aren’t that many.

Evan Bourne To Raw- A lot of people feel like this is the end of Evan Bourne when in fact, this will probably be the true beginning for him. Yes we as fanatical wrestling fans (you’re fanatical because you’re reading this), know how good Evan Bourne is. But to the normal fan, given ECW’s ratings, not a lot of people have been able to witness the fun high flyer that is Evan Bourne. His match with Randy Orton on Raw was pretty much the only “wrestling match” of Randy Orton’s gauntlet match and it was a pretty decent match. Both Borne and Orton worked well together and Bourne showed everyone he can work with the best in the business.

Jack Swagger To Raw- I was calling for this one back during the first WWE Draft. Jack Swagger is good. In fact, he’ll be a champion on Raw in the future (barring any wellness or Mr. Kennedy’ like antics). Throwing the match against Orton was cruddy, but he did get to dominate Orton for awhile, while keeping his heavy heel status. Swagger is a major heel dealt to a Raw that really doesn’t have any big time heels outside of Orton and the Big Show. The timing is perfect to make Jack Swagger a big time star.

Mark Henry To Raw- This may surprise a lot of people because I know there’s a lot of Mark Henry critics out there but Henry has been the best in his career since he went to ECW, making me forget about that crazy 10 year contract he signed during which he was sidelined for most thereof. Suddenly, Mark Henry drops Tony Atlas, comes to Monday Night Raw, turns face, and beats the WWE champion. OK given Orton had already endured a match and a half (we won’t fully count Swagger), Henry still totally dominated the WWE champion with a clean 1, 2, 3. Not that Raw needed any big main event faces, but a few mid card faces that can teach a thing or two to the younger Raw members and put them over is a good thing. Besides, how long has it been since we’ve rooted for a face Mark Henry? Ever? He looked like he was having a lot of fun and that’s good to see.

Gail Kim To Raw- I had always expected to see her on Raw anyway. Her WWE return has been anything but triumphant and I think a lot of people forget that she actually is BACK with the WWE. Gail Kim back on Raw works a lot better to me given the lack of talent on the women’s Raw roster. Kim, James, Maryse, and Beth Phoenix make up a good mix to have on the weekly show, with Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, and Jillian making their occasional appearances.

Matt Hardy To Smackdown- I wasn’t quite sure why they moved him to Raw in the first place. At the time it seemed like a good idea because Hardy was one of the top heels on Smackdown coming over to Raw that, as we mentioned before, didn’t have a whole lot of at the time. However, injuries happened and then the WWE decided it wasn’t done with the Hardy vs. Hardy angle. So while Hardy recuperates from his latest injury, when he returns, and if his brother is still with the company when he returns, things should go back and take a sense of normal.

The Hart Dynasty (DH Smith, Tyson Kidd, & Natalya) to Smackdown- Well it just makes sense. There aren’t really any other tag teams on ECW (or in the WWE for that matter) but by putting them on one of the big shows, they’ll be more likely to get more exposure and eventually, a shot at the Tag Team Titles. In fact, I’ll go as far as saying they are the NEXT Tag Team Champions, as soon as the WWE is finished with Edge and Jericho’s reign. Not to mention it gets Natalya back on a show where the women are actually allowed to wrestle.

Shelton Benjamin To ECW- Once again, Shelton got a big push, only to be brought back down. The last time he was on ECW, he got a decent push which lead to him being drafted to Smackdown and getting himself a 250+ day reign as the United States champion. Now that ECW has been all but reset its roster,(Zack Ryder, Christian and Tommy Dreamer are the only roster members left that wrestled on last week’s ECW), some talent that deserves the TV time but haven’t been getting it on Raw or Smackdown will get the chance to shine, just as ECW has done in the past (Kane, Mark Henry, Matt Hardy, Tommy Dreamer just to name a few.) Shelton will hopefully get his long deserved push into a main event scene, even if it’s only for the ECW title. Maybe this will be his chance to show Vince that he’s ready to be a leader of this company.

William Regal To ECW- I was calling for this one during the draft too and it makes sense. Finlay leaves ECW, teaching all he has been able to I’m sure, and now it’s time for the technical expert William Regal to come in and show the young folks how it’s done. Since the majority of the WWE’s new talents all start on ECW now, it will be good for them to travel and work with William Regal during house shows, TV events, etc and learn how to actually wrestle on the mat. Not to mention Regal can also find himself in a World Title hunt again on ECW. For all of his downfalls, Wililam Regal is like the Karl Malone or Charles Barkley of the WWE. He’s never won the big one, but as come so close on a number of occasions. This could be his time.

The Bella Twins To ECW- They’re hot and all but they had nowhere to go on Raw. I know having hot, wrestling twins looks good on paper, but in truth, what else can you do with them? They’re better off as valets.

Now before we head over to the Go Sucky, let me also add in that I think ALL THREE BRANDS BENEFITED FROM THIS TRADE! I read some 200 comments about how “ECW got screwed again”. Open up your eyes people! ECW WASN’T WORKING! What was their last rating? 1.3 or something like that? That’s the same as Impact, which in Vince’s eyes, just isn’t right. ECW got some guys who really deserve a push, but due to current storylines, have been held back from major angles. The WWE can now make guys like Shelton and Regal into big stars. Even Zack Ryder will likely see some more TV time and maybe a push as well.

ECW now has the chance to create and ship out some new main eventers. When you say ECW was “screwed”, you are acknowledging that Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, & The Hart Dynasty are good. Well, ECW MADE Bourne, Henry and the Harts “good”. Bourne and Tyson Kidd made their debuts here. DH Smith and Natalya have bounced around in Smackdown and Raw before, and Mark Henry had never held an active title outside of ECW.

ECW can now concentrate on Shelton Benjamin and Zack Ryder and any of the other young up and comers on the ECW roster or in developmental. They’ll be greeted by some of the industry’s best known in Christian and Regal and may even learn a thing or two about running with a gimmick from *inhales* Goldust.

If you ask me, ECW just got more interesting.

Go Sucky: Here’s the few that I didn’t really care for.

Alicia Fox To Raw- Honestly, nobody cares about Alicia anymore now that she isn’t making out with Edge or dancing with DJ Gabriel. She’s going to get lost on the Raw roster, which is struggling as it is. Then again, she’s probably going to get lost on any roster she’s on. She lacks the star power and impact. She’s going to need a heck of a push and to get a personality if she’s going to survive.

Finlay To Smackdown- I only dislike this because I was enjoying watching Finlay go nuts on everyone. I thought it was going to be fun to watch him feud with every single member of the ECW roster but now, I wonder what the heck the WWE is going to do with him on Smackdown, who, quite honestly, has TOO MANY big time talents. I guess he’s never held the Intercontinental Title before, right?

Goldust to ECW- The only reason this is Go Sucky is because I was having fun watching him team up with Hornswoggle. If only they had kept The Boogeyman and put Festus in the mix, we could have had Oddities V 2.0.
Still, on a not so go sucky note, Goldust does move over to ECW and can join up with Christian and Regal on teaching the class of developmental wrestlers that will inevitably invade ECW in upcoming weeks.

News: Chris Jericho and Edge are now the Unified Tag Team Champions.

Happy: This was brilliant on the part of the WWE for a number of reasons. One, while Smackdown begins focusing on C.M. Punk as its champion and converting him to heel, it keeps Smackdown’s more seasoned bad guys relevant by teaming them up to form a Rated RKO like tag team and putting gold on them. Smackdown has so many main event level talents on its roster that there’s no way of squeezing them all in to one show. So now Jericho and Edge can face and work some of the talents they may not normally work with (such as Cryme Tyme, Hart Dynasty, etc.)

That’s reason #2 by the way. Jericho and Edge out of the single’s title pictures freshens things up a bit. How long has it been since Edge hasn’t been in an angle where he was chasing the big title? Someone else gets the spotlight for a little while now. Just another reason to love Smackdown more than Raw.

Reason #3, Edge is banged up. So is Jericho. So rather than taking them off the show all together to heal up, they stick them in the tag team division. Thus making the tag team titles actually matter again, all the while keeping Edge and Jericho out of any real competition. If anything, Jericho can do most of the work while Edge sits outside on the apron and vice versa, making it an even trade while both men only have to do half the work they normally would in a match, or even less. Of course let’s not forget that the tag team titles aren’t exactly heavily defended these days too.

Reason #4, Once Edge and Jericho lose the titles, not only will the team that wins them instantly be over, but the WWE will have a good feud on their hands between Jericho and Edge, which may actually result in a face turn for one of them, which would certainly catch the attention of the WWE’s new target demographic, the kids.

Go Sucky: The only problem I had with Jericho and Edge winning at The Bash was the fact that they simply took a dump on the entire WWE Tag Team Division. What’s left of it. The big dogs come in, take the gold, now take up the TV time, and leave WWE’s already small and not-so-over tag team division in the dark for awhile.

News: Lillian Garcia is leaving the WWE.

Happy: Good for Lillian. She’s getting married this year. She’s had that album. She’s walking away while the timing is right. Not everyone gets that chance or has the ability to walk away from a company that has made you so much money or brought you so much fame. Lillian is obviously not affected by all this and is doing what’s right for her, her future husband, and any kids she might have at some point down the line. Here’s hoping that she at least makes a nice cameo appearance every now and then!

Go Sucky: The bad part here is almost the same as the good. She’s leaving and getting married!  Lillian has been Raw’s main announcer for almost 10 years! Anyone remember when Jeff Jarrett put her in the figure four? What a way to break someone in to the business.

So with that being said…it’s officially time to bring back The Fink!

Ok maybe not. We’re kid friendly now.

News: Ted Dibiase Sr. will be the special guest host of Raw next week.

Happy: Back before Vicki became the last General Manager of Raw, I was really hoping that the Million Dollar Man would take the position. And now, I’m going to get my wish. For one day at least.

The story here is this. There is a tiny bit of deceit within Legacy, which leads me to believe that Cody and/or Ted will likely revolt against the group at some point. Of course, Orton got his ass kicked at the end of Raw, and Cody and Ted were no where to be found, so I’m sure Orton won’t be happy about that.

I’m hoping that this will be the beginning of Ted Dibiase Jr’s first big push. There’s been talk for months that this guy is going to be the next big superstar of the WWE. There’s even been talks of having him end The Undertaker’s Wrestlemania streak. Yet he’s been relegated to tag team purgatory and being Randy Orton’s bitch for most part of his career. So it should be interesting to see how Ted uses his dad to get a shot at the big time while neglecting Randy Orton.

Better yet, maybe the Million Dollar Man will bring the Million Dollar Belt with him and award it to Ted Dibiase! Tell me you haven’t missed this belt!

On top of all that, I’m really enjoying this whole “guest host” thing. Getting to see guys from the past, like Ted Dibiase, leads me to believe that the WWE will be bringing in a lot of old veterans. It can only be a matter of time before we see Jake Roberts leading Raw for a night, or even Stone Cold Steve Austin. Maybe even Hulk Hogan. But I have a feeling that this whole idea was cooked up so that busy guys like The Rock could show up for a night, or even tape a segment for a night. So don’t be too shocked if that happens.

Go Sucky: I don’t find anything wrong with Ted Dibiase hosting Raw next week, but I do foresee some corny ass stuff coming in the future, mostly involving Hollywood types. Don’t get what I’m talking about? Then let me remind you the last time Rob Schneider showed up on Raw…

You don’t want to see that happen again do you?

Rapid Fire!

News: Traffic to WWE.com is down 30% compared to this time last year. This probably had something to do with why WWE didn’t reveal who was involved in the trade on RAW last night, as a way to drive people to WWE.com.

It’s time to bring back Joey Styles to the ECW table.

News: Raven, Shane Douglas, Team No Limit and Jacqueline have been removed from the TNA Roster page.

Wait…

*tap tap tap*…

Sorry my give-a-damn meter is busted.

I’m going to go get that fixed. Until next week my friends, may your lives be Happy…or Go Sucky!