The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 07.08.09

Ah yes. Another summertime as a wrestling fan. Seems like unless Vince is blowing himself up in a limo and fathering midgets, then life in the IWC seems to come to a standstill. Which forces me to find things to talk about today, and trust me, today I had to dig deep!

Anyway, with that being said, I have solved the question as to what to say in these always painful introductions. It’s something so awesome, and so special. I have to write it in invisible type. Are you ready?

Man, I’m so awesome. How do I come up with these things. Anyway, now that we’ve discovered the meaning of life and uncovered all the mysteries known to man, let’s get to wrestling. Cue Banner!

News: Edge may be out for over a year with a torn tendon.

Happy: As always, never good when someone gets hurt, especially when its an injury of this caliber. The good news here is that Edge was scheduled for his surgery yesterday morning and as of press, I haven’t heard anything about it. But typically, these surgeries always go well. Unless you’re Batista apparently.

With Edge out, the WWE is going to have to change its gameplan. Understatement of the year right?

The constant positive in any injury in the WWE or any sport for that matter is this. When one star goes down, you have no choice but to make someone else the star. And right now, Smackdown is full of guys who could easily take over the top heel role. A list of guys who could fill that role includes:

C.M. Punk- He’s already well on his way to a heel turn with his current program involving Jeff Hardy. He’s already got the star power, despite what you might hear from others. Not to mention when a major face turns heel or vice versa, that person automatically gets over. Look at how over Matt Hardy was after he turned on Jeff. Punk, after he officially crosses over and becomes a heel, will get over, and will be able to deliver Edge like promos to make people hate him even more.

Dolph Ziggler- Surprisingly, the former Spirit Squad member is rising quickly to the top. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him feuding (and winning) the Intercontinental title from Rey Mysterio soon. I love the aggressive ring style and he’s not bad on the mic either. I didn’t give this guy a chance in the beginning. But now I’m starting to think he could go far.

Matt Hardy- Hardy’s recent injury should actually help him. He can now take time off to heal those broken bones in his hand. And he’s only expected to miss a few more weeks before returning to action. Which means he can return and make a big impact, rather than lingering around and getting his ass kicked like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest…er…one arm manned in a…you know what I mean.

Chris Jericho- I wasn’t going to mention him but I know someone will cry if I don’t. Jericho is already a top notch heel. If anything, he’s been co-holding the “Biggest Heel” honor with Edge similar to the way they share those tag team titles. But Jericho is also in need of nursing some injuries, so don’t expect to see anything different out of Jericho that you haven’t already seen in the last few months.

Christian- The guy seems to be stuck in ECW purgatory. Nobody quite knows why the hell he’s been left there during that 15 man trade. It makes way more sense than anything to have Edge’s former tag team partner, replace him as tag team champion. And of course, don’t forget the history between Christian and Chris Jericho. Remember the feud between Trish Stratus that caused Jim Ross to use 21st century words such as “smitten” and “jezebel”?

In case you forgot how awesome these two were, here’s a reminder.

Plus who’s to say that Edge will disappear for that whole year? That’s an awfully long time for the WWE to do without their beloved Rated R Superstar. It would seem only fitting to stick him in the GM Role of Smackdown since Teddy Long has apparently been placed on probation. At least that way he stays on TV.

It could happen.

Go Sucky: Sadly, as much as I try to think positive, replacing Edge isn’t going to be as easy as it is to write about who could replace him. In fact, you can’t really replace him. Edge is Edge. It would be a crime to create someone else to be the heel-tastic opportunist that Edge is today.

On top of that, Edge isn’t getting any younger. A year shaved off his career and a comeback from an injury that forces you out for possibly a year can keep you from ever returning to your old self.

The shady part here is that the WWE already knew that Edge was hurt. Yet they kept using him. Just like they are doing with Matt Hardy. And just like they are doing for Chris Jericho. And for what? Ratings. Vince wants Smackdown’s ratings to go up so bad that he’s risking the health and careers of his top performers rather than push newer talent with fresher storylines.

News: Taz is set to make his TNA debut this Sunday at Victory Road.

Happy: Blah blah…WWE reject…blah blah blah. Taz left the WWE on his own terms and evidently, he saw an opportunity in TNA. I don’t think Taz would have left the WWE, and that Wrestlemania 25 paycheck he would have received, had he not seen something good.

As far as I know, Taz isn’t expected to actually WRESTLE but will likely join up with Samoa Joe and the Main Event Mafia, or maybe even have some kind of cooky plan to take the Main Event Mafia’s money and Joe turn on the Mafia. It’s Vince Russo. Things may not look as retarded as they seem.

I’m glad to see Taz taking on another wrestling role other than commentating. I’ve loved Taz behind the mic for the last few years but that Taz has always seemed like some kind of wacky by product of the old Taz we grew to love from the old ECW.

In TNA, he’s not coming to be a commentator. He’s coming to be a mentor. A manager. He can be tough. He can be biased and he can occasionally beat the hell out of someone. That’s my hopes for Taz in TNA. Whether or not that will come to fruition is left to be seen.

Go Sucky: Honestly, how long can a guy like Taz last in TNA where old wrestling veterans walk through the revolving door like it’s a free buffet at the Golden Corral? After this whole Samoa Joe angle, what will TNA do with Taz? I don’t even think he’s capable of wrestling anymore is he?

I’m just having troubles figuring out what the heck TNA could possibly have in store for Taz that would make him leave the WWE and all the money and the job security he had there. It almost seems like Taz has burned his bridge back to the WWE. They’ve officially taken him off the WWE Alumni page. And Taz keeps cracking jokes at the WWE’s expense. Does he know something we don’t know and thinks Vince has a sense of humor or something?

News: Ted Dibiase wrestled Randy Orton in a great match on Raw.

Happy: I’ve been waiting awhile to see Ted Dibiase actually get a singles match where he didn’t look like the future frontman of the unemployment line. For the better part of his time in Legacy, he and Cody both have looked like a couple of chumps compared to Orton. And perhaps that was the plan. Now we’ve got a taste of what Dibiase is capable of, and now we have even more reason to believe that Dibiase may not need Legacy.

Turning Dibiase face at the expense of the WWE Champion, and top heel on Raw would boost Dibiase almost to superstardom. I’d love to see him cost Orton the title somehow at Night of Champions of Summerslam. With that, Orton gets out of the title picture for awhile, meaning he won’t have to wrestle Triple H for awhile. And we get a new program between Ted and Orton, and a new good quality face in Ted Dibiase.

It would give Raw something interesting and different, which it desperately needs.

News: BloggingStocks.com has an article up on WWE’s attempts to increase PPV buyrates, including changing PPV names.

I read the article and it made some interesting points, and if you didn’t catch it, I’m sure it’s still up somewhere. Just look it up. And it got me to thinking.

Of course we already know that WWE Unforgiven will now be called WWE Breaking Point, where all the “main events” will be held as Submission matches. There have also been talks of having an all Hell In The Cell pay-per-view, and so on and so forth. For awhile, I thought this was a pretty stupid idea that would never catch on, but now that I think about it, it’s brilliant!

The WWE holds WAY too many pay-per-views as it is. That’s pretty common knowledge. It seems like for the past few months, the WWE has had pay-per-view after pay-per-view with very little time for buildup. These pay-per-views have rarely had anything new to offer. It’s been the same old programs with little to no give. But with these “gimmick” pay-per-views, people may have a new reason to invest the hefty $40 charge the WWE places on all of its shows. Night Of Champions seems to be very similar to that of The Bash. And the Night of Champions will no doubt seem a lot like Summerslam. But when Breaking Point comes around, it’s going to be something different. It has to be because that’s the gimmick of the pay-per-view.

If the WWE puts gimmicks on the majority of its pay-per-views, I think that they will in fact increase their buyrates indeed. Right now, nobody wants to spend the 40 bucks to see something you would normally see on a free 3 hour edition of Raw. But with The Royal Rumble, and Wrestlemania, which are unique in their own way, plus a yearly “Hardcore” pay-per-view, a “Submission” pay-per-view, and a “Hell In The Cell” pay-per-view, plus the traditional Summerslam and Survivor Series shows, the WWE might be on to something to increase their overall yearly pay-per-view performances.

Speaking of Survivor Series, anyone think they will bring back the traditional Survivor Series match? Maybe we’ll even see something like…

Rapid Fire!

News: WWE programming will return to Italy this week as Sky Italy and WWE have reached a new deal. Superstars and Smackdown will now air in full and WWE will remain on Sky Italy for at least the next three years. Sky Italy will also launch an HD simulcast of their sports channel in August and WWE will likely be part of that as well.

Even more of a reason to push Santino Marella!

News: Marty Jannetty has self-released an autobiographical documentary DVD. More info is at TheMartyJannettyStory.com.

I wonder if he subtitled it: “The Marty Jannetty Story: I Beat Shawn Michaels Once!”

News: Super Crazy is expected to join TNA in August.

He’s Super! He’s Crazy! He’s Super Crazy for going to TNA! Sorry, it had to be said.

News: Jerry Lawler is considering running for Mayor in Memphis again. He lost in 1999 with only 12% of the vote.

Here’s what Lawler needs to do. Whenever they hold a debate, he just needs to answer every question with “Puppies”!

“Mr. Lawler, how do we fix this economy?”

Puppies!

“How do we get the Memphis Grizzlies to actually win games?”

And with that my friends, I bid you farewell. Until next week, may your lives be Happy…or Go Sucky!