The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (1.30.1993)

-Originally aired January 30, 1993.

-We’re in Newton, NC.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantell.

“White Lightning” TIM HORNER vs DARK SECRET
-Dutch Mantell predicts that Tim Horner will never win the SMW Title. Damn, it feels that way.

-Dark Secret gets dropkicked out of the ring. Back in, Horner goes to work on the arm. Secret punches free, but gets armdragged down. Bob Caudle announces that SMW is opening its own wrestling school, and if you’d like to become a wrestler, write in today! Hell, that’s more effort than El Gigante put into becoming a wrestler, how hard can it be?

-Secret gets some token offense, but comes off the top and meets a punch to the gut. Secret BLOWS the Natural Bridge for Horner real, real badly (with an audible groan by the crowd) but Horner shakes it off and does a better finisher, giving Secret a Perfect-plex for the victory.

-Bob Caudle talks to Paul Orndorff. Mr. Wonderful holds victories over Hulk Hogan, Ron Simmons, AND Ronnie Garvin, so if Tim Horner wants to get in line for a whipping, Orndorff will be happy to dish it out. And he’s going to keep injuring people until he gets the respect he DESERVES.

-We take a look at some Japanese magazine articles about SMW, and Bob Caudle announces that Commissioner Armstrong is going to be in Japan for a few weeks to arrange talent exchanges. The best wrestlers in Japan may be on their way to SMW in the very near future.

-Brian Lee looks back at his goriest moments from the past three months. Bob Armstrong signed a match right before leaving the country. He signed Kevin Sullivan to a first blood match, which means that, from what we’ve seen so far, these two could break the Bundy/SD Jones record. Brian Lee says that Sullivan had better watch out, because in a first blood match, Lee will draw blood last…which means you would lose, Brian.

KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Night Stalker) vs JOHNNY KIDD
-Sullivan mauls Kidd, takes him outside, rams him from post to post, and destroys him with a chair. Again, referee is too scared to do anything until he HAS to, so Sullivan keeps going. Tree of woe by Sullivan, followed by a flurry of punches, so the referee DQs him, because multiple chairshots are one thing, but unprotected knuckles are just going too far. Stalker runs in with a cloth and smothers Sullivan with it to sedate him.

-Bob Caudle talks to the now well-relaxed Sullivan, who says he’s not a bad man and he’s tired of being persecuted. And he reasons, if the commissioner is not only actively trying to cost him his job AND deliberately seeking a “holy grail” for injuring Sullivan enough to get rid of him, how is he supposed to feel?

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH
-Dutch welcomes the legendary Mr. Ron Wright. It’s put up-or-shut up time for Reno Riggins. Mr. Wright already knows he’s accepting the job carrying Dirty White Boy’s bags while Mr. Wright mentors him, and Reno says that after many “nightless sleeps,” he decided to go it alone in the ring. Mr. Wright is so shocked he needs a heart pill! He tries to lunge at Reno, but can’t get out of his wheelchair.

BEAT THE CHAMP TELEVISION TITLE: “Wild Eyed Southern Boy” TRACY SMOTHERS (Champion) vs BRAD BATTEN
-They scientifically lock up while Dirty White Boy shows up and reminds us what a fluke it is that Smothers got a clean win over him.
-Hiptosses and armdrags by Batten. He applies a side headlock that Tracy tries to counter with several pinfall attempts before switching to headscissors. DWB says he would have won by now.

-Tracy comes off the top with a bodypress. Batten rolls through for a pinfall attempt but only gets a two-count. Tracy hooks the legs and flips over for a bridge, and that gets three. That’s Tracy’s second straight win.

-Jim Cornette (dressed like Brother Love, which never looks not-weird) has SMWGM Sandy Scott with him. Jim announces that, at the moment, the Stud Stable isn’t in the building, and in fact, Dutch Mantell has disappeared to try to make contact with them. Cornette says that false advertising is bad for SMW, so since a title match was announced for this week, the Heavenly Bodies should get to replace the Stud Stable. Sandy Scott agrees completely and the Stud Stable has two minutes to get their asses into the building.

TAG TEAM TITLE: ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS (Champions) vs HEAVENLY BODIES (with Jim Cornette)
-So…they ain’t here. Corny’s team gets the title shot, while Dutch Mantell is genuinely panicked. Say what you will about the Stud Stable, but dammit, they’re PUNCTUAL. This isn’t like them.

-Tom Pritchard comes out swinging against Ricky Morton with punches and headbutts. Morton monkeyflips him while Mantell declares “I hope BOTH teams just kill each other” and pretty hilariously doesn’t care about this match.

-Robert Gibson hiptosses Stan Lane and the Express takes turns doing flying headscissors. Brawl erupts and Lane accidentally backdrops Pritchard, and they go to the floor to recover. “Rock and roll” chant is echoing in the building.

-Back in the ring, Lane gets pummeled by the Express, and they easily fight off Pritchard when he tries to do something about it. The Stud Stable shows up, extremely pissed off to see the Bodies in the ring, and the match comes to a standstill while Dutch tells them what happened. The Stud Stable reveals that someone slashed their tires in the hotel parking lot. They’re ready to wrestle, but security stops them from going in because it’s not their match anymore.

-Express continues murdering the Bodies while Bob Caudle announces an upcoming wrestling first; WCW is allowing the Express to compete on a WCW-sanctioned pay-per-view event.

-Morton goes over the top and onto the floor, and Corny takes a shot with the tennis racquet to turn the tide. Dutch Mantell is still complaining. “If it was Brian Lee, you would have held the match off for him!”

-Bodies work the back of Ricky Morton. Gibson protests vigorously while the Bodies double-team. Morton throws *A* punch and the crowd pops like he just murdered Osama Von Hitler. Pritchard immediately stops the comeback with a powerslam and the fans are crushed.

-Pritchard goes for a kneedrop and misses (and I mean he absolutely PLANTS his knee into the mat with his full weight) and Gibson tags in. All four men are in the ring. Referee catches Corny tripping Morton and steps outside to reprimand him. Referee is accidentally knocked off the apron, and Mark Curtis absolutely FLIES off the apron, landing a good ten feet away from the ring.

-All hell breaks loose. Follow this carefully. Corny runs in but gets the shit kicked out of him. Stan Lane is knocked out cold but there’s no referee. Morton goes to revive the referee, but Killer Kyle shows up and KOs him with a blackjack. Stud Stable is back! Robert Fuller goes right after Killer Kyle, puzzling the commentators. Jimmy Golden slugs it out with Robert Gibson. Dutch goes to the ring because he catches Pritchard loading his boot and grabs onto him to keep him from kicking anybody. Dutch takes the weapon and throws it to Ricky Morton out of spite. Morton knocks out Pritchard and Gibson goes for the pin…

-And Bobby Eaton shows up. Dutch runs over to wake up the referee because he hasn’t seen Eaton yet. Eaton dives off the top rope and KOs Robert Gibson, then lays Pritchard across him. Dutch, having missed the whole thing, successfully wakes up the referee and throws him back in the ring, and the now-revived Stan Lane holds back Ricky Morton while the referee counts the pin, giving the Tag Team Titles to the Heavenly Bodies. OH MY GOD THAT FINISH! Beautiful stuff.

-House show promo is miraculously being shown at the correct time in the broadcast, with Jim Cornette telling the hillbilly fans that Beautiful Bobby is back, and the Heavenly Bodies are now a three-man unit.

-Stud Stable and Dutch show up to complain about something fishy happening to their match, and call Bobby “the big fat smelly tuna.” Jim Halpert is relieved. Corny calls the Stud Stable and “Chewbacca” Mantell a bunch of whiners, saying they made up the story about having their tires slashed in the hotel parking lot…but they never said that to Corny, did they? They only told Dutch and Bob about that. So as soon as Corny mentions the tires, Stable knows EXACTLY what happened to their title shot, and the show ends with a six-way fist fight.

7.2

The final score: review Good

The 411

A wonderfully booked chaotic main event; all the rest was icing on the cake.