The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (11.6.1993)

-Originally aired November 6, 1993.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantell. Shocking news to start off, as Dirty White Boy has relinquished the Beat the Champ TV Title because he doesn’t want to wrestle anybody BUT Brian Lee, which means SMW saves $5,000 and Dutch is going to draw two names from the hat…Tim Horner vs. Juicy Johnny.

-Juicy Johnny.

HEAVENLY BODIES (with Jim Cornette) vs CHRIS COMET & CHRIS KANYON
-Bruise Brothers storm the ring before the match can start, and the Bodies get out of town.

-Bobby Blaze is here to challenge Chris Candido to a match at Thanksgiving Thunder for the Turkey Title. The loser of the match is the Turkey Champion, and there’s no title belt for that, just a lot of tar and feathers.

-And now the theme to “Turkey TV” is stuck in my head.

“Wild Eyed Southern Boy” TRACY SMOTHERS vs LARRY SANTO
-Smothers dances during his entrance and I hope to God he never does it again.

-Shoving match starts, and Santo goes to work with right hands. Chris Candido walks in and cries about having to wrestle in a baby bottle match, a diaper match, and now a TURKEY MATCH. Candido demands to know right now what the hell is wrong with people in Tennessee and Kentucky because every match he’s wrestled since he’s been here has had some completely insane stipulation.

-Candido storms off in a huff as Smothers fights back with right hands, and the jawjacker off the top rope finishes.

-We watch the Moondogs destroy jobbers in Memphis again.

-Rock & Roll Express ain’t afraid of the Moondogs. They’re willing to wrestle even if it’s an unsanctioned match, and they promise to give the Moondogs a fight. Morton promises to kick the dog crap out of them.

TAMMY’S TIPS
-This week: Make-up. Good make-up habits begin with actually washing your face, so Tammy teaches Margie how to wash her face. (“Look at this, she got the water turned on! She paid attention!”) Tammy studies her face carefully and looks confused, and Margie deadpans that she forgot to shave today. Tammy lets out an annoyed sigh and tries to show her how to cover up her stubble, but she runs out of make-up and ends the segment early.

VACANT BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: “White Lightning” TIM HORNER vs JUICY JOBBER
-To be fair, I can’t put it past Cornette to put the belt on Juicy Johnny just to set up some completely different angle with Horner.

-They trade waistlocks while Bob Caudle announces that Ron Wright needs surgery on his leg and is, ironically, now confined to a wheelchair for real after faking it for all this time.

-Horner works the arm as Darryl Van Horne steps in and announces that Tim Horner is the only man in SMW stupid enough to agree to a match against the Egyptian Prince, which Van Horne calls a disappointment because he wanted a handicap match for the Prince’s debut. Van Horne announces that his new charge’s name is Prince Kahris.

-Juicy rams Horner into the turnbuckle, but Horner rallies and finishes with a natural bridge for the three-count, capturing the title and collecting his first thousand dollars.

-Horner graciously accepts the money and then greets soon-to-be-debuting Mike Furnas, wishing him luck in SMW. Mike gives off a weird Von Erich vibe when he talks.

-Jim Cornette hypes the Gang Fight at Thanksgiving Thunder. Wear what you want, bring any one weapon you wish to the ring (and Corny shuts down the smartasses in the crowd by clarifying “except a knife or a gun”) and the rules are basically a Texas death match.

HEAVENLY BODIES (with Jim Cornette) vs CHRIS COMET & CHRIS KANYON
-Let’s try this again.

-Bodies storm the ring and attack the jobbers before anyone else can run in and do the same to them. Pritchard elbows down Kanyon. WEIRD double-team move, where Del Ray holds Kanyon in a front facelock, and Pritchard clotheslines Del Ray down to make it a DDT on Kanyon. Well…fine, but you still clotheslined your own partner.

-Comet comes in and takes a spinebuster from the second rope by Pritchard. Del Ray is rocket launched onto Comet but insists on getting up at two as a “show of good sportsmanship.” Moonsault finishes.

-And the Bruise Brothers come back and clear the ring again and chase the Heavenly Bodies out of the building. It’s actually really funny the second time because it looks like everybody made a conscious effort not to change anything, and it looks almost frame-by-frame like the same surprise attack from earlier in the hour.

-Bruise Brothers want a piece of the Heavenly Bodies, they helpfully clarify.

-Brian Matthews is in the locker room with The Bullet, who is waiting to learn who his opponent will be at Thanksgiving Thunder in the Four Faces of Fear match. A tiny man in a hooded robe stalks in and sends him a threatening letter…Hey, a threatening letter from someone who likes games and has a vendetta against Bob Armstrong…Who does THAT sound like? The tiny hooded man surprises The Bullet with a fireball to the face and runs off quickly.

-And sure enough, we get words now from Kevin Sullivan. He cuts a promo where he refuses to play along with the “Bullet” pretense, deliberately calling him Bob Armstrong and threatening all of his children.

THANKSGIVING THUNDER ’93 is coming to Hazard, Knoxville, Barbourville, and Johnson City November 25-28. Here’s your official card:
SMW Title: Brian Lee vs. Dirty White Boy
Gang Fight: Bruise Brothers vs Heavenly Bodies
Non-sanctioned match: Rock & Roll Express VS Moondogs
Four Faces of Fear: The Bullet vs. Kevin Sullivan—Night #1 is a Prince of Darkness Match. Night #2 is a First Blood match. Night #3 is Falls Count Anywhere. Night #4 is a Singapore Spike match.

-We go back last week at Ron Wright standing up and getting out of his wheelchair, only to be confined to a wheelchair again.

SMW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: “Prime Time” BRIAN LEE (champion, with Tammy Fytch) vs BOBBY BLAZE
-Blaze armdrags Lee around, but misses a dropkick. Lee takes full control with an elbow drop, but Blaze gets a sunset flip out of nowhere for two. Lee fights back with right hands and a backdrop. Lee does it again, but Blaze kicks him down to the mat and goes to the top rope, but a flying bodypress misses. Tammy sneaks over and clobbers him with her loaded purse for good measure, and Lee pins Blaze easily.

-Lee continues attacking Blaze after the match, and Dirty White Boy hates Blaze a LOT, but he hates Lee even more, so he sprints to the ring and attacks Brian Lee.

-Bob Caudle talks to Blaze & DWB. DWB says that he fought Blaze enough to figure out that the kid has a lot of guts, which is more than anyone will ever say about Brian Lee. He clarifies that he will not wrestle another match in SMW against any opponent other than Brian Lee. He gives us a medical update on Mr. Ron Wright and says that you can make a case that this is what happens to people to cry wolf, but yes, Mr. Wright’s leg is screwed.

-Tracy Smothers walks in and he’s not all that quick to forgive Dirty White Boy. He says he’s never going to trust Dirty White Boy, and he warns DWB never to turn his back if he’s around. DWB seems to respect that opinion, and Smothers leaves without incident.

The final score: review Torture

The 411

More great week-to-week build of the main event angle, as the whole Smothers/DWB/Lee saga is turning into something that could be adapted into a novel, and it's all organic and logical and all that good stuff.