The No Mercy 2005 Breakdown

No Mercy — 10/9/05

Live from Houston, Texas.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

Opening Match: MNM & Melina vs. The Legion of Doom & Christy Hemme.

Heidenreich levels Nitro with a clothesline right off the bat. Animal gives him a corner clothesline but misses a shoulderblock and hurts himself. MNM goes to work on the shoulder. The chicks start screeching their encouragement. MNM really goes to town on Animal’s arm. Animal catches Mercury with a powerslam and covers for two. MNM start dropping like flies, so Melina tags herself in. Animal catches her in mid-air and lets Christy hit a Hart Attack clothesline. Christy gets what could generously be called a huracanrana. Animal sets Melina up. Christy hits the Doomsday Device clothesline but botches the cover. She realizes and rolls her over for the win. Christy actually looks like she wants to learn this biz rather than collecting a paycheck. Good for her. *1/2

Eddy Guerrero interrupts Batista’s stretches to tell him good luck.

Simon Dean vs. Bobby Lashley.

Dean brings out twenty hamburgers and says he’ll eat them if Lashley beats him tonight. Lashley does some cool stuff including the double underhook belly-to-belly suplex. Dean avoids a charge and hits Lashley in the head with his hamburger tray. That just pisses him off a la “The Black Man” rule. Lashley yanks Dean out of the corner so hard that Dean actually goes too far and falls off Lashley’s shoulder. Lashley picks him up and finishes with the Dominator at 1:56. Got its point across. 1/2*

John Bradshaw Layfield and Jillian have words with Rey Mysterio.

U.S. Title, Fatal-Fourway: Chris Benoit vs. Booker T vs. Christian vs. Orlando Jordan.

Guest ring announcers Sharmell introduces Booker. All four guys are in at the same time. Benoit gets tossed early, and Christian and OJ doubleteam Booker. Booker comes back with a flying clothesline on both men. He tosses Christian out and goes to work on OJ. Christian pulls Booker out and throws him into the ring steps, taking him out for a while. Benoit darts in and applies the Crippler Crossface to OJ. Christian breaks it up. Benoit takes on both men, suplexing Christian onto Jordan. Booker comes back in with a missile dropkick to Christian. Benoit and Booker clear the ring and come face to face. They tease a little “match nine in the best-of-seven series,” but Christian and OJ break it up. Benoit and Christian spill to the floor. Booker and OJ clothesline one another making them easy pickings for a Benoit headbutt. Christian breaks it up, and they fight on the top rope. OJ whips Booker into them, sending Benoit and Christian to the floor. Booker gets a close count off a schoolboy. Booker is figuratively on fire as he knocks out Christian and Benoit. AX KICK! ONE, TWO, TH-NO! Christian sneaks in and breaks it up. Christian tosses Benoit into Booker and goes for the Unprettier. Benoit counters to the Rolling Germans, but OJ breaks it up. Benoit tosses Jordan into a tope on Booker and finishes the Rolling Germans. He goes for the flying headbutt, but Christian rolls out of the way. Christian tries an Oklahoma Roll, but Benoit rolls through into the Crippler Crossface. Orlando crawls back in and breaks up the hold. All four men are back now. Oops. Spoke too soon. Booker and OJ go over the top on a clothesline. Benoit counters another Unprettier to a Sharpshooter, and that’s enough to finish Christian at 10:26. Sharmell lectures Booker about how Benoit screwed him out of the title. Hmm. This was fun, but it was too frenetic to have much of a story. **3/4

In the back, Bobby Lashley forces Simon Dean to eat the hamburgers. See, it’s funny because Dean’s gimmick is he likes healthy things.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Hardcore Holly.

Kill us both, Spock. Kennedy endears himself to the locker room by saying after tonight every man back there will fear him. Holly yanks Kennedy into the ring and stomps a mudhole in the corner. A suplex gets two. Kennedy fights back but runs into a Holly dropkick. It’s chopperin time. Holly chops him in every corner, but Kennedy begs off long enough to throw him to the outside. Kennedy goes right to work on Holly’s shoulder. Holly tries to chop his way back, but Kennedy drops him with an Armbar DDT. Holly explodes with a reverse elbow and gets two off the Full Nelson Slam. A jackknife rollup gets to for Holly. Kennedy gets a nice spinning kick, but Holly no-sells it. Holly goes up, but Kennedy pops up and catches him. The Rolling Cradle Slam gets the win for Kennedy at 8:52. Nothing spectacular, but very solid. Kind of like Kennedy himself. Holly is injured from the match, so Sylvan comes out and breaks his ribs. That is one pissed off fashion plait. This would have been a good segment had someone in the WWE thought about what would happen after Sylvan beat Holly down and then posed like a prissy bitch because his gimmick is that he is a model. **1/2

Booker is getting an earful from Sharmell when Mr. Kennedy drops in to gloat about his win.

John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Jillian Hall) vs. Rey Mysterio.

I’m convinced Jillian only has a job in order to give Tazz something to talk about. JBL actually starts with some wrestling as he applies a side headlock. Rey worms out of it and leads JBL on a high speed chase. For some reason, Rey stands around like an idiot playing to the fans and lets JBL jump him from behind. Rey dropkicks him in the knee and goes to work destroying JBL’s vertical base. JBL suckers Rey into missing the 619 and then pulls Jillian in the way as a shield. Rey stops short then hits JBL with a bulldog on the floor. JBL trips Rey up, bouncing Rey’s head off the ring steps. Back in, JBL fires away with fists. Rey goes up, but JBL catches him and delivers a Fallaway Slam off the top. Another one launches Mysterio across the ring and to the floor. JBL follows him out and gives him another Fallaway Slam on the floor. Layfield methodically beats Rey down until Rey comes off the second rope with a Tornado DDT. Rey fires away at him and mounts him in the corner for the mounted punches. JBL tries to counter to a powerbomb, but Rey ranas him to the corner. The Broncobuster puts JBL down as Rey gets distracted by Jillian. A moonsault gets a close two for Rey. JBL goes for the Clothesline From Hell, but Rey dropkicks him in the chest. 619! Rey springboards, but JBL ducks under him and finishes with the Clothesline From Hell for real at 13:24. Good big man vs. little man match. **3/4

Recap of the Orton/Undertaker “feud.”

Handicap Casket Match: The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton & Bob Orton Jr.

Taker pushes both Ortons to the corner and lays in a series of soupbones. He tosses Bob into the casket, but Bob hops out before the lid closes. Randy whips Taker into the ringsteps to turn the tide. The Ortons try to overpower Taker, but he fights them both off. Randy falls victim to the Flatliner. Taker tries the Old School Ropewalk, but Randy catches up to him. The Ortons double superplex Taker to the canvas. Cowboy Bob covers, but it’s a Casket Match, so it doesn’t count. Taker tosses Bob into the casket again. He catches Randy and rams him into the post. Bob tries to use a fire extinguisher but only winds up looking foolish. Taker chairshots Randy into the casket and applies a Triangle Choke to Bob to put him out. Bob rolls himself into the casket, but Randy blocks Taker from closing it. Back in, Randy gets a powerslam and drags Taker to the casket. He pauses when he sees his own father still in there. That allows Taker to give Randy a low blow. Taker gets his boot up on a charge but runs into a dropkick from Orton. Orton goes for the mounted punches, but Taker counters to the Last Ride. He’s about to toss Orton into the casket, but Bob pops up and sprays Taker with the fire extinguisher. Randy hits the RKO. Bob rolls Taker to the casket, but Taker suddenly pops up and grabs Bob for the chokeslam. Randy runs in and blasts Taker with the extinguisher. Cowboy Bob closes them both in the casket, but the refs rule it doesn’t count. Randy gets out and hits Taker with a chairshot. That’s enough to keep Taker down. The Ortons close the casket at 19:11. As if the match wasn’t depressing enough, Randy chops at the casket with an ax, douses it in gasoline and lights the casket on fire. What’s next? We find out Randy accidentally killed a girl in an auto accident? Or maybe he gets Lita knocked up. The match was about average for a casket match and did next to nothing for Randy. I actually had more respect for Randy after his WrestleMania loss than I’ve had after any of his wins. **

Cole and Tazz oversell it just a tad considering were still waiting for that medical update on Muhammed Hassan.

WWE Cruiserweight Title: Nunzio (w/Vito) vs. Juventud (w/Super Crazy & Psicosis)

ECW-ish flippity-flop stuff to start. Juvi chops him and gets a headscissor takedown. A uranage backbreaker gets two for Juvi. Nunzio yanks him off the top rope and slows things down with a surfboard. Juvi comes back with a rollup for two. They fight on the top and slam each other’s faces into the mat. They each get two counts. Juvi boots him in the face and gets a spinning wheel kick. Juvi rolls through a sunset flip and dropkicks Nunzio in the face. Juvi with the SHINING WIZARD! Nunzio misses the Sicilian Slice. Vito tries to interfere but takes a headscissors for his troubles. Nunzio rolls through a crossbody for a close two. Juventud rolls through his own Northern Lights Suplex and finishes with the Juvi Driver at 6:48. The problem is, this was the dead spot on the card, and the fans barely know either guy so there was no heat for the match. WCW used to open with these kinds of matches to get the fans fired up, but this style has been taken as far as it can and seems highly dated. At least Juvi has enough personality to get the title over. **1/4

In the back, Simon Dean tosses his cookies, er hamburgers.

Recap of the evil Eddy/good Eddy angle.

World Heavyweight Title: Batista vs. Eddy Guerrero.

Staredown to start. Eddy takes him down with a single leg, but Batista pushes him away. Batista forces him down in an overhand knucklelock. Eddy walks up the ropes, so Batista simply slams him across the ring. Eddy decides to think things over. Back in, Dave slaps on a headlock that Eddy can’t seem to break. Eddy shoves him to the corner and drives the shoulder. Batista charges but misses an elbow. Eddy charges but bounces off Batista like he’s a brick wall. Eddy grabs a chair but changes his mind. Batista reaches out and grabs him by the throat for even thinking about it. Eddy snaps his neck off the top rope and frogsplashes his exposed back. Eddy goes to work on the back with a bodyscissors. Batista powers up and rams Eddy into the buckle, but Eddy comes back with a dropkick to the back. This is already Batista’s best non-gimmick match since his stuff with Benoit. Eddy unties a tag rope, but he decides it would be wrong. Batista goes for a backdrop, so Eddy kicks him, but that only serves to piss Batista off. Batista charges — right into a drop toehold. That was awesome. Eddy goes for a Texas Cloverleaf, but Batista counters to a small package! ONE, TWO, TH-NO! Eddy slips over Batista’s shoulder on a charge and accidentally stumbles into the referee. DDT TO BATISTA! Here’s the Eddy we know and love. He grabs a chair and preps to hit Batista…but he has a crisis of conscience a la Roddy Piper at WrestleMania VIII. Batista sees Eddy drop the chair and gets fired up. Spear! Eddy counters the Demonbomb with a sunset flip, but Batista yanks him up by the throat and gives him a spinebuster. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Eddy hits the Triple Verticals and goes up. FROGSPL-NO! Batista rolls out of the way and finishes Eddy with the SPINEBUSTER at 18:42. Give Eddy his due here. He managed to walk the line between heel and face perfectly, plus the layout of the match made him entirely convincing on offense — something I didn’t think they could pull off with Eddy as a heel. After the match, Eddy and Batista share a cautious handshake. ***1/2

Final Thoughts: The WWE is concerned at their plummeting buyrates, and “No Mercy” probably won’t stop the bleeding. None of the matches were very exciting outside of the main event. Even then it was only because Eddy decided to hoist the match on his shoulders and carry it to where it could be entertaining. Smackdown just feels like it’s always in transition even when the booking is as sluggish as it’s been. Hopefully, Eddy doesn’t get shunted down to the midcard again too soon because he’s still got it.

Mild thumbs up.

J.D. Dunn