The SD! Highlight Reel 09.09.05

The SD! Highlight Reel
September 9, 2005 A.D.
Taped from: Atlanta, GA
Hosts: Michael Cole, Tazz & Friends

Hello to everyone and welcome to the PREMIERE episode of Friday Night SmackDown! I’m leaving the whole “Friday Night” bit out of the title of this publication because, well, I think it’s pretty hokey, but that ain’t gonna stop us from celebrating the program’s ‘re’-inception anyways!

The first hour is coming to us via live streaming audio on WWE.com, which means we’re going sans commercials for the first half, enjoy!

Theodore R. Long comes to us from backstage, where he explains the whole “dual broadcast” bit, while putting over the trio of matches set for the UPN Broadcast (Benoit / Jordan III, Mysterio / Guerrero Umpteen, JBL / Batista III). But first …

Match #1: Tag Team Contest for the Tag Team Championship of the WWE: M.N.M. (Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro w/ Melina Perez) vs. LoD2005 John Heidenreich & Road Warrior Animal (c)

M.N.M. confers on the outside, while the legion gets fired up on the inside, and finally the Hollywood boys are ready to begin …. Or not! As Heidenreich immediately assaults Johnny Nitro! Big clothesline from Heidenreich, followed up by a back body drop which appears to have displaced Nitro’s right knee. John informs him that he’s “going home to Daddy” as he tags in Animal, who goes to straight to work on Nitro’s back on the outside. Back inside, Animal boots Nitro in the face and then mounts him for a few punches, but Mercury makes his way back inside to put the kibosh on that nonsense. Heidenreich back in now, though M.N.M makes a tag and they both club Heidenreich over the back, before whipping him ….. double faceplant by Heidenreich! Tag to Animal! He hurls Mercury into the SW post before dropping outside and posting his left shoulder; Mercury is in noticeable distress as Heidenreich boots him down ….

Heidenreich now hauls Nitro into the ring for some unknown reason, but Melina distracts Heidenreich, while Nitro stunguns Heidenreich across the top rope from within the ring! Standing dropkick by Mercury, who receives a congratulatory kiss from Miss Perez, before covering via the lateral press for a count of 2, and a tag in now to Johnny Nitro. He lands a few choice right hands atop the grounded opponent before hooking a leg for a deuce, and driving Heidenreich shoulder-first into the heel corner. Tag now to Mercury, who throws a hard right the way of Heidenreich’s chin, before locking in a front facelock. Tag back to Nitro as the crowd chants in vain for “L.O.D!!” but Heidrneich is left tapping the mat with his barren left hand in crestfallen agony. Tag again to Mercury who continues the dedicated assault with a high knee drop, before going back to the front facelock. Heidenreich now begins to lift himself, gradually throwing his bodily momentum toward his team’s corner, but Mercury proactively inhibits any sort of tag by taking out Animal! Mercury now maneuvers atop the NE corner, where Heidenreich tosses him right off! TAG TO ANIMAL!! Suplex to Nitro! IW to Mercury into the NE corner! Whip now to Nitro, whom Heidenreich clotheslines out of the ring; Mercury goes flying toward Animal in a woe-befallen cross-body attempt, but Animal tosses him aside! Miss Perez now hits the ring with the tag Title Belts, but Animal ganks it from her and CLOCKS Mercury! Referee Jimmy Corderis is oblivious, but counts the pinning attempt like a champ to the tune of 1, 2 …………. and 3.

Highlight package noting Randy Orton’s recent dominance over UT, segues into Randy’s proposal to provide Taker with a “retirement fund” …. Which has grown to $1,416! Wow, who bid that much?

Match #2: Twenty Minute Time Limit Singles Contest: Mr. Ken Kennedy …. kennedy vs. Paul London

Kennedy picks up the stick, immediately decrying Chimmel’s ability on the mic; there are two things in his life that Tony “absolutely sucks at”: 1)announcing and …….. 2) announcing. Now beat it!

Kennedy weighs in at astounding 243 lb. and hails from Green Bay, Wisconsin (though he’s dropped the Packer-hued tights, in favour of a yellow-on-blue ensemble)

Chimmel comes back to announce London; I suppose Kennedy is meet to vouchsafe him at least that honour.

London goes for an armlock, but Kennedy thrusts him immediately down before pouncing on the kid with numerous right hands, and SLINGING him into the NE corner and straight back down; Kennedy attempts a pin, gets two, and utilizes his right boot to stomp all over London’s left temple and spinal region. Scoop Slam by Kennedy, and he goes up top …… London get the BOOT u …… no! Kennedy blocks! Kennedy drops an elbow! CHOP across London’s face, as Kennedy cinches in a reverse Bearhug; London wants to fight out, sending numerous elbows, forearms, and anything else he can muster Kennedy’s way ….. Kennedy voluntarily releases the hold, although he runs straight into a London standing dropkick for his troubles ….. no he dodges it! Ohhh, but now Paul does connect with the Dropsault! Kennedy tries to take his head off Tomko-style but no one’s home, and London catches Kennedy with a Pele-like kick! Kennedy’s sunken deep down in the NW corner; London approaches, but shifts course to the apron where Kennedy lands a couple successful rights, and here’s the SUPER SAMOAN ROLL@!! 1 …….. 2 …………………….. 3!!

The winner of your match …….. MR. KENNEDY …… kennedy ………

Teddy & Mr. Cannon watch on and seem to be pleased with the progress of tonight’s episode, as Tazz mimics Kennedy’s delivery by proclaiming Michael Cole ……… cole …….. and we head to ….

[absence of break]

WWE Tag of the Night: Two weeks ago on ‘Velocity,’ Scotty 2 Hotty was ravaged by the debuting Paul Burchill; is revenge in the cards for this evening?

Match #3: Singles Contest: Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Paul Burchill w/ William Regal

Referee Charles Robinson instructs Scotty as to the regulations of this match, while Regal makes his way to the announce table. Burchill grabs a mic, proclaiming America to be “disgusting,” and explains why he’s here: he’s a hired merc of William Regal, motivated not merely by the pounds, but by the ability to maim people.

Scotty slaps Burchill silly!! CHOP! SLAP!! Scotty sends Burchill to the canvas and hits a grand back body drop, as Regal relays that Burchill is actually quite the academic, and a former school teacher. Meanwhile Burchill assumes control of this contest by locking Scotty into an elevated arm lock, only to throw him down to the ring. Suplex by Burchill transitions into a combination armbar / chinlock which rips his left shoulder back toward his posterior; Scotty escapes and runs the ropes into a ….. Sunset Flip! 1 …… …. Burchill powers out, but Scotty floors Burchill with a Superkick and covers again! 1…… 2 ………….. 2.23! Scotty is FEELING THE WORM ………… Bulldo ……. Whiff! Burchill hoists Scotty onto his shoulders, but Mr. 2 Hotty floats out and rolls Paulie up! 1……….2 …………… 2.54!! Burchill now hurls Scotty’s left shoulder into the STEEL post of the SE corner to the count of 3 and ….. hauls Scotty atop his own left shoulder …shoulder breaker! .. WAKIGATAME@!! And Scotty has no recourse but to unfortunately tap out.

Gotta love the three piece suit that Regal’s pimping.

Backstage Sharmell fixes herself a cup of hot joe, but Ken Kennedy approaches from behind. He doesn’t think they’ve been properly introduced. He’s Mr. Kennedy, the man who defeated her husband, Booker T, last week on SD! She doesn’t want to speak with him, but he claims to have some information pertinent to Booker. That piques her interest, so he continues on …. how many times has Chris Benoit given Booker a Title shot? Now, he’s not going to argue that Title chances should be handed out too easily, but aren’t Chris & Book supposed to be friends? And while friends don’t let friends drive drunk, shouldn’t they also give them Title shots?

Sharmell attempts a retort, but Kennedy interrupts her with ……. ‘IT DOESN’T MAT ……..’ I mean, “It was nice to meet you, and once again that name was KEN KENNEDY ………. kennedy …….” He really did say the “It,” like he was about to launch into Rocky’s phraseology.

It’s the Undertaker! Tazz & Cole both believe he was “screwed” at S-Slam, but he isn’t here to speak about the past; rather, he’d like to talk about the condition of Randy Orton this very evening. While his ability to run is intact, there is no hiding the night of Tuesday September 6, 2005 Anno Domini, and he’s about to discover what UT and Death have in common: they wait for no man.

And Randy Orton is here, with Cowboy Bob in train! Randy’s gotta be honest with Taker; he and Bob honestly didn’t expect him to show tonight. They figured that with UT’s legend deceased and all, he’d simply pack it back up to Death Valley and never grace the fans with his vacant image ever again. But, considering Mr. Taker is here, and the Orton Family word is gold, Randy indeed has a gift for the Deadman ….. a check for $1,416 going to UT’s retirement fund!! Ohh, actually someone only paid $708 since Randy matched the bidding dollar-for-dollar.

Randy now asks the Undertaker to come fetch the big golden-embossed check signed from “RKO Enterprises” if he really wants it …. Wait, a bell tolls …….. the lights flicker …………. And Undertaker COMMANDS THE ELEMENTAL PLANE OF FIRE to set the cheque ABLAZE!!

UT is such a mage character.

—————————-

Thanks everyone for checking out the 1st hour of Smackdown!, streaming audibly live from WWE.com; now, here’s the 2nd hour of action, as seen on the United Paramount Network!

Cole & Tazz promote tonight’s impending matches, and we kick off SmackDown! proper with perhaps the most highly anticipated of them all …..

Match #4: Steel Cage Singles Contest: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Rey rejoices in the adoration of the crowd, and here we go. Eddie charges Rey to start in the SW corner, kicking him right in the gut, and slamming Rey’s face up against the unforgiving chain link. Eddie now picks Rey up into powerbomb position facing the centre of the ring, but he slings him back alley-oop style, right back into the fencing!

Eddie follows up his early advantage with clubbing blows to Rey’s back, but Rey escapes to run the ropes now, SPRINGBOARD MOONSA ….. caught! Rey arm drags out! Rey now kicks Eddie in his spinal region, hanging Eddie up against the middle rope …… 6 ……..1 …… wait, Rey can’t perform this maneuver inside a cage! Rey decides to climb instead, but Eddie gives chase ……. Ohhhh DANG huge powerbomb by Rey from halfway up the cage as he slid down Guerrero’s back, and Rey goes up top once again ….. but Eddie’s up! Can he catch Rey? Rey hanging atop the summit of the cage, just dive out ……. Eddie gets him, Eddie’s got him by the ankle! Cut your losses now, Re …… OHH Eddie slings him down to the hard springy canvas! And with that, we go to …

Commercials:

-Rent-a-Centre’s selling all appliances and electronic items, that are FREE, absolutely FREE until September 15!!
-Wait, September 15? Isn’t that less than a week from now?
-Guess you can live it up for 5.5 days

We come back with Eddie ascending the cage alongside its side perimeter, although Rey is clutching and gnawing at his right ankle — and Eddie shakes him off! Here goes Eddie …. But Rey goes up to chase! Both men on the top rope now …. SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!@ Both men are exhausted now, although they eventually make it back to their feet; Rey with a quick strike on Eddie, and he’s gained a second wind, SPRINTING up the side of the cage, but Eddie regains himself and follows! Both men make it to the apex of the cage structure, straddling the very cage itself; Rey hangs along the outside of the fencing, but Eddie deftly reaches down to haul Rey back to ‘safety.’ Both men clutch at one another, attempting to gain / retain any modicum of advantage, and the brutal atmosphere eventually brings both of them back down to the ring ropes. Here, they walk toward the NE corner … enzuiguri by Rey to Eddie off the top rope!!

Referee Brian Hebner now counts the double KO upwards of 8, although Mysterio begins to stir, as does Guerrero, and Guerrero makes a break for the door! Rey grabs mercilessly at Eddie’s ankle, loses a grip, and now goes after his tights, reaching for anything to keep Eddie within clutching distance, and Eddie gets pulled back inside for a ……. MYSTERIO BULLDOG! Wait, this is too exciting, we’ve got to go to another set of …

Commercials:

-Some dude writes ‘LOSER’ on some other dude’s car using mustard.
-Yeah, I think that’s an example of self-identification right there.

we return with Rey making a mad dash up the cage near the SE corner, but Eddie follows him right back up, and gets him in prime powerbomb position ….. no, Rey punches his way out and almost escapes! No, Eddie pulls him back into powerbomb position …… no, Rey HURRICANRANAS out!! Double KO .1 ……2 …….3 …………4 ….. we see the replay ….. 5 ………..6 ……. 7 … Rey climbs up the SE turnbuckle …..8 …..Rey is up, and once again climbing the corner, and Eddie once again gives chase by lasering in on his ankle …… Rey kicks Eddie off! Rey’s free to leave …. But no, he’s GOT to go for the big move, the TOP OF THE CAGE Cross-body …….. MISS!!! Eddie rolls away, and calls for the door, casually saunters on down the adjacent steps a bit and, as any cocky heel should, shrugs his shoulder as if to say “naw, don’t think so” and HEADS BACK IN. What’s he going to do?? FROG SPLASH!@!#!! 1 ………… 2 …………… 3!!!

Eddie didn’t run like a coward off a mistake from his opponent, no, he inflicted damage himself worthy of victory.

Commercials:

-Upcoming SmackDown! schedule; feel the action & intensity: Springfield, MO; Little Rock, AR; Tyler, TX; Amarillo, TX; Lubbock, TX. An experience like no other.
– Little girls play Nintendo DS; you should too.
-I don’t know where I was going with the above statement, but it couldn’t have been good.

Match #5: Singles Contest for the Heavyweight Championship of the United States of America: Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit (c)

Earlier tonight, Orlando Jordan vowed to knock Chris Benoit out.

*snickers*

Customary highlights of the pair’s past contests, consisting of less than a minute in their complete entirety naturally ensue, but now give way to the big THIRD match of this brimming feud.

Orlando decks Benoit from the get-go! 1 …….2 ……….. NO! he’s not knocked out, thank goodness for Benoit’s safety and all, although Jordan does have him hung up against the ropes ……. No, Benoit comes FLYING back at Jordan and locks in the cross-face at 13.4 seconds! WILL ……… history …….. repeat ………. Itself ………. Twic ……….. YESS!!! Jordan taps out at 21.2 seconds, although the “official WWE time clock” records the victory at 22.5 secs.

Orlando now writhes about the ring canvas in demonstrable anguish, as ‘Our Lady Peace’ rings aloud the arena.

Highlight package psyches us up for the final match on tonight’s debut episode of ‘Friday Night SmackDown!’ … and let’s just start it right now!!

Match #6: MAIN EVENT Texas Bull Rope Singles Contest for the Heavyweight Championship of the World: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Dave Batista

Meanwhile, Theodore R. Long stands by with Palmer Cannon, promoting the upcoming contest, but also let’s us in on next week’s Main Event: ….–…… Orton / Deadman III !!

Formalities aside, let us proceed to our …. umm ….. *ahem* .. proceedings. Time check shows it is 9:46 PM as this contest gets under way, thus allowing us a maximum of 14 minutes of action, give or take the error of my VCR. Both men affix themselves to the Bull Rope, and nWo ref Nick Patrick rings the bell, signifying the men to get it on.

Both individuals circle one another to start, with Dave staring a black hole through Layfield’s hide, but JBL starts the fisticuffs off with a couple hard rights to Batista, and hitting the NW turnbuckle; Batista, however, lariats him down and shoves JBL into said corner, carrying him over now to the SW corner and switching it alight. He fails to move on in a circular fashion, however, instead choosing to toss JBL around and knee him in the face for a bit; now Dave re-lights the SW, and now moves to the SE; Dave gets 3 ablaze as he hauls the big Texan in a counter-clockwise manner over to the NE corner …… can he get four? This early? NO, as Layfield clotheslines Dave back down to the mat; JBL now chokes Batista out via the bull rope, and himself lights the SW, now SE, can he get to NE? Reaching ….. no! Short-arm clothesline by Dave!! Big uppercut from Dave! OHH JBL sends a thumb to the eye of Dave, and begins POUNDING him down in the SE corner with vicious rights and lefts. JBL rings the cow bell attached to his rope, signifying……… WHOA#!! Layfield just KNOCKS Dave silly with it!! Layfield to 1 corner, now another, and to the third ….. Dave comes back to life! Dave sprawls himself over to the ropes, hanging on with dear life, hoping against hope the length of the rope won’t allow JBL to reach the fourth turnbuckle …… and it doesn’t! Batista now reels Layfield in and RETURNS THE COW BELL FAVOUR!! Corner 1 for Batista, moving on to 2, and now 3 ….. and JBL dives outside, thus utilizing the rope’s lack of length to thwart Dave’s attempts at victory, the very tactic he was victimized by seconds earlier!

JBL now reels Batista in .. oh, thumb to the eye…. Double OHH, LOW BLOW!! Batista’s eyes are about as wide as the Dardanelles at this point, as Layfield takes a breather, and we do as well, heading to…….

Commercials:

-9:51 PM; eh, they still got time
-I’m sorry, I just don’t buy Nicolas Cage as an arms dealer. The problem with having these big actors in movies is no matter how well they may or may not act, I still look at him/her as “Nicolas Cage” or “Gwyneth Paltrow” and not whatever character he or she is portraying.

Dave has JBL up on his shoulders now, simply carrying him counter-clockwise through the various corners, reaching his THIRD now … ohh, JBL floats out and RINGS Dave’s skull silly with the cowbell. Dang, that thing’s getting some use tonight. Layfield now bends over the sunken carcass of Dave Batista, regaling him with right hands and calling for the Clothesline from Hell …….. no, Dave regains composure! Dave lariats JBL down! Dave ravages JBL’s back with hard strikes via the cowbell …… DEMON SPAWN BOMB FROM NERGAL & ERISHKIGAL’S DOMAIN@!! and JBL’s nasal region is busted open hard-way via the cowbell!#!

Batista now locks JBL in behind him, using the cowbell to surround both men’s neck regions, and hauls him around the various corners of the ring, again moving in a counter-clockwise direction, given our camera’s perspective. As Batista makes his rounds, however, JBL of course accompanies him, and he lights his green lights along the way, just as Dave lights his reds; should make for an interesting situation come the final corner ….. and all three for both men are now lit! JBL makes his move now, realizing all along he’d be just one step from victory, as he elbows Dave in the side of his gut, and using the leverage of the rope to pull Batista backward ….. Dave overpowers Layfield now, pulling him back over his head, but that maneuver simply lands JBL between Dave and the final corner! JBL dives with all his might towards that elusive SW corner, reaching his hand ever closer … he can almost touch it…. It’s right there ….. Dave pulling him back with all the fibre in those Bonds-like biceps ….. and eventually reigning him in to a ……… SPINEBUSSTA@!!! Dave springs towards the final turnbuckle……. Yes, he’s got it! Batista retains the Championship!!

It was mighty entertaining, at least.

……….. and …………..

Welcome to Fridays!!