The SD! Highlight Reel 09.16.05

The SD! Highlight Reel
September 16, 2005 A.D.
Taped from: Little Rock, AR
Hosts: Michael Cole, Tazz & Friends

Wait, what’s this? The SD! report coming out a day late on Friday evening? Yeah, I know, what a bummer, as my Friday nights are now siphoned off to WWE programming, but at least it’s WWE programming and not some non-intellectually stimulating simplistic drivel …. …… wait ….

Michael Cole introduces us to “TV that’s changing Friday nights” as Tazz informs us that we are fortuitous enough to witnesss M.N.M. vs. LoD2005 tonight!

Meanwhile, for now, we get ….

Match #1: Non-Title Singles Contest: Heavyweight Champion of the United States Chris Benoit vs. Captain Charisma Christian

Orlando Jordan interrupts to begin, telling the crowd to “hold up for a second” …. “there is no way this is happening” … “I refuse to go down in history as the man who tapped out in 22.5 seconds” … Benoit goes after Christian, although Orlando assaults benoit to start … Benoit locks in the cross-face, although Christian interferes now, as both men stomp down Benoit in a whale of mud-stomps, . but here comes Booker T …. Referee Brian Hebner assigns himself some booking elements, and makes this a tag-team matchup!

Booker starts against Orlando, chopping him a bit, and then kicking him square in the jaw … elbow to the neck injures Jordan, who tags in Christian; Charisma comes in but receives a knee to his gut and ……. Walks right into a Booker T Spinebussta ! Booker now chops Christian, but reverses himself into the NE turnbuckle … reversal, and a cheap pin in the corner …. 1 ………2 ……….. 2.48!! Orlando now beats Booker to a pulp via his offense outside the ring, as Christian hits a neckbreaker for a deuce and cinches in a rear chinlock. Booker fights out and looks right at Benoit, but tags in Jordan, who continues the charismatic offense and stomps all over the floored Booker T. Orlando drops and elbow and gets 2, as he locks in another chin lock, which appears to pain Books’ mid-section; Booker elbows out of the hold, though Jordan counters … no! BOOK-0END!!! Booker doesn’t cover, instead choosing to crawl on over to Chris Beniot! ……… Benoit comes in now, whipping Christian cross-ring, though falling victim to a snap suplex, and numerous chops …………. Ohh, Benoit slaps Christian down and locks in a Sharpshoote ……. No~ Christian makes the ropes! Christian for the Unprettier …. No~ no! Booker thwacks Benoit from behind, but here comes Book who appropriates a steel chair ….. and inadvertently strikes Charmell ….. that’s gonna cause some problems afterward ….. meanwhile, Benoit German Suplexes Christian for deuce, and goes up top …. No! UNPRETTIER#!! Christian de-petties Christian as Booker attends to Charmell T , and Christian covers Benoit for …… 1 ………..2 ……………….. 3!!!

Christian pins the U.S. Champ! The Captain is back!!

In this business, it’s about making an impact — such as one Randy Orton has done …. How many times do WWE employees utilize the term “impact” as such; I think I’ve heard “impact” approx. 1, 852 times. The worst part is, the 2005 NBA draft lottery on ESPN2 used it nearly half as much.

Backstage Simon Dean slurps down a shake, while Dave Batista no-sells him and walks off-camera! Ohh, Dean gets no respect!

Commercials:

-Be both legendary and predatory September 24, 2005. Be Ultimate Spiderman.
-If being predatory was reliant upon being “Spiderman,” dude, I’d be so hamstrung in my social relations.
-Nintendo DS is related ‘E’ for everyone, and you’re in charge of KFC’s new ‘flavour station.’
-So much power

Theodore R. Long and Palmer Cannon introduce our World Heavyweight Champion, Dave Batista, as the indisputable VIC-TOR of the SmackDown! Brand, as Dave strides centre-ring. Batista is sporting a slate-&-black suit, as he shows the belt to everyone, and grabs the mic.

Last week, he kept his Championship in his very first Bull Rope match against the very game JBL, although this week we’re looking for a new #1 Contender …. So, who’s it gonna be?

Teddy declares that a lot of folks in the back would like a shot at his Title, although a plurality of folks would like to see a particular individual challenge for the belt ………. On Eduardo Guerrero!!

Eddie comes out in a pastel yellow wife-beater, as Tazz insintuates this was Palmer Cannon’s doing and not Teddy Long. Cole informs us that Long is “flabbergasted” as Guerrero relays that everyone knows the has a “history …. a past ……….. a history ………… demons.”

The worst of these addictions, though, was that to manipulaqtion. However, when he finally defeated Rey Mysterio, jr. last week, his new addiction became “respect.”

As such, Eddie honours Dave as the “Champion,” though views him as the rightful champion; hey, Eddie’s only “about love homes.” Guerrero now thanks Dave for making him #1 contender, seeing as he has much respect for Dave, much more than everyone else here. Nor only does Dave sport his Belt proudly, but he also represents “greatness.” And, since Eddie “doesn’t want to hate anymore,” he hopes he and Dave will provide the “best damn match in professional wrestling” Eddie now thanks Dave for …… wait ………. Dave interrupts!!

Dave states the pair need not be enemies, seeing as the and Eddie are “the two amigos,” though everyone knows what kind of man Eddie is ………. And gee, what kind of Champion would he make? Eddie no-sellls this comment, explicating how he and Dave can come out of this feud as “Best friends,” though Dave states that friends don’t shake hands. Rather, they embrace …… Dave holds Eddie mighty close and ……………… this appears to close out the segment. Where was Dafe smacking down Guerrero!?! Ahh!#!

Commercials:

-Have you seen the new Nintendo Revolution? It has a remote control that responds to an individuals’ physical manipulation of said remote….. front, back, side-to side-o etc.
-“I don’t think a man in a dress would look that bad” – America’s Top Model
-Ohh, dang!

Match #2: LoD2005: Animal # Heidenreich vs. M.N.M. (Mercury & Nitro w/ Melina

Cole introduces this contest, and Melina attempted to skew this match-up last week in favour of M.N.M. … Heidenreich starts out against Mercury, with a collar and elbow tie-up, though Heidenreich slaps Mercury down. Whip, as M runs the ropes and Nitro comes in to interfere with Heidenreich and clothesline him down; tag not to
Animal, though Mercury elbows Mercury; double team Russian legsweep by the heels as Animal tas out ands we get a battle in the SW corner by M.N.M. Kick by Animal by 2, who fights out Mercury, sends him cross the ropes ….. Powerslam by Animal! Heidenreich comes in now, slapping now the newly tagged in Mercury and whipping Mercury …… BOOT!! Miss Perez now sneaks into the fray, though she gives M.N.M. up to a double team facebussta by M.N. M. ……… b ig axed handle by Jercury, ho work all ov oer Nitro ….. Mercury now grabs a piece of gte hgold and slaps …………

………..L0D firhgt over it’s noggin!! Referee Charles Robinson turns around just in timeto catch the infraction, as M.N.M. must wait yet another week in order to regain its tag titles.

Commercials:

-Carlito: “Whooaa!! Is not cool
-Four friends find $16 Milllion in motion picture studios everywhere; September 16, todaqy. Starring Jessica Alba.

Backstage Theodore R. Long entreats Palmer Cannon … wait, here’s Eddie Guerrero who barges in and thanks Cannon for naming him #1 Contender ……….. but Long had wanted Mysterio as #1 contender ………… that Cannon’s a piece of trash, eh?

Elsewhere, Bob Orton speaks, in front of a U-Haul of all things, with his Son, Randy, who is concerning the antiquated ‘Legend of the Undertaker,” but first ……….

Match #3: Singles Contest: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Rey hops atop his heels to warm up, while ducking a JBL lariat, but falling victim to some choice clubbing blows of the larger man … Rey penned up in the corner, but gets his boots up; that’s still not enough, however, as JBL chucks him down to the mat … Rey up, though, but runs right into another JBL lariat, and then eats some elbow drops for 2. Layfield places Mysterio into the NW corner where he connects with some boots, then slings Mysterio cross-ring where the force of Rey’s back against the turnbuckle forces the smaller man to the ground; JBL catches a lateral press for a deuce, though he walks in too close to Rey and gives away his reach advantage, catching a couple of right hands on the jaw, but soon locks in a bear hug to re-assert control.

JBL wrenches Mysterio’s back like no other, though Rey begins to head-butt out … JBL for the Last Ca …. No! Mysterio counters into a DDT!! Double KO ….1 …2 …3 …4 …..5 … Mysterio climbs up the ropes ….. 6 .7 …… Mysterio is up! Dropkick to JBL’s face!! Mysterio now kicks Layfield down amidst the SW corner, where he connects with the …….. Bronco Buster!! JBL has enough of these shenanigans, however, and shoves Mysterio on down to the canvas, where he ………. CLOTHESLINE FROM H …….. no! Rey drop-toeholds Layfield into the middle rope! 6 ……..1 ……. 9 YESS!!! Get that 10 cent Change on the grou ………. NO! JBL catches Mysterio!! Powerbo ……. No! Hurrican ….. no! Mysterio floats out ……… Springboard Moonsault by Rey, bridging into a pin ……. 1 ……………. 2 ……………….. ? ……….. 3!!!

JBL is dismayed beyond any common convention!

Backstage Nunzio is pretty upset that he’s not yet been on SD! since he claimed the Cruiserweight Championship. Hey, this guy can “make an impact!” Eddie vouches for the man, which is enough to convince Palmer Cannon that Nunzio should be on UPN ……. Tonight!

Yeah, versus BATISTA of all people.

Backstage Josh Mathews attempts to interview JBL, but he simply walks away! Ken Kennedy knows an opportunity when he sees it, though, so he ambles on up to the mic, criticizing we “media types” for always seeking the big story. Kennedy then believes Mathews’ underpants “smell like Arkansas,” which is an apparent insult, before making his way ….. to the ring!!

Match #4: Twenty Minute Time Limit Singles Contest: ‘Mr.’ Ken Kennedy vs. Jan Hylskin (??)

Kennedy demands Tony Chimmel vacate the ring immediately, before launching into his own diatribe ….. he’s gained a pound in the past week, moving up to 243 lb.!

Kennedy sends some choice boots the way of Hylskin, before knocking him to the canvas via a right hand, and then a running high knee. Kennedy now wraps Hylskin around to the opposite side of the ring; Hylskin ascends the ring ropes …… ohh, Kennedy picks him up into the fireman’s carry position …….. front Samoan Roll!! 1 ………. 2 ……………….. 3!!

Match #5: Non-Title Singles Contest: World Heavyweight Champion Dave Batista vs. Cruiserweight Champion of the WWE Nunzio w/ Big Vito

Vito warms up Nunzio’s upper back, while Nunzio walks right up to the Champ and challenges him. Guerrero walks out to the stage-front while encouraging Dave, since he and Dave “don’t have to be enemies” here.

Dave, though, fells Nunzio immediately, though Vito reluctantly allows him to pull Nunzio to the centre of the ring, and Batista just chucks the both of them to the ground. Batistia now powers the Cruiserweight Champion into the SW corner, although Nunzio escapes and forces Dave to the mat! Nunzio chokes Dave via his boot, all kinds of ways, though Vito chimes in with a quick right hand, and Nunzio covers for a dry count of 2! Dave now begins to anger himself, as he hauls in Vito for a … SPINEBUSSTA!! Batista slams Nunzio right atop the fallen Vito! Batista wants the Powerbomb …………. YESS!! DEMON BOMB OF DOOM!!! 1 …….. 2 ……………….. 3!!

Afterwards Dave stares up at Eddie, who shows that he loves Dave, but for how long?

Meanwhile Randy & Bob still stake out the local U-Haul, and from the looks of their conversation, it appears Randy’s smuggled in some illegal aide!

Commercials!

-Order WWE Unforgiven this Sunday, or suffer the eternal wrath of your own tortured conscience, whose only wish in its entire existence is to witness this extraordinarily bland ppv.
-The producers of Scarface have a new movie for you; Carlito’s Way to Power
-What?

Backstage JBL converses with Jillian Hall, enlisting her aide …. in a particular fashion. He offers her a ‘job’ within his organization, presumably the position formerly occupied by Miss Amy Weber, and she responds in the affirmative. Yes, go JBL!!

Match #6: MAIN EVENT Singles Contest: ‘The Legend Killer’ Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker

UT unloads on Orton with vicious right hands, then locks in an informative side headlock, before breaking and running the ropes for a shoulder block; Orton catches UT off guard and lateral presses for a quick cover of 2, though Taker quickly re-establishes control of this matchup with a …. BIG BOOT! Taker now grabs onto Randy’s left arm, then wrings Orton’s body into his own massive, enacting punishment with each tug and pull. Taker now rams Orton’s left armpit into the NE upper turnbuckle, and UT follows Randy around the ring …….. FUJIWARA Armbar!! Taker locks the hold onto Orton’s lame left arm, as Paul Burchill would be proud, and UT continues to work Orton over, now simply flaying his body with rapid right handed punches in the corner …. Old School!!

Randy attempts to stay the move, through any means …. Yes!! Randy kicks the rope beneath Taker, shaking his balance, and ascending the turnbuckle himself. Headbutt from Orton momentarily stuns Taker, as Orton continues to punish UT ……. SUPERPLEX @!! Orton superplexes Calloway from the top! Randy now calls for the truck backstage, so Cowboy Bob wheels it out into the arena ……. But UT sits up!! Kick wham DDT by Orton affords him some more time to utilize the advantage the U-Haul is to afford him, and Cowboy Bob wheels out its contents …….. a Cobalt blue casket!!

Randy drops a high knee atop the Undertaker’s vacant frame, and cinches in a rear naked choke for the time being. Taker begins to fury and jumbalize himself out of the predicament, while Cowboy Bob can merely offer moral support from ringside; UT fights out, runs the ropes ….. HUGE Dropkick from Orton!! 1 …….. 2 ……………. 2.61!! Orton re-applies the rear choke now, really trying to cut off UT’s blood supply and force some uncharacteristic mental decisions from the staunch veteran; Orton works his way to the side ropes, utilizing the leverage they afford whilst referee Brian Hebner is left unawares, but Taker begins to fight out! UT grabs onto Lil’ Heb, fighting his way up …. No, Scoop Slam by Orton!! Randy now ascends the SE corner, drops an elb ……. No! UT gets up his right boot!! Taker now beats Orton to his feet, where he begins to absolutely label Orton with right hands and IWs him … Taker whiffs on a clothesline … Orton counters .. inverted neckbreaker by Orton! 1……. 2 ………………. 2.64!! Randy now stomps his left boot all over Taker’s neck area, trying to conceive of any means of breaking off the larger man’s reservoir of airflow, though Taker soon revives, and measures the youngster with chiseled right hands. Orton stands and receives the punishment, dishing out rights of his own, though Taker runs off and flies back with a leading right shoulder! Taker drops Orton into the NW corner . SNAKE EYES!! Big Boot!! 1……2 ………….2.44!! Orton now calls for the CHOKESLAM …….Randy rises to his feet . goozle . no! Randy kicks Taker in his gut! No, it doesn’t faze Taker! UT punches Randy clear out of the ring, as Cowboy Bob simply vacates Dodge, and UT encounters a vision outside the ring ………. A desultory image of himself, lying in state, within the very casket himself! Taker is transfixed by the image of his own mock corpse, enough so that Orton can land a choice right and re-assert himself in this matchup.

Randy breaks Heb’s ten count and re-engages the Deadman, bringing him headlong into the ring, and raining right forearms down against UT’s upper sternum area. Randy now poses for the audience in the turnbuckle; wait, UT simply comes to life and reaches for the POWERBO …… no! Randy escapes ….. Clothesline by UT … to Hebner! RKO by Orton, but the ref is out!!2 Randy searches in vain for Lil’ Heb, so Cowboy Bob calls out Referee Charles Robinson ……….1 ………………..2 ……………………… 2.83!!!

Randy Orton reacts in near-shock, as UT stands a man possesessed …….. CHOKESLAM!!! ……… Robinson counts the pin ……. 1 ………..2 ………… Bob pulls Robinson out of the way! Taker now debos Bob all the way to the floor ……… RK …… no, UT shoves him off! TOMBSTONE Piledriver to Randy, and Referee Brian Hebner comes to …….1 ……………2 ………. ? ………… [Heb nearly collapses] ………. 3!!!

Man, way to give Orton a push.

No matter the SD! crew’s mentally vacuous booking decisions, you should still tune in every Friday to WWE ‘SmackDown!’ !! Why? Because ……… because it’s ‘rasslin dag nab it!! See you Sunday for one of the final XP’s!!