The SD! Highlight Reel 12.09.05

The SD! Highlight Reel
December 9, 2005 A.D.
Taped from: Columbia, SC (University of South Carolina)
Hosts: Michael Cole, Tazz & Friends

Wow! Dare I say I’m back?

Okay, an explanation: basically, huge term papers in both my grad level seminar courses came due, and for the last couple weeks I’ve lived a hermit’s existence, cutting myself off from the broadcast media, and all other distractions that could possibly result in my failure of class. Then, a third professor assigned a term paper on top of the others, and I was left banging my head against the wall, nearly cursing my own existence.

But all that’s behind me now, so I’m refreshed, just a bit brash, and ready to report on tonight’s episode of ….

WWE SmackDown!

John Bradshaw Layfield walks out to the ring, sporting a huge white patch over his right eye. Claiming to be suffering from a horrendous eye injury, he notes just how disappointed he is that people would actually believe he walked out on Rey last week …would Mr. SmackDown! really perpetrate such a heinous crime? No! In fact, doctors have advised JBL to quite wrestling altogether, though he simply cannot retire in good conscience, seeing as he means so much to his faithful fans. Thus, he’s sticking around in WWE for you, the loyal viewer, and will continue to provide you with ample entertainment. Such as right now.

Match #1: Singles Contest: John Bradshaw Layfield w/ Jillian Hall vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Rey jumps on Layfield early on, hitting him with a dropkick, and isolating the big man in the NW corner for the ten punch. JBL evades an attempted charge, ducking outside, but only to be the recipient of a Mysterio plancha. Layfield goes back into the ring, where he is quickly followed by Rey, but JBL quickly takes him down and into an Irish Whip … JBL whiffs …. Tilt-a-whirl headscissors by Mysterio! 6 1 ……. Orlando Jordan hits the ring! BIG clothesline from Jordan! The two man beatdown continues …. and here comes Big Dave Batista! He chases the re-united (?) heels out of the ring, right in time for …..

Teddy Long! Teddy spies that Layfield may just be reforming his cabinet, and thus makes tonight’s Main Event a tag team contest: Layfield and Jordan taking on Mysterio and Batista!

Backstage, Randy Orton makes his way to the ring, where he plans on calling out the Undertaker. Papa Bob don’t like it too much, but his powers of persuasion are lacking today, as young Randall continues his strident walk unabated …

Randy has purpose in his step, hitting the ring and immediately grabbing a mic. The Undertaker’s antics have got to stop; he’s messing with Randy’s head! Randy admits it, Taker’s ploys are working! Right as he says this, UT continues to possess whichever arena around the nation SD! happens to travel to, as he plays a remixed, chopped, and screwed version of Orton’s leitmotif and entrance video.

Randy is enraged at this point, beseeching UT to come down to the ring; he simply can’t wait for Armageddon! Randy’s sick of this, the game, the mental gymnastics, the cruel emotions ….

*BELLS*

Taker speaks over the PA System, quoting everyone from Protestant reformer John Calvin to transcendentalist patriarch R. E. Emerson, and even moving on to my personal favourite author of all-time, one Dante Alighieri (though I find La Vita Nuova more frivolously enjoyable than La Commedia), which each excerpt featuring the common allusion of ‘hell.’ Randy acts stunned.

Backstage, recently-hired backstage interviewer seeks a word from Booker T. At first Sharmell relents from admitting her to Booker’s locker room, though Booker is actually primed to relay a few remarks … which is quite unfortunate, since he rambles on fairly incoherently about being jumped on the beach, and getting out a broom.

Match #2: Singles Contest: Super Crazy w/ Psychosis and Cruiserweight Champion of WWE Juventud Guerrera vs. 1/2 of WWE Tag Team Champions Joey Mercury w/ Johnny Nitro & Melina Perez

Tazz is still psyched about having the “greatest entrance ever” ad libbed upon his announce table last week, and can’t even get through the ppv schill.

Mercury grabs a side headlock to start, pushing Crazy down to the mat, though SC soon gets back to his feet and plants Mercury with a pair of hip tosses. Mercury dodges an attempted clothesline by ducking out of the ring, where he receives a swift kick to the head … but evades the follow up Moonsault, and lays SC out with a lariat. Mercury now drops a top rope elbow on Crazy for 2. Mercury grabs a chinlock, only to have Super elbow his way out, feint like he was going out of the ring, and catch Mercury off guard with right hands! Crazy connects with a swank dropkick, before going up top and nailing Mercury with one of the missile variety! Roll-up by SC! 1 ……. 2 ………….. 2.46! Mercury catches Crazy off guard, calls for a reverse neckbreaker and …. Crazy counters! Tornado DDT@! MOONSAULT despite Nitro’s attempted interference! 1 ……….. 2 …………… 3!!

Afterwards, Kid Kash appears from ringside and lays out M.N.M. with the assistance of Mercury, hitting a big brainbuster on Juventud. Joey and Johnny follow up with a SNAPSHOT! Kash indicates he’ll soon come after Guerrera for his Championship.

Backstage Orton looks himself in the mirror, deciding to wash his face – symbolically cleansing himself of the events prior. Within the bathroom mirror stands the lonely figure of the Undertaker, yet as Randy frightenly turns around to face his assailant, he remains the only man in the room.

Mister Kenn ….!

Palmer Cannon steps out onto the stage, noting that as much as he hates to disappoint, Kennedy has suffered an injury that precludes his involvement from tonight’s activities. As such, he shall be replaced in the following match by ….

Match #3: Singles Contest: Ray Gordy vs. The Boogeyman!

Gordy backs himself up in the SE corner, shaking his head vehemently, while the big BM pulls out a fresh batch of live worms and thrusts them into his mouth. Pumphandle Slam by Boogeyman, and just for good measure he plants a forearm right to the grille of poor Ray before pinning him for the academic 1, 2, 3. Just in case the man weren’t depraved enough, he spits the slimy beasts out of his mouth and onto Mr. Gordy’s face.

Tazz asks in vain, where do we get all these whack jobs from?

Backstage Cowboy Bob confronts Randy, who appears a bit shaken. Bob comments it’s almost as if he’s seen a ghost, while Randy sort of downplays the … Randy sees Bob’s face covered in blood! Randy’s gone mental!

Match #4: Singles Contest, the third in a series of seven to determine the Heavyweight Champion of the United States: Booker T w/ Sharmell vs. Chris Benoit

Crowd chants for Benoit, who flips Booker out of a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and the two re-engage. Booker takes Benoit down via a side body lock, though Benoit quickly reverses to lock in Booker’s mid-section, and Book makes the ropes. Booker now hits a couple of chops on Benoit, forcing him into the SE corner, though he whiffs on his attempted charge. Benoit now follows Booker around the ring, chopping him in each area, though Book comes back with a couple right hands. Vertical Suplex by Benoit is followed up by more chops, though, as Benoit even hits a few knees to Booker’s gut. Book mounts little resistance to a Benoit right forearm, though he pops a Backdrop out of nowhere, and hits a suple … no! Benoit floats over into a cross-body in mid-air! 1 …. 2 ……… 2.23! Benoit now stomps on Book for a good bit, IW to the ropes, Booker misses a clothesline … German!! 1 ….2 …………… foot on the rope! Benoit with a forearm to Booker’s temple for 2! Big backbreaker by Benoit for 2! Another pin attempt nets the same result, however, and Booker soon comes back by tossing Benoit wholesale into the SE corner. IW to Benoit, whom Book knocks silly with a shoulder block, and Booker begins regaling Benoit with numerous mounted right hands.

Booker proclaims his greatness to the less-than-appreciative crowd, but Benoit reacts by mounting Book and nailing him with right hands! Chop! Chop! Down goes Booker! 1 ……. 2 ……………… 2.68!! Benoit chops him thrice more, as Sharmell can’t even conceive of the beating her man’s chest is taking — IW to Booker, though he rebounds back to nail Benoit in the back of the head with his boot! Booker locks in a chinlock now, as Benoit vibrates his lower body unerringly in any attempt to extricate himself from the hold. The tactic appears to work, as Benoit rises up to his feet, knee to the gut of Booker T ..Booker misses a kick! ohh .. SPINEBUSTAA! by the Book Man!! Right into the bottom rope! Inverted Suplex by Booker thrusts Benoit’s chest down atop the ropes, as Booker follows up by knocking his man outside. Back in, Book gets a count of 2. Booker reapplies the chinlock as Cole reminds us that he’s leading the series “two-love.” Tazz remarks that if Cole uses the word “love” once more during this broadcast, then he’s leaving.

Benoit makes the come back, running off the ropes and felling Booker T … chop by Benoit! Booker wants a vertical suplex, though Benoit punches out! Booker wants the Axe Kick out of nowhere … NO! GERMAN!! Another … no, standing switch by Booker! Booker with a kick to the back of Benoit’s skull! 1 …….2 ………….. 2.54! Booker ascends the top rope, though Benoit follows him up ……… SUPERPLEX!! 1 …………..2 …………….. 2.77!! Benoit slashes his own throat, calling for the end of this one …. FLYING HEADBUTT!@!! 1 ……………. 2 ……………………. 2.89!!#! Benoit deigns to lecture referee Jimmy Corderis on the art of counting pin falls now, and even dodges an AXE KICK in the process! The maneuver strikes Corderis instead, who is now incapacitated — Benoit catches Book in a cross-face, who almost immediately begins tapping out …… and no ref to be had! Sharmell passes a chair to Book, who THHWWACCKS!!! Benoit with it, and Corderis catches his second wind just in time to count the 1, 2, 3.

Reverse Sweep anyone?

Match #5: Singles Contest: William Regal w/ Paul Burchill vs. Bobby Lashley

Gotta love the Lesnar ring entrance.

Regal appears apprehensive of facing Lashley, and can’t even step into the ring before Lashley hip tosses him off the apron. Quick body suplex by Lashley lands Regal into the SE corner; Lashley charges .. and Burchill pulls Regal to safety! Regal begins to rain the forearms down on Lashley, and connects with an Exploder Suplex for a mere count of 1. Belly to Belly Suplex by Lashley, though, who then hits with the back body drop and another Belly to Belly before going for the Dominator Bomb ….. YES!! 1 ….. 2 ……. 3.

Lashley appears to ask for a mic, post-match, though it is later apparent he is simply pointing to the crowd.

Backstage Randy is finally able to speak again, as he and Bob finally relent, and decide to vacate the premises. UT, though, appears on a backstage screen, and as the Ortons approach their vehicle … the keys are locked inside it! And it drives itself away!! Josh Mathews now runs up to interview Orton, asking him about what’s been going on. Undertaker then PSYCHICALLY POSSESSES Mathews, occasioning to use his unwitting host body as but a twisted vehicle through which to talk ever more smack. Randy back off and runs off in a haze. Josh is bewildered at Orton’s frightened response.

Video Package highlights Kane and Big Show’s recent swath of destruction across SmackDown!

Match #6: MAIN EVENT Tag Team Contest: Orlando Jordan and John Bradshaw Layfield w/ Jillian Hall vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Heavyweight Champion of the World Dave Batista

Tazz informs the doubting Cole that JBL is legit injured, and has had to flush his eye out a multitude of times lately, just as other athletes do who suffer eye injuries. Cole uncharacteristically remarks that Tazz “knows all about fluid in the eyes.”

Jordan starts off with Dave, who feint steps in close, only to back off, drawing the chant of “Ba-TIS-ta” from the crowd. Dave shoves Jordan down, though Jordan is quickly back up and grabs Batista around the waist, only to be tossed off. Batista tags out, as Rey flips in and on top of the prone Jordan. JBL now makes his way to the ring, where Rey gets a lift from Dave to hurricanrana him out of the ring! Rey hits a plancha suicida to the floor on both men!

Back inside, Jordan gains the upper hand, even stomping Dave down onto the far side of the canvas underneath the ropes. Orlando grabs Batista’s arm and torques it around such that Dave is left exclaiming in agony … Dave with knee to the mid-section of Jordan … vertical suplex! Tag to Rey!! Rey dodges Jordan, and runs a forearm right into Layfield on the apron; JBL recovers however, and is tagged right into the fray … Rey with a dropkick to his knee! 6 …. No, Layfield ducks out, is soon followed by Rey, and uses Miss Hall as a human shield! She slaps the spit out of Mysterio’s mouth, allowing JBL to pound on the diminutive gentleman for a couple minutes outside the ring before rolling him back in.

Layfield lands a measured right hand to the low of Rey’s back, and leads him up to the top rope ……. SUPER LAST CALL@!$!!!#!! 1 ……….. 2 ……………….. broken up by BATISTA!! JBL now grabs a big side bearhug, wrenching the life and breath out of the young man, who tries in vain to elbow his way out … Mysterio bulldog!! Layfield quickly tags out to Jordan, though, who connects with a swinging neckbreaker and lays into Mysterio a good deal via both right hands and a reverse bearhug. Rey is quickly immobilized and brought to his knees, though gets a few elbows to connect to Jordan … and he’s out! ohhh Rey completely misses on an attempted dropkick, as Jordan hangs onto the ropes and tags in Layfield. He sets Rey atop the NE turnbuckle, but walks right into a barrage of right hands! Jump-swinging DDT by Mysterio off the top!! Each man tags out!

In runs big DAVE, who nails JBL with a back body drop, and runs Jordan right into the turnbuckle! JBL out of nowhere with a Clothesline from H ….. no, SPEAR by Dave! Mysterio sentons his way back into the ring, but JILLIAN HALL enters the fray (Referee Nick Patrick can be heard asking her “What do you think you’re doing in here?”) to save her man … and eats a 619 for her troubles!! JBL just missed getting hit with it himself, and immediately pulls up lame with what Tazz speculates is a torn ACL or some such. That leaves Jordan alone in the ring, as Hall has been removed by some off-camera means, who is hurricanrana’d by Mysterio! Rey and Dave flash a double thumbs down sign! BATISTA BOMB OF BOUNTIFUL BLASPHEMY results in the pin fall — —

So, maybe Kane and Show have some competition at Armageddon, eh?

Thanks folks, here’s to a big weekend, everybody do it up wherever you may be.