The Take No Prisoners 2009 Breakdown

Take No Prisoners 2009 By J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Brightkite.com/jddunn411 Facebook A little late, I know, but… well, it took place two months ago. You’re going to hold *me* to a higher standard. I had an elsewhere to be. I don’t really have much to say about Misawa. Those who have read me for a long time know I started out covering mostly AJPW. For my money, he was the second greatest wrestler – in terms of per match quality – who ever lived (the first being his mentor Jumbo Tsuruta). I can say that, when I have to die, I hope I die doing something I love rather than descending into madness and killing my wife and kids. There are tragedies and then there are *real* tragedies. Anyway, if I can re-arrange some things, I might do the Misawa set that was released in the late 1990s. Original airdate: June 12, 2009 (taped April 4, 2009) From Houston, Texas. Your hosts are Lenny Leonard and Dave Prazak. Opening Match: Colt Cabana vs. Ace Steel. This is the “Battle of the Second City Saints.” Nigel McGuinness joins the commentary crew, forcing Leonard to pull a “Jim Ross” and fawn all over him now that he’s no longer champion. Total comedy match early, but, as per usual with Colt’s opponents, Steel gets frustrated with all the comedy. Steel’s offense is okay, but not terribly involving. Colt catches him in the Billy Goat’s Curse for the submission at 9:26. It’s nice to have both guys back, but this didn’t do anything for me. ** Jimmy Jacobs says Necro Butcher threw everything. Another good promo from Jimmy. Kevin Steen, El Generico, Magno & Jay Briscoe vs. Chris Hero, Incognito & The American Wolves (w/Shane Hagadorn). IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE FEUD! The ROHers powder out, leaving Magno versus Incognito. Prazak’s hilarious commentary makes the segment. Is it Battle Kat? Is it Dragon Soldier B? For some reason, they don’t start the match until the *real* ROH guys get in. Furious pace in this one. Generico plays your face-in-peril. The Wolves look awesome, as usual. Incognito hits a springboard swanton. Nice. Hero runs into a Michinoku Driver, though, and that allows Generico to make the hot tag. DIVEFEST ’09! String Cheese Incident opens on that show. Hero sets up on top and shoves Generico into the ref. He sets up the Misawa elbow pad, and when Generico gets back up, he knocks him out. Jay makes the save and busts Hero’s spine. That sets up the Spiked Jaydriller with Magno playing the part of Mark Briscoe. Hero ain’t getting’ up from that. The faces pull out the win at 9:25. Balls out pace in this one, and it worked for all the chaos. Loved Magno jumping in and playing Mark’s role. ***1/2 No DQ War: Jimmy Jacobs vs. Necro Butcher. To this day, I’m still not sure what Jacobs hoped to accomplish in the Age of the Fall. I mean, I know all factions are about winning (except the J.O.B. Squad, but then losing was kind of their gimmick), but Jimmy kept talking about some sort of movement. It was anti-ROH at one point – kind of like the nWo. Then, it was some sort of nihilistic jargon. Then, it was about recruiting Austin Aries. Then, it was about killing Austin Aries. Then, it was about hanging out with Delirious. Obama’s healthcare reform plan is more coherent. Hell, the GOP’s healthcare reform plan is more coherent. They brawl up into the stands, which kind of recalls the brawls between Bruiser Brody and Abdullah the Butcher back in WCCW. Different area, I know, but work with me. Necro dominates until Jimmy pulls out a screwdriver and stabs Necro in the face with it. Both guys are bloody now. Jimmy hits a suicide dive to keep Necro from setting up a table. Back in, Jimmy his a superplex… to the floor! Christ on a cracker, that’s crazy. I know that’s *his* spot, but still. Necro is unresponsive, so a few officials come out and roll his carcass back in. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Necro fights back and puts Jimmy through a table with a DVD to the floor. Buddha on a biscuit, that’s crazy! Back in, Necro piles up some chairs and signals for the chokeslam. Jimmy punts him in the nuts and hits the End Time onto the chairs. Necro fights out of it and pushes Jimmy into the corner. Tiger Driver on the chairs finishes as Necro gets some revenge on Jimmy at 14:49. Much like “Hell in a Cell ’98,” this was all about one big spot and some violence scattered around that. That spot was not exactly falling off the cage or through it for that matter. **3/4 Nigel McGuinness comes out to let us know he’s injured. If anyone has a problem with that, they can take it up with him outside. Claudio Castagnoli interrupts and wants to know what’s what. Nigel apologizes and says they’ll get the Americans next time. Claudio sees fine with it but when Nigel turns his back, he jumps him from behind. Yeah, no one ever suspects the Swiss… except me. Claudio Castagnoli vs. Brent Albright vs. Blue Demon Jr. Blue Demon Jr. is the NWA Champion, but he’s treated like midcard fodder here. What’s up with that? And did Albright ever get a match for that title? Claudio isolates Blue Demon for the first half of the match while Brent is stuck on the apron. Demon finally tags out, and Brent cleans house. 61Knee! Claudio fights back and goes for the Ricolabomb, but Nigel returns and grabs his ankle. That distraction allows Albright to hit the Half-Nelson Suplex for the win at 5:37. I’m not sure if there are any legal obstacles to it, but I would have liked to have just seen Blue Demon vs. Brent Albright for the NWA Title. Or Claudio vs. Brent to pay off their feud. All three together was just subtraction by addition. ** Jerry Lynn talks about winning the ROH Title. Nothing of note really. Roderick Strong vs. Alex Kozlov. There actually *is* a little backstory here, and Lenny Leonard points it out. Alex Kozlov and Roderick’s former partner Rocky Romero are in a stable in AAA. Kozlov uses his speed early but gets caught in a fallaway slam. He comes back and works in the COSSACK KICKS! Perestroika (Tarantula Mexican Surfboard) follows. He stops to gloat, though, and Roderick fires off a few chops. Backbreaker! Kozlov comes back with the Soviet Strike for two. He counters the Half-Nelson Backbreaker to a crucifix, but Roderick hits him with the Yakuza Kick. That sets up the Boston Crab for the win at 7:40. Kozlov showed oodles of personality and athleticism. Other than that, it was typical Strong match. **1/2 ROH World Title, Scramble Rules: Jerry Lynn vs. Bryan Danielson vs. D-Lo Brown vs. Brent Albright. I think D-Lo would be awesome in the Embassy. D-Lo and Danielson go nose-to-nose. Something I don’t know about? The other two break it up before it comes to blows. The rules are that there can only be two guys in at a time, and if one guy goes out, another guy can come in. Yeah, they pretty much throw that out the window anyway. Round Robin-ish start with Stevens taking on D-Lo, then Lynn coming in with Danielson, then Stevens with Danielson. Lynn saves Stevens from a superplex, but Stevens breaks up the Cradle Piledriver. Stevens takes D-Lo over the top with a Cactus Clothesline. That sets up Danielson’s springboard plancha into the crowd. Stevens hits Lynn with the Choo-Choo, but Lynn catches him with the Cradle Piledriver to pick up the win at 8:10. Whoa. This was rushed, compared to a lot of ROH Title matches. There was a lot of action, but it was really too short with too many guys in there to develop a cogent story. *** Tyler Black & KENTA vs. Austin Aries & Katsuhiko Nakajima. Electrifying series of reversals and avoidances early on. Nakajima, if you’ve never seen him, is a disciple of Kensuke Sasaki. Nakajima and KENTA tag in. IT’S KICKY TO ROCK A RHYME! Neither guy budges no matter how many stiff kicks they get. MANLY! Aries tags in and calls for a wrestling match with KENTA because he doesn’t want a kicky battle. KENTA takes him down into the headscissors, and YOU CAN’T HEADSCISSOR AUSTIN ARIES… but you can dodge the resulting dropkick. Slap by Aries. Oh, no he din’t. Aries ducks to the floor and gets wiped out by Black. Back in, KENTA takes off the kid gloves… erm, boots, and goes nuts with kicks. Aries is your heel-in-peril until Tyler goes for a springboard and gets cut off by Aries. Black plays face-in-peril for a while, but he’s never *really* in danger of getting pinned. KENTA gets the hot tag and gets a rematch with Nakajima. KICK ASS! Literally. We’re not getting enough KENTA/Nakajima in our lives. KENTA hits him with a flurry, but Aries tags himself in. Black forearms Aries right into a German Suplex and follows him up with the Paroxysm. Cool spot as Aries tries an IED, but Black ducks his shoulder and catches him for a powerslam. He just launches him instead. BUCKLEBOMB! Nakajima jumps Black from behind to prevent the superkick. KENTA comes out of nowhere to hit the BUSAIKU KNEE! YAHOOO! You’re all clear, kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home! Aries grabs Tyler for the Brainbuster, but Black hits God’s Last Gift instead and picks up the win at 22:10. Typically great ROH main event. I was hoping for more Nakajima vs. KENTA, but Black and Aries are the mainstays, so it’s understandable. The Japanese guys brought stiffness and intensity. Aries brought the smugness, and Tyler brought the plucky determination. Excellent way to end the show. ****1/4

The 411: Not a bad way to go out for the first incarnation of ROH PPVs. Hopefully, they get things streamlined with their TV and DVD releases and decide what they want to be – a DVD company that uses TV to hype their releases, or a normal wrestling company with TV leading to PPV and DVD releases. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mark Cuban and/or HDNet owned part of ROH by the end of the year, and that might be a good thing. Thumbs up for the main event and a good 8-man tag.