The Wrestling Bazaar: NWA/TNA Weekly PPV #9

Health South, TNA’s financial backer during the pre-Dixie days, would pull out of their deal with the Jarretts a day after this PPV. This would force TNA to film two weeks’ worth of shows the following Wednesday, air a Best of the X-Division show the third week and have no show on 9/11. Essentially, they gave themselves 30 days to find a new financial backer.

August 14, 2002- The Asylum in Nashville, Tennessee

In the ring, Jeremy Borash introduces us to the new NWA World Heavyweight Champion, Ron Killings. Last week we wanted the truth; now, we got the truth. From this point forward, this arena will be known as the Truth’s house- “The TNA Asylum.” He came to the NWA a very bitter man- and with good reason. All of his life, the color of his skin has made it difficult for him to compete. In the WWF, the Truth was told by a senior official that he would never make it because he was a black man in a white man’s world. He isn’t playing the race card. How would it make you feel if someone said that to you? He is a black man in a man’s world. He is a damn legend. He took advantage of the one opportunity given to him. Now that he is the NWA World Heavyweight Champion…

And with that, Jeff Jarrett’s music hits. Alright Walt Disney, put your dreams away cause you’re looking at your worst nightmare. This is a case of reverse discrimination. Killings disagrees. Jarrett isn’t denying the fact that he beat Ken Shamrock. The difference is that Killings was given an opportunity while Jarrett has been robbed week after week. All Jarrett asks for is an opportunity- tonight. Killings reminds Jarrett that they became very good friends. The only thing keeping Killings from whooping a buddy’s ass is opportunity. If the championship is what Jarrett wants, come to the ring and get it. just as Jarrett is about to, Bill Behrens comes out with security. There is a new sherriff in town- Bad Boy Billy Behrens. Kick Behren’s ass once, shame on Jarrett; kick Behren’s ass twice, shame on…Jarrett (that one made Jarrett crack a smile). Behrens just wanted to let Jarrett know that Ricky Steamboat couldn’t be here tonight. Behrens is in charge, and Jarrett can fight Killings all he wants, but it won’t be for the title. Jarrett is about to attack Behrens but Brian Lawler takes him out from behind and beats him up all around ringside. In a funny bit, Lawler tries to get a chair from the crowd but the fan doesn’t let him take it. Lawler screams “I know what you did” to end the segment.

At ringside, Mike Tenay, Don West and Ed Ferrara run down the crowd.

Match One: Kid Kash/Shark Boy/Slim J vs. Amazing Red/The Maximos
This is a pretty historical match for TNA as it marks the debut of both Kash and Shark Boy. The 17-year-old Slim J is a scrawny Eminem look-alike. West loves the guy. Kash automatically shows more personality than anyone else in the ring with heelish bitch slaps and flips of the bird. Combine that with some crisp, eye-popping moves such as a huge springboard somersault dive, and he is over with the crowd instantly. J grabs his crotch quite a bit. Cool spot where one Maximo has a camel clutch on J while the other is on top with a Boston crab on Shark Boy. Red finishes it off with a low dropkick to J’s face. Of course J doesn’t sell a bit of it. He goes right back to corkscrew flips. Kash brings back some maturity to the match with some smart covers. At the same time, he is able to bust out nice looking offense such as a springboard rana. Things break down with every one hitting their finishers. Kash’s tigerbomb brainbuster is a close nearfall. The Maximos hit the Spanish Fly on J. Red finishes him off with an Infra Red.
Winner: Amazing Red/The Maximos in 11:00
Rating: **1/2 (A spotfest if I ever saw one. Kash stood out in a very positive way, trying to bring some sort of order to the match whenever he could.)

In the back, Goldilocks is with The Dupps. She warns them not to touch her. Stan reminds her that they defended her last week on Disco’s show. Bo tells us that they are going to start a new TV show (modeled after MTV Cribs) called “Shee-eee-eee-eee-ters.” They open the door to a bathroom behind them. Goldilocks is disgusted.

Before our next match, Bruce wants to tell us that he loves us all. More importantly, what he has under his dress makes him more woman than Tenay’s wife. Every married man around the world is secretly fantasizing about what they can do to him. Crowd chants, “You suck dick!” He goes on to challenge any woman in the audience to match. If they can pin Bruce, he will write them a check for $5,000. A stout woman in jeans and a gray shirt accepts…

Match Two: Bruce vs. Stout Woman in Jeans and a Gray Shirt
SWJGS spears Bruce and hits a legdrop. She tosses him over the top rope and bodyslams him outside. Back inside, she hits another bodyslam. She goes for a third, but Bruce rolls her up and takes the win.
Winner: Bruce in 2:00
Rating: N/A (So much for the promising start to this show.)

In the back, Goldilocks is with Jeff Jarrett. He didn’t do a damn thing to Brian Lawler. Killings is wearing his belt. Jarrett will not take crap from anybody. While on the subject, he enters a bathroom stall and pulls out Bill Behrens who has his pants down (but wearing boxers). The camera follows Jarrett out of the bathroom. As he leaves, Bo Dupp bumps into midget wrestler Teo. Bo wants to settle it in the ring. Okay then.

Match Three: Last Man Standing Match- Malice vs. Don Harris
The New Church is banned from ringside. Malice takes a direct chair shot to the head in the opening minute of the match. The crowd chants, “One more time.” He takes another. Harris has stitches on the side of his face and a small black eye from last week’s First Blood match. Malice takes control of the match after throwing powder in Harris’ face. Action quickly spills to the outside. Malice tosses Harris off the entrance stage (not a big fall) and finds a steel chain under the ring. Harris regroups, turns the weapon on Malice and brings a table into the ring. Back inside, Harris big boots a chair into Malice’s face. Malice comes back with a nice powerbomb. He gets a little greedy and tries for a chokeslam, but Harris counters it into a DDT. In the corner, Malice props Harris on the ropes and comes off with a back drop suplex into the table. Malice actually eats the table harder than Harris does. Both men are down but Harris makes it to his feet at nine to win.
Winner: Don Harris in 7:00
Rating: *3/4 (Not bad, and a definite improvement over last week’s lazy brawl. They used all seven minutes pretty efficiently.)

Post-match, Malice shakes Don Harris’ hand.

In the back, Goldilocks is with The Dupps…again. Teo will be the next opponent in the Dupp Cup. Stan is afraid of midgets- so much so, that he starts ramming himself into a door. Bo reassures Stan that he will take care of Teo.

Match Four: Dupp Cup- Teo vs. Bo Dupp
Borash introduces Teo as the World’s Smallest Extreme Athlete. West grabs a mic and keeps score for us. First to 10 pts wins. Teo nails JB for 2 ½ pts. He goes up to 4 ½ pts after two trash can lid shots. West gets his words all jumbled up trying to explain the Horsey Poo thing. Stan loses Bo 5 pts for screaming like a pussy. Bo gets some weapons from the crowd and hits Teo with them to raise himself to -2 pts. Stan gives a fan a wooden board to give to Bo, who tosses Teo into it. Bo is at -1pt. Stan gooses West for 3 ½ pts and tries to attack Sara the ticket lady. She chases him away with a broom. Bo goes to dump Teo inside an outhouse at the top of the entrance stage. Puppet comes out of it and attacks Bo. Teo stuffs Bo inside for the win.
Winner: Teo in 4:00 to become the new Dupp Cup Champion
Rating: N/A (I can hardly take it no more.)

We get a highlight package on the history between Monty Brown and Elix Skipper. Before the match Skipper gets on the match and calls this his house.

Match Five: Detroit Street Fight- Elix Skipper vs. Monty Brown
Skipper goes to meet Brown on the ramp, but runs to the wrong tunnel. Brown attacks from behind. Brown looks and carries himself like a star. It’s a shame that he never became a true superstar in wrestling. Skipper is not nearly as big as Brown. But he uses his smarts and athleticism to take advantage of the match. For example, Brown charges blindly and misses after Skipper does the Matrix. That is not enough though, as Brown eventually Alphabombs Skipper onto a trashcan for the win.
Winner: Monty Brown in 6:00
Rating: *1/2 (Nothing to see here. Every match involving an X-Division guy is starting to feel the same. If they wanted to make Brown look like a monster, they could have done a much better job here.)

In the back, Goldilocks is with the Flying Elvises, who get a shot at Low Ki’s X-Division Championship later tonight in a Four-Way Elimination match. They are wearing black armbands for the 25th anniversary of the passing of Elvis. Estrada says team or no team, they will stand up. Yang sings to Goldilocks and shows off his What Would King Do wristband. Siaki doesn’t respect Elvis as much. Siaki is the heartbeat of the Flying Elvises. He is the Flying Elvises. If people want to look up to someone, it shouldn’t be Elvis. It should be Siaki.

Match Six: X-Division Championship- Low Ki© vs. Sonny Siaki vs. Jorge Estrada vs. Jimmy Yang
Elimination rules. Siaki signals Estrada and Yang to the apron. This crowd just loves Ki every single week. He gets bigger reactions on a consistent basis than almost anyone else on the roster. Ki dominates Siaki early, but Siaki takes control by catching him in midair and coming down with a powerbomb. This match is structured to make Siaki look like a star. He has to save Estrada from a dragon sleeper and is the only one who seems to have an answer for Ki’s offense. At one point, Estrada and Yang are the two legal men. Estrada gets the better of Yang at the start, but gets too cocky for his own good and ends up tapping to a half Boston crab. This gives Yang some confidence as he finally starts to get some extended offense on Ki. Siaki ends that by crotching his partner on the top rope and allowing Ki to eliminate him with a Ki Crusher. Siaki quickly enters and gets a nearfall on Ki with a Samoan drop. Ki comes back with his usual series of kicks. Siaki has him well-scouted as he escapes one of them and drops Ki with an uppercut. The end comes out of nowhere when Ki rolls Siaki up for the win.
Winner: Low Ki in 9:00 to retain the X-Division Championship
Rating: **1/4 (The match was more about Siaki than anything else. They were doing a great job of having him stand out by booking matches like this where he was made to look like the most competent member of the Elvises. The rollup finish was logical booking as it gives Ki the win while still protecting Siaki.)

Earlier today Goldilocks tried to get a word with Jerry Lynn. Lynn has somewhere to go so they have a quick word en route to a gas station. Once there Lynn attacks AJ Styles from behind.

It’s time for some more Jive Talkin’. Tonight, Disco doesn’t have a wrestler as a guest. Instead, he has a legitimate movie star- Dean Baldwin. Doesn’t exist. A guy resembling the Baldwin brothers comes out. He is here for research on his upcoming movie- “Urban Heartthrobs” starring Frank Stallone and Carrot Top. The conversation moves to Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger’s sex life. Disco wants to know if they have been in any threesomes with other famous actors. Before Dean can answer, Brian Lawler comes out. He doesn’t give a shit about this show. What he does give a shit about is Jeff Jarrett and what he is guilty of. Dean takes the mic away from him. Lawler answers by beating him up. To end the segment, Disco hypes next week’s Jive Talkin’.

In the back, Goldilocks is with The Dupps. Stan says he will never be back in the NWA again. Bo doesn’t know what to do.

Match Seven: NWA World Tag Team Championship- Jerry Lynn/AJ Styles© vs. Jeff Jarrett/Ron Killings
Booking this match must have been orgasmic for Vince Russo. A tag team match where the members of both teams hate each other? If that’s wrong, Russo doesn’t want to be right. Jarrett and Killings attack Lynn before Styles makes his way out there. Lynn, if you hadn’t attacked Styles in that gas station earlier, you could have avoided this. Styles eventually does come out and he swings the match in their favor. He works over Jarrett on the outside while Lynn dominates Killings on the inside. A nice mid-rope bulldog by Lynn almost gives them the win but Jarrett spoils it. In a weird sequence, Styles goes to clothesline Lynn but connects with Jarrett instead when Lynn ducks. Isn’t that supposed to work out the opposite way? There is some more miscommunication when Styles goes for his springboard DDT on Killings but ends up falling near Lynn. Killings and Styles head to the apron and the match settles into more of a formula tag with Lynn playing the face in peril. Lynn shows some signs of a comeback here and there, but Killings and Jarrett are strong enough as a team to thwart that. Lynn finally makes the hot tag to Styles off a tornado DDT on Killings. Styles enters in full babyface mode, taking out Jarrett with some nice kicks. He is about to hit a Styles Clash, but Killings stops it. Tenay tries to sell the fact that Lynn and Styles are on the same page after some double team moves. Then, in typical fashion, Styles accidently spears the ref. Lynn hits an inverted DDT on Jarrett and covers, but there is no one there to make the count. Lynn continues with a Cradle Piledriver on Killings. The end comes when Jarrett hits the Stroke on Lynn and Styles connects with a Spiral Tap on Killings, simultaneously. The knocked out ref comes to and counts Jarrett’s pin while another ref runs in to count Styles’ pin at the same time.
Winner: No Contest in 12:00
Rating: **3/4 (Match of the night, but that isn’t saying much. The action was strong throughout, but there were quite a few missed spots. Are Lynn and Styles friends again?)

Post-match, Bob Armstrong enters the ring and holds up the titles. He then announces Ron Killings vs. Monty Brown for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship and Jerry Lynn vs. AJ Styles in a Number One Contender’s Match for the X-Division Championship. Lynn wants to make it a Falls Count Anywhere match. Styles wants a No Disqualification Match. Armstrong makes it a 2 out of 3 Falls match with the third stip being an Ironman Match. In addition, Armstrong has a mystery opponent for Jarrett. And here I was thinking Bill Behrens was in charge tonight.

At ringside, Don West is back for another hard sell of next week’s show. Pure win, as always. Mike Tenay cuts it a bit short with his frantic “wait, there’s something going on in the back” shtick…

That turns out to be Jeff Jarrett arguing with Bob Armstrong. Brian Lawler comes in and chokes Jarrett to end the show.

The 411: They followed up their best show last week with their worst. It’s really hard to keep track of what is going on. In the beginning, Bill Behrens was in charge. After a couple of weeks, Ricky Steamboat was in charge. At the start of this show, Bill Behrens was back in charge. At the end of the show, Bob Armstrong was in charge. And it doesn’t end there. The Jerry Lynn/AJ Styles saga has flip-flopped so many times, it is pointless to keep track of- or even care about- when they are friends and when they hate each other. The Dupps were everywhere on the show, and none of it was funny. The Bruce stuff was absolutely brutal. The same goes for Jive Talkin’. At least in the past, the wrestling helped to even out the stupidity. No such luck this week. No wonder Health South pulled out after this show.

Final Score:  3.0   [ Bad ]