The Wrestling News Experience: 04.04.11

Monday, April 4th, 2011

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

I, Too, Have Come Intending To Play

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, your host for the Day After WrestleMania. Well, it’s not like they can afford to have the Rock host every day of the year.

We are hitting the end of the NHL season, and somehow the Leafs still have a slim chance. What are the odds that the NY Rangers blow their season on the last day again? Plus, the Jays have started out in a fairly dominating fashion, and I’m pretty sure Jose Bautista took all those “last year might have been a fluke” comments to heart.

Meanwhile, we are just slightly removed from the biggest night in the WWE year, and even though they aren’t about wrestling, the name of the show is still WrestleMania. So, let’s get right into it.

Larry has the live coverage, and because I don’t have enough people complaining about my opinions, I thought I’d try my first-ever hand at star ratings! Hooray!

Aw dammit, Cole’s still doing some portion of the commentary tonight, at least.

Wait, we’re opening with the World Heavyweight title? What the hell?

A wild Brodus appeared! Seriously, does he just materialize at ringside or something? Also, if you took his shirt off, would he forget his name?

That…certainly is a large video box they have there.

Boy, if they call Christian “Edge’s best friend” any more, they’re totally going to give away the heel turn.

Edge defeated Alberto Del Rio to retain the World Heavyweight Championship (pinfall, spear)

TWNE Rating: *** – Del Rio’s offense is geared around the cross arm-breaker, which is nice, but pretty dull. Picked up for the ending, but with all the outside factors, it seemed almost…underbooked? Is that possible?

Wait…what?

Does this lead to Christian wanting a title match because he helped Edge keep the title? Because I’m okay with that.

And apparently now we’re going to destroy Del Rio’s car. Did he sleep with Michelle McCool or something?

Okay, I love Cody’s “headline” Tron. And I correctly guessed Rey’s Captain America costume in my pick ‘em league! I demand recognition!

Cody Rhodes defeated Rey Mysterio (pinfall, CrossRhodes)

TWNE Rating: ***1/2 – Contrast this to the previous match, Rhodes’ heel offense is much more interesting, even when he’s being slow and deliberate. Good false finishes at the end, and a surprising win for Rhodes.

I wonder if Snoop remembers that he was already at WrestleMania two years ago.

So…we bumped Sheamus-Bryan so that Snoop and Teddy could host an American Idol parody? Well, at least the long national nightmare is over. Hornswoggle can speak English. Although I’m confused…shouldn’t he have an Irish accent?

Santino: “Can’t walk…ramp’s too long…if I walk, the show’ll be over.”

The Big Show, Kane, Santino and Kofi Kingston defeated The Corre (Show pinned Slater, KO Punch)

TWNE Rating: * – That match needed to be about five or six minutes longer. Instead, we skipped straight to the parade of finishers ending. Again, we bumped Bryan-Sheamus why?

Do you think Mae Young knows where she is, who she’s talking to, or what year it is?

Austin-Rock face-off! Excuse me, I’m having a moment.

Sorry for the dead space here, I’m just mesmerized by Punk on heel offense. I could watch this all day.

Ringpost figure-four! And Punk did it on the correct leg, too!

He’s faking, Punk! He’s faking!

And Punk sees it coming! Thought that would be the finish!

Well, that’ll do it.

Randy Orton defeated CM Punk (pinfall, Super RKO)

TWNE Rating **** – Hey, somebody figured out how to have a non-standard Orton match. Go figure, it was CM Punk. I want more of this match!

Pee Wee Herman and The Rock? I would entirely watch that show. Although, “hot garbage” is never getting over.

Hey, they got Drew Carey to show up.

Weird…I’m not used to seeing Shawn without a hat covering his MPB.

Heh…when they said “Here to call the action…Booker T”, you could feel everyone sit back down when it wasn’t JR…and then it was JR.

Dear lord…Cole’s outfit…my eyes. The goggles do nothing! I haven’t seen that much bright orange on that small of a person since Tazz.

The Swagger push-ups return!

Who keeps giving that man keys to an ATV?

And JR is stealing my Tazz jokes. Damn you, Okie!

Why did nobody think about just climbing into the Cole Mine before?

How is it possible that Michael Cole has been around wrestling for over a decade and never learned how to kick somebody realistically? Hell, it’s only Michael Cole, let him stiff it a little.

Well, this is the equivalent of Jerry Lawler wrestling himself with his back on the mat.

Austin’s hilarious, and he’s had a massive grin the entire match. “Do…you…give up? Do…you…give…up?”

Ah…that felt good.

Jerry Lawler defeated Michael Cole (submission, Ankle Lock)

TWNE Rating: ***** – Dissenters will be forced to re-live the past year of Cole’s heel commentary work. The wrestling sucked, obviously, but you didn’t watch this for the wrestling.

Oh crap…I was worried about the presence of the Raw GM podium.

Oh that’s goddamn bullshit.

Michael Cole defeated Jerry Lawler (DQ, Raw GM reversed decision due to referee interference

TWNE Rating: -***** – That’s how much bullshit that finish was.

Listen, I understand the match wasn’t really about who won, it was about watching Cole get his ass kicked. But if that’s true, why do a bullshit Dusty finish to piss off the crowd? They would have been so much more hyped up for the next match if you let them have the high of Lawler celebrating his win.

Conan The Barbarian returns! Thanks for the Metallica entrance, Trip, now I just want to watch Zombieland again.

Hey, I understand, you paid for Johnny Cash, you have to use it, but it just doesn’t work for Taker’s entrance.

Boy, I hope Cole didn’t pay a lot for that Cole Mine. I bet he feels safe now.

Because he only really has the Pedigree as a finisher, I find it’s very hard to feel the Streak is in any jeopardy when Triple H goes for a pinfall off any other move. It’s not the same with Taker, he has so many potential finishers.

Of course, then Triple H goes and hits a Pedigree and Taker kicks out. Carry on.

I feel like we’re going to the finish faster than I expected here. Is it just me?

In case anyone wondered who the guy with allllll the respect in WWE is…Taker kicks out of a third Pedigree.

Uh oh…unprotected head shot with a chair…somebody’s getting a memo.

Come on, if you’re going to violate that rule, you have to add some blood to make it really powerful.

Well, of course Taker kicks out of a Tombstone. It’s his move. You can’t beat someone with their own move. There is no situational irony in wrestling.

Okay, that made sense for the finish, because I wasn’t sure how Taker was going to get back onto believable even footing after Trip spent ten minutes beating him mercilessly.

The Undertaker defeated Triple H (submission, Hell’s Gate)

TWNE Rating: ***3/4 – Well, big points for trying, and I’m sure I’ll get crucified, but this match was not better than Orton-Punk, and it definitely wasn’t better than the WrestleMania X7 match. I think between the past two Manias and pure belief in their skills, they set the bar too high for this year, and sadly couldn’t clear it. It was a good match, but very slow, almost plodding, in parts, and it’s not going on my personal list of MOTY contenders.

I did like the post-match “Taker put everything into defending the Streak and has absolutely nothing left after the match” bit, especially with HHH even showing remorse, plus I think it’ll tie into next year’s Mania when his opponent points out that each year is taking a bigger toll. At least, it should.

But JR, isn’t Snooki’s “low center of gravity” offset by her “overdeveloped upper body”?

Oh God, LayCool has had more internal tension and potential break-ups than a thousand nWo’s.

HOLY SHIT.

I just saw Snooki do a cartwheel handspring elbow and…it was awesome.

By the way, Morrison and Ziggler never actually tagged into the match.

John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Snooki defeated Dolph Ziggler and LayCool (Snooki pinned McCool, cartwheel splash)

TWNE Rating: ** – This was what it was, but how about that handspring by Snooki? That plus Morrison’s Starship Pain out to the floor gets an extra ½ star. Of course, I would have liked to see an actual match, but I suspect we’ll get Morrison-Ziggler soon enough.

Apparently Extreme Rules is now supposed to be synonymous with people doing stupid Jackass-like stunts?

Are you kidding me? Miz on Real World footage? This is one of the greatest promo videos ever. They should have run this for weeks leading up to the show, and I bet nobody would be saying Miz was overlooked.

I want those “Awesome” balloon letters. Somebody acquire them for me.

A gospel choir and a prayer for Cena? You have to be kidding me.

Well, at least red is a slightly better t-shirt colour.

The Miz and John Cena went to a Double Count-Out. Miz retains the WWE Championship

No way. This is entirely a shot at TNA’s non-finish to RVD-Anderson at Victory Road.

And sure enough…

The Miz defeated John Cena to retain the WWE Championship (pinfall, Rock Bottom)

TWNE Rating: *** – Much like the other World title match, this just wasn’t that bad and wasn’t that good. It was a Raw match on a PPV, with a bad finish and then a second, not great finish, and the action had a very “going through the motions” feel. Plus, the crowd was dead. Still, if you had told people a year ago that Miz would successfully defend the WWE Title against John Cena at WrestleMania, they’d lock you up in some type of asylum.

So, the real best wrestler in WWE is the WrestleMania guest host? Not sure you should be having The Rock beat down the WWE Champion so easily.

Well…I think we know what this means for the future.

Last night, in a completely unexpected turn of events, The Miz left WrestleMania with the WWE Title firmly wrapped around his waist. In no small part, this was due to the actions of the Rock, who delivered a stunning Rock Bottom to John Cena in retribution for Cena’s actions last week. Rock has promised to be at Raw tonight, where hopefully, he will shed some light on his actions, and his intentions for the future.

Meanwhile, while battling a crippling leg injury, Randy Orton managed to overcome CM Punk in a one-on-one match. Will this put the final nail in Nexus’ coffin, or will the Straight Edge Superstar have a contingency plan?

Plus, fresh off her victory against LayCool and Dolph Ziggler, rumours are that Snooki may be in the house, and even contemplating a career in WWE. I have one response to that: does it mean they’ll cancel Jersey Shore?

And maybe they’ll actually give us the Daniel Bryan-Sheamus match we were deprived of last night. Also, who will be tonight’s commentary team, what with Cole being all beaten up and his Cole Mine destroyed?

Don’t forget, it’s also the Night After WrestleMania, which means anything can happen, especially when it comes to debuting or returning faces! One such rumoured debut is that of Mexican phenom Sin Cara, who has been turning heads his entire career. Will the much-hyped man from south of the border make his WWE presence felt tonight?

All this, and the series re-premiere of Tough Enough to follow (in the States, anyway), tonight on Raw!

I’d Love To Be Held Back Like That

Slight waves were made last week when a former WWE Creative Team member made a public statement where he said that Randy Orton was being “held back” by WWE’s writing. Well, to a certain extent that’s true of everyone, and they definitely kept shooting themselves in the foot during his current face run (“hmm…they cheer his aloof heel character…let’s turn him face and make him talk and have feelings!”), plus they screwed up his Legacy faction pretty badly by messing with the membership for no reason and generally making Cody and Ted into his brainless lackeys, but if you’re going to complain about people being held back, I, personally, wouldn’t start with a guy who was WWE Champion for a few months in the past year, and was in World title PPV matches at nearly every PPV in 2010 (Off the top of my head, he missed out at Mania and…maybe one other).

On the bright side, I guess, Orton seems to have slid back into his more “likeable” persona, where he’s quiet and crazy and kicks people in the head because he can. Plus, he essentially destroyed the Nexus and CM Punk, and if Cena gets distracted by Rock, may end up in even more WWE Title matches this year. So I wouldn’t worry too much about Orton.

Our New “Once A Year” Rumour

Well, we got Bret Hart back, we got the Rock back, next year’s WrestleMania is once again not in Toronto, all we’ve got left is “TNA will go under this year” and “WWE may be creating a physical Hall of Fame”. The first one’s self-explanatory at this point, so let’s go with the other one. Apparently WWE may be seriously looking into opening a Hall of Fame building in Tampa, Florida, making it roughly the sixth or seventh possible location. Tampa is meriting consideration due to the presence of FCW, WWE’s developmental territory, in the same area. The fact that TNA tapes Impact in the same area did not, it seems, come into play. With next year’s WrestleMania in Miami, one would think, if this was the plan, that the building would be announced, and maybe even opened, sometime around the event. The downside to putting the Hall of Fame in Tampa, of course, is that Tampa is not in Canada, and thus I’ll never get to visit it. Unless somebody wants to pay for my travel costs?

Whatever Happened To “Who Cares, It’s All Fake Anyway”?

News that flew under the radar a bit this past week was the sudden release of Dave “Fit” Finlay, who had quietly once again retired from active competition last year to resume his road agent duties. Finlay was one of several agents in charge of booking house show segments, and at a recent one, he scripted a promo where The Miz would interrupt the National Anthem. Apparently some representatives of the National Guard, a fairly large sponsor of WWE (do you see how those words keep coming up when we talk about disciplinary actions against WWE talent?), heard about the segment and complained to WWE Head Offices about the lack of respect shown towards the National Anthem. The long and well-documented history of American wrestlers interrupting the National Anthems of other countries must not have come up, because those countries were, after all, not America, the greatest country in the world and if you don’t like it, git out!

Anyway, as the producer of the segment which was used to effectively get the heel heat, Finlay was forced to “fall on his sword” and resign, with the common theory that he’ll be hired back quietly in the future once everything dies down. See, I didn’t get this when it happened to Daniel Bryan, and I don’t get it now. If you didn’t really want to lose the guy and are only punishing him to appease sponsors, do you think you’re fooling them by firing them and hiring them back two months later? Wouldn’t calling it a “suspension without pay” be just as good in their eyes? In fact, this whole fire-and-rehire dance actually makes the sponsors look like idiots, because it shows that WWE doesn’t actually think they’re right, but is willing to pretend they’re making good…for a little while, anyway. Actually, the sponsors are idiots in the first place for attempting to make WWE dump people for things they’ve done as part of the wrestling show, which is full of objectionable actions at any given moment of time. I guess it is still real to some people, damn it. I just wish they didn’t have so much pull over WWE.

– Apparently WWE has been holding meeting to discuss downplaying the full name of the company so they don’t say “Wrestling” as often, and only refer to it as WWE. You know, it’s not paranoia if they really are up to something.

– Ultimate Warrior is writing an autobiography. I never thought I’d say this, but I feel sorry for his little Word paperclip. Poor guy’s going to go insane.

– Dixie Carter’s Twitter account was suspended for a while this past week. For nearly six days, we had no idea if the next episode of Impact would be the biggest one yet or not.

– Brian Christopher was hospitalized last week with pancreatitis, and doctors will have to remove his gall bladder. Man, I know he got winded doing all that dancing, but this is crazy. Let this be a lesson to you, kids: white guys dancing kills.

– The fallout continues for Michael Cole, as the Pro-Gay Wrestling Federation (which totally exists, apparently) has publically denounced his Twitter activities. Listen guys, I know you’re upset, but if we have to list new people who hate Michael Cole every week, there’s not going to be anything else to this column.

– Ric Flair was at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony this weekend, presumably looking for anyone he hasn’t tried to borrow money from yet.

– Chris Jericho says he did Dancing With The Stars to impress his son. I guess being a multi-time WWE Champion and the best in the world at what he does just wasn’t impressive enough. Damn, the youth of today are so jaded.

1. The Rock Last night ended up being all about this man, and as the dust settles, I’m pretty sure the first thought on everybody’s mind is, “When do we get Rock vs Cena?”

2. CM Punk Gets my award for “Mania MVP” for completely owning his match against Randy Orton. If Cena had won, he’d be my choice for first opponent. But now…maybe another, even better match with Orton?

3. Cody Rhodes Took huge strides forward and actually scored the win over Rey Mysterio, which I’m sure not many saw coming. I know we all thought someone like Del Rio, John Morrison, or Dolph Ziggler might have a banner year this year, but at this point, I’m putting some serious money on the horribly disfigured son of the son of a plumber, baby.

4. The Miz That’s some faith right there, because when this match was just a glimmer in someone’s eye, I’m fairly sure there wasn’t anybody who truly believed that the end result was the Miz retaining the title. Where does he go from here? The sky’s the limit, at this point.

5. Christopher Daniels He’s back…which would be better if I thought there was anybody in Immortal who could actually match up well against him. But I guess I shouldn’t complain that most of the best wrestlers in TNA are all in the same faction, at least it ups the chances for good matches. Just please, no going back to Curry Man or Suicide this time.

6. Snooki I hate Jersey Shore and the orange little troll doll most of all…but she played her part well and the two moves she did were pulled off smoothly and looked really impressive. I realize they were just glorified cartwheels, but who thought she’d put that much effort into this match? If I believed they could keep her sober, I wouldn’t mind having her in the Divas division for a while.

7. Edge A shocking title retention leaves us all scratching our heads, but if this paves the way for Edge vs Christian main events and the potential for Christian’s first WWE title reign, then I’m okay with it.

8. Jerry Lawler The match results aside (coughbullshithack), nice to see Lawler get his Mania match for the first time in his career. Is it impressive or sad that he’s in far better shape than Ric Flair, but only a year younger than him?

9. Steve Austin I don’t think I’ve ever seen Steve Austin as gleefully happy as I did last night. Maybe he just enjoyed being involved in something where he didn’t have to be 100% serious all the time, or maybe he, like the rest of us, has wanted to see Cole catch a beating for years now. Either’s good.

10. The Undertaker Streak continues, yadda yadda yadda. At least I know I had one result right in the pick’em. Wait, he won by submission. Damn it!

Inactive List as of 03.28.11

WWE Raw

– Chris Jericho, out indefinitely as of September 27th Raw (kayfabe, punt-related injury)
– David Otunga, out indefinitely as of March 7th (kayfabe, punt-related injury)
– Goldust, out indefinitely (torn rotator cuff)
– Husky Harris, out indefinitely as of January 31st (kayfabe, punt-related injury)
– Mason Ryan, out indefinitely as of March 14th (kayfabe, punt-related injury)
– Michael McGillicutty, out indefinitely as of February 28th (kayfabe, punt-related injury)
– Skip Sheffield, out indefinitely as of August 20th (broken ankle)

WWE SmackDown

– No reported injuries

TNA

– AJ Styles, out indefinitely as of March 17th (kayfabe, neck injury)
– Jeff Hardy, out indefinitely as of March 14th (suspension)

Transactions

– Christopher Daniels, TNA, returned to TNA on March 31st Impact

– Finlay, WWE, released from his contract

WWE

WWE Champion: The Miz
– 133 day reign, defeated Randy Orton by cashing in Money in the Bank on November 22nd (Raw)

World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
– 45 day reign, defeated Dolph Ziggler on February 18th (Smackdown)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett
– 10 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on March 25th (Smackdown)

WWE United States Champion: King Sheamus
– 21 day reign, defeated Daniel Bryan on March 14th (Raw)

WWE Tag Team Champions: The Corre (Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater)
– 42 day reign, defeated John Cena and The Miz on February 21st (Raw)

WWE Divas’ Champion: Eve
– 64 day reign, defeated former champion Natalya, Layla, and Michelle McCool in a Fatal Four-Way Match on January 30th (Royal Rumble PPV)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Sting
– 32 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy on March 3rd (Impact)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money, Inc.
– 86 day reign, defeated Motor City Machine Guns on January 9th (Genesis PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Kazarian
– 86 day reign, defeated Jay Lethal on January 9th (Genesis PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Madison Rayne
-172 day reign, defeated former champion Tara on October 14th (Impact)
– Next title defense: vs Mickie James, Hair vs Title Match, Lockdown PPV

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Rosita and Sarita
– 22 day reign, defeated Angelina Love and Winter on March 13th (Victory Road PPV)

TNA Television Champion: Gunner
– 18 day reign, defeated Murphy and Rob Terry to win the vacant title on March 17th (Impact)

Geez, does anybody write news reports around here besides me and Cook anymore?

Bazar has The Contentious Ten.

Ramirez has South of the Border news.

Martell has The Triple Threat.

Cook has The Wrestling Sandwich.

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.

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That’s our show, That Damned Cook is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Plus, don’t forget to look for me this Tuesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op.

Here it is, your Moment of Buddy.

Buddy Can’t Believe The Rock Would Do Something Like That!
Actually, Yes He Can.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.