The Wrestling Sandwich 12.10.11

Some replies from last week actually showed a few of you out there did some research and checked up on facts and figures from the last two WWE PPV’s prior to Survivor Series and compared them to past numbers and UFC events. I’m very proud, glad that the idea of researching your opinions is finally catching on. Then again recently the commenters seem to have been getting better, perhaps because the ones who severely hate me are either dead from their head exploding or Mom punished them for not getting off the computer before 7 PM in time for bed and cut their Internet off. Unfortunately a few of you decided to use massive profanities and vulgarities to attack me and expect me to actually reply to it in a balanced, thoughtful fashion. No, I don’t think so! I don’t care if you leave the comments but I won’t repost complete vulgarity because if that’s all you are capable of producing, I don’t care what you have to say and neither should anybody else.

Apparently we’re all supposed to be grateful that the unemployment rate miraculously dropped to 8.6% instead of the 9% it had been at. You know, it is the oddest thing because I was checking the labor statistics and interestingly enough 300,000 people got so fed up that they quit looking for work just in time for the holiday season and thus were discounted from the official percentage. Yeah, that’s right! If you give up looking for work or have even a part-time job, you are discounted from the unemployment rate. So, if 10 million people stopped looking for work Monday, the unemployment rate would be around 1% which makes no sense at all because those 10 million people would still be unemployed. The work force shrank, which is never a good thing, but people are still yapping about how Obama’s policies worked and proved everything. How? Nothing was passed! The jobs bill never passed, the stimulus promise was that it would never go up to 8% unemployment if passed, and the only reason the unemployment rate goes down is because you don’t count people who quit looking for a job? Newsflash: That doesn’t mean they aren’t unemployed anymore. The U-6 unemployment is considered the most realistic number, it counts unemployed and underemployed and is over 15% right now. As Cody Rhodes’ theme song goes, you’re only smoke and mirrors unemployment rate. Things are worse than they seem, especially when seasonal hiring is released and it goes back to 9 percent or higher.

A funny moment came on Wednesday night when the O’Reilly Factor played an interview with our least favorite governor, Lincoln Chafee, to confront him on why he insists on calling the Christmas tree in the State House a “holiday tree” when even the other legislators refuse to abide by it. Jesse Watters did a wonderful job making him look like a schmuck and perhaps he’ll finally realize that you should call something what it is, and not hide behind politically correct terminology. As a six-year-old asked their parents from the mailbag Thursday night, “If it isn’t a Christmas tree how come it only goes up on Christmas?” And just like that a child barely over half a decade old already knows more than the governor of the entire state. The War on Christmas? REAL. And it is pretty nasty out there, for people who want to celebrate the holiday. The best part was watching Chafee squeal and squirm like the pig who knows he’s dinner under the lights before bolting when he realized he couldn’t come up with anything intelligent to say in his defense. Hopefully the families of the people he and his administration froze the pensions on for 19 years had a good laugh before returning to their recall effort.

As always, expect a TNA recap next week along with the Final Resolution recap and review! Now, onto our news…

Top Stories of the Week!

1. Weekly Ratings Roundup

TNA Impact – 1.16, 1.4 million viewers – Up from last week
WWE Smackdown – repeat from Tuesday (not counted as it would skew the rating downward)
WWE RAW – 2.9, 4.35 million viewers – Down from last week

As expected Impact is back in the normal range, with a 1.16 rating delivered on Thursday. Smackdown was a repeat, and therefore won’t be counted as the ratings were actually well below normal which is expected for a repeat show, and RAW took the biggest dive of the week as ratings plummeted under 3 once again despite both RAW and Smackdown talent attending the show with another 2nd hour loss, but this time smaller than the weeks earlier since less people overall watched.

It just appears as if people are not interested in WWE’s current storylines and champions, and sad to say Punk is not drawing as champion and Mark Henry is not either, but that was expected. Frankly I thought Punk would do better since it is obvious CM Punk is the best thing WWE has regularly, unfortunately not enough people think the same way. The Rock will likely boost the ratings again when he returns, but as we all know the rating boosts have begun to drop in size and it is possible next time Rock may not even affect the rating depending on if people are already tuning out.

UK Ratings News

TNA Impact has officially signed a brand new deal with Challenge to remain on the network until the end of 2013. Numbers doubled in the first year of Challenge TV for Impact Wrestling, and the TNA Impact UK tour is scheduled to begin in January, with shows in Nottingham, London, and Manchester from Jan 26-28. The good news can be found here and the television show will remain on its current time slot through 2013.

Ratings were not currently available, as it can be touch and go with the UK ratings week to week so I’ll try again next week for you!

2. TNA Impact Quick Recap

1. Abyss defeats Samoa Joe when he covers him after a steel chain shot by Bully Ray *
2. Mickie James defeats Madison Rayne with the Mickie-D-T **
3. Garett Bischoff defeats Gunner with a single leg shoot into a pin *
4. Gail Kim defeated Traci Brooks when Madison Rayne clocked her with the Knockouts tag title belt and Gail covered. *
5. AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy defeat Jeff Jarrett and Bobby Roode when AJ pins Roode out of a surprise roll-up **3/4

Best Booking of the Night: The Knockouts are a force to be reckoned with

Worst Booking of the Night: The continued depush of Samoa Joe

Interesting events taking place tonight. The Knockouts matches, together, received a grand total of six minutes for two singles matches in which one was basically a quick tune-up for Gail Kim and the other was a more physical encounter with Mickie and Madison. On RAW, a tag team match with four women got a total of about 55 seconds of airtime while both of these matches at least doubled that. More importantly, all the girls involved showed they can work their butts off and actually wrestle as opposed to simply sitting there and lightly bouncing against the rope before delivering a clothesline that looks more like a slap while their opponent drops on the canvas a half hour before it hits!

Abyss is obviously being wooed by Immortal, although it appears as if that’s going to again backfire for the Immortal guys since Abyss doesn’t need their help and they need his so desperately. Remember, he read Art of War so he knows what’s going on!

Garett Bischoff looked good out there against Gunner, although obviously he has work that has to be done he delivered a decent match and importantly, took his first major spot with a piledriver on the concrete floor. The fans are into Garett as he fights his father and Immortal and that’s a good sign for the rookie, plus he has the training services of legends such as Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Kurt Angle, and Sting! If anybody has the people around him he needs to succeed in wrestling it would be Garett.

Styles and Hardy functioned well together although Styles seems to have had his knee injured in the match thanks to an awkward landing and then Roode pummeling it after the match into the steel on the top of the Impact Zone. This may figure into the final minute of the match at Final Resolution if AJ isn’t able to pull off a high-risk maneuver and could cost him the one fall that he needed to win most of all. I’m interested to see how they play off this knee injury angle at the PPV.

3. Update on Not So Tough Enough Andy Leavine

This little gem surfaced right before I was readying the column for publication:

“- Following his visit to FCW, Jim Ross was asked about the status of Tough Enough Winner Andy Leavine and when he may be brought up to the main roster. Ross stated the following…

“Don’t see it being eminent. Lots of work to do.” “

Well duh. First, get him off the ‘roids or whatever the hell he was on if that case is true. Secondly, put the guy in the ring with trainers and let him wrestle only when he’s capable of performing the moves. Thirdly, you should probably just give the guy two years of training with your FCW staff first and then let him come back to the company although frankly, you should just cut your losses. Andy is a horrible choice for winner and he’s covered later on in the Nuggets.

Smartest Thing of the Week: The Brutality of the Piledriver

One of the most devastating real life moves that works so well in the ring when used properly is of course the piledriver. TNA decided to show people just how devastating a piledriver looks when Gunner took Eric Bischoff’s son Garett and executed it on concrete, leaving Garett to be stretchered out to an ambulance and taken away quickly to a hospital. A long time ago, the piledriver didn’t only end a match but it was also known to end feuds and potentially careers and TNA is utilizing a very dangerous maneuver that, if done correctly, will look absolutely vicious but cause no damage. Garett took a massive risk with this move and luckily, it appears as if the segment will pay off and Garett will sell the damage by being out for a while. Unlike some of the WWE moves, this was portrayed as something you can’t just shake off no matter who you are and that old school touch was a good thing. Eric Young uses one, but this one was delivered on CONCRETE and that will leave a mark!

Dumbest Thing of the Week: The WWE Network First Video

Who the hell made that video anyway? It appeared to be the work of a mildly autistic nine year old on their first art project from the absolutely laughable production of the supposedly “edgy” video package introducing the WWE Network to the fans. Obviously they plan to really go through with this even though only 45 million homes will have access to it, and of course that means a lot less will actually buy it and even less will watch it regularly. My opinion of this, as always, is that it is doomed for failure and it doesn’t take an Ivy League graduate to figure that out. The video itself is the first real fail and the fact is, when push comes to shove I doubt a lot of WWE supporters will dish out the cash to support this. The worst part is, for WWE Network to succeed WWE 24/7 is going to have to go, and vice versa, so at least one of the services WWE provides its fans will be lost in the ensuing year or two since it appears all 24/7 content will also be available on WWE Network as well. Good job, idiots!

Your regularly scheduled Old School, Take 5, and Good/Bad/WTF will not be seen this week so that we can present to you the year-end edition of…

The Golden Nugget Awards

1. The Ted Arcidi Worst Worker Of The Year Award

WINNER: Mason Ryan

Much like Arcidi himself, Ryan is not known for anything outside power and being pretty immobile for the most part. Ryan was brought up way too early and it shows every time he gets in the ring and is obviously uncomfortable performing in various matches, and has a big awkwardness during some of his maneuvers that could be dangerous. Ryan could use a good year in FCW before heading back up but I’m not sure the WWE thinks that just yet. I’ve yet to see a single Ryan match I’d rank above half a star and I’m sure many others think the same thing.

2. The Jackie Gayda Worst Female Worker Of The Year Award

WINNER: Alicia Fox

Can anybody explain to me why Alicia Fox is even allowed to enter a wrestling ring and compete? She’s been botching moves left and right and can’t even work a decent wrestling promo, forgetting the name of her own championship at one point last year. Now her new finisher is a somersault leg drop that more often than not misses the target area and just looks awkward as all hell.

3. The Big Show vs. Kane Worst Match of the Year Award

WINNER: Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. Michael Cole, WrestleMania XXVII

Coming into WrestleMania this year a lot of people expected one of the few shining moments to be Lawler overcoming month after month of Cole’s mental torture and verbal batterings, along with assistance from his “trainer” Jack Swagger who helped him beat down both JR and the King leading up to the match. Most of us came into the event thinking it would be short and sweet with Lawler getting out of trouble early on, Austin keeping Swagger at bay, and King just teeing off on Cole before piledriving him out of the announcer’s chair for a few weeks to sell the beating. We all were so very wrong.

Aside from screwing up a match so easy a Geico caveman could have booked it, they dragged the entire affair out for FOURTEEN MINUTES in the ring. Lawler, age 62, had to lead the match for an untrained non-athlete in his 40’s while Stone Cold stood by as the guest referee to basically have little impact on the match until the very end. Cole got tons of offense on Lawler and it looked more like he didn’t even need Swagger’s help at many points before Lawler began fighting back and Austin shoved Cole. Cole got put into the Ankle Lock and tapped repeatedly but Austin wouldn’t call for the bell until he was good and ready. People were happy to see the thing finally end, but wait! The anonymous GM chimes in and says because Austin put his hands on Cole that Michael Cole wins via disqualification. The fans were in disbelief and people were booing their heads off in the arena.

The most insulting thing about this match was that it took place during WrestleMania, a time usually reserved for feud-ending matches between big stars. This crapfest didn’t even deserve a slot in the dark matches for this event, and is rightfully given the golden poop for that “performance” during the so-called biggest PPV of the year.

This is the second worst:

4. The Heroes of Wrestling Worst PPV of the Year Award

WINNER: WWE Over The Limit 2011

When we talk about predictability, Over The Limit and Elimination Chamber both had a lot of those elements to them. But not only did Over The Limit provide absolutely horrible stories but the action wasn’t so very good either. As a refresher for this “event” we have the following:

Ezekiel Jackson beat Wade Barrett by DQ
Sin Cara beat Chavo Guerrero and nearly killed him with a botched La Mistica
Big Show and Kane defeated CM Punk and Mason Ryan to retain WWE Tag Team Titles
Brie Bella w/Nikki defeated Kelly Kelly to retain the Divas Championship
Randy Orton defeated Christian to retain the World Championship (MOTN)
Jerry Lawler FINALLY defeated Michael Cole in a Kiss My Foot Match
John Cena defeated The Miz to retain the WWE Championship

One good match, three giant duds and the rest worth RAW or SmackDown treatment at best! The main complaint coming out of the event was “predictable” although the fact several matches really had no chance of hitting over three stars didn’t assist the situation. Ironically, it was during the worst event of the half-year that they finally did the RIGHT move in the Cole-Lawler feud by ending it with a decisive Lawler victory.

This particular “spectacle” drew 70,000 domestic buys, requiring the international community to pull it up to around 200,000 in total after a scary thought that it may very well have beaten December To Dismember as the lowest drawing PPV in WWE history. Looking at the card and the results, it didn’t deserve last place but probably deserved a spot close to it.

5. The Katie Vick Worst Storyline Of The Year

WINNER: Michael Cole the Undefeated Wrestler

Although the original reason Cole and Lawler began “feuding” began in 2010, the main feud was this particular past six months in which Cole went from being annoying douche heel commentator to annoying douche heel commentator who wrestled and won on flukes. It had all the makings of a terrible storyline: A non-wrestler involved in wrestling matches with no experience, no charisma, and basically no chance in hell.

The joke of a feud with Lawler was started with Cole defending The Miz from losing his WWE Title back on RAW in December 2010 when he stopped Lawler from climbing a ladder to get to the belt. Afterwards, Cole attempted to explain himself but began protecting the Miz in other matches as well. Cole began feeling extremely secure and started to run down Jerry Lawler as always wanting to be the center of attention, which caused Lawler to fire back at how much he blew as an announcer. The two would squabble and finally Lawler would be challenged to a match at WrestleMania by Cole, who would have a trainer on hand in Jack Swagger. Swagger had, last year, been world champion thanks to a WrestleMania win and now was relegated to Cole’s sidekick. That in and of itself was enough!

Things picked up as Cole began several ridiculous segments including interviewing Brian Christopher, making fun of Lawler’s dead mother, and signing his own referee for the WrestleMania match which, naturally, turned out to be a big disappointment for Cole when JBL was Stunned by Stone Cold and then Austin signed himself on the blank form to be the ref. The RAW GM wouldn’t allow Lawler to put his hands on Cole, so Cole continued taking cheap shots at him and eventually debuted “The Cole Mine” which he sat in by himself in a secure little glass shack near the commentary table. After WrestleMania’s HORRIBLE match, Cole would continue with the ridiculous crap including the knighting ceremony in England and cutting off Diva matches featuring Eve most of the time. He and Swagger would also take victory laps around the ring after beating up the King or JR, who ended up facing Cole in a one on one match on RAW. The only reason that didn’t take home worst match honors was because at least the fans didn’t have to pay to see it, and Cole got his mouth busted open.

With JR and the King taking on Swagger and Cole in a “tag team country whippin’ match” Cole once again scored a pinfall. Now he was getting super cocky and started to argue with Jack Swagger. After the King had finally blown a gasket and used Cole’s tie to pull him against the Cole Mine and squeeze him, Swagger accepted the request for a match and then Cole ended up accidentally angering Swagger when he said Swagger was indeed his sidekick and nobody even remembered his world title run. Cole ended up facing Lawler all by himself and lost in a match about five months too late, and returned the very next night on RAW to apologize and magically everything was forgiven.

The only problem is that things began to deteriorate once again as the year went on, and Cole once again became vocal against Lawler and especially Jim Ross. Cole began a campaign against Jim Ross time and time again when HHH became Chief Operating Officer and ultimately, even had a match with him in the ring that was so terrible it was considered an insult to abortions to call the match an abortion, but at least it was on free television. The Cole vs. Ross situation continued until the Michael Cole Challenge which was advertised for a month and each week postponed due to various situations and when it finally did occur, it featured Cole giving JR a chance to beat him in three contests of his choice and Ross had to win all three to beat Cole. JR won the arm wrestling contest; the dance-off was won by JR, and then the third? “Who Weighs Less” scale challenge! Unfortunately, they didn’t do something clever like have Cole crowing around the ring that he won while JR changed the scale from pounds to kilograms and then got on, costing Cole his job. They didn’t even try to make it amusing. They just had JR go on a scale, Cole laughs at his weight, and that was the end of it. If it is possible, Michael Cole has actually gotten massively worse as a personality and a performer than years prior!

What do you think about the whole thing, JR?

Even BBQ sauce won’t make those segments any better.

6. The InVasion Disappointment Of The Year

WINNER: Jeff Hardy is allowed to “perform” at Victory Road 2011

People who paid for TNA’s Victory Road 2011 expected to see a pretty good event. The undercard delivered some very nice matches but the final match was supposed to be a long, drawn-out battle between new champion Sting and former champion Jeff Hardy. However, somebody apparently forgot to remind Jeff he had a PPV main event to wrestle because he partied like a rock star BEFORE the PPV started.

As a result, Jeff drunkenly lumbered to the ring and basically stared around with dull, lifeless eyes before Sting came out to oppose him. Eric Bischoff had to quickly run in and check on Hardy to see if he was either going to pass out or puke and check with Sting that they had a failsafe plan. Hardy, of course, didn’t know what end was what and Sting attempted to put on a quick few moves before angrily hitting the Death drop and covering in under a minute while forcibly holding Hardy down for a legit 3 count. Hardy just popped up afterward wasted out of his mind and Sting looked downright miserable heading to the back to the chants of “BULLSHIT!” which he said, “I agree!” to as he was walking down the aisle. TNA quickly said that the PPV main event was not the quality they wanted to produce for their fans and gave everybody who mailed in proof of purchase a six-month free TNAOnDemand.com membership.

The only good part of this situation was that TNA knew people were dissatisfied, ADMITTED the match stunk, and gave the fans something to make up for it. I’ve yet to see a certain other company even admit they put on bad matches.

7. The Red Rooster Worst Gimmick of the Year

WINNER: Johnny Curtis

To even explain exactly what Curtis’ gimmick is would be close to impossible, since it appears his entire set of appearances were related to people finally realizing the guy won NXT Season 4 and then never got a tag title shot with his Pro R-Truth as promised, and didn’t even debut either. Anyway, several months after his win we saw Curtis backstage mentioning he was the winner of NXT Season 4, didn’t get a tag title shot, but he wasn’t going to cry over this and then proceeded to spill milk all over himself.

His other cameos included “painting” himself in a corner on an art canvas and “cutting the mustard” by slicing a knife through mustard among other ridiculous acts that supposedly are giving this guy a chance to get over. I think poor Curtis has already been saddled with a career-killing gimmick unless they drastically change things so that he has a chance to connect with the audience and, oh I don’t know, actually wrestle? And maybe put him on television more than three times a year?

8. The Sgt. Slaughter Atomic Noogie Worst Finisher of the Year

WINNER: The Cobra – Santino Marella

The main difference between the “Atomic noogie” and the Cobra would be Santino is booked as a comedy wrestler who occasionally gets lucky while the noogie was actually advanced for a time as a legitimate submission hold. However, it does take a lot of disbelief to watch somebody laid out for about half a minute while a guy does tricks with his hands to form a “cobra” and then smack you in the upper chest with it and score a three count. To their credit, WWE announcers did say that the move just “stuns” you and doesn’t do any damage but still, the move is up there with The Worm, The People’s Elbow, and Miz’s old running knee into a reverse neck breaker (Reality Check) as moves that are considerably fake looking and do more harm than good.

9. The Michael Cole Worst Announcer of the Year

WINNER: Michael Cole!

Not really a difficult thing to figure out, since the award is named after him.

Nobody has done less in fourteen years at the commentary booth and still remained employed as a commentator than Michael Cole. He has created pretty much nothing, actually ruined matches with his attempts to be a nasty heel, and even when he tries his best still doesn’t do a very good job. The only reason why he remains employed is that he’s favored over Jim Ross and others by none other than Vince McMahon himself. Then again if you compare Cole’s work to Vince’s in the 1980’s you can see that as bad as McMahon may have been he’s STILL better than Cole!

This year saw the heel persona of Cole add into the announcing as he would bash wrestlers, diss the divas, and basically count several matches he didn’t like as “boring” and refused to commentate objectively when it was his job, such as the Swagger vs. Bryan match JR returned to do guest commentary for. Cole actually showed himself on camera using Twitter on his phone and basically talked about the crap in the ring. Cole continues to be “just there” when it comes to actual skill and creating a demand to see a match based on commentary alone, and he remains WON’s Worst Announcer for the last several years. I have a feeling he takes this year, too, for both!

10. The TNT Worst Show of the Year

WINNER: Monday Night RAW.

TNT used to be a regular television show that showcased the talents of professional wrestlers besides just wrestling that aired starting in 1984. It showed a few minutes of match footage, lots of interviews, and ran for two hours with some of the most boring and inane segments in human history such as Iron Sheik discussing camels and Ivan Putski doing the polka with Vince and Lord Alfred. It didn’t last very long and despite a few fun segments, was mostly poorly reviewed.

RAW is becoming a lot like TNT this year with more segments devoted to stupidity than actual competition or one of those ridiculously overrated fifteen minute matches that are simply given higher ratings because they lasted over ten minutes. After the ridiculous Cole and Lawler crap, the RAW GM angle being abandoned, screwing the MITB angle over by bringing Punk back 8 days later from his quitting the company, and much more the show has become a must see of what not to put on television if you want people to watch. And the ratings have shown a decline as expected from the television show that at one time was considered unmissable by the average fan.

11. The Sting vs. Black Scorpion Worst Feud of the Year

WINNER: Michael Cole vs. Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler

Never has an ex-wrestler been demeaned quite as much as Jerry Lawler was this year to put over a non-athletic wrestling announcer who hasn’t improved in 14 years and is into his 40’s pulling out a mockery of an announcing gimmick. Seriously, what was the point besides to deprive actual wrestlers of valuable in-ring time before WrestleMania, Extreme Rules, and Over the Limit?

With the segments that came out of this ridiculous little feud, we saw ten to fifteen minute segments routinely revolve around the life and times of Michael Cole and his attacks on Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Nobody got “elevated” into a title picture, nobody was made to look better than anybody else since the heel won 2 out of 3 times in the damn feud, and frankly it didn’t do anything for the fans besides provide a lot of time to go to the bathroom in case you’d loaded up too heavily on the nachos and soda. The whole reason Michael Cole was upset at Lawler was because he was “stealing the spotlight” and making everything about him when he’s retired, yet Cole did just that! They mocked Swagger’s former standing as a world champion, humiliated the Diva division worse than usual, brought back BRIAN CHRISTOPHER for a very boring and useless segment, and once again humiliated Jim Ross. Wow, what a hell of a bright idea. The worst thing? People will be released because they had no plans for them while these atrocities were being produced! People lost valuable time to get over with the fans, and frankly if announcers are going to dominate the scene why even hire wrestlers? This was without a doubt one of the most ridiculous and disgusting displays that WWE ever shoved in our face.

12. The Shockmaster Worst Promo Of The Year

WINNER: Andy Leavine, WWE Tough Enough

It is pretty rare when somebody who is basically bottom of the barrel during an entire competition ends up winning, and usually that is because the people down that low don’t have the talent to compete with the top dogs. In the case of Andy Leavine, it was more like everybody else getting injured and eliminating themselves so that the one guy who never stood out in anything was able to walk out and get a huge victory in the embarrassing Tough Enough reboot.

Andy Leavine put together the most cookie-cutter and boring promos to listen to that Steve Austin finally had enough and told him to get angry and start using emotion in his speech, so he finally came up with this “Silent Rage” gimmick and promo that allowed him to basically… well, say more of the same. He acted a little better and more emotional, but still the promos pretty much blew. For most of the season, nobody even rated him in the top three.

Andy would then go on to win Tough Enough and stand in the middle of the ring with Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin… and fumble his way into a laughable attempt at a promo. Thankfully McMahon smacked him and Austin hit the Stunner as well to finish Leavine’s segment and put him out of his misery on that episode. The alleged WWE Wellness suspension seems to have finished Leavine off in the WWE for good.

As DDP used to say, “that’s a good thing!”

13. The David Flair Worst Rookie Of The Year

WINNER: All of NXT Season 2

You know you have a problem when your top rookies on a show building new stars can’t even get cheap heat!

Season 2 produced some absolutely terrible wrestlers. Michael McGuillicutty has actually gotten worse in the ring rather than better and is off camera for the time being so he can actually improve on his skill. Husky Harris never set the world on fire, and he’s off in FCW with a new gimmick and a new name, which he vastly needed. Percy Watson was supposed to be the next biggest thing in the IWC and he’s faded away into obscurity working house shows and jobber matches along with Titus O’Neill who delivered possibly the worst promo in 2011 for his exit from the show. Eli Cottonwood never got a chance like the other rookies to do anything after he was voted off, Kaval ended up winning and getting fired because creative just made him job every week and he was rightfully pissed about it, Alex Riley was a strong contender but he hasn’t been doing much of anything lately and his feud with the Miz seemingly is completely forgotten, and Lucky Cannon is about as generic and useless as it gets.

In the end, NXT Season 2 was a gigantic disaster. Although the NXT Season 2 took place in 2010, the wrestlers on the show have been put on television at various times, including as fillers for Smackdown battle royals and whatever on WWE Superstars. Multiple 2nd generation or 3rd generation wrestlers, an entire season to put yourself over and get over, and not a single one of these guys was able to do it in a lasting manner. Kaval is the smartest one since he jumped out of WWE as fast as he could, but the top rookie from the show right now would be Alex Riley and he’s never even held a token championship like the tag titles! NXT Season 3 would set new lows, but NXT Season 2 rookies are the guys we actually expected a lot more out of and disappointed us all.

14. The Greg Gagne Worst Push of the Year

WINNER: Sin Cara

Oh, what could have been! Sin Cara was somebody who was seemingly destined to handle a main event at WrestleMania but he turned out to just be a massive fail in and of himself.

Sin Cara’s promo segments were short, edited, and therefore sweet. His debut match was a hint of things to come when Cara fell off the ropes trying to hit a solo Spanish Fly, and ended up redoing the spot immediately, which is exactly what you don’t do. Cara spent the next few weeks putting on matches so bad that most of them were edited immensely before airing on Smackdown, and right in time for the MITB PPV they found Cara had violated the Wellness Program and therefore was taken off air for a month.

The dueling Sin Cara program was introduced because they needed Hunico to perform the gimmick for Mistico, but when Mistico came back to perform again they began showing off an evil Sin Cara and a good Sin Cara. After a rushed storyline and a poor excuse for a match, they had a mask vs. mask spectacle that ended with Hunico being unmasked as the evil Sin Cara. Once again, Sin Cara was pushed down everybody’s throat as the next big thing until he wiped himself out trying to RUN to deliver a top rope maneuver at Survivor Series, which resulted in an injury requiring 6-9 months out. All the promotion, the merchandise, the hype? Gone!

Speaking of merchandise, they did come out with a Sin Cara t-shirt but had to recall it when they figured out it appeared as if Sin Cara’s penis was bulging through his pants in the drawing. Suffice to say, when even your own merchandise is botched it is time to cut your losses and find a new job.

15. The KOTR 1999 Briefcase Worst Non-Explanation of the Year

WINNER: RAW’s Anonymous GM turns out to be…NOBODY?

In 1999, there was a special match for complete control of the WWF that pitted Stone Cold Steve Austin against Vince and Shane McMahon. The McMahons won when somebody lowered the briefcase containing the WWF legal paperwork to them, although nobody ever knows who it was because it was never actually said despite being a major factor in how they won back control.

So now we come to the big angle that could have a massive payoff or a poor payoff in the revealing of the RAW Anonymous General Manager. For over a year, this individual has made matches and put people into situations that could have been the work of many different personalities but nobody knew who was behind the computer. And after HHH “relieved” Vince of his duties of running WWE, the entire gimmick was simply scrapped.

The GM could have been a surprise, such as a former WWE talent back to work for the company or even a WWE legend like Piper who would make an excellent GM. It could have been a bombshell if it was somebody who had never worked in WWE before, like Sting. Then there were the possibilities of a Mike Adamle or other authority figure that would be meaningless from day one. The WWE corrected the problem of actually having a grand reveal for the individual by simply no longer discussing the situation, and removing the anonymous GM’s computer stand and entirely ignoring that it even existed.

16. The Ding Dongs Worst Gimmick of The Year

WINNER: Hornswoggle

Seriously, in 2011 we’re supposed to believe Hornswoggle is a leprechaun who lives under the ring and until Santa granted him a magical power he wasn’t able to talk? Did everybody forget WrestleMania with the Bella Twins and… oh, wait, maybe you are better off forgetting that.

Hornswoggle really doesn’t do much of anything, he gets some cheers from the kids but frankly he’s not going to sell out any arenas anytime in his life so why bother pushing him on us? Even to the point of eliminating Sheamus during his red hot streak from a battle royal to WIN? Would it have been so bad if Sheamus showed his newfound face manners by walking graciously out of the ring to allow Hornswoggle to win so he didn’t look like he got outsmarted by a midget who can’t speak or seemingly do anything intelligent?

If you want proof of how WWE insults your intelligence, just look at this gimmick.

17. The Gorilla Monsoon/Hulk Hogan 1980 Squash Of The Year

WINNER: WWE’s Mistreatment of John Morrison

In 1980, one of the most popular personalities in the WWWF was Gorilla Monsoon and Hulk Hogan was a newcomer who was looking to get over. Vince McMahon thought it would be smart to have Hogan squash Gorilla in about a minute, which resulted in angry uproars and a near riot from the fans that witnessed the incident. Basically, imagine what the kids would have done if John Cena lost to Michelle McCool clean in the ring in 20 seconds and that’s about the reaction it got.

This year, the poorly advised squash was, of course, John Morrison.

John Morrison was unhappy in the WWE, and with good reason as he’d basically watched his career go nowhere fast. He pushed for an edgier version of his theme music, he wanted to feud with a few different people, and basically the company was punishing him for giving Trish Stratus and Snooki the cold shoulder in favor of his girlfriend. While not the right business move, Morrison was just sticking up for his girlfriend. However, he ended up paying dearly for it.

Morrison ended up jobbing as a result to anybody and everybody including Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, The Miz, R-Truth, hell you name them and they beat Morrison in 2011. Henry’s squash on Morrison in about 50 seconds was at least believable but when The Miz kicks your ass for ten minutes and then pins you that’s just bullshit. Morrison is a talented wrestler and high-flyer, but the problem is he doesn’t quite have the mic skills to get to that top level. So you punish the guy and squash him to make him look like a joke and even put him in an exploding car bit on Zack Ryder’s YouTube show? Good job, WWE. And if there is justice, he’ll end up being a bigger star in TNA and you’ll beg for him to sign back with you guys again along with Melina for a big fat contract. Hopefully, he’ll tell you exactly what portion of your body to shove it in.

18. The XFL Not-So-Bright Idea of the Year Award

WINNER: The WWE Network!

Ratings are poor, buyrates are going down, and people’s perception of wrestling is at a ten-year low, and basically the whole idea of “sports entertainment” isn’t working with anybody outside core wrestling fans. The UFC is destroying your product as “fake” and “scripted” while the NFL continues to blow out any of your shows you put up against it. Top talent is retiring, new guys just aren’t getting over quite like you want, and what is your idea to turn it all around and fix it?

Why, start a brand new multi-million dollar network featuring those same people who aren’t drawing but now for MONEY!

Basically, WWE Network will cost around $7-$15 dollars a month for those who even have access, as it will be available in around 45 million homes. America has around 310 million people, for those keeping score at home. We begin with the disadvantage of not having a lot of penetration in the market, and go from there with the amount people are expected to pay when the economy is having its worst recovery since the Great Depression and the risk of downgrade and potential double-dip recession is high, leaving people with even less money now then before. The way WWE plans to make the programming unbeatable is by throwing a bunch of legends together in a poor excuse of a reality show that will be rated PG no doubt, having the Divas fool around in a reality show, and… you get the picture. Basically, they will be airing PPV’s on this channel as well either as repeats so you can pay around 10 bucks a month to see a repeat of what you just paid 50 bucks to see, and old shows that you can catch on WWE 24/7 On Demand. Oh, how is their 24/7 Classics On Demand service doing? Poorly, thank you for asking!

With the fact that the numbers are down and Classics subscribers are quitting, they still are going ahead with this venture. This has failure written all over it.

19. The Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Iron Sheik Outside The Ring Arrest of the Year

WINNER: Matt Hardy

Luckily for Mr. Hardy, he was unemployed at the time he got nailed for his drug addictions and driving problems. While his brother got a slap on the wrist as expected, Matt has gotten a little rowdier and ended up being kicked out of rehab and back into jail before posting a bond to try again and this time, he better not screw up or he’ll need a million bucks to see the sun again.

Matt Hardy has been a downward spiral for a long time, mostly beginning during his brother’s drug trial from 2009 onward and Hardy ended up being fired from the WWE in 2010, and came to TNA in 2011 to make a new name for himself. Late to events, nasty to people backstage, and basically acting like he was all that and a bag of potato chips too, he ended up shitcanned. After that, he began posting bizarre YouTube videos about his “rebirth” and some other inane shit while his ring rat girlfriend mourned about how much her life sucked dating Matt but yet stuck with the loser.

So at long last, the guy I pegged from over a decade ago as a living loser ended up behind bars and faces multiple charges in several courts of law. Matt Hardy proved TNA and WWE right to release him and he continues to deny all of his problems and claim he “brushed his teeth” and that caused a Breathalyzer test to not function properly. As they say, only those who admit they have a problem can be helped. Frankly, I don’t feel sorry for drunken drugged out losers like Matt Hardy because they aren’t worth my sympathy or my money. And they aren’t worth yours, either, until they decide they want to change and admit their problems.

20. The Phil Mushnick Anti-Wrestling Moment of the Year

WINNER: Tough Enough gets re-booted into infamy

One of the concepts that just didn’t get over with the fans was the Tough Enough concept introduced years ago with four seasons of people who ended up not entirely successful with the company. The idea of a “reality show” teaching people about the rigors of wrestling turned out to be unsuccessful and only a fraction of the core fans watched as wrestler after wrestler ended up failing miserably. Maven and Nidia were nothing but jobbers and got released with little fanfare from season 1, Jackie Gayda ended up quitting after putting on possibly the worst first match in WWE history and Linda Miles was released quickly as well, John Hennigan aka Morrison looked like a success but is now out of the WWE and Matt Capotelli ended up with a brain tumor and had to end his career in OVW instead of WWE. The only success story that continues to this day is The Miz and he was runner-up to Daniel Puder in season 4, who went on to do absolutely nothing.

So we get to the new Tough Enough, which WWE decided needed to be rebooted and started over again. This time we had way better trainers: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bill DeMott, Booker T, and Trish Stratus. How could a show with names like Trish and Austin possibly go wrong? Oh, how could it…

From the start, Tough Enough was shown to be a gigantic joke. Miss USA showed up late, cheated on her in-ring challenges, and was allowed to get away with it to the point Booker T even endorsed her behavior. The only actual wrestler of the bunch who had any real experience was Matt Cross, and he was released for lack of charisma early on. Then the show became worse and worse as untalented rookie after untalented rookie started getting canned and injured throughout the season because they couldn’t even roll out of a ring correctly. As if that wasn’t enough, the winner of the season turned out to be one of the more boring competitors, Andy Leavine, who was slapped down by Vince McMahon and Stunned by Steve Austin when he was announced as the winner on RAW. Shortly thereafter, news broke that Andy Leavine had allegedly violated Wellness and thus far he hasn’t been seen since. Stories broke about several of the wrestlers having contracts already with the WWE, including the girl who was eliminated first from the competition! And if that wasn’t enough there was also a rumor that Luke Robinson, the runner-up, was a star in a gay porn film. Between the nepotism, the favoritism, and the scandals involving drugs and pornography, this season of Tough Enough turned out to be the biggest joke of them all so far, and that covers some heavy ground.

The sad part is, Tough Enough did more to advance Phil Mushnick’s claims of wrestling being a joke than anything he ever was able to say in any of his columns. Good job, Tough Enough!

One of our own staff members is starting an Internet campaign to get Sid Vicious to be a surprise entrant in the Royal Rumble next month, and since he’s always interesting I’m going to happily direct you to the following links if you want to help out:

WeWantSid Facebook
Twitter: @WeWantSid
Twitter Petition: WeWantSid Twitition

Sforcina will bring you the answers once you Ask 411 Wrestling

Steve Cook presents a look back at the week in News From Cook’s Corner

Randle had a bit of bad luck discussing how HHH/Nash was put on the backburner and then it was announced on Monday that the match is booked for TLC. That’s why the Sunday slot sucks for the writer of The Wrestling News Experience but you should still check it out.

And that ends this edition of the Wrestling Sandwich and our yearly Golden Nuggets award ceremonies. We’ll see you next week and remember, in a couple of weeks down the line Steve Cook joins the Sandwich as we celebrate the BEST of 2011!