Tremendous Tirades: XPW: Liberty Or Death 2002

Same as the last, I picked this up in a recent Ebay lot that was killer. Two DVD’s, Four VHS and Three books for $20 including shipping. As if I needed more videos and such. Happy early father’s day to me, that is if father’s day is supposed to be shitty.

The arena is rather empty. Looks like they planned on a big event, but couldn’t sell.

Steve Rizzono vs. Scott Snot

Rizzono from main event to curtain jerking. Apparently Rizzono was his teacher, so it is the classic battle, although how you can have a classic battle with a guy named Snot is beyond me.

Lock up and an arm drag by Rizzono. Another and then a 3rd. He tried to strut, but it looked bad. Stalling already and they finally lock up. Hip toss by Snot. Wristlock now and a La Magistral cradle for 2 by Snot. Small package for 2 by Snot. Right hands by Rizzono, followed by chops. Snot fires back, did I just type that? Snot exchanges blows, oh man, they write themselves. Belly to belly by Rizzono and Snot is on the mat, clean it up. Camel Clutch by Rizzono and Vic Grimes is here. He makes fun of Snot and Rizzono, with good reason. Vic in the ring and a double clothesline by Vic. Elbow to Snot. Spinning clothesline to Rizzono. Face buster by Vic on Snot. Rizzono to the floor and Vic rams him to the post. Table time. He lays Rizzono on the table and back in the ring. Snot nails him, but he power bombs Snot from the ring onto Rizzono! I guess that’s a Snot rocket.

Winner: No Contest @ 5:20 (N-R)

Tool hits the ring in some S&M gear and Vic goes to work on him.

Extra Match: Vic Grimes vs. Tool

Spine buster by Tool. Leg-drop now and Grimes off the ropes and Tool with an elbow. Choke by Tool and a big boot now. Tool lays Grimes over the 2nd rope and hits a leg drop to Grimes. Boots to Grimes now and Tool whips Grimes, but eats Grimes a boot. Grimes with a corner splash and Tool is down. Ass plant by Grimes. Choke by Grimes now as some guys in black watch on. Ass plant again by Grimes. Head butt to the crotch by Grimes. Boot by Tool, but Grimes with a clothesline. Slam to Tool and Grimes goes to the 2nd rope. He grabs Tool like old school Taker, ropewalk…and a leg drop onto the arm of Tool. Grimes chokes out Tool, but Tool boots back at Grimes. Tool side steps Grimes and he eats the turnbuckle. They go to the floor and battle back to the shitty Army Base set up. There are apparently “land mines” in there. Tool gets whipped to the steel railing, and Grimes misses a splash. They fight through the crowd now and a suplex to Grimes on the dirt. Back to ringside we go as we are informed that “THAT IS SOLID DIRT!” Grimes grabs a metal cot and rams it into Tool. Grimes kicks Tool in the head and then sets up the cot. Tool laid on the cot and Grimes goes all the way up top…Tool’s manager tosses him off and he nails the cot as Tool moved! Grimes back in the ring and Tool follows and covers for 2. Boots by Tool and Samoan drop by Grimes, who isn’t Samoan. Grimes up top…Tool follows…TOP ROPE CHOKE SLAM! That’s all.

By the way, did you catch the really bas sexual innuendo? A guy in S&M gear, who they say works at a XXX store called “Tool?” That Rob Black, classy all the way.

Winner: Tool @ 10:20. The Slaughter vs. Patterson boot camp match this wasn’t. *

The mystery men hit the ring and one of them is K Kwik! Kwik says to shut up. You can barely hear him as he continues to talk. He is sick of being disrespected by white people. His jacket stands for his brothers and he will run this place. They won’t be held down by the man anymore. You mother fuckers will respect him. If the crowd doesn’t shut up he will whoop some ass. He keeps talking but the sound is so bad you can’t understand him. Show respect blah blah blah. The ref comes out and Kwik grabs him. They toss him out of the ring. He’s going to show us what Nigger means. I think he’s insulting people, but once again the sound is shitty. He chases some little white dude away.

Well that was something, like the Ganstaz in SMW but not as cool.

Tag Team Tournament RD 1: Mexico’s Most Wanted (Damien 666 and Halloween) vs. Xtasis and Venom Black

Xtasis and Venom Black are apparently famous Luchadores. I don’t know a ton of Lucha, but I have never heard of them. MMW intro themselves because they think the announcer sucks. I agree.

Halloween and Black start. Black tries to shoulder block Halloween, but he fails repeatedly. Halloween mocks Hogan, he’s my hero now. Arm drag to Black. Up and reversals and chops to Black. Chops to Halloween now. Dropkick to the knee of Halloween. Arm drags by both now, some odd reversals by Black and a dropkick to Black and then a stand off. Halloween to the floor and Damien follows. They talk and Damien and Xtasis are in now. Flapjack to Xtasis. Xtasis kip up and up the ropes with a twisting arm drag. Damien to the floor and Xtasis fakes him out and Halloween claps for him. Nice useless stuff Xtasis. Press slam by Halloween on Black and drops him face first and then a basement dropkick. Chops to Black now and Halloween whips him and eats an elbow. Sweet reversals and Halloween tosses Black with a monkey flip. Black to the top, Halloween follows and gets crotched. New School RANA from Black for 2. Leg scissors from Black and then Xtasis and Halloween and Damien are on the floor. Stereo fake outs by Xtasis and Black and Halloween is back in. Chops to Xtasis then a giant swing! Xtasis set on the top…MUSCLE BUSTER by Halloween gets 2 as Black saves Xtasis. Damien in as well and chops to Black. Whip to the corner and then poetry in motion by MMW! They crotch Black on the steel post and go after Xtasis. Halloween slaps him and tosses him to the corner. Double press slam by MMW and then the double TKO gets 2. Damien tags Halloween and Black in back in as well. Tilt a whirl back breaker by Black. Tag to Xtasis and double corner splashes. Halloween is in and a double roll up on MMW gets 2. Dropkick to Damien. Baseball slide to him. Springboard plancha to Damien! RANA by Xtasis gets 2 on Halloween! F-5 by Halloween gets the win!

Winners: Mexico’s Most Wanted @ 10:31. Good match, although a little off at times. **Ѕ

Supreme cuts a promo. He took out Sandman and won’t just “accept” the King of the Death Match belt. He demands a King of the Death Match Tournament, where he will win the belt and Tournament.

Supreme vs. Crimson

Crimson is the big masked guy from the last review I did.

Crimson attacks Supreme and I guess we have a match but there is no ref yet. Boot by Crimson. Crimson works him over with kicks. To the floor goes Supreme and back in as Crimson with right hands. Supreme back with an elbow but Crimson whips him off the ropes and a face first choke slam by Crimson. Crimson has a box cutter and cuts his head! Again and Supreme is pouring blood. Supreme is happy now ad boots to Crimson. Clothesline to Crimson. Chops to Crimson and again. Throat thrust to Crimson and then a basement dropkick by Supreme. Elbows by Supreme and he gets a chair. He waffles Crimson. Jawbreaker to Crimson on the chair. He nails him again and wraps the chair around Crimson’s head. He stomps away at it. Splash on the chair. Crimson is up and is clotheslined to the floor. Supreme tries a plancha, but falls about 3 feet short and lands on his head; that was smooth. Is up and whips Supreme into some barbed wire on the set. Slam by Crimson and then an elbow from the apron. Crimson whips him over the steel barrier and they brawl into the crowd. Supreme fights back and nails Crimson with a Play Station, V II I believe. Chair shot by Supreme. Supreme up into the bleachers and Crimson climbs as well. Supreme hits Crimson with a taco HARDCORE BABY! They battle high up into the bleachers and now we can’t see then, good idea. Refs are out now and they still brawl. Stellar camera work as we can’t see shit right now and it’s finally over after about 12-minutes, they apparently disappeared into thin air; which may be for the best.

Loser: Me for actually recapping that like it was a match. I guess that was a big set up for the XPW King of the Crap Tournament.

Tag Team Tournament RD 1: The Tex Mex Express (King Faviano and Buddy George) vs. The New Black Panthers (K. Malik Shebaz (Ron Killings) and Raphael Mohammed w/ Shalid Jahad)

Killings says no cracker is going to introduce him. Jahad does the intros, but you can’t understand him.

King and Mohammed to start. Lock up and an arm drag by King. Lock up and off the ropes and they collide, but no one goes down. So slow reversals and a clothesline from Mohammed. Chops by Mohammed, then a drop kick to the nizzies. Killings and Buddy tagged in. Drop toehold by Buddy and right hands to Killings. Knees now and then n Irish whip, reversal and Killings misses and crashes into the corner. Chops by Buddy, reversal and a flat liner by Killings. Right hands to Buddy and he tags King. Mohammed in and they double-team King. Boots to King and Killings with right hands now. They whip him to the corner and he drops. Double team backdrop by The NBP. Double arm drag and Mohammed gets 2 on the cover. Buddy is in and clotheslines Mohammed. Off the ropes and a lariat to Mohammed. He nails Killings now and Buddy chops away at Mohammed. King and Killings battle on the floor as Mohammed gets I think it was supposed to be a bulldog. LOW BLOW by Buddy. Killings whips King to the steel post and Buddy up top, Jahad tosses him off. Backbreaker into an, I don’t know but it looked bad by Mohammed for 2. Killings in and sit out suplex by Killings and that is all? Mohammed clotheslines Buddy to the floor. King is back in now and they beat him down. Killings yells at the official, then gets a Michinoku driver on him!

Winners: The New Black Panthers @ 8:00. It was there. *

There is 4-minutes of black tape here, excellent quality.

Tag Team Tournament RD 1: The Altar Boys (Luke and Matthew) vs. So Cal Jobbers Union (American Wild Child and Slim Shady)

The Jobbers bring out Major Gunns. Then we clip back to the intros as the tape is messed up, that’s quality.

Matthew and AWC lock up and they shove off. Again and a wristlock by Matthew. Arm drag by Matthew. Side kick and then Matthew is leveled by a clothesline. Kicks by AWC. Shady with a dropkick and Luke is in now. Lock up and Shady takes him down. Lock up again and Shady takes him down again. Reversals and elbows by Luke. Arm drag series and a tag to Matthew. Double low elbows by the Alter Boys and then a double spinning heel kick. AMC in and he cleans house. Headlock take down by Matthew, but is slammed down. Tag to Shady and a double DDT by Matthew. Shady and Matthew drop kick at the same time. Reverse DDT by Matthew for 2. Up top goes Matthew…and MISSES A SWEET PHOENIX SPLASH! Elbow by Shady and a sit out TKO for 2. Spin kick by Shady, tag to AWC and a leg lariat to Matthew for 2. Dropkick by Matthew, kicks to Shady and then a SASUKE SPECIAL to AWC! Shady flies out with a moonsault! Luke up top…double spring senton! Luke and AWC back in and a sun set flip to AWC for 2. Juke and Jive punches by Shady and then a leg drop for 2. T-Bone by Luke gets 2. Sit out Powerbomb by AWC for 2. Shady up top…SENTON to Luke gets the win.

Winners: So Cal Jobbers Union @ 7:20. Fun little spot-fest, and for once a pretty fun match. **Ѕ

Raw Sewage Match: Veronica Caine and G.Q. Money vs. Lizzy Borden and Angel

Angel gets beat down for a few minutes until Borden finally comes down. Cat fight ensues. The Enterprise comes out with more Raw Sewage. They have inflatable kids pools with the sewage. Sewage goes in the ring. There is 4 tables with sewage on them in a pool. Angel and money climb up to a scaffold about 25 feet above the set tables. SUPER SPICOLI DRIVER THROUGH THE TABLES AND SHIT! Did I just type that? Caine tosses a bucket of sewage onto the ref. Borden tosses her in, Kaos chokeslams Borden into the pool of sewage. It’s over.

Winners: Veronica Caine and G.Q. Money @ 12:30 I don’t Rate Raw Sewage Matches, I do have standards, or at least I used to. I feel so unclean.

Psicosis vs. La Parka

This is Psicosis without the mask again. THE CHAIRMAN IS HERE!

They shove each other to start, shoulder blocks and no one moves. Parka dance! Clothesline to Psicosis turns him inside out. Chops by Parka and whips Psicosis. Clothesline to Parka takes him down. Chops by Psicosis, off the ropes and a clothesline but Parka no sells and comes back with one of his own. Drop toehold by Psicosis. Up top…leg drop to Parka takes both men to the floor. Psicosis back in, and a sweet plancha to Parka. Back in the ring and Psicosis covers for 2. Psicosis with elbows to Parka now and a reversal and Parka misses a corner dropkick. Parka sidesteps Psicosis and rams him to the corner. Parka then misses and rams into the corner. Boot to Psicosis and then another. Parka misses a shoulder charge and nails the steel post. Psicosis up top…Leg drop to Parka gets 2. Chops by Psicosis and Parka off the ropes, reversals and a power slam by Parka gets 2. Psicosis takes Parka down and covers for 2. Enziguri by Parka sends Psicosis to the floor and Parka follows with a twisting senton! Parka gets a chair now, and slides it into the ring. Back in they go and Parka sets up the chair. Chops to Psicosis. Reversal by Psicosis and the chair spot gets botched, so the ref sets it up for them again as we wait and I get a coffee, face plant by Parka on Psicosis and he gets 2. Parka has the chair and rams Psicosis into the corner with the chair behind him 3 times. Northern Lights Suplex with the chair. That looked ugly. Parka covers and gets 2. Roll up by Parka gets 2. Psicosis with a roll up for 2. Psicosis up top…Parka stops him and climbs up… Psicosis turns it into a SUPER face buster and covers Parka with the chair. Psicosis up top now…head butt to the chair, not too smart. Covers and gets 2. Psicosis to the floor and gets another chair, and Parka gets a baseball slide into the chair. Parka with a suicide dive, but it’s batters up for Psicosis and he kills Parka. Psicosis sets 2 chairs up in the ring and Psicosis tries a power bomb onto the chairs, Parka out and a power bomb to Psicosis onto the chairs! Parka covers for 2? Ok. Parka with a chair chases Psicosis to the floor. Rams Psicosis’ head off of the chair, and then sits him on it. Parka in the ring, suicide dive to Psicosis. Back in the ring and Parka up top…twisting moonsault gets the win.

We get a PARKA ROONIE!

Winner: La Parka @ 15:00. Garbage Lucha at it finest I suppose. **

Tag Team Tournament Rd 1: Pogo the Clown and Juantastico vs. Juvi Guerrera and Vinnie Massaro w/Ascott and Lady Victoria

Ascott cuts a promo, and repeatedly says he isn’t gay and that Mexicans are dirty. They chant EX-TA-SEE at Juvi, that’s tremendous.

Juantastico is pissed at Juvi’s Anti-Mexican propaganda, and leaves the broadcast table for his match. Pogo has shovels, I wonder if they will use them. Surely not with the attention paid to mat wrestling in XPW.

Pogo and Vinnie to start. Slap to Pogo and he runs away. Shoulder block to Vinnie. Fall away slam by Pogo. Tag to Juvi. LOW BLOW to Pogo and Juvi tries a slam, but Pogo slams him down. Tag to Juantastico and Juvi in control with boots and then rams him into the corner. Clothesline to Juantastico. Boot and then chops by Juvi. Snap mare and a quick leg drop by Juvi. He celebrates and then lays the boots to Juantastico. Suplex by Juvi followed by as power bomb! Pump handle sit out slam by Juvi and he celebrates again. Juvi celebrates more and tags in Vinnie. Off the ropes and a boot by Juantastico. Another and then a dropkick to Vinnie. Suplex by Juantastico now and a cover for 2. Knees to Vinnie, reverse whip and a SICK back suplex by Vinnie. Slam to Juantastico and Vinnie nails Pogo. Boots to Juantastico, and a tag to Juvi. Vinnie slams Victoria onto Juantastico and it only gets 2. Missile dropkick by Juvi. Regular dropkick to Juantastico now. Tag to Vinnie, and they botch a double team power bomb and almost kill Juantastico. Smooth there guys. Kicks by both to Juantastico. Double suplex reversed into a double DDT by Juantastico. Tag to Pogo. Clothesline to Juvi. SPEAR to Victoria. Shock Treatment by Pogo to Vinnie. Tag to Juantastico who goes up top…Moonsault and that’s all.

Winners: Pogo the Clown and Juantastico @ 9:15. Horrible. (N-R)

After the match Pogo has Victoria and hits a gut buster suplex by Pogo.

XPW TV Title Match: “Confederate Currency” Chris Hamrick vs. Kaos ©

Kaos keeps his belt on to wrestle, that’s cute, even HHH and JJ didn’t do that. Lock up and reversals to start and a criss-cross of mild entertainment and a dropkick by Hamrick. Reversals and blocked kicks by both and a stand off. Kaos taunts Hamrick and they lock up. Rights to Hamrick and off the ropes and Hamrick with a Cactus Jack clothesline to Kaos takes them both to the floor. Hamrick whipped into the post, swings around Rey Jr. style and kicks Kaos. Springboard plancha onto Kaos now and Hamrick is in control. LOW BLOW by Kaos and right hands to Hamrick. Hamrick whips Kaos into the steel railing and he flies into the crowd. Thy brawl into the crowd and Kaos climbs high into the bleachers. Hamrick follows and rights by Kaos. More brawling and you can’t see them, wonderful. Now we get a shot of them and you guessed it, more brawling. Chops to Hamrick now and rammed into a steel pole. Hamrick kicks Kaos and he falls to the ground. BIG cross body by Hamrick to Kaos! More brawling and back to ringside. Into the ring, what a concept. Acid Drop by Kaos gets 2. He puts his belt back on, he’s worse than my wife getting ready for a party. Elbow to Hamrick now followed by kicks, but Hamrick blocks and gets a boot to Kaos. Super kick to Kaos! Chops to Kaos now and a whip, Kaos up top and a double ax handle, and then he chokes out Hamrick. Reversal of an Irish whip and a top rope blockbuster to Hamrick gets only 2! Reversal of a slam…super kick again by Hamrick! Hamrick up top…leg drop to Kaos gets 2. Slam by Kaos as they say it’s been 25-minute, but it is like 13 right now. Frog splash by Kaos with the belt on! 1…2…NO! Kaos goes up top again… Hamrick up and crotches Kaos. Hamrick takes off his belt and gets a superplex into a stunner! That was cool. Hamrick up and Veronica Caine grabs his leg. Lizzie Borden comes out and a “landmine” goes off and takes her out as Kaos rolls up Hamrick for the win.

Winner: Kaos @ 14:52. Too much brawling in the stands and slow pacing killed this, as well as the lame ending. *Ѕ

XPW World Heavyweight Title Match: Terry Funk vs. Webb ©

Webb nails Funk as he tries to enter the ring with a cane shot. Funk starts to toss chairs in the ring and IT’S CRAZY FUNK! He canes Funk again and then nails him with a chair. Cane shots by Funk and chairs start to fly into the ring. DDT by Funk as a weak ass XPW chant starts. Nope, they aren’t an ECW wanna be, not at all. Webb and Funk brawl on the floor and into the crowd. Webb tossed into some barbed wire. Then again. Funk tries to toss a big ass thing with barbed wire on it and falls down. Boot by Funk but Webb nails him with a chair. Leg drop by Webb. Repeated chair shots by Webb and then right hands. Eye poke by Webb and Funk nails the ref by accident. Cane shots by Webb and Funk is down. Camel clutch on the floor by Webb. He releases it and right hands by Webb. Funk tosses Webb into a pool of sewage. He throws a table at Funk and this is a new low. Funk throws a cot onto Webb and back into the sewage. Webb tries to drown Funk in the baby pool of sewage. Rights by Webb again and Webb has thumbtacks in the ring and dumps them out. Webb tries to piledrive Funk into the tacks, but Funk escapes. Branding iron time! He lighter won’t work though, but a fan lights it! FLAMING BRANDING IRON TO WEBB! Funk has a bottle…he blows fire! Nice. Big Funk chant and he chases Webb. He brands him again. Tosses Webb back in and Webb suplexes Funk onto the thumbtacks, but the both got them. Webb tries a slam but falls and Funk gets 2. Funk grinds his face into the tacks now. Small package by Funk, reversed and Webb wins. BOOOO! LAME! A roll up in a hardcore match with fire and thumbtacks?

Winner: Webb @ 12:50 Bad and LAME. *
.

The 411: Much as the last XPW tape I reviewed, the production is horrible. The sound is bad, especially the house mic, lighting was better but video quality is still not that good. Secondly, the announcing is atrocious. Two guys that are trying to be serious, then funny and then they don’t know. Kloss is a VERY bad rip off of Joey Styles. So bad in fact that he makes you want to turn the sound off. The wrestling was a little better on this tape, but overall it is torture to watch. Recommendation to avoid as all costs.

Final Score:  1.5   [ Extremely Horrendous ]