The World According to Ron: Looking at ROH’s Issues & Superkick Parties

This whole instant comment thingiemadoodle ain’t bad. I will say two things about last week’s offering. One, PJ_Almighty42 is correct. Instead of saying the match was “predictable,” I should have said “choreographed.” I did use that word later on, but I should have used it from the beginning. Second, while speaking of Mathew Sforcina, I misspelled the word “Caribean.” There is a double letter in the word, and I should have done a spell check before sending it on to the appropriate peoples. I do apologize to the Carribean people.

What?

Those of you who remember me from WAAAAAAAAAAY back when know that I am a fan of most things Pittsburgh, mainly from growing up so close to there. That includes the Steelers, the Penguins, and even the University of Pittsburgh. I posted on Facebook on Wednesday evening that Pitt’s football team had only four wins, but they were playing the number two team in the country the day after Thanksgiving. The last time those exact circumstances occurred, before last week, was in 2007. Pitt played West Virginia in Morganhole (I’ve been there, I know) and won the game, 13-9. Within two weeks, WVU coach Rich Rodriguez announced he was taking the head coaching job at Michigan. So, fans of The U should be forewarned: Mark Richt may not be long for your school.

In personal news, I was in the hospital for about a week in January. I had a follow-up with several doctors, including my cardiologist. He told me it was time for a “Come-to-Jesus” moment, and said if I didn’t lose weight, then if I needed a heart transplant in the future, I might not be accepted for the donor list. As someone who had a quadruple bypass fourteen years ago, that is a serious concern. So, he said, it’s time for a diet. At my highest, several years ago, I was almost 300 pounds. When he told me this in February, I was at 264. This morning, I weighed myself, and found out I am six pounds away from showing up on “205 Live.” I’m eating healthier than I have in my entire life, and now when I wear clothes I bought last year, I look like a fifth-grader wearing his dad’s sports jacket. You may praise me below.

Stuff!

This week’s edition of “Old Man Yells at Cloud” concerns Ring of Honor.

I know, I know. “But, Ron! How could you be mad at Ring of Honor?” I hear you cry. It turns out, it’s tougher than I thought, and yet, easier.

I’m going to give you my bona fides about Ring of Honor. I followed it as best I could from northeast Ohio from 2002 and 2003, then saw a few shows in Dayton when we moved to central Ohio. If you manage to find a copy of the ROH 3rd Anniversary Show in Dayton, go to the end of the Nigel McGuinness vs. Colt Cabana match. One of them (I think it’s Colt, but I’m not positive, since I don’t have my copy with me), you will see him at ringside to the left side of the hard camera. Look in the background. See the guy in the Steelers jersey? Go ahead and wave at 2005 me! Also, as I said last week, I met Steve Cook at an ROH show in Dayton the next year.

I am a long-time ROH fan. I couldn’t watch it regularly on tv until the Sinclair deal, but I did go to several live shows (Dayton was as close as they got to Columbus). I have liked most of ROH, as it was as close to the strong-style NJPW as Americans were going to get. I loved watching Samoa Joe, the Briscoes, the Colt vs. Homicide wars, and American Dragon Bryan Danielson, who was in the very first ROH main event in 2002, and whose birthday is an incredibly wonderful day.

So, what would make me upset at ROH? To paraphrase Paul Heyman, I got two words for you: Young Freakin’ Bucks.

ROH shows have been building up Flip Gordon’s frustration at being outnumbered by the Bullet Club for a few weeks. Last week, he found the final ingredient to what he was calling Flip’s Army, and challenged the Bullet Club to a four-on-four match. That got us this week’s main event of the Young Bucks, Adam Page, and Marty Scurll vs. Flip Gordon, Scorpio Sky, and Coast to Coast.

Now, I wasn’t happy with the booking of this match. The Club won the match, and Flip’s Army got sporadic offense in. Most of the time, Flip’s team would hit something, followed immediately by about a minute of BC offense. They had one small shot of isolating one member of The Club, as opposed to a few times the other way. The finish was a ridiculous burial of Flip’s team. I’m not even going to talk at length about the excessive choreography of this match, even though I could.

Even though Matt and Nick Jackson contributed to some of that, it wasn’t completely the reason why I am upset with them. Nope, instead, I’m going to give you a series of numbers, and you tell me what they represent: 9, 3, 2. Anyone?

Those numbers represent the number of superkicks thrown and connected by the Club. There were nine superkicks with one man connecting on another, three with two boots to the face, and two times when the Jacksons, Page, and Scurll all connected at the same time. There were also three superkicks hit by Flip Gordon. Those numbers do not include any knee or shin strikes, any dropkicks, any attempted superkicks that did not connect, or any side kicks. Only any moves announced as a superkick were counted.

I majored in Communications in college, and this is known as “content analysis,” on a very broad scale.

The first wrestler to use the superkick as a finishing move was “Gentlemen” Chris Adams, aka “Steve Austin’s trainer,” in WCCW in the 1980’s, aka “Von Erich’s territory.” Others have used the move, but the recent wrestler sports entertainer most connected with the superkick as a finishing move is Shawn Michaels. One superkick to the jaw, and the match was over. In the case of a tag match, you might have the pin attempt broken up, which would then mean another was needed, but no more than two superkicks were needed.

Then, along came Matt and Nick, and their battle cry of “Superkick Party, Dude!” Now, the superkick is used as a set-up move to something else, like another superkick.

In June 1982, Bob Backlund defended his WWF World title against Jimmy Snuka in a cage match in Madison Square Garden. This match was shown live, as almost all MSG cards were in the early 1980s, on USA Network. That match was the first time most people ever saw someone climb to the top of a steel cage and jump, with Snuka jumping and missing.

The next year, Snuka tried again, this time hitting the move on Don Muraco. Mick Foley was at that match. Just ask him.

The jump from the top of the cage was rarely used again after that for many years, until 1996. That year, ECW Tag Team champions The Gangstas (New Jack & Mustafa) went against The Eliminators (Perry Saturn & John Kronus) in a steel cage weapons match, that saw Kronus climb to the top and jump at least twelve times. The move suddenly went from incredibly rare to not-so-special.

In 2003, ROH had a “scramble cage” match, featuring Teddy Hart. After the match was over, Tedddy climbed to the top and… tell you what. I’ll let someone who was there tell the story.

https://youtu.be/X54zQSgTs4g

Since then, you might see someone jump off a cage, but once a match. Maybe twice at the very most. But it’s no longer as special as it was the first time, back in 1982. The move has been effectively killed, or at least crippled. Now, many fans are upset if they don’t see someone jump off the cage. That’s the reason we had no roof on the WarGames cage, remember?

Oops. I am done with that match, I promise.

It’s the same thing with the DDT. When Jake Roberts does it, it ends the match. With everyone else, it’s a set-up move for a set-up move.

Now, the superkick has gone from finishing move to, well, not-so-special. I know there were four men on each team, so one or two would not be enough to end the match. But, seventeen in a twenty-minute match? Really?

Lots of wrestlers might be invited to their superkick parties, but if they need seventeen superkicks to finish a match, why would you be frightened to attend?

Many moons ago, I had different ways of closing this here column thingie. Sometimes I would write a review of a board game. I am a board game freak, owning around 350, and among people I know in Columbus, that number is small. Sometimes, I would make a prediction about events in the week that had nothing to do with wrestling. It would usually be something that has nothing to do with professional wrestling. This is, after all, The World According to Me, you know.

But, one of my more popular closing features was a little something called “Explain THAT?!?” I would ask a question about something that happened on a show, then ask you to explain. There would be no prize, but the best ones would get your name mentioned in the next column. This was what originally introduced me to the generosity that is The Funder from Down Under, aka Massive Q. This is the feature that let us know the “BMF” on Stone Cold Steve Austin’s vest stood for “Be My Friend.”

Got the idea? Good. Here is the newest question:

Whenever one wrestler slams his/her opponent on the ring apron/edge of the ring, an announcer will inevitably tell us it is “the hardest part of the ring.” So, what is the second hardest part of the ring? Explain THAT?!?

Type your answers below, and I’ll see you next week.

Ron