wrestling / TV Reports
411’s TNA Impact Report 7.31.08
TNA Impact Begins…NOW!
-Booker and Sharmell are in the PIMP locker room, and promise Samoa Joe a tour of his six sides of steel later tonight. Booker will also invite a special friend tonight, JB asks if it is Sting and Booker doesn’t say anything. Booker and Sharmell drink champagne, and kick JB out. HIT THE BRICKS LOSER!
-The opening video package is footage from the TNA Video game, no wacky title of the week.
-The ring intros are using some video game footage as well. Not a bad way to hype the video game.
For a Tag Title Shot at Hard Justice: Christian Cage and Rhino vs. Beer Money Inc. (Robert Roode and James Storm) w/Miss Jackie
Roode and Rhino to begin. Shoulder blocks by Rhino, blocks a hip toss and gets a clothesline and cover for 2. Wristlock, tag to Cage and they double-team Roode with a double hip toss. Cage to the 2nd rope, uppercut connects and he covers for 2. Tag back to Rhino and Roode nails him in the throat, tag to Storm and Rhino connects with rights. Rhino beats him down in the corner, tag back to Cage and he takes an eye poke for his trouble. Cage fights back, back elbow by Storm and Cage counters with a cutter off of the ropes for 2. Roode back in and chops to Cage. He then dumps both Storm and Roode to the floor, Rhino slams them together and they all are on the floor now. Storm then spits beer in Cage’s face and then Roode gets a charging knee, sending Cage to the railing. We head to commercial @ 4:00.
Back from commercial @ 8:00 with the BEER MONEY DOUBLE SUPLEX! Roode covers for 2. he works a chinlock on Cage, chops follow and then sets Cage on the top. Cage manages a tornado DDT and BOTH men are down. Tags to Rhino and Storm, Rhino cleans house on Beer Money. Corner spear to Storm, belly to belly broken up and then walks into a spinebuster for 2. Roode made the save, Cage back in and tosses Roode to the floor. Inverted DDT in Storm, Cage up top and Ray is out, Cage DIVES onto him! Devine is in and Rhino takes him out. Storm grabs his kendo stick, GORE TO STORM! 1…2…NO! Roode pulled out the ref. Rhino is pissed, Devon is out and attacks Rhino. Cage back in, double team on Devon, dropkick to Ray and Rhino looks for a gore…but Jackie grabs his hair. Cage then grabs her and Roode hits Cage with the kendo stick. 3D on Rhino! Storm covers as Jackie had the ref distracted and Beer Money wins!
Winners: Beer Money @ 11:15 via pin
RATING: **½
-Cage grabs the mic and is pissed that they got screwed again. He challenges them to a tag match at Hard Justice, in their backyard in a New Jersey Street Fight. Bring anything you want!
-Lauren is with the Rock and Rave Infection. They talk a bunch of shit that no one cares about, winning Grammy’s or something. Hemme calls Lauren a rat, yeah. Hemme says they live the gimmick, and then “sings.”
Jay Lethal w/SoCal Val, Shark Boy and Curry Man vs. Johnny Devine and The Rock and Rave Infection (Jimmy Rave and Lance Rock)
They all brawl at the bell, suicide dive by Lethal and the faces clean house. Sharky and Rave in, Rock then joins the action and starts to level people. Curry Man pulls in Hemme, they dance, jabs to Rave but he gets an STO on Curry Man for 2. Lethal made the save. Rave and Rock double team Curry Man, double elbow drops and a cover by Rock for 2. Devine in and gets knee strikes to Curry Man, celebrates and covers for 2. Tag to Rave, boots by Rave to Curry Man and then off the ropes and Curry Man gets a clothesline. Both men are down, tag to Devine and Lethal. Lethal cleans house, clotheslines and a hip toss and then the cartwheel and dropkick. Lethal up top and Rock tosses him off. Curry Man in and Sharky as well as the match breaks down. Curry Man and Sharky toss Rock. Curry Man backdrops Sharky onto the Rock and rave! Devine with stomps to Lethal, Intervention blocked and he gets the Lethal Combo for the win!
Winners: Jay Lethal w/SoCal Val, Shark Boy and Curry Man @ 4:25 via pin
RATING: *½
-Lethal grabs the mic and calls Val into the ring. He wants to propose to her again and starts too, but her ring is gone. She lost it. Lethal is PISSED now and rightfully so. He can take a hint, throws down the mic and leaves.
-TO THE BACK and JB is with Lance Smith from CMT. They talk about their jobs and the people they get to work with and Super Eric is here. Super Eric has a brain flash and says if they find the ring, they save the love. Yeah.
-JB is with Joe that just arrived. He tells Joe about Booker and the Six Sides of Steel tour. Joe prays it is a party of three, bring Sting, because if they are in the cage, only he will walk out.
-We get a video package for Joe, Booker and Sting.
-Don and Mike discuss the situation involving the three men and say they need to hear from Sting.
-JB is with Nash. Nash says he will talk to Joe, ad they go and find him. Joe says Booker is punking him out, and then Sting is always involved. He is upset, and Nash asks if it is Sting for sure. Joe knows it was Sting, and Nash says he is there to even the score. But if they are going to war, they need a plan. Joe says they will do it Nash’s way.
A TOUR OF THE SIX SIDES OF WEAPON FILLED STEEL
Booker makes his way to the cage. He says that this is his six sides of steel with weapons! Tables, Ladders, Chairs, Trashcans, Kendo Sticks and the like. He is a gentleman and will invite Joe out to his six sides of steel, and that He is the man up in this beast. He promises that the lights will not go out.
Joe makes his way to the cage. Joe says Booker is mistaken, but he will join Booker for the tour. But if he gets in he is beating the living hell out of Booker’s ass. The lights will go out, for Booker. Joe enters the cage and Booker asks him to wait. Booker just wants to give a tour, that’s all. Booker says that Joe doesn’t have any weapons like a punk ass sucka! Plus he has no backup. Joe assures Booker he has backup and has a police baton. Nash is out and holds the cage door shut. Booker says it’s like that huh? Joe attacks Booker and beats him down with the baton and lays out Booker. He then tosses him to the cage and Sharmell is out to beg Joe to stop. Nash holds the door shut and then carries her away. A bat drops from the ceiling and Booker LEVELS Joe as Tenay and West assume it is Sting that did it. Booker mouths “Thank You Sting.” DAMN YOU STING!
-We get another video package for Sheik Abdul Bashir. He hates the homeless.
-AJ comes to the ring and after a commercial he has the mic. He calls out Sting, and says he know she is there. He has been taking up for Sting for three whole weeks and has defended him. The people want to know what is up with Sting. The wrestlers want to know what is up and HE wants to know. AJ says there is a reason for his actions, but how it is that his bat keeps knocking Joe out? Is it a coincidence? The first time sure, second maybe. The third time doubtful. Joe is one of the good guys, and now Sting hides. Is it guilt? AJ says Sting is a coward. The lights are out, Sting’s music plays and Angle is there when the lights come back and he gets the Angle slam! Angle is furious and stalks AJ, and as AJ gets to his feet he gets another Angle slam on him. Angle then demands that AJ gets up, stalks him again and AJ pulls himself up only to take a third Angle slam.
-TO THE BACK and JB is with the Beautiful People. Sharky and Curry Man are there, searching for the ring. Sharky calls Love an ignorant slut, and he wants Val’s ring. He wants to do a full body cavity search. Curry Man calms the situation, and then tries to get some action. He fails. Sharky promises to stomp fishing holes in them if he discovers that they are lying. Curry Man tries for some ass again and fails. They tease their secret, and as JB asks who “she” is they blow him off, which is the most action he has gotten like, ever.
-Lauren is with Petey Williams and Rhaka Khan. Petey says he prepared the same way he always does. He then says Creed is just another challenger, and watches too many comic book movies. Lauren says Petey is taking Creed lightly, and Petey says he beat no one and dances around like a fool. Petey then says to be someone in this business, you have to do something first. And he hasn’t done a damn thing. Petey is the definition of definition, yeah!
-Hermie Sadler joins us for commentary.
Non-Title Match: Petey Williams © w/Rhaka Khan vs. Consequences Creed
Lock up and a takedown and slaps by Williams. Creed trips him up, they shove each other and then boots by Williams. A side headlock applied, off the ropes and jabs by Creed. Gets the split and the big right, covers for 2. Off the ropes and a cross body by Creed and a cover for 2. To the corner, rights by Creed, an Irish whip and Creed to the apron. Slingshots in with a face buster and covers for 2. Eye poke by Williams, boots follow and then Creed gets sent to the apron again. Williams knocks him to the floor, SLINGSHOT RANA by Williams, and he poses! Williams tosses him back in, slingshot into the lung blower and a cover for 2. A jawbreaker by Williams, spin kick follows and he poses again. Slaps by Williams, and then a standing dropkick connect and a cover for 2. Rights by Williams, but Creed battles back with rights of his own. Creed counters a back suplex and is shot off the ropes, cartwheel and a dropkick lands for Creed. Corner splash by Creed, a lariat follows and as he tries a fireman’s carry, Khan distracts him and the ref. Creed hits on her, Williams ends up running into Khan and Creed gets a TKO on Williams and covers for 2. Creed up top and MISSES the top rope leg drop. Creed counters the Canadian Destroyer by sitting down (think Bret vs. Bulldog) and takes the win!
Winner: Consequences Creed @ 6:32 via pin
RATING: **
-JB is with the Prince Justice Brotherhood and they made the mistake of accusing LAX of stealing the ring. Sharky gets in Salina’s face, and then Curry Man says he speaks their language. He flashes his gang symbol, “RIVE AND DIE LAX, DIS MY GANG SIGN, BRAT, BRAT, BRAT!” and asks for the ring, and Cide tells them to get to steppin before they make them a happy kids meal. Super Eric says there is a break in the case and they leave.
-Lauren is with AJ. He says he doesn’t know what Sting is up to, and when Sting comes out of hiding, he will be there. AJ then says if Angle wants to lay him out, they can do it at Hard Justice in a last man standing match, and he promises that Angle will not get back up.
-Jim Cornette joins commentary to hype Hard Justice.
* Black Tie Brawl and Chain Match: Sonjay Dutt vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal
* New Jersey Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Christian Cage and Rhino
* Last Man Standing: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle
* TNA X-Division Title Match: Petey Williams © vs. Consequences Creed
* TNA Tag Team Title Match: LAX © vs. Beer Money
* TNA World Title Six Sides of Steel Weapons Filled Cage Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Booker T
KAREN’S ANGLE
In 2006 Kaz came back to TNA. He knew he had the talent and that he would make things happen. Defeating Cage in a ladder match was huge and he will remember it forever. They then discuss Victory Road and him losing the Ultimate X match. He let TNA down, and it is hard to live with. Kaz says it is better to burn out than fade away. He wanted to do this in the Impact Zone, but prior to the interview he asked for his release, as of the end of this interview. He made the choice to walk away, to burn out, and he has to see what’s out there for him. He thanks all the guys, the fans and says he has to focus on him and has to focus on himself. He has to find his smile. Karen hugs him. After the interview Tomko was there to scare Karen. She screams for help.
-Lauren is with Nash. He has known Sting since 1990 and he has seen this side before, on the opposite side and it is not a pretty sight. Something pissed him off. Joe is there all EMO and says He is pissed off. He will go to the rafters, drag Sting down and break every bone in his body. Nash says this is a bad plan.
Matt Morgan vs. Sal Rinauro
Poor Sal. He tries to attack at the bell, that would be a bad idea. HELLEVATOR KILLS Rinauro and that is all.
Winner: Matt Morgan @ 1:00 via pin
-Morgan gets on the mic and calls out Tomko. If he thinks he is a bad ass threatening women, then come out here and show the Blueprint who the real bad ass in TNA is. He then says Tomko’s head is up Angle’s ass. This brings out Tomko, we see his video game entrance, which is funny because he is now gone from the company. They stand off, Morgan is even bigger than Tomko. Security comes out and Tomko and Morgan brawl. Security breaks it up for a bit, but they keep fighting and Morgan nails the bicycle kick, and then gets the HELLEVATOR! Morgan stands tall, peace Tomko.
-JB is with the Prince Justice Brotherhood. Eric watched last week’s show! Sonjay stole the ring last week. Eric says they will deal with it next week.
-Team 3D is with Beer Money and they all celebrate. Next week they will team together, they are now the best of friends because they are all scumbags. Ray says that he and Devon ruined the chances of Cage and Rhino, and next week they take out LAX, Cage and Rhino. Someone will go through a table, TESTIFY, Sorry About Your Damn Luck.
-ROUGH CUTS with Taylor Wilde is next. They even get some comments from Bill DeMott. Some of the Knockouts weren’t happy about her winning, and Wilde knows she has a target on her back.
The Beautiful People (Angelina Love and Velvet Sky) vs. Gail Kim and Taylor Wilde
Sky and Wilde to begin. Sky opts to attack her from behind, but takes leg kicks and that causes Sky to run away and tag in Love. Love and Wilde stand off in a DEEP SOUTH SPECIAL, they shove each other and Wilde lands forearm shots. Off the ropes and Wilde goes lucha with the roll and arm drag. Tag to Kim and she works the arm of Love. A whip and Kim floats over, Japanese arm drag and as she goes for the necktie Love escapes, but Kim gets a dropkick. Kim goes for the lucha arm drag up the ropes, but Sky tosses her to the floor. Sky tosses her backing as we head to a commercial @ 2:25.
Joe walks to the rafters.
Back from commercial @ 5:45 with Sky covering Kim for 2. Tag to Love, snap mare and Love gets a basement dropkick and cover for 2. Love slams Kim down by the hair, and then does it again. Love tries to rip off the nose of Kim, Wilde tries to help but that allows Love to lay the boots to Kim. Love covers for a close 2. Love misses a bicycle kick, lung blower by Kim and BOTH ladies are down. Tags to Wilde and Sky, Wilde runs wild (HAR HAR HAR) and then gets a northern lights suplex on Sky for 2. All four ladies in the ring now, Kim and Wilde with corner mounted punches but Kim is tossed to the floor. Love levels Wilde with a kick and Sky covers for 2. Off the ropes, Wilde tries a sunset flip and Kim is in late to dropkick the Beautiful People, and Wilde gets the pin.
Winners: Wilde and Kim @ 9:15 via pin
RATING: *½
-The Beautiful People attack after the bell, all four ladies brawl and KONG IS BACK! Kim attacks her, as does Wilde but KONG KILLS! The crowd chants for ODB as Kong gets the KONG BOMB on Kim! The Beautiful People hold Wilde down and make her watch. KONG BOMB on Wilde! ODB is out now, the Beautiful People bail and she stands off with Kong. Roxxi is out as well with a chair and Kong bails as well. Traci Brooks is also out to watch on.
-We see Joe searching for Sting. He is in the rafters and yells for Sting. There is a bird up there, I don’t think that’s Sting.
-End scene…
